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Home Wii Zapper updates

The Wii Zapper will lead to murder, chaos and utterly retarded parents

8:25 AM on 09.14.2007, Jim Sterling 37 comments

The Wii Zapper will lead to murder, chaos and utterly retarded parents photo
     Wii Zapper

Destructoid reader cjpkiller sent me an email this morning letting me know he saw this and thought of me. He was right to do it. What we have here is a nice collection of some of the most insane blathering I've ever seen with regards to the Wii Zapper. Not content with claiming that videogames themselves will turn their spawn into demented killers, those overly hormonal, baby-addled parents out there are now starting to claim that accessories like the Zapper will help train their innocent sprogs into highly efficient murderers. I don't even need to explain why these people are such morons, but it's worth laughing at their idiotic drivel in any case.

The Star Ledger runs a Parental Guidance feature and it is here that its readers were asked for opinions on the Wii Zapper. The featured responses are pretty golden. "Great, this is what we need. Children with guns learning how to aim and shoot," one retarded monkeyjester wrote. "Then we can sit back and wonder what is happening to our country with kids killing kids......what's next? Could we make it squirt blood, too?" Guns don't bleed, idiot!

Here's what a concerned grandparent had to say: "....Why don't they enclose an application to the NRA in every box as well....the marketing person who came up with this brain child of an idea should be fired." Meanwhile, another barely evolved simian reactionary babbled about Nintendo being irresponsible for letting kids play shooting games. Of course, there have NEVER been shooting games before Nintendo invented them all in 2007 with the advent of one silly games accessory. 

Toy guns have been on sale since the dawn of time. I had a plastic machine gun when I was a toddler, and I didn't turn into Colin Columbine. These parents betray their own ignorance in attacking the trendy Wii, if they only just now have decided that gun accessories are a bad thing. We had a lightgun in the NES days and will continue to have them. I just think it's sad that not even the family-friendly Nintendo is safe from the treacherous barbs of these utter, utter nincompoops. Yes, I said nincompoops, that's how disappointed I am. I definitely don't want kids if it turns me into one of these 'people'.


Next page: More Save The Chilluns stories




Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 09/14/2007 08:27
Sterling, you're an idiot. Convicted criminals have every right to play video games as a reward for all the stress they go through thinking about how they're injustly imprisoned because all laws are fake...

Whoa, sorry. I think I was possessed by the spirit of a moron for a sec there.
VWGTI's Avatar
VWGTI at 09/14/2007 08:27
Well written and well thought out article. I agree that these people are complete and utter morons. Putting the blame on societies problems on anything other than the parent. Americans can be so stupid.
DGX Goggles's Avatar
DGX Goggles at 09/14/2007 08:32
OMG! Nintendo invented shooting games?! They are teh winzorz! Seriously though as Cowzilla said the question was a bit slanted, though some of the responses were stupid.
BlindsideDork's Avatar
BlindsideDork at 09/14/2007 08:33
I pew pewed you!
B-Radicate's Avatar
B-Radicate at 09/14/2007 08:35
CLEARLY these people don't know what they are talking about. The thing doesn't shoot bullets. It shoots crossbow bolts. Nintendo invented them, too.
blehman's Avatar
blehman at 09/14/2007 08:35
My favorite was the "gun should be pink with a flag coming out of the barrel" bit. I don't know about you, but I never had a red or blue toy gun when I was a kid.
Lightthrower's Avatar
Lightthrower at 09/14/2007 08:37
Maybe if american parents realize that oh i don't know... wars lead to much more violence than games, maybe they would vote for better presidents, but hey it's America, there's no logic.
Origim's Avatar
Origim at 09/14/2007 08:37
I just want one of the zappers to carry around. Screw the rest of the wii. I feel sorry for the kids who dont get the joy of fake shooting their buddies with fake toy guns while understanding the whole time its all fake. Kind of like wrestling but with guns.
RoyRP216's Avatar
RoyRP216 at 09/14/2007 08:38
quick! let's comment-spam the fuck out of this!
Zac Bentz's Avatar
Zac Bentz at 09/14/2007 08:40
That thing really does look ridiculous. I think I'll stick with the much more realistic looking Glock bundled with Cocoto Magic Circus, a Wii game marketed towards 3 year olds. That way when the cops break in they'll have a good excuse to shoot me in the face, and I'll be famous!
Upgrayedd's Avatar
Upgrayedd at 09/14/2007 08:40
The Magnavox Odyssey had a light gun. It's actually a shorter list of systems that didn't have one (I think, I should probably look into that).

