17. Dead Rising - Clothes Horse - 20 points. While most of Dead Rising’s difficult achievements require Frank to kill zombies en masse, kill zombies in humorous fashion, or save the often-idiotic survivors from imminent death, this achievement is earned by trying on all of the outfits in the mall. Sorry, but I prefer the fresh look of caked-on zombie blood to a new pair of khaki pantaloons.
16. X-Men: The Official Game - The Xavier Institute (Training Missions) - 0 points. If the developers of the game are going to give achievements for completing the simple training missions, then they might as well give you some points. Other wise, don’t bother. No one’s going to look at your list and go "Wow, Jonny beat the training level with Wolverine, he must be a badass." Bonus suck points go the game for giving you the last 50 points for free after getting all 950 other achievement points.
15. Kameo: Elements of Power - The various time attack, expert level, and co-op achievements - 0 points. On the opposite end of the spectrum from the X-Men Game, Kameo gives achievements but no points for some of the harder challenges in the game. So in other words, what’s friggin’ the point?
14. NHL 2K7 - Quitter - 0 Points. Another 0 point achievement, although this one actually has some value. If you quit 10 online matches, you earn the Quiter achievement, and hopefully no one will ever play fake Hockey with you again.
13. The Outfit - Persistence Counts - 20 points, and Battlestations: Midway - Purple Heart - 10 points. Both of these brilliant achievements give you points for sucking at online play or dying frequently. Seriously, if I just bought one of these games and I’m getting my ass kicked online, I don’t need the whole world to know next time I join a game.
12. Gears of War - The COG tag achievements - 60 total points. Like most people, I love Gears of War. However, I haven’t liked searching for hidden packages since GTA 3, and even then it was more of a chore to get the good weapons in my hideout than anything else. The COG tags seem like nothing more than a throw-in for an otherwise great game, as they don’t really unlock anything other than some points.
11. Gears of War - Series of Tubes - 20 points. A number of online shooters have achievements like this one, which reward the player for hosting matches. The fact that the person hosting the game’s shotgun fires about a half of a second quicker than everyone else’s should be reward enough. They don’t need an achievement for having a bastard host advantage.
10. Star Trek Legacy - Pacifist of Makus and Guerilla in the Mist - 20 Points Each. Both of these achievements are for completing levels in the game and NOT killing anyone. I know the hardcore Star Trek fans will say being peaceful is part of the Star Trek universe or some B.S. like that, but I play video games to fantasize about killing zombies, monsters, aliens, psychopaths, Germans, terrorists, evil cops, Borg, Romulans, Klingons, and cuddly forest animals. They are not my friends!
9. Lord of The Rings: Battle For Middle Earth II - 705 total achievement points. Pretty much every game that has come out on the 360 has 1000 points to earn. So it’s baffling as to why the developers of the game didn’t give out the full total. Did someone forget how to add? Did they feel that the game is only 70.5% good? What gives? (Note: The Godfather game also pulled a similar stunt.)
8. Madden NFL ’07 - Import Draft Class - 10 points. This one is just a shady marketing ploy, as EA is asking the player to import a draft class from their college football game. But the only way to do this is to have also purchased a college football game. I know some people want both the NFL and the NCAA game, but for those of us that don’t, let us get all of the achievements without shelling out another $60.
7. Rainbow Six Vegas - True Identity - 30 points. Similar to the above Madden achievement, this one requires you to take a picture of yourself with the Xbox Live vision cam, and map it to your online avatar. This sucks if you a. don’t want to buy the vision cam, b. are a recognizable celebrity trying to stay anonymous, or c. are butt ugly.
6. Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter - Committed (Multiplayer) - 28 points. You get this achievement for playing GRAW for 8 hours straight. If you’re able to do this without taking a bathroom break, eating some pizza, or masturbating in a dark corner, then you’re moving from the realm of hardcore gamer to the realm of the Chinese kid who dropped dead during a marathon session of World of Warcraft.
5. Blitz: The League - Manvalanche - 15 points. I don’t even know what you need to do to get this one, but it sounds more like something Lindsey Lohan might do in her free time, not something I want on my list of achievements.
4. College Hoops 2K7 - Free Throws Are Easy - 25 points. You get this for making 90% of your free throws when shooting 100 or more in the free throw practice mode of this game. Look, if Shaq can’t find the time to learn how to make 50% of his free throws when he’s paid millions of dollars to do it professionally, then I don’t want to spend my time practicing my free throws in a video game when I’m only paid in shame.
