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Everything may seem serene in the above video, but Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers promises to be quite "nasty". According to the ESRB, The Crystal Bearers will include "damn", "hell", "bikinis that expose deep cleavage", "telekinetic powers to throw people off cliffs", "a goblin samurai holding a sake-shaped bottle (who) appears to be drunk", "steaming manure", "You were peeping?!" and "How icky of you to watch girls changing!"

Any game that takes the premise of Hancock, puts it in the Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles universe, then releases itself on f*cking Kwanzaa has my utmost respect. Add skeletons on motorcycles, break-dance fighting, and now psychic turd flinging, and you have something unlike any other game out there. Even if The Crystal Bearers completely sucks, I'll still want it for the novelty alone.

Still not convinced? Then hit the jump to see a group of levitating moogles get their collective-crotch grabbed. 

Kwanzaa can't come soon enough...

[via Siliconera] 


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20 comments | showing # 1 to 20

MRLN's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 20:09
MRLN
That's a nice environment for a Wii game.

And bikinis. This game gets +1 internets.
Matthew Blake's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 20:35
Matthew Blake
The more that I hear about this game, the more it seems like I'll really dig it.
SilversunFrenzy's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 20:35
SilversunFrenzy
Magnalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 20:38
Magnalon
I tried this for about 10-15 minutes at E3. I walked away, bored. I have no idea what to think of it, as it could very well be good.
dwolfwood's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 20:45
dwolfwood
I gotta say this might enter my library of unopened Wii games I plan to play one day if I keep seeing good things like "You were peeping?!"
adultswim810's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 20:55
adultswim810
deep cleavage!
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 21:07
Tubatic
"One sequence involves intense machine gun fire against a dragon"

That's all you had to say.

Umoja Gift CONFIRMED!
TheCleaningGuy's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 21:24
TheCleaningGuy
My favorite line from the ESRB description is "In one mini-game, two women in bikinis try to knock each other off a floating platform using only their hips."
GoTY confirmed?
ChronosWing's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 21:36
ChronosWing
@TheCleaningGuy

Pretty sure that was a mini game in DOA: Extreme
TheCleaningGuy's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 21:51
TheCleaningGuy
@ChronosWing
Yep, but I didn't have a 360. Also, this is a Final Fantasy game! The only way it could be more deviated from the norm is if it was directed by Suda 51!
Which would be awesome!
readbigwordsisgood's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 22:40
readbigwordsisgood
I dunno - with all this 'melee' stuff in games i am still waiting for the obvious stuff that has not yet made it into a US game release.

you sock someone in the gut -and they vomit.

and - a bayonet on your rifle, it gets stuck in the guy, then you have to kick the dead guy in the chest to pull him off of your bayonet.

personally there should be geysers of vomit available (as a mini game zombie mode) in games - because it would be hilariously awsome as an animation, but no - i've never seen it.

I just have to figure - game manufacturers just self censorship all the time.

And what we are left with is this dufuss type content.

Even crazy climber had buzzards crapping turd bombs right on you. So what's holding back HD gore in games- other than self censorship?
Qraze's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/10/2009 22:52
Qraze
that just sounds awesome. i love watching women change!
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/11/2009 01:35
Gen Eric Gui
These videos are all fine and dandy, but has S-E even said a word as to what this game is even ABOUT? I mean, is there a purpose or do you just run around and do shit like it's Harvest Moon or something?
ErigBurger's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/11/2009 08:11
ErigBurger
"Deep Cleavage" was my high school band's name. Our biggest song was "Turd Throwin' Sake Drinkin' Peeping Tom".
Springsteen's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/11/2009 08:38
Springsteen
@Gen Eric Guy: It's about love. And family values. And cold war diplomacy. And proletarian struggles. And finals. And fantasies. Did I mention there are bikinis in it? On the serious side, I remember reading somewhere that there's something about it being set in the future of the Chronicles universe with a power-hungry Yuke or something. You will probably have to stop him, realize he's actually trying to stop a greater, older evil, become friends, toss poeple off of cliffs and walk around. Either way, I'm looking forward to it.
EdgyDude's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/11/2009 10:32
EdgyDude
Wow, i was kinda on the fence on this one, but that whole lists of details does make it look different to your usual family friendly average Wii game, i hope to not get disappointed but i'll wait for review scores before purchase.
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/11/2009 18:22
Jonathan Holmes
@ Gen Eric- I'm a little fuzzy on the story myself, but I believe the game is about a group of mercenaries, one of whom has psychic powers that make him a pariah, who find stumble upon conspiracies, prophecies, and all that other stuff.

I expect the plot will be somewhat cliche', but will hopefully hold a few surprises.

@ The Cleaning Guy- Yeah, like No More Heroes, I see The Crystal Bearers as being a Japanese take on GTA. As a fan of the Japanese philosophy towards game design, and a non-fan of 3D GTAs, I'm always interested in seeing if my videogame country of choice can take the "criminal in a sandbox" motif and make it appealing (to me).
jamBOT's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/12/2009 02:49
jamBOT
Are you sure that the ESRB is talking about the same game? Because the game that was described and the game that was shown, seem completely different? Crystal Chronicles is pretty boring generally speaking. I wanted to like the series, but Eeehhh.

Really, just take the words, "Final Fantasy" off the front cover. Please. Because, it's not a Final Fantasy game, at all. CC story-lines are tired, the characters are uninteresting, and the game play is a joke. Every time I play a Crystal Chronicles game I'm thinking, "So when is this going to get good?", "When is the game play and battle system, NOT going piss me of, by being so easy my grandmother could play it?", "When is ANYTHING going to happen that I care about?"

If a CC game had even a 1/10th of what you described in the story-line or gameplay. It might actually be good.
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/12/2009 09:59
Jonathan Holmes
@ JamBOT- Agreed. The Crystal Bearers would have done better without the Crystal Chronicles name. It is a completely different game.

I know Magnalon was bored by it at E3, but that might be because the E3 build was basically one huge cut scene.
Retrofraction's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/12/2009 11:37
Retrofraction
The more I see this game The more I want it.

this first video shows off an inviorment just as MP3 or more
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