In an effort to create a flamewar the likes of which the internet has never seen, and to possibly have Nex burned at the stake, we convinced him to post this. It doesn't necessarily reflect the opinions of the other editors here at Destructoid, but we're infatuated with his dreamy eyes, so we let him do what he wants.
Some of you may have read the title and immediately started rattling your sabers and pitchforks in anticipation of the coming mob assault on the Castle Nex, but I assure you, after reading this article, you will all forsake your false deities and worship at the altar of the Nintendo DS.
After reading about how
the DS outsold the PSP by a 3:1 margin this September, I began to wonder what else the DS might be
completely superior to. The answer, of course, is the religious deities held sacred by millions across the globe!
In this piece I will be examining the pros and cons of a god from each of the major world religions and proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that Nintendo makes pieces of plastic more glorious than thousands of years of philosophy and theology.
Hit the jump for a theological throw down!
Hinduism - Ganesha:
Ganesha is a giant elephant with 6 arms. The DS is a compact video game system with 2 screens. Only one can render
Mario Kart. Can you guess who wins?
Mormonism - Joseph Smith:
John Smith was given scriptures in the form of mysterious golden tablets that only he could read. The DS gives us entertainment via tiny gray cartridges that only it can read. The difference is that the DS doesn't want to take 7 wives and all your money.
Buddhism - Buddha:
This was a much closer contest before the release of the DS Lite, but now that the DS has slimmed down, Buddha has gone back to weeping softly and stuffing himself with Twinkies.
Islam - Allah:
Your DS will never call for your decapitation. Ever.
Christianity - Jesus:
Jesus DID rise from the dead, which is a huge bonus in his favor, but he's been plagued with screen brightness problems from day one, and God has no plans to release a Jesus with WiFi built in.
Keep in mind that we had the finest philosophers in the world, along with Will Wright's cousin and a guy who looked a LOT like
Brian Crecente working on this list, so it's about as authoritarian as you can get.
[UPDATE: Nex can't count. Ganesha, does, in fact, only have 4 arms. The DS continues to have 2 screens.]
Contest:
4:55 AM on 11.01.2006
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