3. NBA Live ’07 - Online With 1,000 People - 100 points. In a brilliant over-estimation of this game’s sales, popularity, and fun factor, EA made it so you can only get this achievement by being online at the same time as 999 other people. Unfortunately, NO ONE got this achievement until a couple of websites organized NBA Live meeting sessions at specific times.
2. Bomberman Act Zero - 1,000,000 Bombs and 1,000,000 Block Break - 50 points each. Bomberman for the 360 is pretty much regarded by the press as a horrible game. Therefore, I haven’t played it, and don’t really know anyone else that has. However, if we assume that the game doesn’t even have load times or breaks, and that you are able to plant 1 bomb per every second, uninterrupted and without ammo limits, it would still take you 11 days, 13 hours, 46 minutes, and 40 seconds of non-stop game play to get this achievement.
1. Final Fantasy XI - Reach Level 75 with each character class - 30 points each. Level 75 is the maximum level attainable in the Final Fantasy MMO. The achievements for this game are for reaching level 75 with each different character class in this game. Not just once, but with all 18 character classes. A recovered Final Fantasy MMO addict in the G4 offices estimated it took him around 700 hours of play time to get ONE character to level 62! Just think about that for a second. If you are one the two people in this world who have all of these achievements, just remember, there’s a beautiful world in real life out there for you to explore, and that Chocobos taste better when roasted with a little garlic and rosemary.
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I sure do; there is one in Viva Pinata that gives you 20 points for naming a helper.
waking up every morning- 5 pts.
asking a girl out- 10 pts.
killing annoying 8 year olds on Xbox Live- 1,000,000 pts.
Sadly, a friend of mine has TWO of those 30 point achievements for leveling a job to 75 in FFXI.
I thought the Perfect Dark Zero achievement that some kid ended up making a robot to get was pretty ridiculous.
My roommate has been playing FFXI since launch and he's not even level 70 yet. That achievement sucks, hard.
Yes, Uno. In its entirety. A good 130 points or so of my gamerscore are from simply playing Uno. At all.
@Toneman
In fairness, my friend works from home to take care of his kids. Which these days means he makes money by playing FFXI for 12 hours a day.
I'm proud to say that I've played about half of the games listed, and don't have any of those achievements
Adding to the list:
Dead or Alive 4 gives you achievements for reaching grades D and E in online play. They're both worth 0 points, and you can only get them by sucking.
I always hated GRAW's achievement that made you climb to the top of the universal leaderboards. Talk about a hard achievement, i'm never getting that one.
Amen on that Rainbow 6 achievement. I don't want the freakin' Vision cam.
The GRAW achievement where you had to be ranked #1 in the world was bullshit.
I've gotten the purple heart in COD3 for dying 20 times in one level, worth 5 points. Veteran can be impossible sometimes.
Hey lame or not, i'll take my points whichever way I can get them.
How 'bout every one of the stupid 8 achievements you get in FNR3?
DOA4 has achievements that give you 0 points. That's pretty lame, I'd say.
I like the Gears hosting achievement. At least it gives people a reason to host matches when better games come out (Well, not better, but newer, so obviously everyone will buy and play it).
What about the "get a first down" achievement in Madden? That one is pretty lame. I'd say any achievement that gives you points for doing something basic in the game is lame. That's not much on an achievement IMO.
I'd also have to say the achivement in GRAW where your the top player in the universal leaderboard. That pretty much means your the best player in the world.
Nice list, but the fact alone that the second Gears of War achievement is called SERIES OF TUBES should make it automatically null and void for any "lame" list.
I think most "achievements" are the dumbest things in the world. Consider GoW where you get points for just playing the game, or a bunch of other games that do the same. All of those "achievements" should just be called "Congrats, you aren't retarded" and award no points. Achievements should be for things that actually take skill, such as grenade launching warthogs on top of blue plasma towers in Halo (albiet that game came out before this lame system, it provides an excellent example of the difficulty/awesomeness I am talking about).
The "luck of the draw" achievement in Texas Hold 'Em. I don't understand how you "achieve" anything by randomly getting a very, very unlikely hand or two. And who here has honestly gotten this achievement? Anybody?
I lol'd at the NBA 2k7 Score 81 points or higher with Kobe Bryant Achievement.
The worst one is the Madden 06 achievement for looking in the hall of fame... That's it. You just open up the hall of fame screen and... pop! 5 points.
