*Destructoid
[ x ] remove ads and scale site to 1080p+
[ x ] remove the ads & get mobile premium
pay whatever you want to upgrade
 
 

#Also cocks

YouPorn ban photo
YouPorn ban

YouPorn eSports team banned by league

YouPorn, which my colleagues tell me is a supplier of online "adult" entertainment, sponsors an eSports team, Team YP. It has since 2014, back when I wrote, "More like spornsporning an eSporn team." Hah, nice. Unfortunately, this relationsh...

 
 photo
8===D

Hot Mess: 10 Years of Destructoid party photos

There's something about the Mr. Destructoid helmet that brings out the animal in people. I've seen sheepish tiny McChicken-like boys turn into fearless crotch-thrusters, running up on stages and doing what three shots of Jager could not aff...

 
 photo
8===D

Friday Night Fights - Happer Nooo Yur!

Dear lord it's bright. Worked till 6am, drank till 8 and back up at 12pm. Choices. Ugh. It's almost 1pm and I need to go back to work. At least it's Friday and it's a short, 4hr shift. It's the little things. Now excuse me, there's ham on m...

 
GOTY 2015
The downfall of Japanese game development has been greatly exaggerated. It sort of reminds me of what happened a century ago, when Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg's Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce masturbation. Kello...   read

Friday Night Fights photo
Friday Night Fights

Friday Night Fights - Ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges

Well isn't this Hunky Dory? A nice little Friday. We have a new Call of Duty to play together. We have a new Fallout to play with ourselves (HA! HA!). We have herpes. Wait, that's just me. My bad. "So shut up and tell us what's changing Mik...

 
Gamers love danger photo
Gamers love danger

Marathon gamers are 25% more likely to consider sleeping with a serial killer

Do you ever find yourself playing video games for more than eight hours straight? If you answered yes, would you consider sleeping with -- or fucking -- a serial killer? According to OKCupid, 25 percent of you are likely to answer yes. ...

 
Madden tricks photo
Madden tricks

Madden 16 screenshots lie about Marshawn Lynch dick-grabbing mechanic

Madden 16 used the above photo for Marshawn Lynch in its running backs player rating reveal. He is, naturally, number one at 96 overall. He cannot, however, grab his dick in defiance, as he is wont to do in real life. Seriously, watch this.

 
Dick slip photo
Dick slip

Miiverse moderation can't catch ALL the dicks

Sometimes they just slip through the cracks.

 
Rustic photo
Rustic

Rust soft launches female avatars, 'you never had a choice'

Back when I was telling you about how Rust automatically generates penis size based on Steam ID, a footnote to that article was that female player models were on their way to the survival sandbox, too. Well, this momentous addition was anno...

 
Rustic photo
Rustic

Rustic: Rust generates avatar cock size by Steam ID

Haha, rustic. I think it's time for Jordan to take another Rust adventure. The open world survival sim is fascinating. It recently made headlines when players flipped out after it randomly assigned face and skin tone to users' Steam IDs. An...

 
Don't get cocky photo
Don't get cocky

Expensive dick moderation helped kill the last LEGO MMO

Someone think about the children! Like my own personal brand, LEGO is a family-friendly, name-stealing company. And so the open-ended, Minecraft-like builder LEGO Worlds has some problem what with immature idiots' propensity to build cock. ...

 
 photo
8===D

Friday Night Fights - Get Over Here!

Guys, I have a problem. I'm thirsty as hell. Not for some sweet meat slapping, but for blood. Your blood. Someone needs to hit me up on Xbox or PC for some Mortal Kombat X action. I have 9 Komplete on PC as well. LET'S DO THIS THANG! I need...

 
 photo
8===D

Friday Night Fights - Goodbye Sweet Prince

I don't even have it in my heart to 'shop your face into those penguin eyes. Our fearless Boner Knight: Andy Dixon is leaving us as Community Manager. From the first time I was an asshole to you Andy, to the last time I was an asshole to yo...

 
Mario Kart dicks photo
From our community  

Who put all these dicks in Mario Kart?

[Where will Dtoid community blogger Hyper Lemon Buster Cannon find dicks next?? --Mr Andy Dixon] You know, if there's one important observation I've noticed throughout the years, it's that if you look hard enough, like really really hard, y...

 
Sporting YP photo
Sporting YP

YouPorn is sponsoring an eSports team

YouPorn, which a cursory Google search tells me is a streaming adult video webpage, has announced its sponsorship of a Spanish eSports team (Hearthstone, League of Legends). Play2Win will now be known as Team YP, which sounds like some...

 
Xbox porn photo
Xbox porn

Hardcore pornography CONFIRMED for Next Xbox

SugarDVD, purveyor of such fine films as What An Asshole and Hairy Asian Schoolgirls Masturbate, has confirmed it'll be bringing its adult entertainment streaming services to Microsoft's next-generation Xbox.  The service is already of...

