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Satire
 
Ten golden rules of Japanese RPGs
Ten golden rules of Japanese RPGs screenshot
Jim Sterling
\\ 02.29.2008
125 comments

The JRPG is a venerable and well respected genre, having survived almost unchanged for decades and supported by a community of hardcore obsessives that drool over every statistic and sweeping, globe trotting storyline that comes their way. Japanese Role Playing Games were made famous by Square-Enix's legendary Final Fantasy series, which made turn-based combat, leveling up and epic adventuring a backbone of gaming tradition. 

A few weeks ago we gave you the ten golden rules of online gaming where you learned some of the most crucial aspects of broadband multiplayer. Now, we share with you some of the time honored secrets of Japanese Role Playing Games, those bastions of random battles, standard bearers of HP meters, and champions of monsters that carry money for no conceivable reason.

If you're looking to develop your own JRPG, or are just one of the many devoted genre fans that want to know exactly how they're made, hit the jump and learn the secrets the world wants to know -- the ten golden rules of Japanese RPGs.

1: Always make your main character brooding, tortured and thoroughly unlikeable:

It's common knowledge that nobody needs to identify with the hero of a story to enjoy themselves, in fact, being able to even remotely like the main character is a disaster waiting to happen. If players spent their time caring about whether the in-game avatar lives or dies, they wouldn't be able to invest valuable brain space in marveling about how pretty the graphics are or how cool everybody's hair looks. 

To write a main character, the process is incredibly simple -- just find any Livejournal page that features hot pink text on a black background with Jack Skellington pictures, copy every single blog entry into Wordpad, and then make the hero read it all in a pretend gruff voice with sixty second long dramatic pauses. Bada bing, bada boom -- one instant hero, dripping in darkness and oozing mysterious melancholy from every pore. 

2: Everybody in the main party has a sword, even if everyone else has guns:

It might not be logical, but this is a genre where steampunk robots can fight purple dragons -- sod your bloody logic! Even if the game is set in a dystopian future full of clanking death wagons and engines of wanton destruction, your main party of heroes must always be willing to match their bullets with a flash of cold, hard steel. If you don't think a skinny emo with a sword is enough to stop a ten story tall walking tank with railguns, missile launchers and a scorpion tail, then you're an idiot. They did that shit all the time in Vietnam.

For extra realism, try and make the swords ten feet tall, or at least the size of a Shetland pony. Despite their huge size, your girly-armed characters must be able to wield such meaty blades as if they were lighter than swan feathers with helium balloons tied to them. Again, see 'Nam for historical reference. 

3: Your main party of heroes must include at least three (preferably all) of the following: 

A. A really annoying child that is probably going to end up as hentai fodder within three minutes of the game's release.

B. A self-styled lady's man who has a weakness for drink and women. He is always hilarious.

C. An old timer who might be a little rough on the surface, but has a heart of gold hiding within him.

D. A female who is useless at fighting but can heal up a treat. Is in love with the main character.

E. A female who is intent on proving she is just as tough as men. Is in love with the main character.

F. An easily marketable animal of some kind. Could be in love with the main character, depending on your target audience.

G. A former villain who had a change of heart, possibly due to some newfound respect for his enemies. Over the course of the game, he will learn the true meaning of friendship. Fanboys think he is the best character. 

4: Always include a gambling minigame: 

Kids love to gamble, and no JRPG world is truly alive until it has a casino of some kind, promoting the risk-and-reward lifestyle that will lead many of our nation's children down a fun-fueled path of cocaine binges, spousal abuse and prostitution. From card games to roulette wheels, a JRPG needs some way of encouraging that "Daddy needs a new pair of Mithril boots," mindset from the player.  

It doesn't matter how the minigame takes place, all that matters is that hardcore gambling is encouraged and applauded. If people want the ultimate weapons, well they're going to have to bet the shirts off their backs for it.

