Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


Stick Shift photo
Stick Shift

Stick Shift let me jerk off a car

Feel that rumble, tug that stiff pole
Apr 03
// Laura Kate Dale
Quivering with anticipation, I slowly insert my keys into his ignition slot. A few moments of anticipation, some stuttering as he turns over. A moment of all encompassing rumbling as I turn him on. The engine is running, my c...

Review: Criminal Girls: Invite Only

Mar 07 // Brittany Vincent
Criminal Girls: Invite Only (PS Vita [Reviewed], PlayStation TV)Developer: imageepochPublisher: NIS AmericaReleased: February 3, 2015MSRP: $39.99 Criminal Girls pulls you right down into Hell with a brand new job ahead of you. You're now Warden to a menagerie of young women who acted out during their time in the land of the living and are now suffering for it. Your goal is to push each one through a so-called "Redemption Program" so that they might become rehabilitated members of society. If they can complete the trials and tribulations ahead of them, they can escape eternal damnation. Not one of them like you, however, so motivating them or even getting them to do what you want can be a monumental task. As such, the girls act independently of you during pivotal game moments. You're given four of them to rehabilitate to begin with, and tasked with seeking out the rest as you play. There's a very unique battle system in place as you navigate Hell, and to complicate matters further monsters and other nasties begin popping out that you must contend with. This means while you're working on getting these wayward souls rehabilitated, you'll have to deal with monster encounters as well. [embed]288638:57646:0[/embed] When you're thrust into battle, you don't select which attacks you'd like for the girls to perform. Instead, they will suggest their own moves, and you can select the one that makes the most sense. While this could result in moments where one team member is in dire need of healing or damage isn't dealt because there wasn't a suggested offensive attack, most of the time it works quite well. You can choose from four different options each match as well, so you're usually served up at least one action that makes sense in the context of battles. It's not difficult or even a bad battle system, but there are some bizarre machinations in place you'll have to work with in order to be successful, and that stems from the "Motivation" sequences you're required to take part in. As previously mentioned, your new female charges don't like you very much. Motivation finds you dripping things onto the girls or even prodding them with cattle prod-like devices in order to get them to cooperate. The girls will assume sexually suggestive poses, though they're mostly enshrouded in a strange pink mist (I'll call it the adult fog of war) and stay silent while you "motivate" them using the touch screen to simulate a BDSM-style punishment. These sexual mini-games are comprised of several tiers, though the girls are never completely nude in-game. As you complete your motivational tasks, each girl will come to you with a specific Order that you need to complete. Basically, you'll be asked to find an item, a piece of equipment, a snack, or other special item the girl would like from you. You'll want to do all you can with this system in order to earn new moves, combos, and other useful mechanics for use against the game's plentiful enemies. In short, motivational moments are completely necessary, and while the game is actually a very competent role-playing game without these segments, as always, it will be touted as completely inane and unnecessarily sexual. The time you put in with Motivation games, fighting off enemies, collecting specific Order items, and getting to know the girls is extremely rewarding, however. Throughout the course of the game you'll come to learn more and more about each of the diminutive delinquents, like why Ran's such a little firecracker or why some of the girls have diffficulty chatting with you at all. The beauty of it all is you can experience character growth while still enjoying a title that's simple to pick up and put down with little fanfare. It's perfectly at home on the Vita, though it's clear that many of the backgrounds and areas you must explore were in fact recycled from the original PSP version of the game. Not too big of an issue, but it can clash a bit with the emotive and vibrant anime-styled character portraits. Completing the compulsory mini-games may be uncomfortable for some players, but Criminal Girls: Invite Only is very much a competent game and deserves a look, especially if you've all but converted your Vita at this point into a waifu-collection machine. That's basically what I've done. The edits to the original Japanese version are tasteful, the girls are witty, and the battles are engaging in a very "mobile game" sort of way. You can decide how you feel about motivating these young women on your own, but for me? It feels right! I'm going to make upright citizens out of these ladies yet.  [This review is based on a retail build of the game provided by the publisher.]
Criminal Girls photo
What they need is a good defense
We all know the PlayStation Vita is now the de facto home for all things Japanese. Ports, remakes, re-releases, and original content all trickle down similarly to the little handheld that could, and the Vita port of 2010's PS...

