[ x ] remove ads and scale site to 1080p+
[ x ] remove the ads & get mobile premium
pay whatever you want to upgrade
 
 

#Also cocks

FRONT PAGE

YouPorn ban photo
YouPorn ban

YouPorn eSports team banned by league

YouPorn, which my colleagues tell me is a supplier of online "adult" entertainment, sponsors an eSports team, Team YP. It has since 2014, back when I wrote, "More like spornsporning an eSporn team." Hah, nice. Unfortunately, this relationsh...

 
 photo
8===D

Hot Mess: 10 Years of Destructoid party photos

There's something about the Mr. Destructoid helmet that brings out the animal in people. I've seen sheepish tiny McChicken-like boys turn into fearless crotch-thrusters, running up on stages and doing what three shots of Jager could not aff...

 
 photo
8===D

Friday Night Fights - Happer Nooo Yur!

Dear lord it's bright. Worked till 6am, drank till 8 and back up at 12pm. Choices. Ugh. It's almost 1pm and I need to go back to work. At least it's Friday and it's a short, 4hr shift. It's the little things. Now excuse me, there's ham on m...

 
GOTY 2015
The downfall of Japanese game development has been greatly exaggerated. It sort of reminds me of what happened a century ago, when Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg's Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce masturbation. Kello...   read

Friday Night Fights photo
Friday Night Fights

Friday Night Fights - Ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges

Well isn't this Hunky Dory? A nice little Friday. We have a new Call of Duty to play together. We have a new Fallout to play with ourselves (HA! HA!). We have herpes. Wait, that's just me. My bad. "So shut up and tell us what's changing Mik...

 
Gamers love danger photo
Gamers love danger

Marathon gamers are 25% more likely to consider sleeping with a serial killer

Do you ever find yourself playing video games for more than eight hours straight? If you answered yes, would you consider sleeping with -- or fucking -- a serial killer? According to OKCupid, 25 percent of you are likely to answer yes. ...

 
Madden tricks photo
Madden tricks

Madden 16 screenshots lie about Marshawn Lynch dick-grabbing mechanic

Madden 16 used the above photo for Marshawn Lynch in its running backs player rating reveal. He is, naturally, number one at 96 overall. He cannot, however, grab his dick in defiance, as he is wont to do in real life. Seriously, watch this.

 
Dick slip photo
Dick slip

Miiverse moderation can't catch ALL the dicks

Sometimes they just slip through the cracks.

 
Rustic photo
Rustic

Rust soft launches female avatars, 'you never had a choice'

Back when I was telling you about how Rust automatically generates penis size based on Steam ID, a footnote to that article was that female player models were on their way to the survival sandbox, too. Well, this momentous addition was anno...

 
Rustic photo
Rustic

Rustic: Rust generates avatar cock size by Steam ID

Haha, rustic. I think it's time for Jordan to take another Rust adventure. The open world survival sim is fascinating. It recently made headlines when players flipped out after it randomly assigned face and skin tone to users' Steam IDs. An...

 
Don't get cocky photo
Don't get cocky

Expensive dick moderation helped kill the last LEGO MMO

Someone think about the children! Like my own personal brand, LEGO is a family-friendly, name-stealing company. And so the open-ended, Minecraft-like builder LEGO Worlds has some problem what with immature idiots' propensity to build cock. ...

 
 photo
8===D

Friday Night Fights - Get Over Here!

Guys, I have a problem. I'm thirsty as hell. Not for some sweet meat slapping, but for blood. Your blood. Someone needs to hit me up on Xbox or PC for some Mortal Kombat X action. I have 9 Komplete on PC as well. LET'S DO THIS THANG! I need...

 
 photo
8===D

Friday Night Fights - Goodbye Sweet Prince

I don't even have it in my heart to 'shop your face into those penguin eyes. Our fearless Boner Knight: Andy Dixon is leaving us as Community Manager. From the first time I was an asshole to you Andy, to the last time I was an asshole to yo...

 
Mario Kart dicks photo
From our community  

Who put all these dicks in Mario Kart?

[Where will Dtoid community blogger Hyper Lemon Buster Cannon find dicks next?? --Mr Andy Dixon] You know, if there's one important observation I've noticed throughout the years, it's that if you look hard enough, like really really hard, y...

 
Sporting YP photo
Sporting YP

YouPorn is sponsoring an eSports team

YouPorn, which a cursory Google search tells me is a streaming adult video webpage, has announced its sponsorship of a Spanish eSports team (Hearthstone, League of Legends). Play2Win will now be known as Team YP, which sounds like some...

