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The evils of Viva Piñata

5:03 PM on 12.12.2006, Faith 33 comments

The evils of Viva Piñata photo
     Xbox 360

Everyone keeps talking about Bully and how it got away with a teen rating despite its violent context, but little do they know that there is one game that is corrupting our youth day after day -- and it got away with an E for everyone rating. That game is Viva Piñata. Sure, it looks innocent enough from a distance, but once you play the game, you will see the corrupt nature of Microsoft hidden deep within. 

The game starts as your character arrives on Viva Piñata Island to find a little girl wearing a mask who asks for your help in rebuilding the garden. The garden around you looks like something out of a downtown ghetto with tires, weeds and pieces of junk everywhere, but don't worry because the girl helps you start the game by telling how to tend and attract piñatas to your garden.

Now, can you see the racism in that beginning alone? I mean obviously if the island is full of piñatas and the little girl is wearing a festive mask, then she must be Mexican and by having her tell you how to fix the garden instead of having her do it herself, it's Microsoft’s way of saying Mexicans are lazy. You see how evil this game is.

Things just get worse from there. As piñatas arrive in your garden, you are required to build them homes, satisfy their needs and then mate them to make more piñatas of their kind. Harmless enough, right? Harmless until you get to the mini games.

You see, Microsoft wants our children to believe that mating is nothing more than a game, and worse of all, some of the piñatas even have some weird kinks in their mating mini game rituals.

The Tafflies are required to navigate a maze of bombs that is in the shape of a pile of poo with stink lines. How can we believe this is suppose to be a wholesome game, when our children are playing mini games in poo shaped bomb mazes in hopes of mating some piñatas?

Sounds like weird scat play to me. There are even mazes that are phallic shaped for piñatas like the Worm or the Syrupent. The mating process gets much worse when the piñatas start performing their filthy sexual dances before they make their little babies.

For example, the Taffly’s dance has them sucking on each other with their mouths and then one even goes as far as to suck up the other one and then spit it back out with some weird green slime. If that doesn’t sound sexual, then I don’t know what does. This is a kid’s game and there should be nothing sexual in it, especially when it comes to making piñata babies.

Viva Piñata even has incest and possible gay sex going on. Yes, once you mate two piñatas, you can then mate them with their offspring and they will produce a baby piñata together.

Is Microsoft trying to teach our kids that having relations with your family is OK? They should have made it true to real life and had the baby piñatas come out disfigured or something. Of course, with all this weird breeding going on, I bet people didn’t even stop to think about the fact that each piñata has no distinctive features to separate the boy piñatas from the girl piñatas.

They have no genitalia, yet they can breed. How is that possible and how do we know we aren’t breeding boy piñatas together? You see how sick and twisted this game is. The people at Microsoft are trying to warp the minds of our children with their evil gay, incestuous piñata sex. Next thing you know, your children will be humping the piñata at their next birthday party, instead of breaking it open. God, I hate to imagine how warped our children could end up from all this.

The weird sex isn’t the only thing going on it the game though. Getting back to the racist nature of the game, you have all these obvious Mexican people on the island and what pray tell does Microsoft have you doing to the Mexican people? They have you hiring them to do gardening.

Thats right, Microsoft has the little Hispanic people doing hard labor in another ploy to keep the immigrants down. These game developers make me sick. Even the people working in the stores are only paid with chocolate coins. So, what the Mexicans aren’t good enough to receive real pay for all their hard work? No, we have to pay them in food and shelter, instead of real money or they may get a leg up in life and we can’t have that.

Finally to top off all this sick, twisted gameplay, your children will be forced to watch as piñatas kill other piñatas and feast upon their chocolate candy insides or watch as they are bashed to death and poisoned by the evil Ruffians that live on the island.

One evil Ruffian will even kill your piñatas for just getting sick. Is this Microsoft’s way of saying that when an animal gets sick, your only choice is to kill it. God, what are you trying to do to our children? They're going to need therapy just to make it through life as somewhat normal people after this game.

Play the game for yourselves and see the evils I’ve talked about in this article. People like Jack Thompson are so worried about the violent and sexual messages we see in games like Bully and Grand Theft Auto 3, that they can’t see the corruption that is getting to our children in games like Viva Piñata or Pokemon.

If games like these can get an E rating, then perhaps the rating system does need to be re-evaluated. I urge anyone reading this, if you have Viva Piñata in your home, please don’t let your children play as they will be corrupted by the foul messages that lay within.


