The moron strikes again: Uwe Boll says games have no story

I read the first sentence and decided to not even go further.

so games like Final Fantasy VII (good lord I said 7..), Chrono Trigger, HALO dare I say, have no storyline?

I guess he's just some genius then when he makes games into movies. That MUST be why they don't sell. cause no one appreciates his deep storyline that the original game doesn't have.

Tits or GTFO.

Fuck him.

"90 minutes of people" now that is alot?

Didn't he say that he liked doing Video Game Movies because of their story?

Most gaming stories are awful, but that's a bad excuse for his shitty filmmaking. As if other zombie movies have had bad stories? Last time I checked, Night of the Living Dead has some of the most prominent social commentary of any film in the 20th century.

Wait, so he says games dont have good stories, and then he bases movies off of those games...

So by proxy wouldn't his movies also have no story? And isnt the whole point of a movie to watch a story? Hmmm....

@Guagloves

For that sweet, sweet dollar.

That mindset doesn't seem to be working out for him...

What a whiner. He's the one that agrees to direct this schlock after all. Anyone seen the trailer for postal? Sweet god, a little bit of me died when I saw that.

NEWSFLASH:

Uwe Boll's movies have no story..no passable acting and no directing.

Why do we care what he thinks again?

Look, technically there are a ton of games that just don't have enough story to actually making a feature film (katamari damacy, mortal kombat, qbert), but that doesn't mean it's impossible to get creative with the characters and potential. I seem to remember some PacMan animated specials, and all they had to work on was "yellow thing gets dot and eats ghosts. go with it."

That's it!!! I can stand it no longer!!!

Uwe, it's...

On December 18, 1998, AMS agents Thomas Rogan and "G" are sent on an assignment to investigate a panicked phone call from Rogan's fiancée Sophie Richards and a series of disappearances at the Curien Mansion, home laboratory of Dr. Curien, an acclaimed biochemist and geneticist. Dr. Curien was obsessed with discovering the very nature of life and death, backed by the DBR Corporation and its scientists. The nature of the experiments, however, drove Dr. Curien insane, resulting in him releasing his experimental subjects onto the unsuspecting world.

Amidst the chaos wrought by Curien, Rogan and "G" face many formidable foes, including The Chariot (Type 27), a plated undead warrior who mortally wounds Sophie (if you beat the game without using a continue you can see her come back alive), The Hangedman (Type 41), a gargoyle-like creature which sees to it that she cannot escape the mansion grounds, who even kills two DBR scientists in the grand courtyard. As well as The Hermit (Type 6803), a mutant spider crab guarding the passageway leading to Curien's restricted research area.

Upon confronting Curien, the AMS agents are treated to his greatest masterpiece, The Magician (Type 0), a humanoid creature with mastery over fire. Ironically, after he releases the creature from its incubation chamber, Dr. Curien is killed by his creation; "The Magician" seemed to have reached a state of sentience in which he feels an inferior being such as a human has no place in giving him orders. To prevent the Magician from escaping the mansion and destroying the world, Rogan and "G" are forced to confront it in one final battle. After a long and difficult battle, they succeeded in destroying Curien's creation and were given one last warning from the Magician itself, "You haven't seen anything yet!"

With those words, the Magician exploded and ceased to exist. Nevertheless, he returns in The House of the Dead 2 and The House of the Dead 4 Special, which proves the warning. Rogan and G leave the mansion, then the game ends.

The game follows the fictional events of February 26, 2000, two years after the Curien Mansion incident taking place in The House of the Dead. The secret international agency, AMS, has launched an investigation concerning the cause of the Curien case, in order to prevent the world from experiencing a similar outbreak. Strange occurrences, however, are reported to be taking place in the city of Venice, Italy, the last known location of AMS agent "G," who has gone missing. Agents James Taylor and Gary Stewart are dispatched along with Amy Crystal and Harry Harris to investigate and evacuate the populace. Upon finding "G", alive but wounded, James and Gary are met with an undead horde developed by Caleb Goldman, the president of the eminent DBR Corporation and an expert on the genome theory who funded the late Dr. Curien's experiments.

While converging on Goldman's headquarters, James and Gary face many formidable foes, including Judgment (Type 28) consisting of an imp-like monster Zeal and his headless, axe-wielding puppet Kuarl, an aquatic beast which heads an assault on Venice's waterways and Central Plaza, The Hierophant (Type B 05), segmented serpent-like beasts stalking the sewer system known as The Tower (Type 8000), and Strength (Type 205), a chainsaw-wielding zombie which wounds Harry and chases James and Gary throughout a labyrinth. Curien's masterpiece, The Magician (Type 0), is also resurrected by Goldman to oversee the birth of The Emperor (Type α), designed to "rule, destroy, and hate mankind". Being in its prototype stage, the Emperor was not as strong as Goldman would have hoped, and fell to the AMS agents, leading Goldman to commit suicide by throwing himself off the roof of his building, but not before threatening that "..in time, a successor shall come".

