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4:30 PM on 12.08.2014

Joylancer is better than Jed's corny uncle at Thanksgiving

Jed's back with more of his ride through Joylancer: Legendary Motor Knight. Jed relates a story of his uncle's lame, perv-y jokes at Thanksgiving, admits he's lost his passion for collectibles, and just straight up forgets everything that's happened so far.

Bill Zoeker


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Jed yearns for your puckering opinions of Joylancer photo
Jed yearns for your puckering opinions of Joylancer
by Bill Zoeker

We have heard your cries for more beard, and they are not going unanswered. Today the second part of Jed conquering Joylancer is available for your quivering senses. So, feast your eyes on this Game Boy Color-esque hack 'n' slash adventure, while the beard commentates with his joyful lance in hand.

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Dimmujed got a happy protrusion for Joylancer: Legendary Motor Knight photo
Dimmujed got a happy protrusion for Joylancer: Legendary Motor Knight
by Bill Zoeker

Jed's back with another retro-style indie game. Joylancer: Legendary Motor Knight puts players in an old school side-scrolling hack 'n' slash with Game Boy Color graphical sensibilities. Jed got to revving up his motorized lance and just absorbed the good vibrations.

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We made Dimmujed play Titan Souls because we got too drunk photo
We made Dimmujed play Titan Souls because we got too drunk
by Bill Zoeker

A little while ago, Max and I were bribed with booze by Devolver Digital to play Titan Souls, an upcoming monster-slaying action game. We got so drunk during our stream of the game, that I'm not even going to link the video here. Luckily, I managed to trick Dtoid community member, Dimmujed, into doing some videos for us, and made him play Titan Souls. He did a lot better at it than we did. We plan on having this milky sex boy do more videos for us, so let us know what you think of him in the comments.

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We played Binding of Isaac: Rebirth because we haven't had a good cry in a while photo
We played Binding of Isaac: Rebirth because we haven't had a good cry in a while
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I started playing The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth because it's a good-ass game, and we like to do gaming. Max has actually never played any iteration of Binding of Isaac before, so I let him go first, knowing that I'd only have to wait a few minutes before my turn.

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We're starting to lose our patience with Ass Creed: Unity photo
We're starting to lose our patience with Ass Creed: Unity
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I are still working our way through the first hour of Assassin's Creed: Unity. I really like re-watching this part of our playthrough because every time I do, I see a new NPC twitching or jostling around. Also, we made jokes about reality television and stuff. 

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We started pondering metaverse theory because AssCreed Unity is boring photo
We started pondering metaverse theory because AssCreed Unity is boring
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I were fighting to stay awake through the beginning of Assassin's Creed Unity, and Max posited a theory that many Ubisoft published games exist in the same universe. Then we saw a fancy boy and a pig and at least had something to joke about for a while.

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Max outs Kevin Spacey as sassy and mean while we play Advanced Warfare photo
Max outs Kevin Spacey as sassy and mean while we play Advanced Warfare
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I were trudging along in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, when I shared a gut feeling that Kevin Spacey is not a very nice person. Max proceeded to share a story related by an ex-girlfriend, who had her adoration of Spacey crushed by that rude, kissy man.

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We played Assassin's Creed Unity, and it was doomed from the start photo
We played Assassin's Creed Unity, and it was doomed from the start
by Bill Zoeker

Oh boy... Max and I jumped into Assassin's Creed Unity. Max started out cautiously excited at what this new iteration might bring, while I have never been at all interested in the series. It's not long before both of our sentiments landed at the same astonished disappointment. Trust me, it only gets uglier from here.

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While playing CoD: Advanced Warfare, we posit that Nintendo hates condoms photo
While playing CoD: Advanced Warfare, we posit that Nintendo hates condoms
by Bill Zoeker

We're now reaching the point in our Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare play session where Max thinks critically about the game's narrative mechanics and then we talk about condoms for like five minutes.

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Max and I have hippie liberal hipster opinions about CoD: Advanced Warfare photo
Max and I have hippie liberal hipster opinions about CoD: Advanced Warfare
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I were playing Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare while hungover, and started devolving into dumber and dumber jokes, and then Max busts out a term like "jingoistic proto-fascism" because we're a couple of San Francisco hipsters who definitely don't have informed, individually refined opinions about things because the world is a vampire and everything is fake.

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We were playing CoD: Advanced Warfare, but we wanted to hang with Stephan at the skate park photo
We were playing CoD: Advanced Warfare, but we wanted to hang with Stephan at the skate park
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I continue to fumble around in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, as our minds wander to some predictably stupid places. We talk about meeting an imaginary teen named Stephan at the skate park, how to find "The Boob," and aggravatingly stupid YouTube comments.

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Talking about Gilmore Girls while playing Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare just doesn't seem right photo
Talking about Gilmore Girls while playing Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare just doesn't seem right
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I continue giving the benefit of the doubt to Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. Max started talking about a crazy theory he has connecting the television shows Gilmore Girls and Californication because his brain was polluted by a combination of oysters and vodka. Don't do booze, kids.

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Max and I suck at Advanced Warfare, but that never stops us from doing anything photo
Max and I suck at Advanced Warfare, but that never stops us from doing anything
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I got our hands on a copy of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. We figured we should probably play it because people like to watch men get sweaty in videogames or whatever. Anyway, we recorded this the day after Max's birthday, so we were both pretty hungover, which served to exacerbate our lack of shooter skill and the incoherence of our jokes. Enjoy.

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Villains should be eating sandwiches in Shadow Warrior photo
Villains should be eating sandwiches in Shadow Warrior
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I wrap up our dip into Shadow Warrior on PS4. We make weird sex noises, talk about Bone Thugz-N-Harmony, and, I, as always, end up declaring I want to watch Demolition Man.

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We took the road less traveled in Shadow Warrior photo
We took the road less traveled in Shadow Warrior
by Bill Zoeker

As we forge on in Shadow Warrior on PS4, Max makes the mistake of letting me play for a bit. Then I ran all the way down the nearby streets and discovers some weird canopied cities filled with inactive robots at the end of the road. And now I have Boyz II Men stuck in my head.

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