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The Dishwasher dev gives own game 1/10

4:15 AM on 09.04.2008, Jim Sterling 33 comments

The Dishwasher dev gives own game 1/10 photo
     Satire

Indie game developer Ska Studios has decided to take inspiration from Peter Molyneux and review its own upcoming game, The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai. Accusing the game of "Falling short of our expectations, and not even looking good while doing so," the XBLA title scored a 1/10 and some damning criticism.

The gameplay is basically broken.  The protagonist, a dishwasher, doesn’t actually wash dishes, at least not in the 30-40 minutes of game play we tried before writing this review.  Instead of dishwashing maneuvers, the buttons are mapped to meat cleaver and katana attacks, which won’t help you wash dishes in the slightest.  Even if we tried to rate the game on it’s combat aesthetic, we still see some rather nasty glaring omissions, such as:

  • Blades of Chaos
  • A reasonably sized manskirt (knee-length seems appropriate)
  • Nudity
  • A boss the size of a large building that takes roughly forty-five minutes to beat, during which the hero must perform at least two dozen quick time events, transform twice, travel through time, and discover something important about himself

Wow, that's pretty rough. Looks like The Dishwasher isn't worth your time, money or consideration. Clearly the time I spent playing and enjoying it was a cruel trick by Ska, building up my anticipation for the game before knocking it down like a flimsy house of cards. With creator James Silva clearly unable to make games due to how crap they are, even if they look brilliant, I expect that this unskilled designer will soon be looking for employment elsewhere.

... And if that's the case, I think I have a place on my reviews team.

[Thanks, Reaprar!!!]


Next page: More Xbox Live Arcade stories




Zero_'s Avatar
Zero_ at 09/04/2008 04:38
... god of war?
KaL YoshiKa's Avatar
KaL YoshiKa at 09/04/2008 04:57
So it turns out there's no Date Sim elements in the final release...what a massive disapointment 1/20
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 09/04/2008 05:26
No manskirts in God of War that I know of.
Murumasa123's Avatar
Murumasa123 at 09/04/2008 06:16
SARCASM OVERLOAD! Ouch my head...
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar
EternalDeathSlayer at 09/04/2008 06:29
I know he's just cracking a joke, but I hope he isn't making fun of God of War here.

Cause really, he has nothing to back him up if he is.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 09/04/2008 06:35
"I know he's just cracking a joke, but I hope he isn't making fun of God of War here.

Cause really, he has nothing to back him up if he is."

I think he's squarely mocking reviewers here, not the game. People who compare every action games to GoW and get huffy if it's not exactly the same.
bloodylip's Avatar
bloodylip at 09/04/2008 06:50
It's a shame he didn't just blame his programmer for all those problems.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 09/04/2008 06:52
CONFIRMED: James Silva is taking Mr. Destructoid out of The Dishwasher.
gotdurnrite's Avatar
gotdurnrite at 09/04/2008 07:02
He's right though. Every game would be better with the Blades of Chaos. Nintendogs wouldn't be half as boring with them.
AgentMOO's Avatar
AgentMOO at 09/04/2008 07:05
That's pretty damn funny - I give the review -11/10 because it doesn't explain the trick with the warp whistles.
Fury-Genesis's Avatar
Fury-Genesis at 09/04/2008 07:18
Excellent. And very clever.

I wasn't even aware of this games existence. Now I am interested. It looks pretty damn cool. Side scrolling action platformer with samurais and tons of blood? Sold! Sign me up!
ChunkyB's Avatar
ChunkyB at 09/04/2008 07:28
That was awesome. Except I'm sad to see that Mr. Destructoid got axed.

My favorite part: "at least not in the 30-40 minutes of game play we tried before writing this review." Maybe they didn't stick with it long enough. Perhaps you have yo wash dishes as the final boss, or maybe as a reward for beating the game on insane difficulty.
JynxShot's Avatar
JynxShot at 09/04/2008 07:42
That's nice WHEN IS IT COMING OUT?!
Tubatic's Avatar
Tubatic at 09/04/2008 08:02
You know, that's just unprofessional. What do reviewers know anyway? I mean if its online multiplayer works, it should at least get a 2/10!

That review is really going to be out of step with the rest of the reviews. They must be doing it for hits.

You all are sheep.

. . . neener neener. I'm 5 years old!

Am I doing it right?
Agnostic's Avatar
Agnostic at 09/04/2008 08:37
I like Silva's sense of humor. It's refreshing to know that some don't take themselves so serious.
MechaMonkey's Avatar
MechaMonkey at 09/04/2008 09:09
Quite lulzy. Well done, Silva and Co.
Brilliam's Avatar
Brilliam at 09/04/2008 09:46
I bet someone out in internets reads this article and decides not to buy the game based on it. Because it scored so poorly. Seriously. Oh internet.
pendelton21's Avatar
pendelton21 at 09/04/2008 10:06
Jesus, I hope this review doesn't drive him to the bottle.
Hitogoroshi's Avatar
Hitogoroshi at 09/04/2008 10:13
No Blades of Chaos. FAIL!
OtakuMan25's Avatar
OtakuMan25 at 09/04/2008 10:20
OH NOEZ! Our action game is not God of War! We are totally fu><or3d!

Note to self, write love letters to Ska Studios for being awesome!

~Otaku-Man
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 09/04/2008 10:56
Fuck, sorry Reaprar. I always forget those things. Fixed.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 09/04/2008 11:22
Pfft, bias.
Holyetheline's Avatar
Holyetheline at 09/04/2008 12:03
Oh dude that's some intense sarcasm. Pretty intense.
Dexter345's Avatar
Dexter345 at 09/04/2008 14:37
This is very funny, but I actually wonder how many people will skim this and pass off on the game because they think it actually deserves a 1/10.

Also, I think it'd be funny for the score to go up on Metacritic.
GohanGVO's Avatar
GohanGVO at 09/04/2008 14:43
Too many colors. Please hit the brown button for 11/10.
Slick Icarus's Avatar
Slick Icarus at 09/04/2008 16:16
Man, now he's gonna have to quit the games industry.
TrailerParkJesus's Avatar
TrailerParkJesus at 09/04/2008 17:32
Drop the press shenanigans and just release the damn game already.
kittwalker's Avatar
kittwalker at 09/05/2008 06:33
Good bit of marketing this. Certainly got my interest. Whens it out?
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