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The Sims 3 gets an 'uncensor' patch before it's released photo

What's the first thing any self-respecting gamer should do when legally purchasing the latest PC game? That's right -- make everyone and everything as naked as they can possibly get. With that in mind, you'll be thrilled to know that a patch is already available to remove the censoring of certain sensitive areas in The Sims 3. Not that anybody's playing it already, right? I mean, how would you get hold of the game early?

This should be great news to anybody who hasn't heard of pornography or sex. I know you're all frantically downloading the patch while fumbling around in your sweaty Scooby Doo underpants as I speak, so I'll sign off and let you chaps get to it. You dirty, dirty, fu[censored].

[Thanks, David]


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48 comments | showing # 1 to 48

Vimto's Avatar
Vimto at 05/30/2009 18:33
Its a must buy for me then I've just pre ordered, it cant wait. Do you think this was Will Wrights suggestion. The dirty Perv.
bahss's Avatar
bahss at 05/30/2009 18:34
Where's the patch to censor articles from Jim? ;)
Monodi's Avatar
Monodi at 05/30/2009 18:35
Do the designers actually bother drawing the nipples and vaggies?
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 05/30/2009 18:36
Duh, this just proves that Jack Thompson was right all along about Will Wright and EA being in willful collaboration with the porn industry. *eye roll*
whormongr's Avatar
whormongr at 05/30/2009 18:37
so what is the deal on DRM for the sims 3 - I will buy it if there is no calling home
PwnanObrien's Avatar
PwnanObrien at 05/30/2009 18:37
Well, it's not like it's really hard to turn the alpha all the way up on that "mosaic blur" material they use. So...saw this one coming a mile away.
Fing Dr Yang's Avatar
Fing Dr Yang at 05/30/2009 18:37
Who the fuck is Jim Sterling?
PwnanObrien's Avatar
PwnanObrien at 05/30/2009 18:38
Monodi: Yeah, I'd imagine it's good to have anatomy on their demo-reels. Even if the green crystal thing above the head isn't an actual piece of the human body.
DarkTravesty's Avatar
DarkTravesty at 05/30/2009 18:39
@ whormongr: there isn't any at all. its bare (har har) just like the original sims games i believe.
covah's Avatar
covah at 05/30/2009 18:39
I actually got my copy (legally) today... and I totally WON'T be downloading this

<_<

>_>
Tarvu's Avatar
Tarvu at 05/30/2009 18:40
The really lonely ones probably do.
Magnalon's Avatar
Magnalon at 05/30/2009 18:42
@Pwanan
The fact that I can name where your avatar is from is insane. I used to play that game non-stop almost every day as a kid.

So did the patchers render the private parts themselves? Otherwise, why wouldn't EA just not render theme if they didn't want this inevitable controversy. (IE make them black holes).
Magnalon's Avatar
Magnalon at 05/30/2009 18:44
Ok I just found a really fucking creepy quote on the message board for it:

A demi-censored Uncensored Patch!!! Anyway this is better than no nude at all and so interesting enough. I have to install the game to my notebook to avoid my daughter who plays the censored game. Thanks mate.
kefkaesque's Avatar
kefkaesque at 05/30/2009 18:44
Nude patch + Susan Boyle model

Giggity
PwnanObrien's Avatar
PwnanObrien at 05/30/2009 18:44
5/30 King of The Monsters erry day.
Chronic Logic's Avatar
Chronic Logic at 05/30/2009 18:46
How the heck did they release a uncensor patch for the game when it hasn't even been released? I don't get it.

Also Jim, did you really need to censor the header image? That woman has no nipples, so it doesn't really matter.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 05/30/2009 18:52
"Also Jim, did you really need to censor the header image? That woman has no nipples, so it doesn't really matter."

Subtle joke was too subtle.
HerosPlayDumb's Avatar
HerosPlayDumb at 05/30/2009 18:52
Why must there be stupid patches like this
Magnalon's Avatar
Magnalon at 05/30/2009 18:53
@Chronic
Jim was joking in regards to "how did this happen??" The game has been leaked for almost 3 weeks now.
mr spooky's Avatar
mr spooky at 05/30/2009 18:59
Wow wow wee waa.
eviljen77's Avatar
eviljen77 at 05/30/2009 19:05
ummm...wow lol and why censor the top but not the bottom lol
psycho terror2's Avatar
psycho terror2 at 05/30/2009 19:09
oddest thing about the patch is that it reveals that sims shit through their clothes.
Jack8274's Avatar
Jack8274 at 05/30/2009 19:13
Are we still pretending to be ignorant on the games release?