 
Xbox porn photo
Xbox porn

Hardcore pornography CONFIRMED for Next Xbox

SugarDVD, purveyor of such fine films as What An Asshole and Hairy Asian Schoolgirls Masturbate, has confirmed it'll be bringing its adult entertainment streaming services to Microsoft's next-generation Xbox.  The service is already of...

 
Promoted cock blog photo
From our community  

Promoted blog: Gaming's greatest cocks

[Destructoid turned seven this past Saturday, and all month long Dtoiders have been reminiscing about their time with the site over in our Community Blogs. Here's Handy's little dandy. Show us yours! --Mr Andy Dixon] We have a little saying...

 
Etrian Odyssey IV photo
Etrian Odyssey IV

Etrian Odyssey IV will get you stiff

Dale North's review is taking forever because he keeps getting distracted by sh*t like this. [Swagtoise's Tumblr via Tiny Cartridge]

 
HAWP photo
HAWP

HAWP: Oh Ash, your diplomacy is so thick and hard

This is... well... umm... you know what? I'm not even going to explain it. The latest Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? is brilliance, plain and simple. Go watch it and have a good laugh or two. Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? - Civilization V [GameTrai...

 
 photo
8===D

Goodbye, Destructoid

As some of you may or may not have heard, this is officially my last day with Destructoid. Man ... I can barely type that without getting upset. I am starting a new job next week at GolinHarris as a writer for Nintendo. It is an absolute dr...

 
 photo
8===D

The DTOID Show: Assassin's Creed DLC, Star Wars, & Porno

On today's completely professional, mature, and otherwise not stupid or embarrassing Destructoid Show, we discuss some very serious topics. First, a season pass is announced for Assassin's Creed III, and the first DLC will be set in an alt...

 
 photo
8===D

YouPorn 'now on' Xbox, welcomes 'Xbox Masturbators'

Sometimes this job is boring, and sometimes YouPorn sends Destructoid a press release, excitedly telling us that its streaming sex video services is coming to Xbox Live. Of course, what it actually means is that, with Internet Explorer comi...

 
 photo
8===D

Destructoid Community Meetup Photos!

Yeah we're a web site, but we are also a collective of fleshy sacks of meat and blood that play video games together and drink sometimes!  In an effort to centralize our random adventures and always have a place to show random photos a...

 
 photo
8===D

Swordfight will get your joystick hard

I stand corrected. This is the weirdest story of the weekend! If you read Joseph Leray's "Nordic New Wave" feature from the other week, you ought to be familiar with Johann Sebastian Joust, a game using accelerometer-powered controllers and...

 
 photo
8===D

Namco Bandai pulls penis-flavored SoulCalibur V ad

[Update: So apparently it is not real. Stupid sexy Voldo!] Namco Bandai recently pulled an advert for SoulCalibur V after fans complained that it was too offensive. No, it wasn't the magazine page featuring ginormous breasts. It was an post...

 
 photo
8===D

The DTOID Show: Our Top Gaming Moments Of 2011!

Merry Christmas, everybody! I'm gonna keep this short because idiot thought it was a good idea to put a small tree in my house and then leave a bunch of presents sitting under it, so I need to go get rid of that crap before anybody trips on...

 
8===D
While we're all waiting for that hotly anticipated Saints Row: The Third review, it's easy to forget that Volition Inc. has something else coming to market -- the official Saints Row: The Third Dildo Baseball Bat.  Fortu...   read

 photo
8===D

Fruit Ninja Kinect unleashes my ninja penis

I refused to rearrange my living room to play Fruit Ninja in my girlfriend's tiny San Francisco flat, so after a few failed attempts at calibration I just jumped behind the sofa, causing my body to turn into a floating severed torso.  ...

 
 photo
8===D

When eroges get motion controls

According to Maniac, the Japanese developer Tech Arts is working on a title called 3D Custom Girl, which will be released at the end of October. The women present in the game cover pretty much every single Anime cliché in the book. T...

 
 photo
8===D

Skyrim demo sends woman into labor

[Update: Chaz and Stevi joined us in the Outer Heaven chat last night (Chaz has been following Destructoid for years) and we got the chance to talk with the soon-to-be parents. Because of the pregnancy, the wedding (planned for this past we...

 

Victoria MedinaFeatured blogger

I've always been terrible with talking about myself, I want to be witty and give you something fun to read, but I never know quite how to say the things I want to say. At least about myself. I ...

 

Reviews

Hitman: Sapienza"Molto buono"

 

The Climb"You rock, rock"

 

Soda Drinker Pro"Like explaining an inside joke to someone else"

 

King's Quest: Once Upon a Climb"A tale of two princesses"

 

Stories: The Path of Destinies"Choose your own adventure/death"

 

Koi"Fish out of water"

 

Severed"Cut my life into pieces / Slash into me"

 

ZEN Pinball 2: Aliens vs. Pinball"Not the Alien's most terrifying incarnation"

 

Alienation"Welcome to Earth"

 
More Reviews
 

  Premium

Huge Reader
 

Previews

More
 

Videos

More
 

US + UK Podcasts!