 
Promoted cock blog photo
From our community  

Promoted blog: Gaming's greatest cocks

[Destructoid turned seven this past Saturday, and all month long Dtoiders have been reminiscing about their time with the site over in our Community Blogs. Here's Handy's little dandy. Show us yours! --Mr Andy Dixon] We have a little saying...

 
Etrian Odyssey IV photo
Etrian Odyssey IV

Etrian Odyssey IV will get you stiff

Dale North's review is taking forever because he keeps getting distracted by sh*t like this. [Swagtoise's Tumblr via Tiny Cartridge]

 
HAWP photo
HAWP

HAWP: Oh Ash, your diplomacy is so thick and hard

This is... well... umm... you know what? I'm not even going to explain it. The latest Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? is brilliance, plain and simple. Go watch it and have a good laugh or two. Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? - Civilization V [GameTrai...

 
 photo
8===D

Goodbye, Destructoid

As some of you may or may not have heard, this is officially my last day with Destructoid. Man ... I can barely type that without getting upset. I am starting a new job next week at GolinHarris as a writer for Nintendo. It is an absolute dr...

 
 photo
8===D

The DTOID Show: Assassin's Creed DLC, Star Wars, & Porno

On today's completely professional, mature, and otherwise not stupid or embarrassing Destructoid Show, we discuss some very serious topics. First, a season pass is announced for Assassin's Creed III, and the first DLC will be set in an alt...

 
 photo
8===D

YouPorn 'now on' Xbox, welcomes 'Xbox Masturbators'

Sometimes this job is boring, and sometimes YouPorn sends Destructoid a press release, excitedly telling us that its streaming sex video services is coming to Xbox Live. Of course, what it actually means is that, with Internet Explorer comi...

 
 photo
8===D

Destructoid Community Meetup Photos!

Yeah we're a web site, but we are also a collective of fleshy sacks of meat and blood that play video games together and drink sometimes!  In an effort to centralize our random adventures and always have a place to show random photos a...

 
 photo
8===D

Swordfight will get your joystick hard

I stand corrected. This is the weirdest story of the weekend! If you read Joseph Leray's "Nordic New Wave" feature from the other week, you ought to be familiar with Johann Sebastian Joust, a game using accelerometer-powered controllers and...

 
 photo
8===D

Namco Bandai pulls penis-flavored SoulCalibur V ad

[Update: So apparently it is not real. Stupid sexy Voldo!] Namco Bandai recently pulled an advert for SoulCalibur V after fans complained that it was too offensive. No, it wasn't the magazine page featuring ginormous breasts. It was an post...

 
 photo
8===D

The DTOID Show: Our Top Gaming Moments Of 2011!

Merry Christmas, everybody! I'm gonna keep this short because idiot thought it was a good idea to put a small tree in my house and then leave a bunch of presents sitting under it, so I need to go get rid of that crap before anybody trips on...

 
8===D
While we're all waiting for that hotly anticipated Saints Row: The Third review, it's easy to forget that Volition Inc. has something else coming to market -- the official Saints Row: The Third Dildo Baseball Bat.  Fortu...   read

 photo
8===D

Fruit Ninja Kinect unleashes my ninja penis

I refused to rearrange my living room to play Fruit Ninja in my girlfriend's tiny San Francisco flat, so after a few failed attempts at calibration I just jumped behind the sofa, causing my body to turn into a floating severed torso.  ...

 
 photo
8===D

When eroges get motion controls

According to Maniac, the Japanese developer Tech Arts is working on a title called 3D Custom Girl, which will be released at the end of October. The women present in the game cover pretty much every single Anime cliché in the book. T...

 
 photo
8===D

Skyrim demo sends woman into labor

[Update: Chaz and Stevi joined us in the Outer Heaven chat last night (Chaz has been following Destructoid for years) and we got the chance to talk with the soon-to-be parents. Because of the pregnancy, the wedding (planned for this past we...

 

Victoria MedinaFeatured blogger

I've always been terrible with talking about myself, I want to be witty and give you something fun to read, but I never know quite how to say the things I want to say. At least about myself. I ...

 

Reviews

Fragments of Him"Great writing and performances, terrible pacing and gameplay"

 

Push Me Pull You"Playing Nightcrawlers"

 

Chronos"I keep getting older, but they stay the same age"

 

The Climb"You rock, rock"

 

Hitman: Sapienza"Molto buono"

 

Ray Gigant"Challenge not included"

 

Soda Drinker Pro"Like explaining an inside joke to someone else"

 

King's Quest: Once Upon a Climb"A tale of two princesses"

 

Stories: The Path of Destinies"Choose your own adventure/death"

 
More Reviews
 

  Premium

Huge Reader
 

Previews

More
 

Videos

More
 

US + UK Podcasts!