The vast majority of recent, successful consoles have had them, then (with the exception of the Guncon & Guncon 2) suppory almost immediately died off. I guess that doesn't have anything to do with violence or whatever, I just though it was interesting (and kind of sad, because there have been alot of really, really good lightgun games over the years).
Garbz's Avatar
Garbz at 09/14/2007 08:41
For decades now kids have played games were they pretend to kill each other either with imaginary guns or with laser tag.

Hell, even water pistols have the same basic effect.

Should we ban them?

I bet if we could link those to video games then they would be.

Nothing like jumping on an ill-informed, ill-educated band wagon eh?
TorpedoTed's Avatar
TorpedoTed at 09/14/2007 08:47
i had a light gun for my Spectrum, it was wicked, im no killer, then again i do live in England. Maybe if i was american i would have been...
I get the feeling alot of parents are dumb these days, if they stayed at home and looked after thier spawn properly life would be better, plus add punishment in skools, oh and let my hit pikey chavs without any retort!

plus cocks!

dumb fuks!
TorpedoTed's Avatar
TorpedoTed at 09/14/2007 08:48
change 'my' to 'me' in my last comment...
RICHARD BLOCKER's Avatar
RICHARD BLOCKER at 09/14/2007 08:52
Fake guns don't kill people, Fake people kill people.
BS3 Owner's Avatar
BS3 Owner at 09/14/2007 09:03
This Wii Zapper is so deadly, latest U.S. Intel confirm Iran might be sending scores of these into Iraq!

Viva La Resistance! *pew* *pew* You Pigs!
catsithx's Avatar
catsithx at 09/14/2007 09:03
bang bang I shot you dead with my zapper
Tubatic's Avatar
Tubatic at 09/14/2007 09:03
In halfcocked defense of the blathering idiots, they were asked a pretty stupid question, as GamePolitics highlights:

" Wii announced over the summer that it’s coming out the a gun-like remote, so kids can play shooter games, with, well, a shooter.

What do you think about making a wand in the shape of a weapon so play is more realistic? …Is it harmful? …Will you buy one for your kids?"

Watchout guys. Wii is not a company able of releasing things.
DeusPayne's Avatar
DeusPayne at 09/14/2007 09:05
Fake guns don't kill people. Retarded parents kill people.

In other news, super soakers, cap guns, BB guns, laser tag, and other 'shooting' related activities are under investigation.
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
AngelsDontBurn at 09/14/2007 09:11
Well I mean come on, it DOES look like a real gun!...


:x
Cowboy TTop's Avatar
Cowboy TTop at 09/14/2007 09:22
Nothing to see here, Crazy fucktards.
Rosseh's Avatar
Rosseh at 09/14/2007 09:34
Why is everyone so uptight nowdays? I had loads of toy guns when I was younger. Water pistols, toy guns with sound effects, Action Man figures with guns that weren't multicoloured they were proper looking guns. I had Laser Tag too. Not to forget Time Crisis, House of the Dead 3 and 4 (Shotgun and Uzi, Point Blank and hundreds of other shooters I've played. I think I played Time Crisis when I was about 10 and Duck Hunt a few years after it came out.

