Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

The truth about Leon Kennedy: My baby's got a secret

10:33 AM on 06.25.2007 // Leigh Alexander

Like many of my comrades in the gaming army, I was psyched to pick up the Wii edition of Resident Evil 4 this weekend. Then, I remembered I suck at that game. Hardcore. So Leigh, let's take a game you were -- let's call it "special" -- at before, and add motion control. Pan with the left, aim with the right, squeeze B, tap A, hold Z to run... how's that workin' out for you, superstar? 

Yeah.  Suffice to say my enthusiasm deflated faster than the endowments of a trophy wife who's been hugged too hard. With a wet, flesh-muffled silicone snap, my veins have been flooded with the carcinogenic gel of utter failure.

But you can't blame RE4; it's truly a high point in the genre. And all is not lost -- as readily as I was reacquainted with my utter suckitude, so too was I reminded that Leon S. Kennedy is a stone cold paragon of manly gorgeousness. Quit pretending not to be attracted to game characters; we're all friends here.

Unfortunately, I suspect that the torrid affair of Leon and Leigh is dead in the water before it's begun. The whole "not real" thing? A minor wrinkle, really. Hit the jump to hear the real reason.

I think Leon likes dudes.

Now, I'll concede. It's common among females to accuse intimidatingly attractive men of homosexuality as a pre-emptive offense against rejection. In woman-speak, "oh, he's obviously gay," often translates to, "oh, he's obviously out of my league." 

But come on. I mean, come on. Here comes Ada, radiating so much hormonal sexypower that when she walks down the street, dogs inexplicably set upon one another, mating in her wake. And Leon's ambivalent. Okay -- maybe if it were only that. After all, the chick did totally play him. But then the President's panty-flashing, plaid-skirted sorority bop daughter invites him to some "overtime," and, with vague apathy, he declines. Um, what?

Okay. Okay, Ashley's painfully, maddeningly annoying. Her voice makes me want to put kebab skewers into my skull just to stop the noise. Maybe after rescuing her from the shambling ganados nine million times, Leon'd just had enough of her.  

But then, there's the way, wracked with a hoarse cry, he cradled Luis Sera as he died. What about the sweat-spattered manly wrestling "knife fight" between him and Jack Krauser? If that wasn't laced with an undercurrent of visceral, testosterone-heady passionate intensity, then I don't know what is. And now, in the Wii edition, I'm going to have to make a very distinct one-handed pumping motion with the Wiimote to beat that fight, while those two men groan and strain against each other. Wow. 

And if nothing else -- his hair. It's prettiness of epic proportions.

And I'm so not the first to say this. For your reading pleasure today, I bring you the crafted fanfiction stylings of "firewolf," who has also visualized romantic possibilities between Leon and Krauser:

They had spent the night together in Leon's bed. Nothing strenuous; Jack let Leon dictate how far they'd go. It didn't surprise him that the younger man only wanted to cuddle.

All the same, this had to be the first time they'd refrained from sex and just slept together. But Jack understood. After his horrible ordeal, Jack was quite sure that Leon wouldn't want to have sex again for a very long time. Besides, Jack figured he still owed Leon for the Viagra misadventure of long ago.

S.T.A.R.S. and Viagra. The time is ripe for love.  And also, according to "chelsehiwatari," the time is also ripe for Leon and Saddler making a baby together. I'll let you figure that one out for yourself. Hint: there are tentacles.

Leon, if you're reading this, now you know I was serious. What do you think of that, Baby? I'm calling you tonight. Forty-seven times.

In a row.

You better pick up. 

Leigh Alexander,
 Follow Blog + disclosure

This blog submitted to our editor via our Community Blogs, and then it made it to the home page! You can follow community members and vote up their blogs - support each other so we can promote a more diverse and deep content mix on our home page.

 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our community fisters, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding * to your whitelists.

Status updates from C-bloggers

Solar Pony Django avatarSolar Pony Django
[img][/img] The Freedom Planet Indie Box, for those that were interested. And it looks like a "wild cat" is there too!
James Internet Ego avatarJames Internet Ego
Just 1200 words left to go on my essays. Do I deserve a day off to play Just Cause 3 once I'm done? Yes.
TheAngriestCarp avatarTheAngriestCarp
Elite: Dangerous has some glaring issues, and can occasionally feel kinda bare bones, but I'll be damned if it isn't one of my favorite games in recent memory. Ships are fun to fly, trading is rewarding, and the sound design is absolutely brilliant.
Archelon avatarArchelon
Well, Destructoid. I did it. I jumped ahead.
Atleastimhousebroken avatarAtleastimhousebroken
Flawed but fun favorite game sorter. Post top 30 in the comments. [url][\url]
KingSigy avatarKingSigy
I am tired of random players. I need to enlist some help with Triforce Heroes challenges. Would anyone like to pair up with me?
El Dango avatarEl Dango
[img][/img] fun...
Gamemaniac3434 avatarGamemaniac3434
Last night I had to clean projectile liqiud dogshit off of the sides of my puppies kennel. Pity me. Read my blog.
techsupport avatartechsupport
Taking a break from Fallout 4 to try out Twitch Creative. Catch me painting Chun-Li while listening to an eclectic mix of Alex G, DJ Shadow, and Modest Mouse. [img][/img]
Solar Pony Django avatarSolar Pony Django
So far from first impressions of my Freedom Planet indie box its 100% more worth it than lootcrate. Whereas lootcrate you get a bunch of stuff you may or may not like, indie box gives you indie games, and stuff related to that game, such as the soundtrack
maycausecancer avatarmaycausecancer
When one game is rated 7.4 and another 7.6, Are you telling me one game is 0.2 worse than the other. WHAT!?!
KingSigy avatarKingSigy
I think Microsoft takes the cake for worst console updates. The XBone UI is worse and the fucking controller had an update. What the hell has gaming become?
Dr Mel avatarDr Mel
Well, that's a wrap for the Bloodborne DLC. I liked it. More thoughts and maybe spoilers in the comment section.
Confuseddalek avatarConfuseddalek
a rainy afternoon, and too sleepy for games. Time to go to the animal shelter and try not to fall asleep, surrounded by kittens.
Archelon avatarArchelon
Community Question: Following from yesterday's Community Question, how would you feel if reviewers began assigning two scores to a game? One specifically for the technical aspects/performance of the game, and the other for their own personal enjoyment?
ikiryou avatarikiryou
I went back to Persona 4 Golden this weekend, asked Chie to be my girlfriend but then accidentally maxed out my social link with Yumi, changed my relationship status to "It's Complicated" on Personabook. [img][/img]
James Internet Ego avatarJames Internet Ego
Why am I hyped? Just cause :D
JohnSmith123 avatarJohnSmith123
You know what Fallout 4 mod I want to see? One to fix the interior lightning. It's like the silliest thing to get fixated over, but I can't seem to ignore how white and bright some of those inside lights are.
RexterNathan avatarRexterNathan
Just wrote my first C-blog. It's me talking about the games I have played this month; I'm quite excited
SeymourDuncan17 avatarSeymourDuncan17
I wish the Squid Girl outfit was still a dress for boys. I want to live through my Inkling boy and be a cute girly-man, dammit. [img][/img]
more quickposts



Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme

Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -