Everything may seem serene in the above video, but Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers promises to be quite "nasty". According to the ESRB, The Crystal Bearers will include "damn", "hell", "bikinis that expose deep cleavage", "telekinetic powers to throw people off cliffs", "a goblin samurai holding a sake-shaped bottle (who) appears to be drunk", "steaming manure", "You were peeping?!" and "How icky of you to watch girls changing!"
Any game that takes the premise of Hancock, puts it in the Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles universe, then releases itself on f*cking Kwanzaa has my utmost respect. Add skeletons on motorcycles, break-dance fighting, and now psychic turd flinging, and you have something unlike any other game out there. Even if The Crystal Bearers completely sucks, I'll still want it for the novelty alone.
Still not convinced? Then hit the jump to see a group of levitating moogles get their collective-crotch grabbed.
Kwanzaa can't come soon enough...
Final Fantasy: Record Keeper is out today, and it kicks the crap out of All the Bravest
10:30 AM on 03.26.2015