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#Destructoid Golden Archives

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Hot Mess: 10 Years of Destructoid party photos

There's something about the Mr. Destructoid helmet that brings out the animal in people. I've seen sheepish tiny McChicken-like boys turn into fearless crotch-thrusters, running up on stages and doing what three shots of Jager could not aff...

 
Look, we drink photo
Look, we drink

10 Years of Destructoid: Get krunk with Mr. Destructoid

[This article was originally published in 2010 -- We miss you, Hollie!] It is a well known fact that a large percentage of the Destructoid community likes to drink. I may or may not have been escorted home drunk by Niero at PAX in fact. S...

 
Deck my Pokeballs
Happy holidays, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  It is that time of year when you annoy entertain your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and unsuspecting opponents on Xbox Live with your holiday music. As a professional at annoying entertaining, I figured I'd gift you this virtual mixtape of my favorite ditties to liven up the mood wherever you are.   read

Bowie lookalikes
[From our Golden Archives: here's our most popular story of the day back in 2009. -N] David Bowie, born David Robert Jones on January 8, 1947, is an English musician, actor, producer and arranger. Having been active in the en...   read

Super Mario movie photo
Super Mario movie

Why the Super Mario movie is an underappreciated masterpiece

[Ed. note: El Great Burcho published this on February 2007. It's one of our Golden favorites.] No, I'm not being ironic, or corny, or funny. Neither am I drunk, stoned, nor under the influence of outside forces requiring me to like the Supe...

 
Why Penis Why photo
Why Penis Why

Save Ryu from looking generic in Street Fighter IV: A fanboy's top 10 wishes

Editor's note: In an internal staff email us old-timers were just laughing about the absurdity of this super fanboy article I wrote back in 2007 voicing my disgust with the redesigned Street Fighter. I've since grown accustomed to the new a...

 
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Where are they now?

Where are they now? Ex-Destructoid editors in the biz

As some of you may have heard by now, Dale North (our editor in chief from 2010-2014) will be moving on to sunnier, though less 'toidy skies. You can read that announcement here. It's no secret that Dale and I have definitely punched each ...

 
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Golden Archives: The Destructoid children's alphabet book

[Something cool we just remembered from our Golden Archives. Love this! -Niero] Last year, GuitarAtomik sang, Rio McCarthy made a bunch of awesome, Necros was racy, itemforty drew the staff, RockVillian made a prologue, CannibalCalvin was c...

 
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Destructoid Golden Classics: The Mega Man Maker

By popular request, I've dug through old hard drives and present to you Destructoid's classic Mega Man maker!  This little app was originally published during PAX 2008 during a panel we gave about how important it is to create original...

 
Haggar for President photo
Haggar for President

Citizens, unite: vote Mike Haggar

[Another gem from Destructoid's Golden Archives, this our most popular story of April 2008] As you’ve no doubt been following the prospective U.S. presidential nominees, you must be asking yourself several questions: Who should I...

 
Everyone is gay
[Destructoid turns 7 next week! Here's our most popular article from January 2009, one of Jim's first features. Check out more of our earlier works in our Golden Archives. -Niero] People have been hunched over their PCs, firi...   read

Game quotes
[This month, Destructoid turns 7 years old! Here's the top article of this weekend back in 2008. You can browse more of these in our Golden Archives. Nostalgic yet? -Niero] Call me a weakling, but it's been more or less forev...   read

Mario is sinister
[Destructoid turns 7 on March 16, 2013! I'm celebrating early by repairing some of my favorite articles from our Wordpress days. You'll be able to browse this original collection soon -- "Destructoid's Golden Archives" is her...   read

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Ramblings of a colorblind gamer

You may or may not know that I am red-green colorblind. Money looks grey to me, pink looks white, brown looks green. No big thing. Since I was born colorblind, I have no frame of reference for how the world is "supposed" to look and, theref...

 
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Videogames that make you feel godly

Videogames provide the perfect tools for pure escapism or utter powerlessness. As a fully interactive media, the player can be as involved as the developer in the fate of our characters, or we can be utterly impotent in swaying our destiny,...

 
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The REAL top ten games of the decade

You've doubtless read by now the "official" top ten games of the decade, or indeed any of the top ten game lists that have spilled onto the Internet as the so-called "naughties" ends and 2010 ushers in yet another arbitrarily assigned ten-y...

