Indie game developer Ska Studios has decided to take inspiration from Peter Molyneux and review its own upcoming game, The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai. Accusing the game of "Falling short of our expectations, and not even looking good while doing so," the XBLA title scored a 1/10 and some damning criticism.
The gameplay is basically broken. The protagonist, a dishwasher, doesn’t actually wash dishes, at least not in the 30-40 minutes of game play we tried before writing this review. Instead of dishwashing maneuvers, the buttons are mapped to meat cleaver and katana attacks, which won’t help you wash dishes in the slightest. Even if we tried to rate the game on it’s combat aesthetic, we still see some rather nasty glaring omissions, such as:
- Blades of Chaos
- A reasonably sized manskirt (knee-length seems appropriate)
- Nudity
- A boss the size of a large building that takes roughly forty-five minutes to beat, during which the hero must perform at least two dozen quick time events, transform twice, travel through time, and discover something important about himself
Wow, that's pretty rough. Looks like The Dishwasher isn't worth your time, money or consideration. Clearly the time I spent playing and enjoying it was a cruel trick by Ska, building up my anticipation for the game before knocking it down like a flimsy house of cards. With creator James Silva clearly unable to make games due to how crap they are, even if they look brilliant, I expect that this unskilled designer will soon be looking for employment elsewhere.
... And if that's the case, I think I have a place on my reviews team.
[Thanks, Reaprar!!!]
Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize.
Likes
PS2, iPod Touch, Silent Hill 2, Metal Gear Solid, Dynasty Warriors 3
Meet the rest of the team
| BBcode help |
| [b]Bold text[/b] |
Bold text |
| [i]Italic text[/i] |
Italic text |
| [url]http://www.dtoid.com/[/url] |
http://www.dtoid.com |
| [url=http://www.dtoid.com/]Web link[/url] |
Web link |
|
| [img]http://www.example.com/robot.jpg[/img] |
 |
Post a comment! You can also post a photo below:
Comment with Facebook
Click connect and comment instantly!
|
Comment with Dtoid
New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds
|
30 comments | showing # 1 to 30
|
Comment with Facebook
Click connect and comment instantly!
|
Comment with Dtoid
New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds
|
Comments policy
Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just speak your mind. We respect differing opinions on the site, so have at it. Be smart, funny, insightful, clueless, or cute -- but back it up with substance. Keep your cool, keep it fun. We only ask that you act respectfully and above all: don't be a troll and ruin it for everyone else. Don't bring down gamers or we'll, you know, gently shoot you in the face and stuff you into a flaming mailbox. Each comment is your opportuntity to make this community awesomer. Is that even a word?
Avoiding the banhammer only requires common sense: spamming, trolling, racism, NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated. If anyone is griefing please report abuse. Be good. Don't suck!
Contest:
4:15 AM on 09.04.2008
| 
Cause really, he has nothing to back him up if he is.
Cause really, he has nothing to back him up if he is."
I think he's squarely mocking reviewers here, not the game. People who compare every action games to GoW and get huffy if it's not exactly the same.
I wasn't even aware of this games existence. Now I am interested. It looks pretty damn cool. Side scrolling action platformer with samurais and tons of blood? Sold! Sign me up!
My favorite part: "at least not in the 30-40 minutes of game play we tried before writing this review." Maybe they didn't stick with it long enough. Perhaps you have yo wash dishes as the final boss, or maybe as a reward for beating the game on insane difficulty.
That review is really going to be out of step with the rest of the reviews. They must be doing it for hits.
You all are sheep.
. . . neener neener. I'm 5 years old!
Am I doing it right?
Note to self, write love letters to Ska Studios for being awesome!
~Otaku-Man
Also, I think it'd be funny for the score to go up on Metacritic.