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The Sims 3 gets an 'uncensor' patch before it's released photo

What's the first thing any self-respecting gamer should do when legally purchasing the latest PC game? That's right -- make everyone and everything as naked as they can possibly get. With that in mind, you'll be thrilled to know that a patch is already available to remove the censoring of certain sensitive areas in The Sims 3. Not that anybody's playing it already, right? I mean, how would you get hold of the game early?

This should be great news to anybody who hasn't heard of pornography or sex. I know you're all frantically downloading the patch while fumbling around in your sweaty Scooby Doo underpants as I speak, so I'll sign off and let you chaps get to it. You dirty, dirty, fu[censored].

[Thanks, David]


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48 comments | showing # 1 to 48

Vimto's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:33
Vimto
Its a must buy for me then I've just pre ordered, it cant wait. Do you think this was Will Wrights suggestion. The dirty Perv.
bahss's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:34
bahss
Where's the patch to censor articles from Jim? ;)
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:35
Monodi
Do the designers actually bother drawing the nipples and vaggies?
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:36
Im OK
Duh, this just proves that Jack Thompson was right all along about Will Wright and EA being in willful collaboration with the porn industry. *eye roll*
whormongr's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:37
whormongr
so what is the deal on DRM for the sims 3 - I will buy it if there is no calling home
PwnanObrien's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:37
PwnanObrien
Well, it's not like it's really hard to turn the alpha all the way up on that "mosaic blur" material they use. So...saw this one coming a mile away.
Fing Dr Yang's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:37
Fing Dr Yang
Who the fuck is Jim Sterling?
PwnanObrien's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:38
PwnanObrien
Monodi: Yeah, I'd imagine it's good to have anatomy on their demo-reels. Even if the green crystal thing above the head isn't an actual piece of the human body.
DarkTravesty's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:39
DarkTravesty
@ whormongr: there isn't any at all. its bare (har har) just like the original sims games i believe.
covah's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:39
covah
I actually got my copy (legally) today... and I totally WON'T be downloading this

<_<

>_>
Tarvu's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:40
Tarvu
The really lonely ones probably do.
Magnalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:42
Magnalon
@Pwanan
The fact that I can name where your avatar is from is insane. I used to play that game non-stop almost every day as a kid.

So did the patchers render the private parts themselves? Otherwise, why wouldn't EA just not render theme if they didn't want this inevitable controversy. (IE make them black holes).
Magnalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:44
Magnalon
Ok I just found a really fucking creepy quote on the message board for it:

A demi-censored Uncensored Patch!!! Anyway this is better than no nude at all and so interesting enough. I have to install the game to my notebook to avoid my daughter who plays the censored game. Thanks mate.
kefkaesque's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:44
kefkaesque
Nude patch + Susan Boyle model

Giggity
PwnanObrien's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:44
PwnanObrien
5/30 King of The Monsters erry day.
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:46
Chronic Logic
How the heck did they release a uncensor patch for the game when it hasn't even been released? I don't get it.

Also Jim, did you really need to censor the header image? That woman has no nipples, so it doesn't really matter.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:52
Jim Sterling
"Also Jim, did you really need to censor the header image? That woman has no nipples, so it doesn't really matter."

Subtle joke was too subtle.
HerosPlayDumb's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:52
HerosPlayDumb
Why must there be stupid patches like this
Magnalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:53
Magnalon
@Chronic
Jim was joking in regards to "how did this happen??" The game has been leaked for almost 3 weeks now.
mr spooky's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 18:59
mr spooky
Wow wow wee waa.
eviljen77's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:05
eviljen77
ummm...wow lol and why censor the top but not the bottom lol
psycho terror2's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:09
psycho terror2
oddest thing about the patch is that it reveals that sims shit through their clothes.
Jack8274's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:13
Jack8274
Are we still pretending to be ignorant on the games release?

Oh we are... How did they do that?
-PL-'s Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:18
-PL-
Looking at the screenshot in the link, doesn't look like there's any actual nipple or genitalia action. So it's basically like a barbie doll.
ThunderHeartXI's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:21
ThunderHeartXI
I saw this patch on the Pirate Bay the other week and laughed. What won't nerds do?
Chris22533's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:26
Chris22533
Wait this isn't out yet? I just saw this at Target.
Jon B's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:34
Jon B
@psycho terror2
Even odder, there's a perk that means they never need the toilet. Ever.
Solgrim's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:43
Solgrim
Sweet.
psycho terror2's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:46
psycho terror2
@ Jon B

even EVEN odder, the people trapped in my basement keep pissing themselves despite not having had a drink for weeks.
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 19:51
Monodi
@PwananObrien

I just find the idea of them having to draw an areola and clitoris to be much work for what they really need.
PwnanObrien's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 20:00
PwnanObrien
Honestly it would be like two seconds in zbrush....
Satsumomo's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 20:02
Satsumomo
Woops, I forgot to sign my tip as Satsumomo. Everyone, my name is David, nice to meet you.
GohanGVO's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 21:11
GohanGVO
It's like rubbing one out to a mannequin.
Bodb's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 21:11
Bodb
If they were smart, they would charge $5.
EdgyDude's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 21:17
EdgyDude
@kefkaesque: The mental image!, my mind, IT BURNS!! >.<#
sicPOS's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 22:13
sicPOS
Hi David/Satsumomo, Happy Birthday.
bluemeep's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/30/2009 23:53
bluemeep
Good job, Internet! Now somebody start working on a nekkid Aayla Secura skin, chop chop.
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 00:20
Monodi
@PwnanObrien

well yeah but... you know what I eman, I hope
Holiday's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 00:56
Holiday
Interesting that we fear female Sims polygon nipples as much as we do the real ones. BEWARE OF FEMALE NIPPLES!!!
Infinitys End's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 08:05
Infinitys End
Uh Oh... better re-rate Sims 3 with an AO rating, ESRB! Hurry Up now!
Nicojay2's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 08:25
Nicojay2
Voyeurism plays a large part in the Sims popularity. Just wait until Sims#:Holodeck edition for some truly sad mods to satisfy the voyeur. Time of the month smelling panties mod, which will happen, and many will try just because it's there.
fozzyozzy's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 09:18
fozzyozzy
Well now. If the hot coffee mod fiasco in GTA:San Andreas was enough to get an AO then how come Sims 3, a game where all you DO is simulate naked people having sex, can be released here???

Won't SOMEBODY think of the CHIIIIILDREN and ban this sick filth?!
mistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 11:37
mistic
the sims wouldn't be the same without a nude-patch...
The-Excel's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/31/2009 13:34
The-Excel
Hot bathwater?
Wintersocks's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/01/2009 04:33
Wintersocks
SICK FILTH!

If this isn't mentioned by any anti videogames person, i will an N64 controller.
soopwoop's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/07/2009 19:15
soopwoop
...Lol. I randomly came across this article via google. I think everyone should catch a clue as to what the main difference between this and xxx-rated games are.

Giving this an AO rating is like selling computers in an adult store. How so? Just as porn is acquired from web searching, this patch is downloadable from third parties and NOT distributed by EA or Maxis. Bawing about it is like bawing about your son fapping to softcore porn on Cinemax when you bought premium channels AND let him stay up to 2 AM on Fridays.

Invest in some nanny cockblockage if the idea of people making things sexual invokes fear in your poor wittle hearts.
Andrew5329's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/08/2009 00:07
Andrew5329
@soopwoop
Its a long running community joke.
SparkPlug's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/09/2009 22:21
SparkPlug
omg i cant wait to download the patch and nude up my sims...now i can find out what naked people look like!!
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