To be fair, the additional Kameo achievements came later to give extra replay value to the game, and as the game already divided up its full 1000 points to the initial set of achievements, the new ones had to be worth 0 points.
You know what I think bad achievements are? The 2006 sports games. I got nearly 800 points out of NBA Live 06 and I _never played a single game of basketball_!! You can actually 'sim' your way to 800 points. And the rest of the sports games are ridiculously easy. Remember that Old Spice Challenge? I got 1900 points in a few hours just by playing last year's sports games.
i THINk I have the Dead Rising, and the Gears achievements..
I have so many achievements to get in Dead Rising, I pretty much gave up on it. The achievement where you have to find all of the cats in Superman Returns is equally retarded.
Saw this on Digg:
You can NOT have a "lame" achievements article without mentioning the incredibly broken and hilariously easy to obtain King Kong achievements...
Pyromaniac (100)
Jack used fire to scare off enemies and get out of harm's way
King of the Jungle (100)
Kong has imposed his supremacy over the inhabitants of the jungle
V-Rex Annihilator (100)
V-Rexes got a taste of Kong’s power
King of the V-Rexes (100)
Kong has killed numerous V-Rexes
Protector (100)
Jack has protected his friends from getting harmed
Foodchain Master (100)
Jack used the foodchain system in order to escape certain death
King of Skull Island (100)
Kong has killed the Giant Snakes
King of Demolition (100)
Kong has destroyed the village of the Natives
Completed game (200)
Complete the game
Using cheat codes doesn't disqualify you. Takes a couple hours. 1000 points. It's like steroids for your score.
Here's one from Marvel Ultimate Alliance to add:
Good Samaritan - Completed Skrull Cityscape level without defeating a single enemy.
If Star Trek: Legacy makes it for that, so can MUA.
You beat me to it C4Vicious- Never a lamer acheivement than accidentally dropping your controller on the R stick to get.
I can understand Kameo and Perfect Dark having kinda crappy achievements, but there's no excuse for Dead Rising or Gears. These games were much later in the development cycle. Both DID have a lot of good achievements but that clothes thing is annoying and I still haven't gotten it.
COG tags in Gears was a cool idea, if they gave you something more. Say a reward like extra ammo at a really tough point or something like reinforcements showing up to help out since you were so committed to notifying the next of kin of fallen comrades.
It's an evolution in process. Hopefully they'll get it right.And I thought all games were required to have at least 1000 points? What's with that 705 crap?
Lost Planet has lame Gears of War style collection achievements. I mean...yeah...I'm fighting for my life against huge ass bugs and monsters...I guess I can search around for some giant floating COINS to SHOOT. At least in Gears of War collecting the cog tags of fallen soldiers...kind of made sense...at least the cog tags weren't floating around and as big as Dom's head.
Also if anyone wants an easy set of gamer points, play History Channel Civil War...it'll take you about three hours to get 80% of the achievements just by running through the levels.
Enchanted Arms - every achievement:
1- has the same icon
2- Is for standard game progression dispite the fact the game has side quests it could give achievements for.
i never actually work to get achievement points honestly who's gona put so much time to get 1000 points just to prove to someone else that he has nothing better to do on Saturday nights in my case i play L2 this way when people question my good equipment i can lie and say i bought them of ebay :)
Apparently, there's an achievement for TMNT Arcade on XBLA for falling in a manhole 5 times in a row.
Its worth 0 points.
The crackdown achievements for collecting all 800 agility and hidden orbs are pretty crappy. I understand having collectibles to find, but 800?! That's a tad on the redonculous side.
And any online game that requires you to use certain weapons for achievements annoy me. Just put in kill count achievements or something so people can use whatever they want.
"The crackdown achievements for collecting all 800 agility and hidden orbs are pretty crappy. I understand having collectibles to find, but 800?! That's a tad on the redonculous side."
I'm not going to rip on crackdown for anything because I was actually compelled to get the achievments in that game because they were so awesome oh and by the way it's 500 orbs not "800" don't mean to be a hater or anything but c'mon Crackdown? god that game's achievments rock so much ass...
OH wait you said hidden orbs too oh ok my bad, hidden orbs suck :(, disregard my above post!
PS EDIT BUTTON NEEDED!
Yknow what they should give achievement points for? Listening to the tutorials in an MMO...rather than blowing off the training NPCs then screaming out "HOW 2 MINE 4 FISH?1"
you know whats really really gay about those FFXI achievements unless you get them all(good luck) no one will ever know what you've accomplished sine they are F$(*en Secret Achievements