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The Sound Card 004: The 8 most f*cked up vocal remixes

6:52 PM on 08.25.2008 // Dale North

Awhile back in an earlier Sound Card feature, we explained that the world of videogame music is vast. There's so many different genres and performance types that's its pretty hard to keep tabs on them all. Believe it or not, some listeners actually seek out the... well, how should I say this? They seek out the so-bad-they're-good arrangements of videogame tunes.

A polished, professional arrangement will always impress, but they'll never make you laugh as hard as some of these parody songs would. The point of this strange sub-genre of game music is to be totally ridiculous and record it for posterity. Song types range from intentionally poor singing performances to mind-melting mashups of multiple game tunes. If you're new to this, you'll never have a clear idea of what we're talking about until you hear one or two for yourself. That's why we've pulled together the Top 8 Most F*cked Up Vocal Remixes.

Check them out after the jump.

Warning: Many of the songs in this top ten list contain explicit lyrics. Not Safe For Work. Totally Safe For Lulz.

8. Star Salzman - "Shut the Fuck Up" - from Final Fantasy VI

This time around, brilliance comes in the form of a Final Fantasy VI remix. The combination of brassy background, hats on 16th beats, some serious scratching and probably the catchiest chours ever come together to create "Shut the Fuck Up," by remixer Star Salzman. Give it a listen and see if you're not singing it to yourself afterwards.

7. virt - Sexsession of Witches - from Final Fantasy VIII

This short but sweet puts together porn and role-playing games, two of our favorite things. This gem is the work work of videogame composer Jake Kaufman (Contra 4, Shantae), who also dishes out incredible remixes and chiptunes in his downtime. This particular remix of Nobuo Uematsu's "Succession of Witches" carries the nickname "vinosex."

6. Dale North - "Satomi Tadashi Northside Rx" - from Persona

 Um...that's me.

I know what you're thinking: "Wait, aren't you Dale North?" Yes, and the last time I did a Sound Card feature, I promised readers that I would include my own works in an upcoming feature.

I'll never be more embarassed than I was the week this video hit the internet. To make a long story short, I wanted to show my Persona love by doing a remix of the in-game "Pharmacy theme," but with a twist. I envisioned a perverted pharmacy owner peeping at girls, and rewrote the lyrics as such. This remix hit OverClocked ReMix, and then later was put to visuals by animator Dave Kelly.

Also check out my other video collaboration with Dave Kelly, "Chu Chu Rocket."

5. Shael Riley - "Music of My Groin" - from The Legend of Zelda

Some would say that this is the "ridiculous interpretation" that started them all. Musician Shael Riley now has several claims to fame, including the soundtrack to Street Fighter II HD Remix and the kickass songs of his band The Grammar Club (check out their song "Gay Shirt," it's the best!), but in the beginning all he had to his name was this tune, "Music of My Groin." Is it good? No. It's horrible. But it's a classic, and we have to pay homage by putting it on our list. 

4. DJ Pretzel - "Hillbilly Rodeo" - from Bubble Bobble

Speaking of fucked up classics, this one from OverClocked ReMix's daddy, DJ Pretzel, is one for the ages. This song conjures images of drunk, barefooted rednecks more than it does cute puzzle games; I've never heard something so equally stupid and smart. "Hillbilly Rodeo" really hits its stride near the end with its nonsense lyrics.

3. Ubik and zyko - Niggaz 4 Life - Asterix



 This is probably the only existing remix of the 1993 NES game Asterix, published by Infogrames.  It's not like we ever really needed an Asterix remix, let alone this crazy rap/hip-hop version, but the addictive hook makes me glad that Ubik and zyko came together to do this.

2. wvlfpvp -"One Winged Hutt" - Final Fantasy VII and Tecmo Bowl

RPG fans have surely played Final Fantasy VII. And NES classic Tecmo Bowl has probably also made your list. Now, imagine the musical lovechild of these two titles. Yeah, I couldn't do it either.

Techno beats are laid over a faster version of of the flagship song from Uematsu's Final Fantasy VIII soundtrack. That's not so bad, right? It gets unholy when music and voice samples from Tecmo Bowl are spliced in. The result is a hilarious mashup that has stood the test of time, turning 3 years old this month. I love this song. I want to show it to my children. 

1. Aquas and Rob Saunders - "Colour of the Summer Sky" - from Secret of Mana

I'm pretty sure that no one reading this will agree that this song should be number 1, but this is my list, so I can do what I want.

This is easily the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. I don't know the story behind it, and I know very little about the two that created it. What I do know is that it makes me laugh. Hard. Every time I listen to it. This is my "go-to" song when I'm feeling down. I've listened to it so many times that I can sing along, emulating the off-pitch passages perfectly.

This duo also did a song named "Old Man Tellah" (from Final Fantasy IV) that would be worth tracking down... if you're sick enough to like this one. 


That's it for our countdown, but don't let that stop you from listening to fucked up game music remixes. If you enjoyed these, you'll be glad to know that there's a Web site dedicted to this type of music, OverLooked ReMiX

My apologies for any of these that might have become stuck in your head.

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Dale North, Former Dtoid EIC
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