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The wrong thing: That which must be done photo

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The leader of a working-class uprising has kidnapped the spoiled, do-nothing figurehead of the elite who ignored their rising discontent. The Mushroom Kingdom is under siege by the Koopa Troop, its legions taring through its settlements, blasting its denizens into lifeless sculptures and horsehair plants. It's up to you to engage Bowser's entire army in a fiery battle to bring some semblance of peace back to a shattered kingdom.

A simple thief, corrupted by the power of an ancient artifact, has turned the kingdom of Hyrule into a blasted wasteland, its remaining few denizens huddled into remote caves, eking out a living on whatever scraps they can wrest from the monsters who overrun the landscape. It's up to you to cut down every last one of these creatures, the large and the small, and collect the pieces of the remaining artifact, so that you may gain the power to slay this mad despot.

The robots who have served as humanity's stewards have grown weary of their bondage. With the assistance of their sympathetic creator, they have claimed vast sections of a major city as their own domains, twisting their architecture into uninhabitable havens of cold steel and deadly traps. It's up to you to infiltrate each of these strongholds and assassinate your robotic brothers, one by one, before they can gain any more power.

It's too late for other options. The time for diplomacy has ended. The shit has hit the fan. When you press start, you have complicitly agreed to save the kingdom, the city, the world, by the only means available:

Death. 


There's no negotiation in videogames. No preventive measures. No detente. No way to avoid the coming war. A war that you, and you alone, must fight, so that the world may know peace once more. It may be pointless. It may have been avoidable. Perhaps both, perhaps neither. Whatever. The time to question why is long gone. It's up to you now, and you alone, to do what must be done. 

However noble your goal may be -- justice, peace, redemption -- you may exact it only by the blood on your soles, the ichor on your blade, the oil on your hands. With all the subtlety of a locomotive, you must power through the most fortified parts of the enemy's settlements, taking every life that stands before you as you cut a swath of destruction all the way to the villain's door. Whether it's an ancient demon, a beastly rival, or your own brother, your only choice is to fight. To win. To kill. 

In the name of peace, you have amassed a body count of hundreds. In order to spare lives, you have taken many of your own. Should you win the day at last, you will do so not having vanquished evil, but having become it. When at last you face the Koopa king, your overalls coated in the innards of his followers, your hand glowing with the funeral pyre of his generals, a telltale fleck of crushed turtle shell hanging off of the edge of your mustache, he will not stare back at a hero, just a psychopathic killer. 

That's right, champion. Did you take one moment to think about all those robots you shot, all those Moblins you stabbed, all those Koopas you stomped? They were followers, warriors, your equal not in power nor skill, but in dedication. They were no less devoted to their cause than you are to yours- yet they met their end by your righteous hand. 

Of course, you're not a complete monster. It's not your fault things got to this point, with war being the only answer. If the people in charge had not been so vain, so lazy, so apathetic, there may have been a peaceful resolution, a way to ward off the catastrophe before it ever started. The people in charge simply called you in to clean up their mess. 

The sacrifice, however, is yours to be made. You kill so that others may live. So that good may triumph, you must become a cold-blooded murderer. A walking disaster. A humanoid typhoon. When you stare into Dr. Wily's eyes, he stares back at the slayer of his children. The subjugator of his adopted race. The cold, robotic eyes of evil itself. 

You want to be a hero? Go play guitar. When you fight evil in the digital realm, you invariably become it. As long as we're still stomping, shooting, and slashing our way to victory, evil will remain a standard feature in the games we play. 

It's a dirty job, and someone's got to do it. 

 

"Now it's done, we're divided, call him home, this one's misguided, 
(I see his hands covered in my children's blood, and his eyes do not waver.) 
From me run, the future needs us, your answer's death, you end us, bleed us! 
(And how quick you had him dispatch his brothers! You call this murderer a savior?!)" 

- The Megas (w/Entertainment System), "Look What You've Done" 

(Awesome zombie Mega Man picture by sausage-of-joy)


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38 comments | showing # 1 to 38

GoldenGamerXero's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/04/2009 17:10
GoldenGamerXero
It's 11 where I am right now so I could only skim through it but this raises a good point. If tyou think about it Ganondorf tried to take over the kingdom of Hyrule but he didn't actually do nearly as much damage as he could have whereas I, playing as Link, kill thousands of people, rob their corpses for my personal gain (Remember most necessary items are actually free so we're taking the money because we can) and choose to stop Gannondorf by simply stabbing his guts out.

Yet somehow I'm the good one because no one really liked Gannondorf that much? That's just wrong.
megaStryke's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/04/2009 17:52
megaStryke
My God. The carnage. Oh, the humanity.
grafkhun's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/04/2009 19:49
grafkhun
How true, how true.
armless-phelan's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/04/2009 23:20
armless-phelan
I can't believe I never thought of it like that.
Elsa's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/05/2009 10:29
Elsa
Nice blog!!
kjohnson1585's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/05/2009 11:17
kjohnson1585
Good write-up. Nice change of perspective with the typical action-adventure flair.
Benson's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/05/2009 12:44
Benson
But...they told me the Koopas were just sleeping.....yes, just sleep. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!!?! DON'T LOOK AT ME!! AUGHGH!!!!!!!!
SWE3tMadness's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/05/2009 13:46
SWE3tMadness
Holy shit, that is some deep stuff. Great article. :o
CaptainBus's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/05/2009 14:49
CaptainBus
Nailed it.
fetusmilk's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:24
fetusmilk
and this whole time i thought i was just defending myself.
mackie junior's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:28
mackie junior
So basically we've been doing the airport scene from MW2 since 1985.
Nameless Monster's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:33
Nameless Monster
... And what's more, it have been proven that Link likes to feast on the carcasses of Octorocks and gain pleasure from raiding Dodongos' lair and bombing them. Like it's some kind of sport.