Cibele photo

Cibele is a game about love, sex, and the Internet

The MMO genre as an intimacy lubricant
Mar 01
// Jonathan Holmes
Nina Freeman (How Do You Do It?, Space Dad) is the first and only person to talk to me at length about how Smash Bros. could be a metaphor for an orgy. You can watch her full Sup Holmes episode here. We talk about magical gi...
The Witcher 3 photo
The Witcher 3

The Witcher 3 team recorded 16 hours of motion capture for sex scenes

Yep Yep Yep Yep Yep Yep Uh Huh
Feb 01
// Jonathan Holmes
Do sex scenes in videogames ever arouse you or do they just look like two action figures rubbing their crotches together? Or both? If you're said "yes" or "both" to those questions then you're in luck. The upcoming action RP...
amiibo photo

Person offers to 'show boobs' for Captain Falcon or Pit amiibo

Advertises potential boob show by showing one boob
Dec 31
// Jonathan Holmes
Depending on your time zone, this may be your final Destructoid post of 2014. If the doomsday predictions of 2012 come true two years late and this is the final thing you ever read, then I'm sorry, and you're welcome.  A...
Electronic Super Joy photo
Electronic Super Joy

Hot Sticky Mess is the 'hardest' Electronic Super Joy DLC to date

Your buttless ass is in for a world of hurt
Dec 07
// Jonathan Holmes
[Update: The levels in Hot Sticky Mess were designed by Don Nguyen and Cassie Chui, not Michael Todd and Cassie Chui as originally reported. Apologizes for the error.] Electronic Super Joy is a happy, scary game about a...
Pinch 50 Barrage photo
Pinch 50 Barrage

Heavy breathing and screaming man game hits 3DS in Japan

It's a 2D platformer
Oct 05
// Jonathan Holmes
Growing up, games like Jungle Hunt, Pitfall, and Congo Bongo were the equivalent to today's "AAA experiences". It was just a given that people wanted to play games about defenseless men in the jungle avoiding outrageous deat...
HappyPlayTime photo

Surprise, this game about masturbation wasn't allowed on the App Store

I'm touched, really
May 16
// Brittany Vincent
Color absolutely no one surprised. HappyPlayTime, an educational tool of sorts for women, has been rejected by the App Store, on the grounds that "the concept is not something that Apple wants to go forward with." Not too big...
NSFW photo

Sleepy Time is a Rhythm Depression Masturbation sensation

The Maya Bros new beat-driven one-handed journey into sorrow
Apr 27
// Jonathan Holmes
A lot of weird, unmarketable, one track minded games are referred to as "masturbatory" by their detractors. From a wider perspective, many detractors of videogames in general refer to the medium as "masturbatory", as so many ...
Happy Valentine's Day, you filthy animals
[Update: Contest over! Winners have been sent their codes.] Dtoid has just acquired 70 codes for the PS3/Vita version of Hotline Miami and I REALLY WANT YOU TO WIN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. Here's the deal: th...


Videogame Clubhouse: The Valentine's Day special

Feb 13
// Spencer Hayes
It's time for that annual occurrence of public shame and humiliation: Valentine's Day. If that sentence wasn't enough to tip you off then know that I'm not a big fan of the holiday. So what is a guy to do to prepare himself f...

Vita card game Monster Monpiece comes to NA, EU

Some card images cut, though
Jan 21
// Dale North
Idea Factory International's first Vita game, Monster Monpiece, has been confirmed for North America and Europe today. This tactical card battle with RPG elements comes to PSN this spring.  If the name sounds familiar, ...
Max Scoville presents "Sexy Video Game News-Hole"
As you might've heard yesterday, I am back with Destructoid as full-time Video Warlock. And so, I've wasted absolutely no time whatsoever abusing my newfound power, and here's the first episode of my new show: Sexy Video Gam...


Get ready to spank: Saints Row IV: Enter The Dominatrix

Oct 23
// Dale North
We thought Saints Row: The Third expansion Enter the Dominatrix was some silly, horny internet thing. But it's real, and it's out today on the PSN, XBLA and Steam, priced at $6.99. If you've got a season pass, well, it'...