In the year 2003, three years after the events of The House of the Dead 2, AMS agents James Taylor and newcomer Kate Green are gathering intelligence at the fifth basement floor of the AMS European branch office. The former of the two still has the events of the 2000 "Goldman Case" on his mind, and believes that the ordeal had not yet ended. A sudden earthquake rocks the room while they talk, collapsing the basement walls and leaving the agents trapped.

Several days later, James and Kate await a rescue team. James' PDA goes off, and a group of undead are seen on the security cameras. Realizing that they are in danger, James has Kate gather all the weaponry they can find in preparation for the arrival of their foes. Soon after, the two travel through the sewers to an information room where they uncover a plot to fire nuclear missiles worldwide within twenty-four hours time, facing the four-armed Justice (Type 0053) and a pair of mutant tarantulas known as The Lovers (Type 6805) along the way. Taking the subway into zombie-infested streets from an underground shopping district, the agents narrowly avoid attacks by The Empress (Type 1210), a double-ended chainsaw-wielding assassin, and the obese, nearly impervious Temperance (Type 0483).

James and Kate then learn that the one-time president of the now-defunct DBR Corporation, Goldman (who committed suicide in 2000), is responsible for the resurgence of undead. After reaching the surface, finding the city about them completely obliterated, James and Kate receive a PDA message sent by Goldman: the nuclear missile launch will occur in 1 hour. After the agents set out for the abandoned "Goldman Building", a levitating humanoid, The Star (Type 0001), prevents their advance in the foyer, but the agents arrive in time to halt Goldman's plans, though it is revealed that his true intention is to revert humankind to its original state to prevent them from harming the planet any further. As such his final legacy, The World (Type β), is released in the opening of "Pandora's Box" to fulfill its role as the successor to his original Emperor project in 2000, having developed underground since his death. As the AMS agents deal away with it, the World continuously alters its form to meet their threats, each time growing larger and more powerful. Following the World's second defeat, James sets his PDA to self-destruct, telling Kate not to give up hope, sacrificing himself, alongside the World, in the following explosion. James' heroic act bestows hope upon humanity, giving Kate the resolve to move on.

In the game's "standard" ending, the view returns to the computer in Goldman's office, continuing the former president's pre-recorded message. Goldman gives a final statement as he walks away: "Ah yes, there is one thing I forgot. The human race has not been eliminated. Travel north...hope is such a splendid thing." If the player did not do well in the game, the camera focuses on Goldman's face, which suddenly becomes zombie-like. The meaning behind the message is known only to Goldman himself.

In one of the game's alternate endings, a businessman (previously seen in one of House of the Dead 3 's endings) limps on his right leg and sits at a desk in the corner of an office. He claims that Goldman was "soft" and that "wretched humans have no need of hope," stating that the "true end" will soon begin and that there is more than one "Pandora's Box".

In another ending, G (from The House of the Dead 1, 2 and 3) claims that the undead crisis was not over yet and says: "We'll fight this back to the source. It's now time for you to rest now, James." As G walks out of the camera, a zoom is made on Goldman's building. At the end it's written "The story continues in House of the Dead 3".

Set in the post-apocalyptic year of 2019 (19 years after the events of The House of the Dead 2), civilization has long since collapsed. Ex-AMS agent Thomas Rogan and his team of commandos investigate the EFI research facility, which may be linked to the world collapse. Thomas' 19-year-old daughter, Lisa, and Rogan's former partner "G" travel there two weeks later with automatic shotguns in hand after contact with him is mysteriously lost.

Notorious for his role in the creation of the original undead horde, Dr. Curien's motives are explored through flashbacks. Several years before the Curien Mansion case, in an effort to discover the cure to his son's seemingly terminal illness, he began researching the nature of life and death. Over time however, he got so wrapped up in his research that he planned on using it to change the future, and began to lose his mind.

Living in the shadow of her well-known father, Lisa muses with "G" about how she is often the subject of comparisons between her father and herself as the two explore the facility, only to come into contact with undead creatures such as EFI's giant one-man security force Death (Type 0011), a giant deformed sloth known as The Fool (Type 0028), and a mutant tendril-plant known as The Sun (Type 8830) that had taken over the building's biological laboratories.

