Today there are a bunch of new trailers for games like Assassin's Creed Unity, Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and The Last of Us Remastered (which is on sale) but Bill and I would rather talk about superhero cartoons from twenty years ago, and guns we can't remember the names of in Unreal Tournament.
Monday is the worst day of the week, so Bill and I are coping with it by drinking blueberry smoothies and talking about wonderful things like superhero nonsense from Comic-Con, Mass Effect's exciting new (old) sharkmobile, Trine 2's awful poetry, Destiny's two unoriginal races, and True Detective, which Bill doesn't like, and therefore isn't allowed to have blueberry smoothies anymore.
As we recently learned, Sunset Overdrive lets players protect their genitals with the head of a green kangaroo, which is a very silly idea. But is that silly enough, in this post-Saints Row world? The answer is "who cares?" because there are also Hawaiian Shirts and Hawaiian Shirts are my jam.
One of my favorite parts of Pokémon Black & White was the ability to haze your magical pets by dressing them up and having them perform musical theatre, so putting Pikachu in drag in Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby sounds awesome to me. If you want to watch the full Pokémon trailer in all its awkwardly-paced Nintendo-approved sterile family-friendly glory, here it is.
For whatever reason, AOL accidentally let the cat out of the bag about Tekken 7, which is going to be running on Unreal Engine 4, and now we have a big ol' trailer for the game. Meanwhile, in a different game about guys with dumb hair hitting each other, Raiden has been revealed for Mortal Kombat X, and he seems to have a very loose understanding of what thunder can and can't block out.
I've liked just about everything I've seen from Dragon Age: Inquisition, which is weird, because historically I've basically avoided the series. Here is literally everything I knew about the previous Dragon Age games going into my Inquisition hands-on:
They are fantasy RPGs developed by BioWare
The first game was called "Origins," which is so redundant it's actually confusing. I spent a year or two thinking it was a prequel to another game.
The second game reused a bunch of dungeons.
You can do totally horny sex stuff. Er, I mean, there are "romance scenes."
An early episode of The Destructoid Show with "Dragon Age Blowjobs" in the video title is the single highest viewed video on our channel.
The pre-order bonuses for Alien: Isolation have been announced, and they're really, really cool... but should we take it at some kind of sign? After all, it was a very similar lust for bonuses that led to the crew of The Nostromo investigating the distress signal coming from LV-426, in the process granting passage to the film's titular nightmarish stowaway.
Sometimes, when I check my email, I find wonderful things like messages from friends and family, beta invites, or announcements that something I ordered has shipped. Sometimes, I find a pile of press releases. Sometimes they're harmless, and sometimes they make me wish Y2K had actually been as much of a disaster as promised.
Sharknado: The Video Game will be coming to mobile devices sometime this month.
Today is Canada day. And since "Canada" sounds kind of, sort of like "Kaneda," the hero of Otomo Katsuhiro's groundbreaking cyberpunk manga-turned-anime Akira, that's reason enough for me to put on my favorite red jacket and talk about one of his favorite pieces of media ever... Japanese, Canadian, or otherwise.
In a lovingly overproduced developer diary, a couple of Sledgehammer bros ran down the exciting new gear in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, including this year's "game-changer," the exo-skeleton, and hyped some of their other groundbreaking innovations such as... as laser. If nothing else, there was an opening for a Mountain Dew joke.
The King of The Monsters is stomping his big dumb lizard feet all over the Playstation 3 this winter, but only in Japan. Bandai Namco hasn't really given us much else to go on for this game. Will it come out in the west? No idea, but the recent Godzilla movie from Legendary Pictures did pretty well, so who knows.
Of all the games we saw at E3, No Man's Sky is probably the most difficult to describe without sounding like we just came down from a mescaline trip. A procedurally-generated universe filled with millions of planets? Each with new and unique flora and fauna? Spaceships that shoot lasers? This is definitely a high concept game. Hopefully, the final product delivers, because it sounds cool as hell.
Here's some very flaccid news in the wake of E3 -- Destiny's Alpha is over, with a Beta next month. The game'll be a Sony exclusive in Japan. The new dude from Halo 5: Guardians has been named Agent Locke, and he'll be introduced in the Nightfall series. Capcom is essentially up for sale, kinda, sorta, and Nintendo's selling more Wii U's than you might've thought. Ubisoft apparently nerfed Watch Dogs' PC capabilities, and GTA V on PS4, PC, and Xbox One looks great and will have hammerhead sharks. Oh yeah and there's new Emoji. What? Emoji's sort of a video game.
Here on Farts 'N' Crafts, we tackle a lot of hard-hitting issues. And by hard-hitting issues, I specifically mean "bodily fluids," which is almost ironic considering the show's title. We've done dog feces, we've gone hedgehog vomit. This week, we have dog urine, and copious amounts of cat blood. Specifically, Garfield The Cat blood. I like cats, but Garfield is horrible. Please just watch the video so I can stop typing.
If you missed it last week, Bill and I started an all Dragon Ball let's-play/let's-bullshit-about series called Just Saiyan, since we spend most of our workdays arguing like twelve-year-olds about whether or not Vegeta is cool. There are several dozen Dragon Ball Z games, so Bill and I are going on a "Mystical Adventure" and taking a "Grand Tour" of as many of these titles as possible. First up is Dragon Ball: Raging Blast on Xbox 360.
Join us in the comments to discuss things so dorky we've been embarrassed to talk about them in public since high school.