The other day we were all playing Gears system link and this kid came in the room. He is about 4 I think and I said I didn't know whether he should be watching this. But anyway I asked him if he thought the game was real and he said no and made it clear you should never do anything like that in real life. Four years old and he knows the difference between reality and fantasy and violence and appropriate behaviour.
vandamguy's Avatar
vandamguy at 09/14/2007 09:41
Another reader commented, "I think it's irresponsible for Wii to come out with a controller that looks like a gun so kids can play games simulating shooting. What kind of message are we sending as parents when we buy these things for our kids?"

In this case, maybe they aught to not buy it in the first place for their kids. A part of good parenting is knowing when to say "no."

In my case, I'll paint mine flat black and see if I can rob a bank with it.
That'll make some Real-life video game violence headlines

He had a futuristic laser gun. Like something from James Bond: Moonraker. I just gave him all the money.

pewpewpew!
Zac Bentz's Avatar
Zac Bentz at 09/14/2007 10:10
hjd uk's Avatar
hjd uk at 09/14/2007 10:24
christ, i mean the Wii Zapper looks nothing like a real gun, its, not the same colour or shape, it doesnt even have the trigger in the right place. I hate reactionary OPC fucktards. *grumpy rant ends*
Doomtrain's Avatar
Doomtrain at 09/14/2007 10:39
The Wii Zapper will lead to hurting wrists and stiff shoulders. I wanna hold it like a gun, damnit!
BFeld13's Avatar
BFeld13 at 09/14/2007 10:46
GHOOOOOOOST ESKATO!!!!
loki d20's Avatar
loki d20 at 09/14/2007 11:25
Why do some americans make the rest of us look like f'ing morons?
Corak's Avatar
Corak at 09/14/2007 11:43
1 problem is what vandamguy said, part of parenting is saying "no." Attention parents: its ok to not get your kid this toy/game if you don't want him/her playing it. The problem is lots of parents don't have the backbone to do this, the kid will throw a fit and rather than sticking to their decision they cave and buy it, I see it all the fn time when I'm out and about. Saying no prepares your child for something called "life" where you don't always get what you want. If your boss fires you and you throw a fit will he hire you back? Hell no.
Fading Star's Avatar
Fading Star at 09/14/2007 11:57
"The Wii Zapper will lead to murder, chaos, and utterly retarded parents."

I hate to break it to you Jim, but utterly retarded parents have existed since the birth of humankind. Murder? Chaos? What are these things that you speak of?

Anyway, thanks for the article. It was beautifully written as usual.
Timdabrat's Avatar
Timdabrat at 09/14/2007 14:03
"I think it's irresponsible for Wii to come out with a controller that looks like a gun so kids can play games simulating shooting. What kind of message are we sending as parents when we buy these things for our kids?"

Now look more closely at this segment
"What kind of message are we sending as parents when we buy these things for our kids?"
Now an even closer look (Capitalized the important words)
"when WE buy these things FOR OUR kids?"

Here's your solution idiot, DON'T BUY THE DAMNED GUN!IF YOU WANT TO SEND A GOOD IMPRESSION, DON'T GIVE IT TO THEM! NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE!
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 09/14/2007 17:36
This is just more evidence that New Jersey is the armpit of America — not only for the stink, but for its retarded residents. Then again, I’m sure there are many soccer moms out there in middle America who share these morons’ opinions, so I dunno...

“What we have here is a nice collection of some of the most insane blathering I’ve ever seen with regards to the Wii Zapper.”

Insane...or inane? I say both.

“Mommy, I want a Wii Zapper for Christmas!!!”
“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 09/14/2007 19:40
Fuck the press. Seriously, what the hell.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 09/14/2007 19:40
Fuck the press. Seriously, what the hell.
PetiePal's Avatar
PetiePal at 09/16/2007 12:15
I live in NJ. The Star Ledger is about as ridiculous as the NY Times can be. It's a non-technical writer who doesn't game at all besides Pinochle. They need to hire more technologically-sound people to write objective pieces instead of this blather.
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