More
 

Only on Destructoid

More
 

DISCUSSIONS | setupPosts by everyone - post yours

Sir Shenanigans

Want to watch Akira again, but I realize I actually have to get cracking on this Nioh demo if I want to unlock that Its

 
StriderHoang

I just got the Templar asterisk in Bravely Second but still have no idea what kind of synergy I can utilize for the Kaiser

 
lewness

Sunbro-ing Ancient Wyverns so much fun: You run, I hit Wait, 2 guys drop down here No, this way! STAY HERE, Ill kite the big guy away from the fire projectile I even rest at the plunging platform and make him/her do the honors while I watch

 
Jonathan Holmes

All you catgirl fans will be happy in a couple months

 
Kaleido Ruby

Is Sans hard?

 
OrochiLeona

Paws for

 
Lawman

This burn set the whole state of California on

 
Sarah Jane Farron

Have house to myself this weekend so I decided to have a bath for the first time at least 15 years I think? I always just shower I was in there about an hour and I just feel so good right Ill have to do that more So :)

 
Jinx 01

PSA, I had The Art of Atari on my Amazon Wishlist just to and the price just went down from to So if you were interested in pretty good Its not coming out till October, Link in

 
Alphadeus

Going through a difficult Pretty fucking pissed off at some shit that happened last Enough to leave the Discord But Im back until I get kicked, or I leave Heres a link to Surviving the Fuck Fight

 
DSBrad

Walker Star Fox levels are boarderline Why? Its like driving a tank in early PS2

 
Parismio

Oh my Boreal valley is my new

 
ZombZ

All you cat girl lovers have so many waifus to choose just dont know the struggle of a snake girl

 
Fuzunga

Furtoid

 
DSBrad

Beyond Two I such an odd Seems like Heavy Rain meets Life Is Strange meets Metal I think I liked it?

 
Nathan D

Its a strange experience playing Bloodborne with All That She Wants stuck in your Also, got my

 
JayfromtheSun

This is how you know shes a

 
ChrisHannard

Playing Dark Souls I did not Git The commentarys volume is off, which Ill fix if I can face the game

 
Confuseddalek

Lets recap the last two days; Fell though the floor and landed in the womens A chunk of metal shot though the hood of my My laptop screen shattered while I was filling out the At this point, I refuse to leave the

 
DeadMoon

But what about the Squirrel Girls?!?

 
Amna Umen

The gaping dragon is And on my first try too! I got kinda lucky and walked into the room with the Shaman and gimped him as he walked up the stairs so the dragon fight was just a waiting game once his tail was Am I git gud yet?

 
Steven Hansen

all these cat girls just show some of you need to raise your art & animation

 
SeymourDuncan17

Has anyone compared Severed to Skyward Sword yet? Because, if I were to sell it in 5 seconds, so far, Id describe it as Skyward Swords combat done

 
Gamemaniac3434

I have started something Something Soon it will grow through and into It will be a crowning glory in my cap, on the road to conquest of Until we all get bored and go back to our normal I guess

 
GoofierBrute

Just finished Star Fox Loved it, and its a serious contender for Game of the Year for Yeah, you read that

 
taterchimp

Wish gems were easier to find in Dark Souls

 
Torchman

Discord chat has gone full happy ABORT ABORT ABORT, ANIME WAS A MISTAKE

 
vxxyman

More catgirls means more Playboy Penguin (with some backup from good ol Bugs Bunny)

 
Gundy

All dose cat dose

 
Torchman

Shit waifus as far as the eye can

 

Community Blogs Latest

 

Frequently asked

What the f--- is...
All about us
What's social mode/how to switch?
It's in your preferences
Where's the dark theme?
Top of the page, little font icon
Why did I get banned?
Thou shalt douche lightly
Can I buy an ad/sponsor?
Strictly from third parties
Do you even lift, ethically?
Far from perfect, but we try hard
Will you protect me from evil?
Yes, but your common sense helps
Who owns what I post on this site?
You do, we just license it

Get in touch

Editorial contacts
meet our staff
Emotional fondling
[email protected]
Something broken?
[email protected]
Story idea?
[email protected]
Something else?
get in touch


LOVE DTOID? BUY US A BEER Our staff will thank you. Liver, not so much



ADS & SPONSORS Please contact Crave Online, thanks!



DTOID STATS (RECENT 30 DAY) As tracked by our CDN. Learn more about Destructoid in numbers


Stats


 
 
 
Destructoid Logo