I have to make like a snake and get on a plane for E3 real soon. Still not packed. That's what Sunday night is for. I just want to file all my E3 reports like Ulala in Space Channel 5, strutting and dancing down the show floor carpets in a miniskirt and just going, "up up down down hey hey hey" at people trying to sell me things.
Here's last week's post. Let's begin anew.
[We post a lot of articles here at Destructoid. The endless, ouroboros news cycle has us burning the snake at both ends, which will ultimately push big news, thoughtful original pieces, and all sorts of other great content off of the front page. Check here every Saturday for my attempt to rectify that.]
Destructoid's definitive guide to E3 2014 - Dale North
Deal "Dale" North did us all a solid and summed up everything for E3. Leaks. Announcements. Early previews. Our Twitter handles so you can enjoy our dumb jokes.
Our guide will set you up for Destructoid's E3 Unfiltered coverage next week. First, we'll lay out what you should know to catch you up. Then we'll list out times for press conferences and other events. Finally, we'll run down the list of top companies and tell you what you should expect.
Destructoid community: We need to replace PAX - Darren Nakamura
Who's up for Destructcon? Or something with a decent name? Darren "Squigly Fingers" Nakamura thinks it's time to put PAX out to pasture and find a replacement con. I say we start our own con. With, well, look, as long someone's buying my drinks I don't much care.
They say the system is broken. They say it is all the fault of the scalpers. They say the early access for Club PA members is unfair. These are not the problems. The problem is a simple matter of supply and demand, and there is only one solution. We need to find a new event to call our home.
So what the hell is happening with Harvest Moon? - Kyle MacGregor
What in the wild world of sports is going on with the Harvest Moon series? Kyle "Ellen" MacGregor put his detective cap on to try and sort this out for us.
XSEED recently announced a farming simulation RPG called Story of Seasons. The title is a localization of Bokujō Monogatari: Tsunagaru Shin Tenchi, which released for Nintendo 3DS in Japan earlier this year.
You might not recognize the name Bokujō Monogatari, which directly translates as "Farm Story," because we westerners have learned to call the series Harvest Moon. And here is where the confusion arises. That name, Harvest Moon, isn't owned by the makers of Bokujō Monogatari, Marvelous AQL, but rather the company that localized and published them for nearly the past two decades.
Killing and karnage: What I want from a new Mortal Kombat - Brittany Vincent
I'm not talking a whole host of DLC fighters or any of that other nonsense. I'm talking real change -- the kind that can only come from surveying a loyal fanbase and implementing the changes that are being clamored for day in and day out. I can't speak for everyone as far as my own ideas for improvement go, but here are five things I want from a brand new Mortal Kombat.
Just Saiyan: The Dragon Ball Raging Blast Saga Part Three - Max Scoville, Bill Zoeker
Max and I have somehow been allowed to make an all Dragon Ball Let's Play series, called Just Saiyan, and we have no intention of stopping. Here's the third and final episode of our first "Raging Blast Saga". We just filmed a bunch of stuff for our next saga, so let us know what you like and don't like, and we'll incorporate or ignore those things.
Farts 'N' Crafts: Watch Dogs Vs. Mortal Kombat Vs. Garfield - Max Scoville
Here on Farts 'N' Crafts, we tackle a lot of hard-hitting issues. And by hard-hitting issues, I specifically mean "bodily fluids," which is almost ironic considering the show's title. We've done dog feces, we've gone hedgehog vomit. This week, we have dog urine, and copious amounts of cat blood. Specifically, Garfield The Cat blood. I like cats, but Garfield is horrible. Please just watch the video so I can stop typing.
Dumb Idiot Ideas: Sonic Boom's Sticks vs Mario Kart's Mercedes - Max Scoville, Bill Zoeker
Max and I have a chat about some interesting new characters coming to the Wii U. However, Max has an ulterior curiosity that may just ruin everything forever. Which would you choose: Sticks the Badger, or the Mario Kart Mercedes?
Reviews In Review: Watch Dogs, Monochroma, Wolf Among Us - Ben Pack
Reviewer? I hardly know her! This week's reviews in review goes out to Steven Hansen. Check out the video and all the reviews below.
Hardline 22: Mortal Kombat X, Homefront: What?, and Luigi's death stare - Jordan, Steven, Hamza, Brett
In this last episode of Hardline before E3 2014, we kind of lost our minds.
Things started out proper, with talk of our most anticipated games of the show as well as Mortal Kombat X, Batman: Arkham Knight, and the superb Mario Kart 8. Business as usual.
Then Homefront: The Revolution happened.