5: Partway through the game, split your party up into forced teams that includes characters the player clearly hasn't leveled up enough: 

Everybody loves that moment in an RPG where all the playable characters are split into two teams and the player is forced to use characters they never wanted to play with, which have now become weak and useless by that point in the game. Some gamers have been known to simultaneously weep, laugh and orgasm with utter rapture at the thought of playing as Tootles McShitty who is still at Level 3 and has his beginning weapon. 

A few oddballs are prone to complaints about this fantastic gaming innovation, but they are heretics and possibly murderers so must be ignored. If they didn't level up every single character in preperation for something like this happening, then it's their fault -- it's a JRPG, so they have only themselves to blame for not expecting to have to finally play as the whiny kid who screams "Alright," in a high pitched voice whenever he gets the killing blow in a battle. 

6: Your main villain must be one of the following, and ONLY one of the following:

A. A close friend or ally who has turned traitor in a shocking twist that you didn't see coming within three seconds of setting eyes on the smirking prick. He might be a mentor to the main hero, or a friendly rival, but either way, his unorthodox methods and shirking of authority will provide no clues to his completely unforeseeable betrayal.  

B. An ancient evil that has been sealed away long ago. Evils are always ancient, and are never killed like they should be. Instead, some bearded old fools locked it up in a mirror or a tree or something -- y'know, a really secure place.

C. Someone who randomly and suddenly replaces the guy you thought was the actual main villain. You'll spend hours waiting to fight the main baddie, only to find he was little more than a sub-villain for the main event. It is always surprising when this happens. 

D. Gay.

7: NPCs are complete idiots:

Just like in real life, other people in RPGs are nothing but drooling morons with only myopic and worthless things to say, and they'll say those things over and over again. The best part is, even though it's clear that in a town full of wandering NPCs, the only relevant people are the ones running the Inn and the Weapon Shop, the player is still compelled to wander up to each one to  hear about how some jackass loves the smell of freshly baked cookies or how they're expecting their husband home any minute (a minute that lasts until the end of time, it would seem). 

Freeze framed in their own never ending moments of eternal stupidity, NPCs should always be the kinds of people you just want to punch in the face until both of you are bleeding.  

8: NPCs never lock their doors and let you wander around their homes:

NPCs are so interested in telling you about their love of freshly baked cookies that they don't even care that you burst into their homes uninvited and subsequently trod soil and dragon blood into their carpets. They'll happily stand there, grinning like complete and utter mongoloids, thinking about their one asinine train of thought while you walk all over private property, opening cupboards and helping yourself to whatever cash and potions they might possess.

Again, just like real life.

9: Never ever question why the world's global economy isn't in tatters when a man can't step foot outside his home town without being attacked by monsters:

Seriously, just don't fucking think about it, okay!? 

10: The last dungeon requires so much level grinding that the player's fingers wear down to thimbles:

No JRPG can truly call itself complete without having an end dungeon packed so full of the toughest monsters that it requires an additional twenty hours of "gameplay" just to get through the first screen. When the final furlong approaches, the game technically screeches to a halt, and what ensues is a magical new game where one runs around the same spot in circles, then presses attack a lot, and then runs around in circles again. For days.

The reason why this is necessary is because of the point of all RPGs -- to accumulate so much power, to be so incredibly strong, and to possess so many ultimate weapons, that the final boss is pathetically crushed within two minutes, reducing the past several days of repetitive labor and hard work into something that doesn't even last as long as most wanks.

While this pitiful whimper of an ending could help the player question why he's wasting his life, this is never the result. He just goes out and buys something NIS made so they can get to level 9999.