At last, Lisa is reunited with her father, (Thomas Rogan). After that, A Man wearing glasses named Daniel Curien (as seen from the flashbacks at the beginning of every chapter) walks in from behind the doors "G" threw open. He told Lisa, Thomas and "G" that Dr. Curien was his father and Thomas told the others that he saved his life. Then, Lisa and Daniel Curien (who has been seemingly cured of his illness by 2019) set out to destroy The Wheel of Fate (Type 0000), the final legacy of Dr. Curien which began around the same time as the Magician project in the first game. The genes of both the Magician and the Wheel of Fate, according to Curien, would change the future. After the scientist's death, he underwent a resurrection in the EFI research facility that would take nineteen years to complete (though how his body ended up there, and whether or not he was truly Curien at all, is never explained). Daniel hacks the Wheel of Fate's programming, and together with Lisa, put it to rest once and for all as a sign of their readiness to confront the uncertain future.

At the game's conclusion, Ex-AMS agents Thomas Rogan and "G" are shown leaving the facility at night. Rogan thanks "G" for taking care of Lisa, but "G" delays it, saying that Lisa did a great job taking care of herself, and that she's starting to sound a lot like her father. One of four endings is then shown.

The game's standard ending shows Lisa and Daniel walking out. For a brief moment Daniel pauses to face the building and bid his father a final farewell, and swears he will not let his father's efforts go to waste. He also mentions that "If humans go down the wrong path again, I'll come back to this place." Afterward, he and Lisa leave together and go home.

In the game's second ending, Daniel begins to go insane and loses the will to move on, questioning his future. Despite the antidote that has cured his illness, a close up of Daniel's face reveals that he has become a zombie. Lisa makes a scream in the background.

In the third ending, Lisa sees the car driving away, thinking that her father is leaving her and Daniel behind. However, Rogan and "G" are behind them, leaving Lisa and Daniel completely confused. It is then revealed that a zombie is driving away in it. Lisa begins to give chase after the stolen vehicle, yelling, "Hey! That's my car, you slimy #&$%(*#! Say your prayers!" We also see Daniel briefly going after Lisa, who is chasing the stolen vehicle.

In the fourth ending, a mysterious and unidentified man in a business suit wanders though the laboratory where the final battle with the Wheel of Fate took place. On the floor he finds one of the small glass vials containing the genes used as Daniel's antidote. Limping on his right leg, he picks up the vial and leaves, saying to himself, "It appears that he didn't understand its true purpose." The mystery man's identity and motives at present are shrouded in obscurity.


House of the dead has like, no story...whatsoever.

Uhhh, actually, people have argued that pure games, that is games where you simply play, i.e. ALL action, have no story. Now I don't think Jesper is necessarily right, but lookie here:

A Clash Between Game and Narrative

Just saying, unknowingly listing a scholar's point as dunce is kind of funny. Because it has generally been accepted that games, if you take the actual game by itself, don't have a narrative.

Personally, I think that the player choices and actions as they are constructed different ways can constitute a very basic, player constructed narrative.

It's gonna be "Space Giraffe: The Movie"!

(Yes it's a recycled comment, but this is the front page ;p)

dammit michi, you beat me to it! lol

I second what BahamutZero-Boll's right. I love the Castlevania and Zelda games but I admit that the story, characters, dialogue in them is terrible. As for HotD story Rosseh posted-sure that's long but it's some generic mad scientist crap and nobody pays attention to story in a light gun shooter.

That picture is win by the way, Colette. :)

...What? Is...is he kidding? He...he can't be serious...I can't even say what I'm thinking...I'm speechless...

Its funny, he bashed video games for having no story, and then turns around and makes movies of them. Thats a special type of moron there people. There have been decent movies made from video game themes. Tomb Raider for one, the Resident Evil movies are more. Granted those are not oscar callibur but they were ok in their own right and a hell of a lot more enjoyable than his piece of shit movies. If he thinks games don't have stories then why does he make movies about them? I'll tell you why, then man doesn't have a creative idea in his mind.

Also like a lot of people who think they are good at something and actually aren't he can't take criticism.

WHY IS THIS MAN STILL BREATHING?!

Uwe Boll said *A LOT* of video games have no story. Which is absolutely true.
Sure, taking someone's words out of context does make a more "exciting" title, but it's still wrong, even if you are referring to an idiot like Boll.

I agree with everything Cheeburga said.

Damnit. Now I want a tunafish sammich. Thanks, Colette. Thanks a lot.

To his defence, he probably only plays first party Wii games. So he's absolutely right.