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Tell me more about your AXE body sprays!
Hey kids, do you want to look at something stupid this morning? Look no further than this juicy slice of video idiocy, courtesy of Battlefield 4 and AXE's pore-closin' smell juice! Together, AXE and BF4 celebrate men and wom...


Lightning Returns director ordered bigger, jiggling boobs

Jul 29
// Jim Sterling
Lightning's either experienced a miracle or paid for a boob job in Lightning Returns, bumping up from a Japanese C cup to a D Cup. Her breasts will also jiggle now, depending on what she's wearing, because the director wanted...

Ubisoft embraces two-screen gaming... just not on Wii U

Jul 03 // Tony Ponce
Although unable to leave the vicinity of the console for true mobile play, the Wii U GamePad was conceived for just these kinds of asynchronous experiences. And according to Ubisoft Quebec managing director Nicolas Rioux, who is overseeing development of these companion apps, it was the company's work on Assassin's Creed III that inspired this second-screen initiative. "With Assassin's Creed III, we were involved on the Wii U version," Rioux explained. "The Wii U was kind of the pioneer of the connected tablet interface. This gave us some ideas for the first iteration of tablets connected with console games." This is the kind of can-do attitude that will inspire other studios to really explore the possibilities of the GamePad. This is precisely why the Wii U was built the way it was, and I am excited to see Ubisoft incorporate these ideas into its Wii U builds. So what's the plan, Mr. Rioux? "It's not confirmed yet, but if it's possible to do it and it makes sense, yes we will provide some kind of experience on the Wii U. Our focus is on the new generation of Microsoft and Sony consoles." ... ... So let me see if I understand this correctly: The PS4 and Xbox One will respectively cost $399 and $499 at retail and will require a separate mobile device to make use of second-screen functions. Meanwhile, the Wii U comes bundled with a controller that has a built-in 6.2" touchscreen, a feature that hasn't been properly exploited but would be ideal for the kinds of experiences Ubisoft is planning. But while second-screen play is a good fit for PS4 and Xbox One, it will only be incorporated into Wii U titles if it "makes sense." The machine that comes bundled with a tablet-like controller in every single box doesn't automatically fit into plans for tablet-specific applications. The excuse in the past was that studios were wary of developing for the Wii U because they would rather make something "unique" that plays to the strengths of the GamePad than bother with a straight port or otherwise traditional software. Now Ubisoft is on the cusp of just such a unique union of TV and mobile -- a union, I must remind you, that was born out of the company's work on the Wii U build of Assassin's Creed III -- yet the Wii U is no longer a priority because the features don't "make sense." Did I get that right? Did I read that correctly? Because if so, that's some fucking shit. Register Ubisoft "convinced" second-screen gaming is "the future" [GamesIndusty International via NeoGAF]
Ubisoft photo
Makes total sense
From our time at this year's E3, we've noticed that a number of studios have become quite enamored with the concept of "second-screen gaming" -- the use of a device such as a smartphone or tablet to interact with a console ga...


Microsoft: Can't get online? Buy an Xbox 360!

Open contempt for the customer? Check!
Jun 12
// Jim Sterling
So far, everything dribbling out of Microsoft's Don Mattrick at E3 this year reeks of the hubris that surrounded Sony in 2005. Hammering home that same cocky, flagrant contempt for the average consumer, Mattrick has uttered h...

Final Fantasy IX photo
Final Fantasy IX

A new Final Fantasy IX side quest was discovered

The game still delivers 13 years later
May 27
// Tony Ponce
Our Lord of Lords Jim Sterling considers Final Fantasy IX to be his favorite game in the series. I wish I could share in his exuberance -- though I own a physical copy of FFIX, I've yet to actually play it. This newest disco...

Molyneux: Xbox 360 won this gen, now must beat Apple

22 Cans founder says wacky things
May 21
// Jim Sterling
We all know Peter Molyneux lives in a gumdrop world of magic and make-believe, but perhaps none of us realized he was so far gone as to live in a world where Nintendo and Sony apparently don't exist. According to the 22 Cans ...

Deadly Premonition: The Director's Cut ... in the coffee

When review copies get messy
Apr 29
// Jim Sterling
A box arrived for me today, and I had a good idea of what it was. Not only was I expecting Deadly Premonition: Director's Cut to arrive today, the package absolutely stank of raw coffee and toothpaste. It could only be one th...

