I really like cheesesteaks. I like them so much that I regularly, and far more often than I should, go to the mall for lunch just so I can eat at the cheesesteak place there. Yesterday I fell victim to my burning cheesesteak desire yet again, and made the trek across the street. As I walked through the mall, I happened to bump into Taylor Tiffany, Destructoid's tween correspondent.
She was coming out of Hot Topic, which I thought was kind of strange because, when I was a kid, only weird goth kids shopped there, and Taylor insists that she's very popular -- definitely "more popular than stupid Kelly". It didn't add up until I saw that there was some poster advertising some sort of vampire something or other nonsense, and I guess one of the actors from the stupid vampire movie was in the store that day. Whatever.
Taylor Tiffany, though, was so excited she could barely speak. When she finally calmed down enough to be slightly coherent, she told me that in addition to finally seeing the man she wanted to marry, she overheard some really exciting video game news from one of the other girls in line. Then she started hyperventilating again. I just heard the words 'Twilight', 'Wii', and 'DS', and decided that I really did not want to be in front of Hot Topic anymore. Realizing that if I let her actually finish her sentence I would probably have to write something up, and being creeped out by the lock of hair she was clutching in her hand, I told her she should write whatever her news was up herself and went on to get my cheesesteak.
Hit the jump for her report.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG by Taylor Tiffany
OMG OMG 2day ~*~*~*Edward*~*~*~ was at the mall and OMG I GOT TO TOUCH HIM. And like their was this FAT girl behind me who kind of smelled gross and had weird acne and whatever and she was standing SOOOOOO close to me and it was like EW.
But then I herd her talk bout videogames, so I was like OKAY TAYLOR IT S JURNALISM TIME and I listened to her but tried to stay as far away as possible becuase she smelled weird. NEway she was going on about this game called Hay Low, which is like the stupidest name for a game EVER, but then I heard her talk about Twilight.
OMG THEY ARE MAKING A MOVIE GAME ABOUT TWILIGHT. I guess there is sum game called Seen It? and they are making one that is ALL ABOUT TWILIGHT just for the Wii and DS. So like the fat girl was saying that the game is going to be ENTIRELY about Twilight, and there's going be new puzzle types that aren't in regular Seen It?, and its gonna have bonus features like quizzes for finding out which character you are, and ways to throw the perfect Twilight party. I dont need the quiz, Bcause I already know I'm like Bella, but the fat girl will probably find out she's a werewolf like Jacob. She looks like one LOL.
So then the fat girls mom brought her a milkshake from mcdonalds at the food court, and I was like OMG like you really need that, but I didnt say that Bcause I didn't want her to sit on me. She drank the hole thing in like TEN SECONDS. OMG it was so gross. But then it was my turn to meet EDDDWWWAAAARRRDDD. As I went up to the table I heard fats say something like the Wii 1 was coming out this fall and that the DS 1 was coming in the spring. I am tots going to buy both of them!!
Contest:
6:20 PM on 09.24.2009
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Just saying.
Oh, and good read.
Anyways *ahem*:
FUCK YOU TWILIGHT!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU AND KIRSTEN STEWART IS A HUGE HEADED LOSER (unless she does a good job in the Runaways movie in which case OMG KRISTEN STEWART!). YOU TOOK MY BELOVED MYTHICAL CREATURES AND RAPED THEM!
Oh well.
"the horror...the horror"
Not that it isnt funny. I love to make fun of myself, so when I remember I talked exactly like Tiffany when I was her age, especially on the internet, it really makes me smirk.
But then again there are people who just eat this twilight scat up. Poor, poor people.
@InfraredChimera: I think someone around here might like Twilight...
Anyway, I've read the Twilight summaries on Cracked and thought they were fucking hilarious, if that counts.
She only had two stories so far, the ones linked, she's a typical tween talking like a tween and was actually invented by Nick Chester...
I am an English Major, or at least almost.
I can say that, in my opinion, Twilight is not only a poor story and reminiscent of literary themes and ideologies lost on modern society/deemed inappropriate by today's standards, but a poorly written, ill-inspired novel series.
That, above, is about as simple a comment I can make about it, InfraredChimera, without saying anything more "offensive" to the audience this book series somehow has.
Read the books with my little cousin, saw the movie for lulz, even read the final script when it leaked (easily the worst of the three).
Twilight is a pile of softcore porn for tweens shit. And you don't have to know all I do to realize that. You just have to know what a vampire should be and that Twilight ain't it.
I'm not sure about the size of Kristen Stewart's head, but she is not nearly attractive enough to be THAT bad an actress.
This is all that need be said about anything to do with Twilight.
Okay honestly she's not too bad but she's not very good. She's one of those actors who doesn't really act. She kinda just acts like herself and recites lines. However she's associated with Twilight so I must hate her.
Unless she plays Joan Jett right in which case I will eat my words and be her personal bitch.
@Valthonis
Epic.
Uhhh...Twi- *vomits more* light is so fucking disgus- *vomits again*. Fuck tweens and BLEEAHAHAHH. Oh god, it won't sto- BLBLELALAHEAHALELBHELELAHELeah.
G-g-god help us a...a....BLEAH...all.
Now, take that sentence, make one that's the complete opposite, and you have my views on Twilight.
And the presence of "Wii" and "Twilight" in the same sentence without the words "Zelda" and "Princess"... distresses me.
GOLD
awesome