125 COMMENTS, LATEST BY kardelen133
... -    view discussion




There are 121 comments about this post:
m3ds's Avatar
It's startling how accurate these are.
Clockwork's Avatar
Haha, #2 is very key. And 6D is so win.
Rogue Trooper's Avatar
Very nice, I hope you more of these and uh Jim, where's the Podcastle?
ZanyIce's Avatar
So true. I'd love to see a JRPG include all of these things and really over do them. Like a parody or something. Could actually be a fun game.
Edarios's Avatar
the main character allways has to be feminine.
Tragic Hero's Avatar
Hah, I love it.
pooper's Avatar
If you liked these try out this site

http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html

The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés

192 of them, careful TONS of spoilers
Wedge's Avatar
You forgot to mention that in addition to the villain, the hero has to be "closeted" gay, to elicit that awkward sexual tension between them.
Guagloves's Avatar
#7 is such win. Entertaining stuff as always.
Urashima's Avatar
Is this the Ten Golden Rules of Japanese RPGs or simply a summation of the things found in Lost Odyssey? Then again, Lost Odyssey IS a JRPG. Honestly that game was the first thing to pop into my mind when I read the list.

Good Stuff, as usual, Jim.
Roryzilla's Avatar
Epic WIn overall, I love you Jim, you smug-atheist P.O.S; just like me!
Boolean's Avatar
"The Generic RPG Handbook" used to be fantastic, but it can't be found bloody anywhere anymore. I still have the page saved though. I always liked this one:

"A cave

Ah yes, a cave. Can't have an RPG without a cave. For some reason this cave is teaming with critters, despite having no visible ecosystem. From the looks of it everything in there wants to eat you. Not surprising considering that lack of an ecosystem thing.
Then there's one big monster at the bottom of the cave for no adequately explored reason. The Hero is victorious and the feeble townsfolk praise him for doing all the work."
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar
Needs moar zippers and belt buckles.
AlucardX24's Avatar
Spot on, Jim. Good job.
Vexxed's Avatar
If only I could rename Mack 'Tootles McShitty' ...
Clockwork's Avatar
@ZanyIce

Three words, The Simpsons Game.
Qraze's Avatar
good article,good read. nuff said.#1_in_the_hood_G!!
Reaprar's Avatar
Couldn't have said it better myself.



Well I could, but I'd be too lazy to do that.
Redzie's Avatar
what reaprar said. im lazier than him.
h3lios's Avatar
Win post.

(Also, Lost Odyssey rocks, thanks for the heads up Jim).
acrana's Avatar
For the evil villain you could also add "Was or is a god that is worshipped as a savior but in reality..is evil"
Detry's Avatar
Redzie says:
03/01/2008 00:53
what reaprar said. im lazier than him.
liquidninja's Avatar
Character's with Alzheimer's are my favorite little unchanging part of these games.
"Do you know where I can find some sailors?"
Baron Calico's Avatar
Gonna toss in a number 11 here:

All RPG endings have to be at least 45 minutes long. Brevity is the soul of wit, and these guys are dumb. 20 minutes is fine, but... christ, folks. I got other games to start!
A New Challenger's Avatar
Wow!

Another 'Original' comment from Bouncybhall.

What next, ten ways to use 'scare quotes' around 'words' to express your 'worthwhile' 'opinions'?

Douche.
Atlas's Avatar
Whoa

Mother "Reginald" igloo from Stoning Sliver.

What text, seven pays to "compare notes" found "cords" to chestpress your "mirthful" "onions"?

Sacks.
HarassmentPanda's Avatar
It's painful how accurate this list is.
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar
Someone needs to play SMT or Suikoden or something. What you've written aren't the Ten Golden Rules of JRPG's; they're the Ten Golden Rules of Final Fantasy.

Final Fantasy != all JRPG's.



Although I will agree, it's startling how accurately each and every Final Fantasy follows this model.
Wedge's Avatar
While it's true SMT and a few others don't follow this mold, there are a LOT of games other than FF that do. Especially the Tales/Star Ocean line of games...
MrWonderful's Avatar
Eh, those are fantasy RPGs. As the good Gen Eric Gui pointed out, Shin MegaTen games eschew most of these stereotypes, as do the Mother titles, Koudelka/Shadow Hearts and most RPGs set in the modern era.