Nintendo announces Wii U Virtual Console launch lineup

Meager offering at best
Apr 23
// Jim Sterling
Nintendo has revealed the games North American Wii U users can look forward to when the Virtual Console officially launches and ... well ... it's not exactly overwhelming. In fact, here's the full library. Try not to strain y...

Ubisoft: Rayman Legends will be a big Wii U system seller

Mar 26
// Jim Sterling
According to Ubisoft France's studio boss, Rayman Legends is going to be a huge system seller for the Wii U, succeeding where Nintendo itself has so far failed. Xavier Poix expects the delayed platformer to work magical wonde...

The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct review coming soon

Mar 20
// Jim Sterling
In the meantime, enjoy this hastily taken shot of the intro cinematic. This is running on a retail Xbox 360. Yes, that's a PC mouse cursor just sat there in the corner.  Excuse the low quality of the pictures. Very much like the game, they were clearly made in a hurry! Look for our full review coming soon.

Sandy Hook shooter allegedly trying to beat a high score

The only game hurting society is the blame game
Mar 18
// Jim Sterling
An anonymous "law enforcement veteran" claims the Sandy Hook shooter was comparing "high scores" of previous mass murderers and intended to beat a record. According to this totally responsible and not-at-all reckless source, ...

Did Call of Duty ruin a generation of gamers?

Mar 14 // Jim Sterling
Tripwire's focus group disliked the acceleration required to sprint, as well as the relative weakness of weapons and the way they handled. Weirdly, people who were very used to playing little else but Call of Duty struggled to play a game that was different to Call of Duty. Who knew!? "Almost every element boiled down to 'it doesn't feel like Call of Duty.' And really, watching some of these guys play ... one of the things that Call of Duty does, and it’s smart business, to a degree, is they compress the skill gap. And the way you compress the skill gap as a designer is you add a whole bunch of randomness. A whole bunch of weaponry that doesn't require any skill to get kills. "Random spawns, massive cone fire on your weapons. Lots of devices that can get kills with zero skill at all, and you know, it’s kind of smart to compress your skill gap to a degree. You don’t want the elite players to destroy the new players so bad that new players can never get into the game and enjoy it." Gibson clearly isn't a fan of the way Call of Duty does things, and that's fine -- there are many FPS fans that dislike it, and prefer other games. But to blame Call of Duty for "ruining" gamers, as if it doesn't have a right to exist and be popular, strikes me as silly. Tripwire will likely earn a lot of fans for dissing what is, essentially, the Twilight Saga of videogames, but Gibson is basically wrong in several ways.  First of all, claiming CoD "ruined" anything implies its popularity scrambled our minds, rather than appealed to minds that already existed and finally found an FPS they could enjoy. The fact CoD appeals to more gamers than most other games would suggest it reached people who were not already playing a great deal of shooters. Now, if everybody who was playing Quake suddenly stopped playing Quake and started enjoying only Call of Duty, Gibson might have a point, but I don't think that happened. To argue Call of Duty ruined the minds of gamers strikes me as no different from suggesting violent games turn kids into mass shooters -- it's an assumption that a videogame has the power to alter our brains for the worst.  It also ignores the fact that distinctly non-CoD games are also quite popular. Halo may have brought a few new ideas to the market, but its multiplayer and weapon handling are rooted a lot more in the old than the new, and it's still a massively popular franchise. I dare say, if Tripwire had focused tested a group of hardcore Halo players and asked them what they wanted, they'd argue in favor a game that felt like Halo. It strikes me as incredibly silly to specifically ask CoD fans what they like, and express dissatisfaction that they answer with "CoD." Call of Duty may have become wildly popular, and it may have influenced a lot of other games this generation, but that's not really Call of Duty's fault. It's just a game, and its only crime in this instance is appealing to a lot of customers -- a "crime" it didn't commit by tricking anybody or changing anybody's mind. It didn't succeed by sneaking into the rooms of children and whispering forbidden secrets in their ears while they slept. It was marketed well, was designed to appeal to more than just older FPS players, and it resonated. That's all it really did.   Red Orchestra 2 also resonates with an audience. Not Call of Duty's audience, but an audience that looks for something else. And that's great. I'm glad both games exist. There's room for everything in this industry, and some things will be more popular than others. That's ... life.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and be mad at some dogs for always wanting to eat dog food designed for dogs to eat with their dog mouths. 
CoD ruined gamers? photo
Red Orchestra dev blames game series for daring to exist
Tripwire Interactive president John Gibson is disappointed in this generation of gamers, and the Red Orchestra developer lays the blame at the feet of Call of Duty. According to Gibson, who focus tested some hardcore CoD...