More
 

Only on Destructoid

More
 

DISCUSSIONS | setupPosts by everyone - post yours

Dangus Taargus

OMG Shadows of The Empire is on Im fucking dying! Now I just need Episode 1 Racer and Battle for Naboo to complete my N64 nostalgia

 
ShadeOfLight

Started a Nuzlocke challenge for Heart Gold: almost lost both Saiyan the Mareep and Alucard the Zubat to the first Gym I only now realize how intense this is going to

 
Torchman

I like this

 
Garett Mefford

I really want the CoD4 Remaster, but I really do not care about the new CoD it comes packaged Dilemmas

 
 Dango

Haha! Your demise will be slow and agonizing, haha!

 
Madoka Malika

one class final am so close!

 
Torchman

That moment when you see a series in Super Robot Wars and you go Who the fuck is that? And then you look them up and it might be the oldest series in the

 
OrochiLeona

It seems Space Jam 2 is a thing that is probably

 
SpielerDad

Doing a mind numbing project for one of the Lizard People pretending to be a human that is my coworker, because shes incapable of doing it That is the definition of incompetence right?

 
Amna Umen

One of my favorite youtube channels posted a run down of 5 video game Its rare when this stuff crosses for me so here ya go

 
Dreggsao

What are the better gifs and why: tarantinofied or michael bayified? discuss!

 
SeymourDuncan17

Anxiously awaiting that Zootopia

 
Jinx 01

Waiting for your car to get worked on at the dealership is a level of banality surpassed only by the Even my 2DS cant save me from its soul-sucking existential

 
DanteKinkade

Putzki, dictator, evil villain, idiot and all around sexy penguin

 
RiffRaff

I know theres a few BabyMetal fans round these parts and I wrote up a review of the new Its got a Metal Totoro song!!!

 
JcDent

Dawn of War 3 will be an interpretive dance music video talking about mans cruelty to mans digital reflection - thats as much sense as I gathered from the Or well have units of scale that would be too big in Dawn of War One or the

 
Donley Time

Boss 101 the game - Check out this snap of Boss 101 and Mac playing games while they chill at Robo You see, the antagonists arent always plotting galactic destruction, sometimes theyre just trying to get out of

 
Inquisitive Ravenclaw

I was planning to donate plasma this morning for some quick cash, but what Im assuming are my newfound allergies started acting up (or a Im gonna have to try tomorrow - no literal blood money for me!

 
Matt Damon

Matt Damon Matt Damon (Matt Damon) Matt Damon? MATT DAMON

 
GuerrillaOcelot

Just checked Saw 13 Call of Duty related things on the front Assumed fetal

 
OrochiLeona

Told you since day 1 Overwatch would be The same way Ive been telling you since day 1 Mirrors Edge will be perfectly a rule of thumb, listen to me and everything will be

 
Larxinostic

Hmm, 69th To exercise restraint is the dignified

 
absolutfreak

I treat myself to Overwatch for my birthday?

 
vxxyman

I cant go to So Im just looking at stuff and I keep checking out this countdown site for P5 Were getting dont toy with us anymore, New video and release date,

 
ObliqueZombie

Wait, is Escapist Magazine actually a PC Master Race meme wank fest, or is there some satire that slipped under the radar?

 
DanteKinkade

Its great in Hardboiled Chicken 2, Lil Putzki has a giant cellphone shaped robot, a giant cellphone shaped robot that looks like it has a rocket launcher for a

 
ZombZ

I noticed most people here write text in block form, while I prefer using a lot of line Is there a writing rule Im ignoring? Especially long texts are easier to read (for me) with line breaks, but Ive never been a fast reader

 
Dreamweaver

Yeah, remember when Quickposts were taken over by catgirls? Well, following in Meanderbots lead, I decided to redraw one of my other original characters (I have dozens) as a Heres Mayuki, who is supposed to be this pudgy girl loves to Yay?

 
Retrofraction

It only took 4 years, but I have an interview at a small production company would say I am excited, but I am very tired I have to go shopping for clothes to wear at it XD

 

Community Blogs Latest

 

Frequently asked

What the f--- is...
All about us
What's social mode/how to switch?
It's in your preferences
Where's the dark theme?
Also in your preferences
Why did I get banned?
Thou shalt douche lightly
Can I buy an ad/sponsor?
Strictly from third parties
Bro, do you even lift, ethically?
We are very transparent
Will you protect me from evil?
Yes, but your common sense helps
Who owns the blogs I post?
You own your stuff, we license it

Get in touch

Editorial contacts
Meet our staff
Emotional fondling
[email protected]
Something broken?
[email protected]
Story idea?
[email protected]
Something else?
Get in touch


LOVE DTOID? BUY US A BEER Our staff will thank you. Liver, not so much



ADS & SPONSORS Please contact Crave Online, thanks!



DTOID STATS (RECENT 30 DAY) As tracked by our CDN. Learn more about Destructoid in numbers


Stats


 
 
 
Destructoid Logo