Fun read, but I couldn't help but suppress my SMT/Mother fanboying!
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar
Suikoden is set in a sort of Medieval Japan/Europe hybrid world, and it it breaks all those stereotypes too. So do most of Sting's games. I could go on, but I've made my point.
naia-the-gamer's Avatar
Jim you need to play Final Fantasy IX. The hero is not emo, or brooding. In fact he's the womanizing drinker of the group. It's a big reason why I loved FFIX so much. I haven't enjoyed an FF game since.

He does have the healer and the annoying child fall in love with him though.

All in all this is an awesome and amazingly accurate list.
Rainbowblack's Avatar
I dont know about level grinding before the final boss, unless its DQ or something

I LOVE party splits, sad SE never employs it any more when it comes to FF, with the exception of IX which was quite tame. yes im a VI fanboy
Ashen Karshe's Avatar
6D applies to FFIX's Kuja, I'd say. His man-thong still haunts me..
Rider Chop's Avatar
dont forget, the hero can also be brash. the healer has to be prim and proper and is new to the horrors of battle, the spunky young kid with shitty attack and defense is always getting his ass beat and is determined to...I dont know...get an item or something, and there is usually some kind of beast-man (not THAT beast-man) who has a score to settle with one of the main villains.

and if its a square-enix game: zippers,chains,and trenchcoats abound
RivaOni's Avatar
"Bouncybhall says:
03/01/2008 01:32
Wow!

Another 'Original' idea from Sterling Silver.

What next, ten ways you can tell if you are in a SCUMM adventure?

Hack."

In the words of Starsky and Hutch...

"DO IT!"
SyntaxError's Avatar
6C is Kuja.
6D is Kefka.

I can't remember the last RPG I played that required me to do so much grinding by the end game. In Persona 3 my hero leveled to 99 without effort during January ^________^
Aurain's Avatar
The Golden Rules of FPS Games.
1. Be boring and unoriginal
2. Play as the Americans.
3. Have crap gameplay.
I can make lists too. lolspecial.
Pangloss's Avatar
I always swore that if I ever made an RPG, folks would walk up to talk to random NPCs, only to hear "I don't know you. Get the fuck away from me." and other variations on the same theme. Seriously, the only people who should be telling you their fucking life stories in a town you've never been before are the folks you actually have any reason to be talking to.
Lucca's Avatar
Well, yeah.

That's why we play 'em. Especially for reason 6D.

...Right?
Im OK's Avatar
Yeah, I've been playing Lost Odyssey a lot lately too.

#10 only applies if the game doesn't have a "secret dungeon". If it does, then the final dungeon is usually a cakewalk by comparison.

Also, here's another list. I call it "One way you know you're reading a Jim Sterling post":

#1 There are at least a couple of whiny bitches in the comments thread who think they're edgy because they make a lame, snarky comment about the article or the author or both.
BlackSunEmpire's Avatar
In the 'split up the party' part, it's most important that the healer/love interest goes off with the other part of the party.

Otherwise your shitty characters may accidentally survive and you won't destroy as many controllers.
Noah's Avatar
Awesome list Jim, you forgot to add that "Main male character must look like Meg Ryan"
Jim Sterling's Avatar
For those who mentioned it:

I am of course aware that not EVERY roleplaying game follows the rules here. It's just a poke at the stereotypes, and mostly Square-Enix.
Nessie's Avatar
LOL excellent article. i hate when #5 happens!!
Syn's Avatar
You know what man! I'm gonna get to just lvl 9998 because of you!
wardrox's Avatar
Facts Jim... these are all facts.
Anus Mcphanus's Avatar
I wish I could just go outside kill a few monsters and become insanely rich... this reminded me of this real life RPG parody video
WDot's Avatar
The best example of 5 is in Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, when the game actually splits up your party into 4 individuals who all have 1vs1 miniboss battles. It's not required unless you want the cool item that comes from it, but the battles are absolutely cruel unless you grind a lot. Playing as Maria (the stupidly weak gunslinger) I spent 15 minutes running around doing long range attacks and dodging until I was out of HP/MP restores and died.