Hyrule Historia jerk photo
Hyrule Historia jerk

This ass is selling 40+ copies of Hyrule Historia LE

Wow, what a douche nozzle
Feb 16
// Tony Ponce
I've got myself a copy of the Zelda series bible Hyrule Historia, and it's as amazing as everyone says. However, for highly appealing ancillary game merch such as art books, I like to splurge a little extra on fancy collector...
Rayman Legends demo photo
Rayman Legends demo

Dry your tears! New Wii U-only Rayman Legends demo coming

The carnival of stupid continues
Feb 08
// Tony Ponce
Ubisoft allegedly understands your outrage over the Rayman Legends multi-platform news and is ready and willing to soothe the pain with... a brand new demo! And not just any demo -- like the original demo, this one will be al...

Ouya plans to have a new console out every year

CEO undermines first Ouya release by saying better ones are coming
Feb 07
// Jim Sterling
The Android isn't the only thing Ouya's borrowing from the mobile market -- the swift obsoletion of hardware is apparently high up on Ouya's checklist, too! According to CEO Julie Uhrman, a new console is being planned f...
Capcom photo

Capcom cares: Resident Evil 6 gets Japanese voiceover DLC

Ah! I'll buy it at a high price, stranger
Jan 30
// Kyle MacGregor
Oh, Capcom! The lovable scamps behind thoughtful gestures like save files that can't be accidentally deleted are back with yet another altruistic offering for the gaming community. Word on the street is that in an effort...

iOS game lets you beat your boyfriend until he's perfect

Domestic abuse is pretty hilarious
Jan 29
// Jim Sterling
Whenever something gross comes up about a women being objectified or treated poorly, a stock response is often, "You wouldn't bother talking about this if a man were the victim." Well, let's take a look at The Boyfriend Train...

