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Niero sent me a Dtoid condom with my last pay check. Unfortunately, the packaging broke in the mail and the condom lube got all over my check.

Aerox reviews Sacred 2, the new Resident Evil 5 Web site is freaky, Dennis Hopper is in Deadly Creatures, a sequel to Psi-Ops can hopefully finally happen now, and plenty more happened on 12/08/08.

Monday Regulars:
Monday Mind Teasers: Yes, me lord
Scraps: Everyday I'm Twitterin' (12/08/2008)
Wii Shop releases: Bruiser and Scratch, Hockey Allstar Shootout, Sonic 2
New releases this week: Persona 4, Neopets Puzzle Adventure, and more

Originals:
How survival horror evolved itself into extinction

Contests:
Also, cocks! Win a pack of Destructoid condoms!
Freaky Creatures contest winners announced, claim your prize

Review:
Sacred 2

News:
Space Invaders Extreme XBLA comes with Space Invaders Not Very Extreme?
Billy Bob Thornton, Dennis Hopper lending their voices to THQ's Deadly Creatures
TIME names Grand Theft Auto IV game of the year, Braid's a close second
Splash gets a new creative director, teases partnership with Bethesda
MS will 'break the bank' at E3, rather than just break consoles
Midway cleared in Psi-Ops copyright infringement case
Factor 5 artist spills info on financial issues and canceled project, backpedals
Meteos Wars hitting XBLA this Wednesday for 800 MS Points
Madworld offers 'Blood Bath Challenges' for the multiplayer-hungry
Microsoft wants Crackdown 2 ... we want Crackdown 2, too!
Nintendo shrugs off recession talk with crazy Wii sales
Mother of heroin 'victim' wants drug-dealing iPhone game banned
Square Enix wanted Final Fantasy XI for PS3
PowerUp Forever also appearing on XBLA this Wednesday
Analyst speculates that EA could fire your ass
Achy Breaky Rock Band: 5 pack of country songs coming soon
Revamped Resident Evil 5 Web site is insane, tells us 'it came from Kijuju'
Burnout Paradise PC demo will let you play the full game for a 'limited period'
Why WiiWare is better in Japan: Shootanto:Kakohen
GTA IV has high tie ratios, low TIE fighters
GTA IV patch in certification, DirectInput controller support confirmed
Touch me everywhere: DJMax Technika coming to DS, iPhone
Sonic Unleashed demo now up on Xbox Live, creepy image now up on this post

Rumortoid:
Home out by next Wednesday?
Nintendo toying with new motion-sensing tech

Offbeat:
When wanking gets this complicated, you should stop
Scrabble DS teaches children to swear, Daily Fail is there to spread the OUTRAGE
Soulja Boy getting his own game? May God have mercy

Galleries:
Tenchu is coming to the PSP! (also, breasts)
X-Blades screens show off more pretty landscapes and semi-nakedness
Surprise! Rise of the Argonauts hitting North American store shelves next week

Videos:
Lux-Pain Web site launches, scares my dog
Batman: Arkham Asylum trailer shows doom and gloom, also Batman
Certifiably awesome: 8-bit classics built in Boom Blox level editor
Mirror's Edge goes live-action, looks more fun than the game








More gaming stories around the web. Got news? Submit yours to tips@destructoid.com

Hamza Aziz, Destructoid's Community Director, has been here since day one. He was born when a tiger coughed up a hairball into a pool of ooze. He was one of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles before budget cuts. Hamza works as a previews editor and manages a team in San Francisco. To date he has given away tens of thousands of dollars in prizes to readers. What a dick. Actually, Hamza is as kind as he is hairy. Likes Super Mario RPG, Halo, iPhone, Videogame cover bands, Super Nintendo Meet the rest of the team



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13 comments | showing # 1 to 13
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AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 00:11
AngelsDontBurn
Condom lube all over your check? Really? That's hilarious. Lol.
Red TheHaze Veron's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 00:17
Red TheHaze Veron
So did they ask you anything about it when you tried to cash that check?
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 00:18
Neonie
That is why Direct Deposit > All.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 00:22
Samit Sarkar
@Neonie: Word. Anything that saves me a trip to the bank = win.
pendelton21's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 00:35
pendelton21
Best condom-breakage story ever.
bmdubya's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 00:38
bmdubya
So when will we be seeing Dtoid condoms for sale? I would love to have some of those haha.
Fronz's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 01:13
Fronz
Protip: never open Dtoid checks in the mail when you're out in the open. I learned my lesson :)
Atlas's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 01:30
Atlas
Checks? What is this, 1996? Even I get direct deposit for my bottom-feeder job!

Also, are these condoms actually safe to use? Imagine if one broke and someone had a kid because of it. A shitstorm would appear.
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 01:36
Hamza CTZ Aziz
Redzie: sadley, no. I really would have sad the truth.

Fronz: Dude, I almost opened it in front of my mom, lol
Gamer Named Tim's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 02:25
Gamer Named Tim
Yeah I wouldn't trust that...
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 06:50
AgentMOO
This was posted yesterday, but I JUST got that boner joke. lol
falinter's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 07:57
falinter
I am so pissed I missed that contest yesterday.

WORK BE DAMNED
Da5StarRMD's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2008 11:11
Da5StarRMD
Lolz...I wonder what was said when you brought it to the bank...it was probably...
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