Oh we are... How did they do that?
-PL-'s Avatar
-PL- at 05/30/2009 19:18
Looking at the screenshot in the link, doesn't look like there's any actual nipple or genitalia action. So it's basically like a barbie doll.
ThunderHeartXI's Avatar
ThunderHeartXI at 05/30/2009 19:21
I saw this patch on the Pirate Bay the other week and laughed. What won't nerds do?
Chris22533's Avatar
Chris22533 at 05/30/2009 19:26
Wait this isn't out yet? I just saw this at Target.
Jon B's Avatar
Jon B at 05/30/2009 19:34
@psycho terror2
Even odder, there's a perk that means they never need the toilet. Ever.
Solgrim's Avatar
Solgrim at 05/30/2009 19:43
Sweet.
psycho terror2's Avatar
psycho terror2 at 05/30/2009 19:46
@ Jon B

even EVEN odder, the people trapped in my basement keep pissing themselves despite not having had a drink for weeks.
Monodi's Avatar
Monodi at 05/30/2009 19:51
@PwananObrien

I just find the idea of them having to draw an areola and clitoris to be much work for what they really need.
PwnanObrien's Avatar
PwnanObrien at 05/30/2009 20:00
Honestly it would be like two seconds in zbrush....
Satsumomo's Avatar
Satsumomo at 05/30/2009 20:02
Woops, I forgot to sign my tip as Satsumomo. Everyone, my name is David, nice to meet you.
GohanGVO's Avatar
GohanGVO at 05/30/2009 21:11
It's like rubbing one out to a mannequin.
Bodb's Avatar
Bodb at 05/30/2009 21:11
If they were smart, they would charge $5.
EdgyDude's Avatar
EdgyDude at 05/30/2009 21:17
@kefkaesque: The mental image!, my mind, IT BURNS!! >.<#
sicPOS's Avatar
sicPOS at 05/30/2009 22:13
Hi David/Satsumomo, Happy Birthday.
bluemeep's Avatar
bluemeep at 05/30/2009 23:53
Good job, Internet! Now somebody start working on a nekkid Aayla Secura skin, chop chop.
Monodi's Avatar
Monodi at 05/31/2009 00:20
@PwnanObrien

well yeah but... you know what I eman, I hope
Holiday's Avatar
Holiday at 05/31/2009 00:56
Interesting that we fear female Sims polygon nipples as much as we do the real ones. BEWARE OF FEMALE NIPPLES!!!
Infinitys End's Avatar
Infinitys End at 05/31/2009 08:05
Uh Oh... better re-rate Sims 3 with an AO rating, ESRB! Hurry Up now!
Nicojay2's Avatar
Nicojay2 at 05/31/2009 08:25
Voyeurism plays a large part in the Sims popularity. Just wait until Sims#:Holodeck edition for some truly sad mods to satisfy the voyeur. Time of the month smelling panties mod, which will happen, and many will try just because it's there.
fozzyozzy's Avatar
fozzyozzy at 05/31/2009 09:18
Well now. If the hot coffee mod fiasco in GTA:San Andreas was enough to get an AO then how come Sims 3, a game where all you DO is simulate naked people having sex, can be released here???

Won't SOMEBODY think of the CHIIIIILDREN and ban this sick filth?!
mistic's Avatar
mistic at 05/31/2009 11:37
the sims wouldn't be the same without a nude-patch...
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 05/31/2009 13:34
Hot bathwater?
Wintersocks's Avatar
Wintersocks at 06/01/2009 04:33
SICK FILTH!

If this isn't mentioned by any anti videogames person, i will an N64 controller.
soopwoop's Avatar
soopwoop at 06/07/2009 19:15
...Lol. I randomly came across this article via google. I think everyone should catch a clue as to what the main difference between this and xxx-rated games are.

Giving this an AO rating is like selling computers in an adult store. How so? Just as porn is acquired from web searching, this patch is downloadable from third parties and NOT distributed by EA or Maxis. Bawing about it is like bawing about your son fapping to softcore porn on Cinemax when you bought premium channels AND let him stay up to 2 AM on Fridays.

Invest in some nanny cockblockage if the idea of people making things sexual invokes fear in your poor wittle hearts.
Andrew5329's Avatar
Andrew5329 at 06/08/2009 00:07
@soopwoop
Its a long running community joke.
SparkPlug's Avatar
SparkPlug at 06/09/2009 22:21
omg i cant wait to download the patch and nude up my sims...now i can find out what naked people look like!!
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