Jimquisition: Neutered

Aug 12 // Jim Sterling
Jimquisition photo
Jimquisition happens every Monday!
Why do gamers defend their favorite titles from criticism with such volatility? According to some, it's because they don't want to see their genitalia removed. Is inclusivity the enemy of creativity? Is restriction an inherent part of congeniality? The Jimquisition considers recent controversies against the fear of a game being "neutered" to "pander" to new audiences.


Rayman on PC, Incognita, Saints Row IV & More Oculus XXX

The Destructoid Show likes turtles
Jul 26
// Max Scoville
Hey guys! I'm back! And here's today's Destructoid Show, gettin' nasty and stupid with its bad self. Rayman Legends is hitting PC, which is great. The Oculus Rift is supported by a game about sexy maids, Saints Row IV has a ...

Erotica game with the penis controller adds Rift support

The future is now
Jul 26
// Hamza CTZ Aziz
Have you heard about Custom Maid 3D? It's a game where you create your own custom maids and then do things to them. Sexual things. And you do these sexual things by using the Ju-C Air Support controller. It resembles a PlayS...

Star Wars: Battlefront, Ellen Page, & Sexy Suda51

The Destructoid Show has a visit from Uncle Sessler
Jun 25
// Max Scoville
DICE is as excited about Star Wars: Battlefront as you are, Ellen Page is pissed about Ellie in The Last Of Us looking like her, Saints Row IV is too explicit for Australia, and Suda51 gives his stance on sexuality in Killer Is Dead. Adam Sessler fills in for Tara, and we talk about his fun panel with Jim Sterling, and how I'm a suicidal Pikachu.
Dtoid Show photo
Dtoid Show

No Xbox One DRM, Titanfall, Halo, & Oculus Rift VR Sex

The Destructoid Show puts on its wizard hat and robe
Jun 21
// Max Scoville
Hey everybody! It's The Destructoid Show! ...Again! Microsoft dropped their dumb DRM, but there's a day one patch, and we're losing some features. But hey, free Xbox Live games. Titanfall has no single-player campaign, ...

Yep: Oculus Rift getting a sex game, Wicked Paradise

Prepare to experience sexual magic
Jun 17
// Jim Sterling
It was only a matter of time. The highly anticipated Oculus Rift is getting its very own virtual sex game, Wicked Paradise. According to itself, it's "the world's first erotic virtual reality adventure game." You love it. "Im...

Microsoft clarifies Xbox One's Killer Instinct situation

Not scripted, says Microsoft
Jun 10
// Jim Sterling
[Update: Microsoft has issued a response to the kerfuffle surrounding the incident this morning, which reads as such: "The comments in question during the Killer Instinct demo were not scripted. The demo was meant to include...
Xbox porn photo
Xbox porn

Hardcore pornography CONFIRMED for Next Xbox

May 16
// Jim Sterling
SugarDVD, purveyor of such fine films as What An Asshole and Hairy Asian Schoolgirls Masturbate, has confirmed it'll be bringing its adult entertainment streaming services to Microsoft's next-generation Xbox.  The servic...

How eager nipples and a tight thong fought casual sexism

May 15 // Jim Sterling
Bro-sie the Riveter was created as a male counterpart to Ms. Underboob, and was hung in her place ... with emphasis on the hung.  Things went well on the morning of the switch. Anonymous was giddy with delight, co-workers discovered the prank (unleashed on April 1) and laughed. Everything was fine until Mark Long himself arrived, and saw his beloved boobs replaced with a magnificent man-package.  "We hear a loud: 'What the hell is this?!' And then all goes quiet. Ten minutes pass. We panic. "We are both suddenly and painfully aware that we have, in fact, just punked the CEO of our company. He is by all accounts an awesome dude. He is also a late-50s ex-army guy who happens to determine our employment futures in an at-will state. Meep." Fortunately, Long is as awesome as the employee hints, as he not only saw the funny side, he reflected on how his choice of decor may affect others.  "That was a brilliant prank," Long told his employee, "You called me on exactly the bullshit I need to be called on. I put up pictures of half-naked girls around the office all the time and I never think about it. I’m taking you and Sam to lunch. And after that, we’re going to hang both prints, side by side." It can be argued that Long kind of missed the point, since the original poster is still up. It's at least a compromise though, which is one step in a half-decent direction. You don't get too many of them these days, and it's always pleasant to see. It's also a nice lesson in how many people might come across as assholes but are just, well, kind of ignorant of a problem and, once they're aware, they can take steps to fix their part in it.  Not always though. Some of them really are just total assholes. You need to call them out on their shit to separate them, though, and this was certainly an amusing example of that being done. 
Sexy Hawken photo
Bro-sie the Riveter versus Ruby Underboob
Hawken publisher Meteor has, in its office, a piece of art featuring a woman with a bountiful underboob and very little in the way of clothing, hung in place by CEO Mark Long. The half-naked woman, named "Ruby Underboob"...