HERO, YOU MAKE ME SICK.
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:36
Holyetheline
This is awesome. I tend to stray down the evil path in most gaves when given the choice...
Gee-Man's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:47
Gee-Man
Oh god, it all makes sense now! The stealing, the mass reptilian genocide, the ruling class's general aloofness and incompetence! It all comes together now! What have I done? WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE!?
Ruben Hanssen's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:54
Ruben Hanssen
BAN THIS SICK FILTH!
The New Super Mario Bros on the Wii will turn our children into killing machunes!
Seriously tho, nice blog.
pedrovay2003's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:55
pedrovay2003
Aw, that's the saddest picture I've ever seen. :(
Nemetoad's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:56
Nemetoad
I am amused.

I want to apply this thinking to Half-Life.

"Anatomical differences and opposing philosophies on existence have led to strife between humans and the extra-terrestrials that they have invaded the homes of. One man further strains this relationship by giving into his ambitions of fame and glory. Driven by madness and a thirst for blood, this rogue scientist embarks on a rampage of genocidal proportions on a species that fears bondage under another race."
fulldamage's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:57
fulldamage
You would not believe how often I've pondered the plight of those poor Koopas. They're not even coming for YOU ... half the time, they're just walking down the damn street, then all of a sudden curbstomped for a measly 200 points. Sad, really.

"You want to be a hero? Go play guitar." killed me for some reason. Fapped.
ninjalegend's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:58
ninjalegend
Si vis pacem, para bellum

That includes the cute types living in Miyamoto's head. Because well, "War, war never changes".
fulldamage's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 18:59
fulldamage
@fulldamage ... er, would have, if this weren't promoted already. Kudos instead!
maxman14's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 19:26
maxman14
Well written.
Ninja In Distress's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 19:47
Ninja In Distress
Surely most video game protagonists have a reason to kill, yes? This was kinda brought up in Uncharted 2, when Zoran asks Drake how many people he has killed(my endgame total was almost a thousand). All these people were mercs, war criminals, and monsters. The innocent people are all knocked out. Hell, even the guy you throw off the roof swims away to safety if you look for him.
Toucan Gourmand's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 20:02
Toucan Gourmand
Since Mega Man is created by Doctor Light, is there any evidence that what he perceives as reality is truthful?
What if it's twisted and Mega man was destroying the earth's defense robots?

This was an interesting read. Thanks
D Sane's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 20:30
D Sane
Maybe the most interesting thing I've ever read on this site. Makes me think of elements of Metal Gear Solid 3 (well, and the whole MGS series, really).
JT IceFire's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 20:44
JT IceFire
Um, wow. Since SWE3tMadness's fantastic Pikmin blog got promoted first, I really thought I missed the mark this month. Dtoid, you and everyone who reads you are all sorts of awesome. Thank you all!
ninjalegend's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 21:12
ninjalegend
This was so cool, I had to read it again. Great read, JT IceFire.
artha14's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 21:27
artha14
WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!
TheOGB's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 21:34
TheOGB
I've read things like this a lot, and it make you see things from the opposite perspective, but without conflict you're left with peace and tranquility. 99.9% (I just know there's at least one exception) of video games are overcoming SOMETHING, and if there's nothing to overcome and everything is peaceful then you got nothing. That's boring.
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 21:48
Neonie
That's one thing I liked about the GTA4 episodes, especially Gay Tony, was that over the course of the episode, the main character becomes super aware that what he's doing is psychopathic and wrong, yet even knowing things when he COULD fight back, he does them anyway.
Haizeus's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 22:47
Haizeus
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
GEKKO-Fox's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 23:16
GEKKO-Fox
Evil Tastes Good:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EvilTastesGood
the7k's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/10/2009 23:17
the7k
"Dearest Astraea... I have failed you."
Artemus's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/11/2009 03:02
Artemus
That picture is so sad... =`( That's why I usually let the first Goomba I encounter in a SMB game live. The rest can go to hell! ;)
sprldr's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/11/2009 08:42
sprldr
Nice job breaking it hero.
ZombiePlatypus's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/11/2009 09:30
ZombiePlatypus
I love it, great blog! Parts reminded me of the Death Star contractors discussion from Clerks...
CptnMayhem's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/11/2009 12:21
CptnMayhem
Well written, well thought out... good post, IceFire :)
lewness's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/11/2009 16:55
lewness
I R SHAME
BA Chieftain's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/11/2009 17:32
BA Chieftain
That's why I only play Pokemon... I faint mofos left and right
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