Batman: Arkham Knight: Batmobile can transform into a freakin' tank! - Dale North
Again, it looks like they have much more planned for this new dual-mode Batmobile than driving fast and blowing stuff up. Of course, there will be a lot of both of those things, too. But it seems like there will be plenty of other uses for Batman's new ride, and those should make Batman: Arkham Knight that much more interesting.
Throw children and provoke raccoons in The Road Not Taken - Max Scoville
Max hung out with Dave and Daniel of Spry Fox Games to check out their upcoming title, The Road Not Taken. From the makers of Triple Town, this puzzle roguelike puts the player in an adorable world, with dark undercurrents. It's up to you to save the village's children from perilous evils using sheer wit, and the ability to throw things around. Coming this year to Playstation 4, Playstation Vita, PC and Mac (via Steam).
My Tomodachi Life is just as strange as I am - Brittany Vincent
But Queen Bee wasn't enough for my tastes. I needed more Miis to join the fold. I added my boyfriend and Josh Homme to the apartment roster, and soon I was completing favors for them like nobody's business. Josh wanted new decor for his apartment, so I chose one that had been given to me at the start of the game. It completely reworked his living space into a beach bungalow of sorts, but I didn't have any left for poor Queen Bee, who just wanted food all the time. And my already paltry inventory was dwindling.
Fantasia: Music Evolved introduces partner apprentice Scout - Dale North
A new hands-on (hands-off?) session had us playing a newly revealed area called The Neighborhood. The scene features urban street art, psychedelic colors, and has a bit of a comic book vibe. Harmonix said that it was inspired by artists like The Who, and by songs like Cee Lo Green's "Forget You," among others. The area starts out pretty quiet, but as you move the Muse 3D cursor around to manipulate zones, it starts to come alive, first with radio signals, and later with music that you've unlocked.
Sonic Boom plays pretty much exactly as I expected - Brett Makedonski
It wasn't the most original take on a boss fight, but it wasn't bad. Actually, that was my experience with Sonic Boom in a nutshell. It's doesn't look as if it'll break any new ground, it doesn't look like it'll be Sonic's chance to reclaim his long-vacated throne, but it doesn't look like it'll be lousy either. Anyone that's forgiving enough to look past some of the obvious shortcomings might find an enjoyable experience underneath. Just know that you'll have to take the bad with the good.
Platformer Narcissus aims to bring back the arcade experience - Beccy Caine
In short, I played many fantastic games at EGX Rezzed this year, but it was the game I only got five minutes with as the show was closing that stuck with me the most. Johansson has produced a unique, multi-faceted game offering two different but equally appealing experiences well worth your time. And maybe an upvote on Greenlight, too.
Costume Quest 2 isn't for the hardcore, but it's for the hardcorn - Brett Makedonski
For all the changes that are going into Costume Quest 2, honestly, the biggest takeaway might be that it still feels so much like Costume Quest. That's a revelation that any fan of the original will be elated to hear. And, if you fall into that category, Costume Quest 2 has probably already won your heart and your sweet tooth.
Use an open world to fight for freedom in Homefront: The Revolution - Brett Makedonski
Crytek seems as if it has the right take on Homefront -- after all, do we really need another linear first-person shooter? But, it's the implementation of the studio's engine that strives to pull everything together. CryEngine 3 (which is already known for creating some of the most stunning visuals in videogames) is in use, and looks to add a sense of believability to the open-world through day/night cycles and changing weather effects.
HOTTEST, SLIMIEST NEWS OF THE WEEK
Tuesday Newsday: Mortal Kombat Ecks, Sonic Boom fizzles, and Homefront: The Revolution - Max Scoville
There's a hot drizzle of news leading up to E3, and Max is here to suck it down and spit it back at you! A sequel to Homefront is actually happening, for some reason. Ed Boon officiates the new MK as Mortal Kombat X (as in Ecks Vs. Sever). Sonic Boom isn't very impressive, surprising no one. Battlefield: Hardline had leak of beta footage. And many, many more stories, which Max will tell you if you watch this video instead of just reading about it.
The Witcher 3 releasing February 24, 2015 = Jordan Devore
CD Projekt RED kicked off its summer conference with the release date for The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt -- it's hitting PC, PS4, and Xbox One simultaneously on February 24, 2015.
Not even Mario Kart 8 can get people to buy the Wii U - Kyle MacGregor
Mario Kart 8 sold more than 325,000 boxed copies during its opening week in Japan, according to sales tracking group Media Create. The figure was more than enough to top the nation's weekly software charts, with the runner-up, Mobile Suit Gundam Side Stories, moving 82,000 units. It wasn't enough to significantly spur sluggish Japanese hardware sales, though. While the Wii U was the top selling console in the country last week, the machine only found its way into 19,000 new homes.