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maximusny's Avatar
maximusny at 12/12/2006 17:23
Slow news day...
Lord_Satorious's Avatar
Lord_Satorious at 12/12/2006 17:24
Leafos is hot. *faps*

Seriously, I have to pick this game up. I have the other two Xbox 360 games from Rare, and they're a lot of fun. I refuse to pay full price for games anymore, but as soon as I can get a coupon or the price drops, I'll snatch up a copy.
Mabec's Avatar
Mabec at 12/12/2006 17:26
Looked thru the text, most of it is true. You can add: Its only a hunt for achievments, bcuz its true. I find no pleasure in having a nice garden at all... i tried, i really did, 7 times. It still just a hunt for the precious Pinatas and achievments.
Toneman's Avatar
Toneman at 12/12/2006 17:30
Prett sure I saw this in the Gamez for Girlz section of Gamestop.
Niero's Avatar
Niero at 12/12/2006 17:50
I'd hit it.
Your moms new boyfriend's Avatar
Your moms new boyfriend at 12/12/2006 18:53
Hmm, pinata cannibalism. Its what's for dinner!
Ndizi's Avatar
Ndizi at 12/12/2006 19:10
This is true
Paul Soth's Avatar
Paul Soth at 12/12/2006 23:34
Is it any worse then Chocobo Inbreeding?
Defcon's Avatar
Defcon at 12/13/2006 00:41
You are honestly one of the most overly critical, and abundantly analytical people I have ever heard rant about a game. You said, and I quote:

"They have no genitalia, yet they can breed. How is that possible and how do we know we aren’t breeding boy piñatas together? You see how sick and twisted this game is. The people at Microsoft are trying to warp the minds of our children with their evil gay, incestuous piñata sex."

There is no sexual orientation for that reason; there is no gay or straight sex.. they are not real. There for stating that they don't have genitalia and saying that they can have gay sex is redundant.

As for YOUR OWN racial stereotyping stating that Latino people are the only people whom inhabit and "slave" in the garden, is completely throw out of actuality. It wouldn't fit context to have Asian, African American, White, Indian, or any other culture in the game because piñatas come from the Latino culture. So you by stating that this game stereotypes Mexicans as:

"it's Microsoft’s way of saying Mexicans are lazy. You see how evil this game is."

Yes I know, it's MICROSOFT'S perception of a average Mexican, but you are the one who interpreted that aspect of the game that way. And you are the only one that has thought about that being discriminative towards the Latino culture.


"Thats right, Microsoft has the little Hispanic people doing hard labor in another ploy to keep the immigrants down. These game developers make me sick. Even the people working in the stores are only paid with chocolate coins. So, what the Mexicans aren’t good enough to receive real pay for all their hard work? No, we have to pay them in food and shelter, instead of real money or they may get a leg up in life and we can’t have that."

First of all, its not hard labor, people of all races and ethnic backgrounds do it EVERYDAY YOU IGNORANT DUMBA$$. They receive payment in candy to fit the context, once again you threw it out of context and added your own interpretation of a stereotype.



"For example, the Taffly’s dance has them sucking on each other with their mouths and then one even goes as far as to suck up the other one and then spit it back out with some weird green slime. If that doesn’t sound sexual, then I don’t know what does. This is a kid’s game and there should be nothing sexual in it, especially when it comes to making piñata babies."

What you just described is about just as sexual as a kid eating a piece of bread. It shows there is interacting between the two cardboard boxes, but there is absolutely NOTHING sexual in that at all.


And as for comparing these games to GTA and Bully...

In GTA you beat hookers to death after having sex with them in your stolen car that you got from some rich mobster.

In Bully, I agree that its ridiculous that the game got a teen rating, the bloody game teaches kids that violence is the answer. This game looks interesting, but if it wasn't put into context a kid in their early teenage years could mistake it as a guide to dealing with bullies.

This game, its some cardboard boxes living. It's no worse than the Sims(rated teen), but the thing is, the Sims are rated teen because of sexual themes, crude humor and violence which this game has limited amounts to none of.

Most violence these is entails the death of these boxes. ITS LIFE, get used to it.

All in all, this game you are ranting about is skeptical, but not a culture / ethnic stereotype, moron.
Defcon's Avatar
Defcon at 12/13/2006 00:57
+ no kid that can't put the game into context would be able to decipher these "foul messages that lay within".

Honestly, you are the racist ignoramus here, not Microsoft.


Damn you just got served.
Vampsy's Avatar
Vampsy at 12/13/2006 01:56
I agree with Defcon...you just got pwnt...Man I wouldn't have even picked up on any of that crap and I'm no kid.
"The people at Microsoft are trying to warp the minds of our children with their evil gay, incestuous piñata sex."
Why, pray tell, Do you refer to gay sex as "evil"? And how is the game "warping the minds of our children" with the concept of said relations?
It seems to me that you're the homophobic racist here. You're more of a danger to our kids than microsoft and I never thought I'd hear myself refer to anything as more evil than that company.
As Defcon says...The chocolate money is the freaking currency in the game...Just like in Ratchet and Clank the currency is nuts, bolts and screws...what message is that supposed to be sending to our kids?
Look if I had kids right now...I'd much rather let them play something like Viva Pinata and take the 30 seconds out of my day it would take to put the game into context for them than let them play something like GTA and have to explain to them all the time that beating women is wrong, guns are not toys, and you aren't going to get money and points in life for shooting people or causing as much damage you can in a freaking car chase.
You sir, need to get a life, and stop trying to find all the supposed hidden messages in all the kids games these days or you're going to get smacked out damn soon.
alarm's Avatar
alarm at 12/13/2006 03:12
I signed up to just tell you how friggen retarded this article was.