Jimquisition happens every Monday!
A common argument in the ongoing debate over gender and videogames is that women and men both are equally objectified. Is that really true? As always, Emperor God King Jim Sterling puts His holy foot down and delivers wisdom true to the masses. He totally isn't smug about it, either!


Kotaku lied: Nintendo loves penises AND butts!

Destructoid offers a re-BUTT-al
May 09
// Jim Sterling
In a recent article on Kotaku, writer Patricia Hernandez pointed out that, while Nintendo will censor asses, it has no problem showcasing a delicious penis.  She used Animal Crossing: New Leaf as evidence, criticizing Ni...

Gearbox artist slams Dragon's Crown character design

May 01 // Jim Sterling
As one might expect, Hamm's comments have drawn considerable heat from Dragon's Crown fans, particularly on NeoGAF. Gearbox's own history of female design has been brought up multiple times in response to the criticism, with Borderlands' Mad Moxxi and Duke Nukem Forever's entire existence providing alleged examples of similar female objectification.  Images such as the one above have been used to refute Hamm's point, though to be fair, it's worth pointing out that Hamm is responsible only for Gearbox's environmental art, and her own designs of female characters are both tasteful and quite excellent. Still, gender issues are treacherous waters, and it's inevitable Gearbox's history would be part of the splashback.  That said, it's also been argued that Gearbox's designs as they stand can't be compared to Dragon's Crown's overtly exaggerated characters.  "Nothing in Borderlands posted so far is remotely in the same ballpark," said one NeoGAF poster.  Indeed, while Moxxi clearly has her breasts on show, she is at least sensibly proportioned and her costume actually fits the context of her character. She's not going out to battle dressed in that attire, she's supposed to be an entertainer and the owner of a bar with a deliberately titillating aesthetic. That's not to say she's designed inherently "better" than Tamikani's characters, but it's hard to compare the two in this particular discussion.  In any case, the Dragon's Crown debate rages on, even as those who claim to be tired of it continue to post in forum and comment threads every time it comes up. Indeed, this shows no signs of going away yet.  Still, this is probably the most advertising a Vanillaware game's ever gotten.
Dragon's Crown photo
The boob wars continue
The Dragon's Crown "thing" shows no sign of stopping, with vehement and sometimes venomous opinions flying this way and that. To bring you up to speed, Vanillaware's upcoming brawler features a big-boobed Sorceress, the desig...


Jimquisition: Boob Wars and Dragon Crowns

Jimquisition happens every Monday!
Apr 29
// Jim Sterling
Dragon's Crown has become the latest game involved in a big argument. Big boobs, burly dwarves, and Kotaku were all involved. Gender issues in games are important. They are worth thinking about. They are, contrary to po...
The Destructoid Show can see through your clothes
Hello boys and girls, here's today's Destructoid Show for you to rub your dirty little eyeballs all over. Mmmm. Yes, just like that. Bethesda is done with Skyrim, and they've now begun teasing their next exciting mystery pro...

2 SEXY 4 U photo
2 SEXY 4 U

Study: Xbox gamers way more awesome at sex than PC gamers

In other news, here's a picture of Tingle
Apr 05
// Allistair Pinsof
UK discount site Voucher Codes Pro asked 1,747 partners of gamers how they would rate their partner "in the bedroom." I think they mean sex. Those who primarily game on Xbox received the highest marks with 54% describing them...

More views of naughty Fire Emblem: Awakening Tharja fig

'round back
Feb 28
// Dale North
Remember that naughty Tharja figure scuplt from Wonder Festival 2013 from a few weeks back? You all had a lot to say about it, and I'm not surprised about that. But what is surprising is that people are st...

Auto-loading more stories ... un momento, corazón ...