After that I sold the game in disgust. But for some reason I want to go back and play it again. ><
maxio098ui's Avatar
The reason why this is necessary is because of the point of all RPGs -- to accumulate so much power, to be so incredibly strong, and to possess so many ultimate weapons, that the final boss is pathetically crushed within two minutes, reducing the past several days of repetitive labor and hard work into something that doesn't even last as long as most wanks.

best ever:P
and anus mcfanus is right
Doomtrain's Avatar
It wins.
catsithx's Avatar
epic win for especially no. 9 and 10
Passionate Styos's Avatar
Number 5 is so right that I hate it so much. That's why they should do a system like they did with Breath of Fire IV where you can switch the characters in the battle and the other half of the team still gets exp points.

Great article as always Mr.Sterling.
Eno chan's Avatar
I actually Laughed out loud.
Great Article!
SourGr8pes's Avatar
He just goes out and buys something NIS made so they can get to level 9999.

Yeah, that's me in a nutshell.

@WDot
Maria was weak?! You've obviously never used the aimingdevice/energy burst combo. With those cancel bonuses she racks up, I'd be destroying bosses in seconds.
SPIDER PIG's Avatar
Oh number 5 how I loath thee
Zelnor's Avatar
Too true, too true...

Except when it suddenly isn't.
SPIDER PIG's Avatar
well done Jim, that was pretty damn funny
LarkOhiya's Avatar
Don't like it then don't read it!
Zelnor's Avatar
Oh, I forgot - as a TVTropes.org junkie, I must add:

"Guide Dang it !
The formula for the ultimate weapon that requires extreme caution will only be vaguely alluded in the game. Instead, you're supposed to shell out 49.99 $ for the strategy guide."
ShinSennju's Avatar
This list of rules gets 11/10
Holiday's Avatar
So true.

Don't forget that all JRPGs must have the most atrocious dialog. I am sure even in Japanese the dialog is laughable at best.
Chocobo Knight's Avatar
I... I...

You win this round, Jim!
Teta's Avatar
Everything is true, specially rule N#8.
BluFire's Avatar
Love them all. I never realized that every jRPG I've ever played has a gambling game until I read this and thought about it.
DTwirler's Avatar
Win!
FrogWhoIsFinal's Avatar
Earthbound only fits about 3 of those; 6, although both A and B apply; 9, alright its pretty true, but there isn't much global economy to speak of; 10, there is a little bit of grinding toward the end, but really if you can stay alive through the last dungeon you'll do find on the last boss.
Earthbound owns my soul. :3
bloggerslim's Avatar
Wait,no stupid timer thing wasn't put in there,why not,everyone must have hated the fact that the place is gonna explode,but until the timer starts ticking,you can just stand there for 100+ hours.
topgeargorilla's Avatar
Mongoloid!

I love vaguely offensive remarks referential to both the handicapped and an ancient race of squash-faced people.

I'm a big fan of troglodyte as well.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Haha, epic truths right here! I wonder where Enchanted Arms' gay character/sidekick fits in though.
Zero Atma's Avatar
At first it sounded like this list was based solely on FF7, but then I realized that's just because FF7 meets EVERY one of these rules. As I think about other JRPGs, I realize that they too meet many of these rules.
I always liked the way that FF6 broke some of these rules: while Terra, then Celes, are sort of the main characters storywise, everybody has sections of the story that interweave well with the plot, and different characters fulfill the different character rules above. It also does the mix of magic and mechanics, medieval and future, pretty well.
Cowzilla3's Avatar
Bravo Jim, I'm playing through Lost Odyssey right now and was just going down checking all these things off the list. Of course it was designed to be a JRPG through and through so resounding sucess I say.

Also your "D. Gay" comment, while probably meant is jest, is depressingly true. Why is it that villians in JRPGs often have to have homosexual overtones?
Yellowdog's Avatar
Not to mention that FF6's cute mascot kicked a serious amount of ass.

"LarkOhiya says:
03/01/2008 08:38
Don't like it then don't read it!"