 
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Rev Rant: Donate

Every week, "Reverend" Anthony Burch talks about aspects of game design and gamer culture in his weekly "Rev Rant" video series. Admittedly, this week's rant turned out a lot more angry and weirdly serious than the other ones I've done -- ...

 
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How Killzone 2 is blatantly better than Halo 3

Killzone 2 launched exclusively for the PlayStation 3 this Friday, generating much bias from biased people who are biased. It also sold quite a few copies and has been setting the PlayStation Network afire with grenade spam and shotgun ramp...

 
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From our community  

Playing With Others: Gaining acceptance

[Editor's note: neveranything shares with us a very heartwarming story on how videogames helped him make new friends for his Monthly Musing piece. -- CTZ] Throughout elementary and middle school, I was the textbook definition of a bully ta...

 
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The Videogame Bosses' Guide to Success

So you aspire to be a roadblock in the path of every hero, a hulking shadow that ominously hangs over the hopes and dreams of normal people, the guy that makes babies squall at your very approach. I know you. You've turned many a pleasant g...

 
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From our community  

A Time to Destroy: The games that destroy us

[Editor's note: Tony Ponce, which we only knew as "megaStryke" when this was published, looks at three games that have destroyed people's bodies for his A Time to Destroy Monthly Musing. In 2012 he joined the Dtoid team as an associate edit...

 
8===D
Being a gamer over 30 means that you likely fell in love with gaming a long time ago. For me, that affair started around age 6, as my uncle showed me the Atari and I prowled through his Commodore 64 collection, wondering what...   read

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Hail the freak: 36 WoW accounts, played simultaneously. By a freak

I submit evidence of one man, which I am going to use to paint all World of Warcraft players as subhuman scumworms who deserve to be shot. This creature owns 36 WoW accounts, plays them at the same time on 11 computers, and goes on solo rai...

 
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Thirty rubbish Pokemon: Red/Blue edition

As readers will know, I recently confessed my closet Pokémon fandom and am celebrating my newfound liberation with a selection of Pokémon-themed articles for those who also like to throw hard metal balls at fluffy wild animals...

 
8===D
Believe it or not, I really like Pokémon. I've been a big fan of the series since I was a child, but even though my interest in the series diminished as I got older, I still find myself dipping back into the monster-ca...   read

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Ten Golden Rules of action games

There really is nothing quite like a good old-fashioned action game. From God of War to Bujingai, they are the bread and butter of a lifelong gamer's diet. A third-person mixture of combat and exploration, it is a genre absolutely packed fu...

 
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Ten Golden Rules of the anti-videogames lobby

We have had many useful commandments for loyal readers over the course of our Ten Golden Rules series. From learning how to be an online gamer and fanboy, to crafting a successful JRPG or Survival Horror, there have been failsafe doctrines ...

 
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Ten golden rules of videogame fanboyism

What industry can truly call itself an industry without fanboys? Those who prove themselves obsessively loyal to any product or corporation can be found among many communities, and nowhere do they flourish more freely than within gamer cult...

 
8===D
So, I'm reading Topher's Ikaruga review and the comments resulting from it. Other than the usual half-ironic cries of "biased!" and "Anthony would have given this a 4!", I saw many repetitions of one particular sentiment tha...   read

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Ten golden rules of survival horror

By our very nature, we as people are drawn to the dark. We may not like to admit it, but our macabre instincts thirst for blood, as we find ourselves morbidly drawn to brutality and violence. It is no surprise that horror is such a popular ...

 

Jim SterlingFeatured blogger

Destructoid reviews editor, responsible for running and maintaining the cutting edge videogame critique that people ignore because all they want to see are the scores at the end. Also a regular f...

 

Reviews

King's Quest: Once Upon a Climb"A tale of two princesses"

 

Stories: The Path of Destinies"Choose your own adventure/death"

 

Koi"Fish out of water"

 

Severed"Cut my life into pieces / Slash into me"

 

ZEN Pinball 2: Aliens vs. Pinball"Not the Alien's most terrifying incarnation"

 

Alienation"Welcome to Earth"

 

Zenge"Slide, slide, slippity slide"

 

Sega 3D Classics Collection"Not all who wander are classics"

 
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DISCUSSIONS | setupPosts by everyone - post yours

Inquisitive Ravenclaw

While my Mom was typing up some work on her laptop, Windows 10 force-installed I reverted it, but when it came back on she had lost all the stuff she typed up this If thats how itll be, then I dont WANT Windows