Review: Boob Wars: Big Breasts vs. Flat Chests

Jan 29 // Jim Sterling
Boob Wars: Big Breasts vs. Flat Chests (PC)Developer: Softhouse SealPublisher: Manga GamerReleased: October 19, 2012 (Digital), February 2013 (Boxed)MSRP: $24.95Rig: Intel i7-2600k @3.40 GHz, with 8GB of RAM, GeForce GTX 580 GPU (SLI) Boob Wars puts you in the role of an Erorist -- a man paid to teach women about pleasure by having sex with them whether they want to have sex or not. Our "hero" is charged with the task of reuniting the titular tribes who constantly war over which breast size is superior -- however, this being such a socially progressive game, the protagonist aims to spread the word that breast size doesn't matter, promoting peace and tolerance instead of enmity. Because this a socially progressive game.  The objective is to force sex on as many women as possible until they like it. The main message of the game seems to be that women secretly enjoy any and all sex from any and all men, so you might as well just make them do it and wait patiently for their gratitude when you're finished. So like I said, it's socially progressive and has an important moral message at its narrative core. Chapters involve beating women in combat until they're too weak to fight back, then having your way with them. If that sounds monstrous, just remember -- the women want it. No matter how much they beg our heroic hero to stop, the story consistently reinforces the idea that they definitely want it, as much to convince itself as the player.  Holding itself to fairly loose standards in terming itself a game, Boob Wars gives players a modicum of choice in influencing how the story goes, letting them conquer one or both tribes, and selecting which characters to rape -- sorry, seduce -- first. Once a decision is made, some narrative plays out, detailing the player's ambush of whatever victim -- sorry, opponent -- was chosen. What follows is a card battle, though again, Boob Wars plays fast and loose with terminology in a bid to just scrape by the genre's requirements.  Players and enemies are dealt a hand of seven cards, each with random numbers on them, and can choose to play up to three cards per phase. The protagonist and his opponent take turns alternating between attack and defense, aiming to play cards of high value. Basically, if it's your turn to attack and you played three cards valued at five points each, while the enemy plays three cards valued at two, you'll deal damage to the enemy's hit points. The greater the difference between the two scores, the more damage is dealt. That's really all there is to it. On Normal difficulties, it doesn't take long until the cards are whittled down to two per combatant (two new cards are drawn per turn) and battle consists of simply playing all available cards while leaving it up to chance. Variable cards that let you reshuffle or play more cards pop up occasionally, but battles are otherwise a brainless and tactic-free affair.  Once our intrepid Erorist beats his opponent, a sex scene will play out, complete with lurid descriptions of how he sticks his "sexy kebab" in her "honey pot." The text overlays some fairly simple drawings of the action, with a very rare bit of animation now and then. The usual routine is that the women will be frightened and confused as they try to fight the intense pleasure being violated by a stranger gives them, before eventually surrendering themselves. At the end, you get to choose whether or not ejaculate on her body or deposit the semen directly into her womb, because Boob Wars wants to make sure you're complicit in this behavior.  That's more or less it. Beyond that is a more subtle metagame played directly between yourself and the developers -- how long can you play before you truly, utterly despise everything that you've become? I hit that level within the first twenty minutes, which doesn't sound impressive until you remember it's a very short game and does a lot with its brief gameplay to really make you feel that if there is a God in this cold and merciless universe, he did something awful in putting you among decent people. Translated by scribes who clearly used a thesaurus without the requisite understanding of chosen words (Unless they really thought the use of "stinky" in a blowjob scene was erotic), and featuring drawings you could find cheaper and better equivalents of with a quick Google Image Search, Boob Wars: Big Breasts vs. Flat Chests is a game you play not to get off, or even to laugh, but to question whether or not your parents wasted everybody's time in conceiving, giving birth to, and educating you. Of course, the question remains is this -- it's an H-game, what on Earth was I expecting? I don't know. I don't know why I do any of the things I do, but deciding to review games like Boob Wars certainly makes me have a really good think about my life and forces me to resolve to be a better person. I only did it because readers asked for it, but that excuse will never be enough to cover the stain on my conscience. While not the most overt, violent, disgusting, or graphic H-game available, there's nonetheless an inherent layer of unsettling sleaze to the whole thing, a subtly nasty edge to the way it tries to convince the player that women just walk around wanting it all the time, and you're a bad person if you don't give it to them the moment there's nobody around to see you. In this game, you're not supposed to do what you do out of sadism, or dark humor, but out of a sense of heartfelt nobility -- the end game is peace, and tolerance, and everybody agreeing that unbidden penetration is beautiful. That, somehow, manages to be a worse reason than any.  Even playing devil's advocate and writing this from the perspective of somebody who might be into these games, Boob Wars isn't good. By the standards of those who want to masturbate themselves silly over violent cartoon sex, we're looking at something sub-par, lifeless, and cynical. To offend a regular bypasser is one thing, but this feels offensive to even the target audience. Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe this truly is the game fans have been waiting for. I don't claim to speak for them, and nor would I, but all I can say is, if you want to get off with cartoons, there's much better out there. I can give you the links later. You really don't need to waste your time with this brainless, gormless, depressing little exercise in grisly misery.  All that said ... the soundtrack's pretty good.
Boob Wars reviewed! photo
Traumatic mammary
[Warning: NSFW, even if censored, images following.] "At the beginning of the 22nd Century, an anomaly began occurring in the bodies of women," so goes the tale of Boob Wars. "All the women of the world became either E Cups a...


Taliban: Prince Harry's mental for comparing games to war

Army captain thinks war is like a PlayStation game
Jan 23
// Jim Sterling
The Taliban is not exactly known for saying things Western gamers might nod their head in agreement with, but a fair few are siding with the Islamic fundamentalist movement against Britain's own Prince Harry. The Prince recen...

Ralph Nader: videogames are electronic child molesters

Games compared to pedophiles, because that's not irresponsible!
Jan 22
// Jim Sterling
Former politician and consumer advocate Ralph Nader has decided to throw his lot in with the perpetrators of moral panic, writing off videogames as "electronic child molesters." Talk about a socially responsible statemen...
Mega Man photo
Mega Man

Mega Man 25th anniversary celebrated with Avatar GLORY!

Watch the greatest trailer Capcom's ever made
Jan 16
// Jim Sterling
Capcom has today revealed its ultimate gift to Mega Man fans everywhere. To celebrate the blue hero's 25th anniversary, Capcom has seen fit to grace the world with the only gift that measures up -- Xbox Live Avatar items! Dr...

Dead Island Riptide 'Zombie Bait' Edition is turbo gross

Jan 15
// Jim Sterling
[Update: Deep Silver's US department has wished to make it clear that Zombie Bait Edition is for Europe only, and will not be available in the United States. Instead, it'll only offer the previously announced Collector's Edit...

Black Isle needs a Kickstarter to Kickstart a Kickstarter

Dec 20 // Jim Sterling
At the end of this chicanery, Black Isle does have a game planned -- Project V13, a post-apocalyptic strategy RPG. It'll be a game about founding a colony, gathering resources, and repelling enemy forces. V13 is the name of the Fallout MMO Interplay was working on, but it seems to have been drastically reworked following the loss of the IP to Bethesda.  Right now, the game doesn't even have a "proof of concept" build, and Black Isle is focused on gathering enough developers to actually develop it.  Still, there are "rewards" for anybody handing over cash. For $10, you get access to the studio's message board, a forum badge, and a certificate. If you hand over $20, you can get to a private message board, with a better forum badge, and a better certificate. The top twenty funders, however, will get a real treat -- an even better forum badge and an even better certificate, as well as a name on a "Hero Board."  Jesus fucking Christ. [Thanks, CaimDark!]
Black Isle crowdfunding photo
Crowd funding officially jumps the start
On this day, the concept of crowd-funded gaming has finally reached farce status, with a ridiculous proposition from Black Isle Studios. First off, the studio wants your money to become a studio, at which point it will ask fo...


Metal Gear Rising is not being considered for Wii U

Kojima Productions thinks the GamePad isn't a controller
Dec 18
// Jim Sterling
Kojima Productions' Yuji Korekado has stated for the record that Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance is not being considered for Wii U, and has offered a pretty flimsy reason as to why. According to the producer, the Wii...

Mass Effect and more attacked over school shooting

Angry mob goes after games when media misleads them
Dec 15
// Jim Sterling
Yesterday, the mainstream media sunk to a new low in its rush to build the latest death circus. Following a horrific school shooting in a Connecticut kindergarten, news sources -- chiefly CNN -- jumped to dangerous speculatio...

Racists call BioShock Infinite a white-killing simulator

'Looks like a Jew trying to piddle on old small America'
Dec 14
// Jim Sterling
The BioShock series has never been shy of offering political critique, and BioShock Infinite is biting closer to home than previous installments. The game themes itself around nationalism, racism, and what can happen when the...

Hollywood desperate enough to do Company of Heroes movie

Movie makers scrabble pitifully for ANY existing IP
Dec 04
// Jim Sterling
The film industry has become a pathetic hive of regurgitation and desperation lately, as a world of competing entertainment drives producers to commission endless reboots and sequels -- anything that an audience will instant...

Angry Birds soda outsells Coke and Pepsi in Finland

Topsy turvy! Everything is upsy-daisy!
Nov 22
// Tony Ponce
WUT. No, seriously. WUT. The fact that there is Angry Birds soda isn't what shocks me. You can buy novelty Mega Man and Pac-Man energy drinks. I sampled some very sugary Mario-themed beverages back in the day. Hell, remember ...

Wii U voice chat limited, no headset planned

Wii Speak, eat your heart out!
Oct 18
// Jim Sterling
Nintendo has confirmed to Kotaku that, as much as it tries, it's still struggling to embrace the world of online gaming. Only a "select" number of Wii U games will support voice chat in multiplayer, and there are currently no...

On-disc DLC allegedly found for Resident Evil 6

Capcom caught in a lie?
Oct 08
// Jim Sterling
Despite Capcom pledging to reassess its downloadable content practices and step away from selling stuff it's already shipped to us, modders claim to have caught it in a lie. According to those who've cracked into the code, Re...

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