Fail. The only way to know if you don't like it is by reading it.
Eschatos's Avatar
What? The ancient evil cannot be gay as well?
Artix Lumin's Avatar
Nice.
This is epic win.
Happyhead's Avatar
Excellent article, so true : )
brainderailment's Avatar
#3 Fucking spot on!
EvilSmeevil's Avatar
Totally agreed with Gen Eric Gui. I thought the post was quite entertaining, but it only really applied to a couple of the Final Fantasy games.
Hoss's Avatar
8 sounds like Canada
twentythoughts's Avatar
Two big, recent RPGs that have kinda broken this trend but still take ages to complete, are Dragon Quest 8 and Final Fantasy 12. DQ8 solved the necessary-grinding problem by including a ton of areas to explore and just as much stuff to do. As long as you never ran from a battle, you would never have to run in circles... You'd just have to find a new place to explore. The result was that I felt slightly overlevelled towards the end of the game, until I got to the final boss, whom I ONLY JUST managed to kill.

FF12 makes it unnecessary to run in circles by giving you a buncha goals and such via the "hunts". There's always a stronger monster to hunt down, and most of them give a hell of a challenge if you approach them at the right level. So you end up straying out to kill yet another big critter while it still poses some kinda challenge... Only to get back to the main quest and find that you're overlevelled for it. Uh-oh.
And then a boss comes along and STILL gives you a hard time. Jeez.
louiefalls's Avatar
Dragon Quest VIII is a celebration of classic RPG's

FFXII is just a fat grind with the stuff on your list for the sake of it.

FFIX avoids some (some) of your depressingly accurate list though
Gameboi's Avatar
Yet another winner. You are on a roll, Jim.
Righteous Ice's Avatar
How many times have I read this exact same article now?

If this is the first time you've ever came across a list like this, you are either;

A.) A dumbass
B.) A child
C.) All of the above.
SWE3tMadness's Avatar
Yeah, sorry, Jim. I love your writing, but someone beat you to it this time.

However, instead of clichèd plot devices, this article focuses more on clichèd game mechanics. So I'll let it slide now.

Yes, we know JRPG's recycle lots of different things from game to game. So can we complain about another genre now? I think FPS's are scheduled next.. >.>
dbmon's Avatar
Regarding The Generic RPG Handbook, WayBack-Machine to the rescue:

http://web.archive.org/web/20020808082544/http://rii.twu.net/rpg/
Kryptinite's Avatar
There's pretty much nothing else to say..again. Jim nailed it!
ISOTEN's Avatar
Lost odyssey and FFVII.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
I figured there'd be similar lists, but meh. I'm all about the funny, not about the innovation. If my list made people laugh (as seems to be the case), I can't be fucked if I was "beat" to it.
Professor Pew's Avatar
In b4 Meja:

Jim's all about the funny,
he's all about the X, X, X X Y X.
I don't think its money.
That makes him write this waaaay.
Jim's all about the funny,
its all about the X, X, X X Y X.
and I think we got it all wrong anywaaay.
Soul00's Avatar
you forgot one.....#11: You will always get your shit jacked and go to jail, only to spend the next hour fighting guards off with you bare hands until you fumble across a chest that magically has ALL you shit in it.
Nameless Monster's Avatar
LOL, It's funny because it's true... well, most of the time. Earthbound is by far the best RPG I played, and it doesn't follow most of those rules... except for the ''lvl-uping never used before party members'' and everything about NPC... Then again, some NPC won't let you come into there houses. Oh, and one of the main ennemy is suposed to have been your "friend"... Sorry about my earthbound-talking, I know it's out of place, but I'm tired...

Good list, make me loled. What about a "how to make a good platform game" next time ?
God Len's Avatar
God Len doesn't agree with number 1! In fact only a couple games are like that
smoger's Avatar
how about the final boss having no less than 3 forms? didn't notice that one on there...
Voltaire's Avatar
This is so cool! I love plagiarism!
Jim Sterling's Avatar
This is so cool! I love morons!
Voltaire's Avatar
Ten golden rules of Destructoid:

1. Writers must come up with ideas as original as a Clinton campaign speech.

2. Writers must comment on comments made about them in the original style of the comment.

3. Editors must turn a blind eye to poor title capitalization. If they have no blind eyes they must do their best to edit the article.

