Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

Those About To Die: And you will know us by the trail of dead

5:00 PM on 05.02.2009 // JT706

[It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage.

The new Monthly Musing theme will be announced on Monday. Until then, I'm going to continue promoting April Monthly Musing blogs so long as there are any good ones-- CTZ]

These past few weeks, we've been regaled with tales of epic battles, tributes to fallen foes and brassy taunts to fellow players. Bosses, monsters, Colossi, cute things -- all of these have been honored through this month's theme.

But these few conquests barely tell the story of what we are. Of what gaming, in its very essence, requires us to do and the reason this topic was raised in the first place.

Do you ever stop to think, in all the time you spend behind the controller, how many have fallen before your fingertips? How many artificial lives you've snuffed out? That no matter how moral the ends, the means always remain the same?

Diplomacy is very, very rarely an option among our kind. The goals laid out in front of us are simple and straightforward. Stomp on this. Use Sword on that. Kill All Enemies. A trail of bodies is the only way to get to the end, get XP, gil, gold, rupees or whatever. If you're a gamer, you're a killer. End of story.

My own body count reads like a list of war crimes.

423 ghosts gobbled.
15,873 Goombas stomped.
8,003 Shy Guys unmasked.
1,212 invaders spaced.
122 Birdos shelled.

333 Moblins mugged.
645 skeletons cracked.
2,645 knights felled.
576 demons banished.
176 dragons slain.
65,786 aliens zapped.
1,028 viruses busted.
4,234 gangsters ventilated.
23,334 robots scrapped.
45,254 zombies shredded.
65,884 street punks trashed.
18,445 Koopas kicked.
77 hippies whomped.

2,329 fighters finished.
809 mages mashed.
93 Indians scalped.
72 giant ants exterminated.
67,757 soldiers neutralized.
31,123 ninjas skewered.
1,233 samurai sliced.
201 combat cars twisted.
83,245 starships blasted.
173 outlaws gunned down.
636 dodgeballers beaned.
12 Tonberrys totaled.
746 pirates keelhauled.
1,012 Kremlings krushed.
96 Robot Masters terminated.
24 ancient evils sealed.

And countless, countless numbers of snakes, bats, birds, bears, dogs, wolves, panthers, tigers, and faceless mooks beaten, shot, slashed, and otherwise wiped from the face of the digital landscape.

One of us alone did all of this.

Imagine the staggering numbers of AIs ended throughout the history of gaming. The sheer amount of kills recorded eclipses the very human ability to fathom.

But really, would we have it any other way? Isn't the very human urge to kill the fuck out of things the very lifeblood of this industry? Most of us would rather be George Patton than Henry Kissinger. Most of us would rather settle our differences with head shots than with lawyers.

We're a warlike species. Every human on Earth is descended from the very best hunters and killers our ancestors had to offer. Sure, an occasional moral choice or trial sequence adds some flavor to the proceedings, but often they're just guidelines to what we kill and how we kill it.

On this side of the screen, we are mundane human beings. Most of us less remarkable than the average henchman. But those in the digital realm know us as something else entirely. We come at them in a myriad of avatars: a stocky plumber, a legendary hero, a maniac otaku, a plucky photojournalist. We attack them with guns and swords, clubs and crossbows, lightsabers and chainsaws. We storm their hideouts, cut them down right and left, lay waste to their works and their numbers. Our every win is spectacular, our every defeat is Pyrrhic and short-lived.

In the world of pixels and polygons, we are Galactus. Their every structure and society exists entirely for our consumption. They spend their entire lives training for a fight that begins and ends at our whim. We are legion. We are indomitable. We are the reason they live and die. We are not to be fucked with.

We are Player One.

 Follow Blog + disclosure

This blog submitted to our editor via our Community Blogs, and then it made it to the home page! You can follow community members and vote up their blogs - support each other so we can promote a more diverse and deep content mix on our home page.

 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our community fisters, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding * to your whitelists.

Status updates from C-bloggers

FlanxLycanth avatarFlanxLycanth
Fuck racism man, shit ain't fair. Can't stand it and I shouldn't have to. Nobody should.
Robo Panda Z avatarRobo Panda Z
Embedded pictures in Quickposts seem to be broken for me right now.
Flegma avatarFlegma
To my surprise, I've more or less figured out Rodea Wii U controls. Still a different game from the Wii version, but not as decidedly inferior in my eyes. Did the legacy medals do anything in Wii version?
RadicalYoseph avatarRadicalYoseph
"Am I a kid, or a squid?" I ponder as I stare off into the horizon. A wise man once told me "Son, you can be whatever you want to be. You are only limited by your lack of ambition " And I want to be a squid. A squid now.
Parismio avatarParismio
Captain America: Civil War trailer dropped!: [youtube][/youtube]
lewness avatarlewness
Gah, wanna go Alexander farming but The Old Hunters ;_;
BaronVonSnakPak avatarBaronVonSnakPak
Holy shit, Splatoon is addictive.
Pixie The Fairy avatarPixie The Fairy
Duck Hunt was a trickier unlock than I expected. Jigglypuff, you are next on my list! [img][/img]
Nekrosys avatarNekrosys
Yay, this arrived today. Nekro is quite happy, as he's been looking forward to playing this game for a while. [IMG][/IMG]
Gamemaniac3434 avatarGamemaniac3434
Dtoid mobile has apparently broken again. This is it. This how the dtoid ends. *black hole opens, dtoid disappears*
Amna Umen avatarAmna Umen
Gave Ronin one more chance before I chucked it in the "never to be finished" pile, glad I did. It could have been so much better but as a frustrating time waster it's not bad.
StriderHoang avatarStriderHoang
I'm sitting on the Fapcast's most recent recording. I just feel like I need a day for myself after, you know, freaking out about rent.
SeymourDuncan17 avatarSeymourDuncan17
Why is every Quickpost now spaced out like poems with random amounts of stanzas that never ever rhyme?
RadicalYoseph avatarRadicalYoseph
Was anybody else here extremely disappointed by the ending of Assassin's Creed 2?
Parismio avatarParismio
Just tried Fallout 4 on my PC Via my Cousins steam account and nope, it does not run for me very well. Buying the PS4 version it is!
OrochiLeona avatarOrochiLeona
You know who never took any shit from anybody? Dr. Blight.
Terry 309 avatarTerry 309
Am I the only one who has to pull up their sleeves to play competantly at videogames? When my hoodie's sleeves are down I play like a piece of shit but when i pull them up, I have more flexibility.
Shinta avatarShinta
PSA: Just picked up Falco amiibo at Best Buy. They had about 20 Tom Nook, 10 singles of Splatoon Boy/Girl, the Splatoon triple pack, about 30 Marths with a big sign saying "Look Who's Back!," Dark Pit, and probably about 15 others. Not too shabby.
Fenriff avatarFenriff
I long for the day that people get over their weird circle jerk hatred for FFXIII related things and just ignore things they don't care about.
Rad Party God avatarRad Party God
I'm upgrading my PC on the cheap and I'm going with AMD, out of these two CPUs, wich one is better?, A8-7650K or FX-6300?
more quickposts



Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme

Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -