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12:15 PM on 10.31.2012

Review: Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew

I'll admit to not being the world's biggest Halo fan, so it took me by surprise to find out that Microsoft had changed Halo 4's name since I last saw it at E3, deciding instead to call it Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by M...

Jim Sterling



The Wii is blatantly better than Barack Obama  photo
The Wii is blatantly better than Barack Obama
by Jim Sterling

This year, two reigning incumbents are looking to win themselves a second term of power. I am, of course, talking about president-elect of the United States, Barack Obama, and president-man of the eighth console generation, the Wii home entertainment gaming family device.

Really, the difference between the two situations is practically non-existent. Both became world leaders from humble and unlikely beginnings. Both have won praise and criticism for their unorthodox ways. Both have great marketing departments. Also, Obama said "videogames" once a few years ago, so he is totally videogame-related and that makes this post okay.

Anyway, the point is, this upcoming election is not about Obama vs. Romney. It's clearly about Obama vs. the Wii U, and I urge you all to cast your vote for Nintendo this November. Why? Because the Wii's reign was blatantly better than Barack Obama's reign, and the Wii U shall logically run America better.

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DmC's new Dante is blatantly better than old Dante photo
DmC's new Dante is blatantly better than old Dante
by Jim Sterling

Ninja Theory's redesign of Dante in DmC: Devil May Cry is easily one of the most controversial overhauls in gaming history. Lengthy arguments have been made, explicitly detailing why the new Dante is such a bad character, and yet others vehemently claim Capcom will never get their money again. Opinions are heated.

Opinions are, however, meaningless without me being around to point out the scientifically correct ones. For, indeed, the quality of the new Dante is a scientific fact, not something you can have a so-called "opinion" about. It's like saying the Sun is cold or that birds can't fly -- you can't have your say in this debate, because it's a matter of reality versus fantasy.

The reality is this -- new Dante is blatantly better than old Dante. If you disagree, you're fighting science. 

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What we want in Mirror's Edge 2 photo
What we want in Mirror's Edge 2
by Jim Sterling

Electronic Arts has repeatedly assured fans that Mirror's Edge as a series will not die, that one day we'll get the sequel of our dreams. Nevertheless, folks remain skeptical that we'll ever see Mirror's Edge 2. The original game didn't perform spectacularly and had a few issues that kept the mainstream from paying attention.

Nevertheless, the game had a strong cult following, and fans continue to hope for a new installment.

What would such a game entail? What would we even want from Mirror's Edge 2? After much soul-searching and discussion with fans, I've drawn up a must-have list of all the things we could want in a sequel. If you're a real follower of Faith and her adventures, you're bound to agree.

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How Xbox Live is blatantly better than PSN photo
How Xbox Live is blatantly better than PSN
by Jim Sterling

Since medieval times, humanity has debated, argued, and sometimes even fought over the eternal question -- which company is better, Sony or Microsoft? Angry diatribes have been written and blood has been spilled, but neither man nor beast have found the answer.

However, each side can score points in less encompassing criteria, and it is on these smaller battlefields that the war is being waged in earnest. One of the greatest war zones, the realm of online services, is the most hard-fought, but it's clear who is winning -- Microsoft. Yes, Xbox Live is blatantly better than PlayStation Network.

If you don't believe me, you better shut your stupid mouth before I slap it off your gormless face. I have facts backing me up, you little idiot. What have you got? Sit down, shut up, and listen to the truth that's literally growing out of my head like hair.

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Bring back Project H.A.M.M.E.R. photo
Bring back Project H.A.M.M.E.R.
by Jim Sterling

Project H.A.M.M.E.R. was one of those early announced Wii games that never really went anywhere and quietly disappeared. Alongside Sadness, it was the sort of title that stood out from the minigames and gimmicky PS2 ports. Unlike Sadness, there was proof that Project H.A.M.M.E.R. was an actual videogame at one point. 

Unfortunately, Nintendo canned development years ago, demonstrating that it hates all good games and wanted to only publish bad ones like The Superb Mario's Galaxy and A Legendary Zelda: Sky Wood Sword. Now, however, the Wii U is coming to bring hardcore games to the hardcore gamers who want graphics and online leaderboards. 

So, armed with the Twitter hashtag #BringBackProjectHAMMER and a heck of a lot of gusto, I am out to convince the world why we need to bring back Project H.A.M.M.E.R.

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Diablo III is blatantly better than Torchlight II photo
Diablo III is blatantly better than Torchlight II
by Jim Sterling

Diablo III launched a few scant months ago, but its PR snafus and controversial business decisions have soured a fair few players. Meanwhile, Runic Games has sat back and capitalized, as jilted dungeon crawlers look toward Torchlight II and hail it as the answer to their prayers. 

Sadly, however, these poor misguided fools are as misguided as they are poor. They are also foolish. They are poor, misguided, and foolish because only a poor misguided fool who is foolishly misguided would be poor enough to consider Torchlight II anywhere near Diablo III in terms of asskickingness. I swear by the blank check in my shirt pocket that I will defend Activision's beautifully made game against all criticism, because there is one simple truth that you need to understand. 

Diablo III is blatantly better than Torchlight II.

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10:36 AM on 06.07.2012

E3: Threediots is the killer app the 3DS has been needing

The absolute highlight of yesterday's special E3 3DS press conference was, undoubtedly, the unveiling of Threediots, a new 3D pulp comedy show that will air on the handheld's Nintendo Video channel. As you can see, it is lit...

Jim Sterling

10:30 AM on 03.16.2012

Jimquisition Extra: Virgillio Armarndio's Art Hole

In this bonus episode of Jimquisition, we share rare footage from an obscure, aborted television show, Virgillio Armarndio's Art Hole. Dubbed the most emotionally engaging videogame journalist in the solar system, Virgillio ...

Jim Sterling

3:00 PM on 02.27.2012

Jimquisition: Mass Effect 3: A Gay Erotic Love Story

Let it not be said that I can't get mileage out of a concept. My Mass Effect 3 gay love story went over really well when it was posted on Destructoid last week, so I did a sultry reading of it on this week's Jimquisition for...

Jim Sterling



Mass Effect 3: An Erotic Gay Love Story photo
Mass Effect 3: An Erotic Gay Love Story
by Jim Sterling

The Mass Effect fan seductively slid his disc into the tray, the warm humming of his computer implying an eagerness to receive. With hands almost trembling in anticipation, he booted up Origin, greeted with the familiar pop-up informing him that he needed to download an update. He smiled back at it, like an old friend returned from faraway travels. 

He consumed a Diet Mr. Pibb while Origin updated itself -- a stiff drink to calm his nerves, put fire in his belly. Tonight would be a great night. A passionate night. A night he'd remember in his wildest fantasies and relive in his most wondrous dreams. 

Tonight was the night he would begin to play Mass Effect 3.

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2:00 PM on 12.06.2011

Presenting the new-look Destructoid reviews format

We at Destructoid are always looking to improve our reviews. They're a huge part of our site and one of the most controversial aspects of any videogame community, so ensuring that reviews are clear, concise and fair should be...

Jim Sterling

12:15 PM on 09.26.2011

Should Diablo III be a rhythm-puzzle game?

I've not played the Diablo III beta, but I have seen screenshots on IGN which I usually steal to crop their logo out and then use as header images. Still, I can't help but feel that the game would have been much better as a r...

Jim Sterling

11:00 AM on 09.19.2011

IT IS TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY TODAY!

Oh, har de har, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day, the most hilarious day of the year. If you've never heard of it, it's a day where we all get to be frightfully amusing by saying the things a pirate would say! In honor of this nat...

Jim Sterling

11:30 AM on 09.13.2011

Art Juice: Iwata's Nub Love

On this week's edition of Art Juice, which is a real thing now, I turn my illustrative talents toward the "Nubageddon" controversy, with this chillingly satirical piece that I think speaks to us all. It's called Iwata's Nub L...

Jim Sterling



Review: The 3DS Ambassador Certificate photo
Review: The 3DS Ambassador Certificate
by Jim Sterling

Nintendo is giving early adopters twenty free videogames from its dusty old vaults, and that's fine, but those hoping for something fresher and/or worth more than a collective five bucks were left disappointed ... until now! 

See, not only is Nintendo giving away ten NES games and ten GBA games, it's also letting ambassadors get their hands on an all-new piece of software -- The 3DS Ambassador Certificate

We downloaded this hot item right away and gave it a full review. Trust us when we say this it's worth turning your 3DS on for!

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