4. Steroids must be consumed at MLB championship team levels so that articles and subsequent unoriginal comments have just enough 'roid rage to leave fans feeling harassed, isolated, and eventually suicidal.

5. Ex-convicts, or internet hackers, known only as "Anonymous," will be enlisted to rough up anyone who consistently leaves dissenting comments.

6. Articles must be less about games and more about how awesome we is. In fact, we is so awesome, we is must always breaking grammatical rules. If Borat can the understand us - fired.

7. Professionalism is difficult and costs money. I mean, we might alienate our readers.

8. Vitriol is for the lazy.

9 and 10. Yeah, we made one rule into two. Take that mathematics.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
If you don't like it, GTFO. You're looking like a moron for staying somewhere you clearly have a problem with. Moron.
God Len's Avatar
fucking digg fags
God Len's Avatar
i am the only one who can hate Jim Sterling
Jim Sterling's Avatar
You're the only one with a brain, if that's anything, Len.
necrozen's Avatar
2 Rules of Annoying Douche Commenters on Destructoid

(1) No matter what you've written or where your content came from (and despite the fact they've wasted the time to read it twice for some reason), they now have to take even more time to let you know that they've already read what you've written.

(2) If you make a single comment that any any way clashes with any idea they've ever had a bout a particular entity, they immediately assume that you, and you alone, are the evil incarnate against said idea and that your single purpose in life is to corrupt and destroy their pet idea (be it game, game genre, or game system).

By the way, hilarious list, man. I stopped playing these games when I got hair on my pubes (which happened around the same time they became ridiculously repetitive), so I got an extra kick out of this.
HideousKojima's Avatar
It's a personal venomous letter to Jrpg players...How about making the ten golden rules for Dynasty Warriors with the same venomous tone.
Cubilone's Avatar
7&8 are lols. :D
Jim Sterling's Avatar
HideousKojima: I hope to God that was sarcasm. It's hard to tell considering one FFVII fan said he hopes I died for writing this.

FFVII, btw, happens to be one of my favorite games.

I love RPGs. That's why I wrote this.
HideousKojima's Avatar
Yeah,semi-sarcasm,It's just some kind of parallelization on Jrpg's and Dynasty warriors gameplay...it's your same olde friends with a new coat.Well,enjoy the typical reactions from a rabid fanbase.
Chris Taran's Avatar
So, to sum up this article into one sentence: "I hate JRPG's"

There, saved everyone some time.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
"FFVII, btw, happens to be one of my favorite games.

I love RPGs. That's why I wrote this."

Posted again for Chris.
Chris Taran's Avatar
Sorry Jim, didn't read through all the comments. The article came off very negative to me, so it seemed like you weren't a fan. I stand corrected!

(I can admit when I'm wrong!)
bludragoon's Avatar
To be honest, I was pretty disappointed with this post. I found it through digg, and was looking forward to it, being myself a big fan of JRPGs. I thought it would have taken a more analytical route rather than comical, considering most of the countdown lists I've seen on the subject fall under the latter category, and it gets kinda old. You can only get so many chuckles out of pointing out the whole pointy hair/big sword cliche. Not to mention that whole thing about main characters being nothing more than whiny emo-boys is pretty innacurate. Granted, those types are there, but the majority of JRPG main protagonists fall into other, less shallow, cliche'd archetypes. Oh, and 6D kinda came out of left field; both inaccurate and borderline offensive. Didn't see that one coming.

Anyway, don't take this rant the wrong way. I'm just expressing my thoughts on the article. I'm not trying to debunk your talent as a writer or love for the JRPG genre. I just came into it looking for something different and was presented with the same ol', same ol'.
lostalaska's Avatar