Defcon sums up some of your invalid arguments.
dr_faulk's Avatar
dr_faulk at 12/13/2006 03:45
Racial and homoerotic issues aside...

THIS IS NOT A GAME FOR KIDS!!! It's mEgA-hArD!!

Okay, it's not mega-hard, but I would think that a child would take a long time to adapt to it. Controls are tricky, very context sensitive, and after the first 30 mins there's a lot happening in your little plot of land. How good are kids at multi-tasking?

However, independent of this article, I did think that incest was a little weird, but since each of the Piñata are sexless and ageless, this simplification kinda blurs-out the incest.

And it's pretty upsetting watching Piñata get killed. Not *really* for kids.
Chris Taran's Avatar
Chris Taran at 12/13/2006 09:15
Holy crap, it was suppose to be funny guys. I really don't think Faith was being serious.
Kain's Avatar
Kain at 12/13/2006 09:25
WOW... thats all i've gotta say. Give people free speech and they blow everything out of the water. This was obviously a joke and not one, but TWO people freaked the hell out and made massive posts about what an idiot the aurthor of the story was... Sorry to let you know guys but you just "served" your selves...
jonm's Avatar
jonm at 12/13/2006 10:36
aren't jokes supposed to be funny?
Axle's Avatar
Axle at 12/13/2006 11:17
It wasn't really funny, but I don't think that it was meant to be taken seriously. I'm sure anyone who is 'mature' (i.e. 16+) would have picked up on this, but I severely doubt that we need to bring Althusser's theory of ideological state apparatus into the equation to see how VIDEOGAMES REPLICATE THE SICKNESS OF SOCIETY PERPETUATED BY THE WHITE RULING CLASS.
jonm's Avatar
jonm at 12/13/2006 11:29
'I severely doubt that we need to bring Althusser's theory of ideological state apparatus into the equation to see how VIDEOGAMES REPLICATE THE SICKNESS OF SOCIETY PERPETUATED BY THE WHITE RULING CLASS.'

Considering Leafos and none of the other characters (from what I've seen anyway) have any discernible features to say they are Mexican (and most of the voice actors have UK and Irish accents) it's a bit of a mute point
plyr3005's Avatar
plyr3005 at 12/13/2006 15:37
wow, it's amazing how people freak out over satire, sheesh.
Faith's Avatar
Faith at 12/13/2006 15:49
I love it. I glad most people read the article and got the humour. But you gotta love the people who freaked out over it too. :)
MM005's Avatar
MM005 at 12/13/2006 16:22
A little bit of Squad XP a little from AllGamesInteractive yep way to take content from those podcasts and use it as your own! classy.
jonm's Avatar
jonm at 12/14/2006 04:40
I'd imagine most people we're annoyed by your 'satirical' stereotypes of hispanics rather than your lampooning of Jack Thompson
teksuo's Avatar
teksuo at 12/20/2006 17:09
I thought it was funny as hell, and to the guys like Defcon who didn't get it; lighten up, and see that it was meant to be funny, not serious. Read it again, and this time, allow yourself to laugh...it's okay.
Faith's Avatar
Faith at 12/21/2006 00:00
MM005 - I don't even know those podcasts or sites, let allow listen to them. I barely have time to listen or record our own podcasts.
LsTr_Of_SmG's Avatar
LsTr_Of_SmG at 12/21/2006 20:57
It never ceases to amaze me how people can be ignorant enough to not pick up on obvious satire... Idiots (though admittedly hilarious to read idiots). Congrats on a decent article Faith!
rainbowDRAGON5's Avatar
rainbowDRAGON5 at 06/13/2007 08:02
What do you mean viva pinata is bad for childern? I'm a child and I own it and there's nothing in it not suitable for kids! I n fact i'm playing it right now and its both fun taking care of the pinatas and funny smashing them(falls in both catagories.) Something tells me you don't get the full picture. (don't tell me I didn't spell some words right cuase I know. I'm not the best speller with long words.) And not to motion like some of the others said about the payment, the chcolate coins is the money in the game. MORON!!! (beaths in and out heavily) I'll be back. (=termanator)
ShiverBoo's Avatar
ShiverBoo at 03/20/2008 08:43
I think rainbowDRAGON just broke rule 1

Also, this was a fantastic article. Viva Piñata is one of my all-time favorite games and I found this hilarious. If someone tried to give a valid reason to disprove this article, they're reading way too much into it.
exodus1925's Avatar
exodus1925 at 05/02/2008 11:18
Woah... Defcon needs to calm the fuck down.
big dave's Avatar
big dave at 08/28/2008 08:51
your a fucking cunt get a life you prick
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