 
Vadicta

Scurge is like this excellent blend of Resident Evil, Legend of Zelda, Mega Man, Metroid, and Parasite I never thought survival horror could be so fast paced and

 
Luca Blight

Yesterday I could only give 2 points of love to each post and Im really not sure how but now I can 3 points of love but I want to give

 
RenaudB90

Its nice too see The Chinese Room working so hard to reinforce the stereotype of the foot in mouth, head up their own ass, stuck up, faux-deep indie an image the indie community loves being stuck with, Im

 
Jiraya

Its Friday people , your time to shine ! Also catgirl

 
ikiryou

Im at work in the house of man, dousing the blue tepid flames of sleep with the quenching waters of Starbucks

 
Oridan

How do I manage my Dtoid Huge membership? I wanna make sure its not set to

 
drmcscott

Has anyone found any reviews of that Uncharted 4 computer game? Ya know, considering a load of copies fell off the back of a

 
whatsacow

Am I the only one who feels overall disappointed with Ratchet and Clank? Gameplays fine, but it feels like Insomniac took all the charm, heart, and humour out of the game so they could shove it in the

 
JcDent

I like the silly DBZ-style power escalation in the new Deus Ex trailer, but Im also shocked by the possibility that Streum On will deliver a fun game with Deathwing, what with Divine Cybermancy being a Babys First Mod mod-level anime fanfic of

 
Fenriff

Someone invaded me in Dark Souls I ended

 
ZombZ

As someone who works in IT and can solve 99% of the issues with a reboot I have to praise the sun for this Windows+R command: iexplore -k

 
Deadgar64

So, I ordered a new graphics comes the new have no interest in the heard people talk about trading on Steam but everything Ive read seems know if thats a thing that can be done safely?

 
TheLimoMaker

On the final boss of Dark Souls Wish it was better The lore implications are superb, but the awful tracking attacks and cheap magic shots are things I will never let slide I was expecting an awesome one-on-one duel, I got a pansy magic

 
Nekrosys

Ratchet and Clank is now my Even though Dark Souls also came out this Because you can turn bosses into This is And yes, I know the PS4 capture footage shows how utterly shit I am at

 
RiffRaff

Id love to see the

 
whatsacow

I feel like an old man, but fuck Ive noticed that they all seem to be over priveleged white people who want to feel like their ordeals are as important as real minorities - or they need serious mental help and not fucking

 
AdmiralAckbong

TotalBiscuit? No Red lobster cheddar biscuit? Ill fuck that shit up in a heartbeat, sign me up

 
JohnSmith123

Man FFXIV seems like THE MMO right So much stuff is New dungeons, new raids, new trials, new features like Palace of the Dead, a new collab with level 5 and yokai watch, and much Thats just a patch

 
Sharukurusu

Playing FF6 and Im thinking, thieves in Zozo never thought a dude with a chainsaw would show up

 
Dreamweaver

I was goofing around invading in Dark Souls III and saw something kinda funny: I had to fight off two guys (I obviously wasnt trying to kill them) when another phantom got summoned to After they both killed me, the other guy arrived way too

 
EAPidgeon

Just a reminder that Guiles Theme in SFV is

 
Jed Whitaker

You hear that guys? It is my heart shattering because Total Biscuit disagrees with

 
lewness

Any DS3 fight clubs going on for Dtoid? There seem to be enough players around

 
Retrofraction

Welp, I am the kind of person that forgets the important passwords to log into Vimeo will not let me log into my paid account for another two the worst system locked out you never get back in)

 
Nekrosys

The new Ratchet and Clank has easily secured a place on my top 5 games of 2016 through sheer virtue of it containing a Trophy that is unlocked by turning a helicopter into a That is

 
Robo Panda Z

Oh hey, I just noticed I recently crossed the five-year mark as an active, non-lurking member of this community!

 
StriderHoang

Suddenly I want a Fatal Fury hat

 
hlarge4

Ok, Pontiff Hes maybe a bit But not in a good Random Many with animations too fast to react When I beat him I feel like itll be more luck than

 
Dr Mel

So, with DS2 I came to like the game less and less over I really liked it at Thakfully I seem to be having the opposite experience with I was maybe skeptical at first but now I stop thinking about how Im going to replay it over and over

 

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