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Spend the weekend playing with your Privates photo

That is what you think it is. Eww.

This week, we're taking a look at the first episode of Zombie Cow's Privates. It's a standard run-and-gun as far as game mechanics are concerned, but the humor is in full effect. For starters, you're tasked with scaling Mount Vagina -- everything kind of just builds from there.

Privates can be downloaded here for free. It's worth checking out if you like hearing British people throw down sex-themed slang, much like the stuff Jim enjoys rambling on about.

Bonus, GET! Because Privates will be too much for some of your PCs to handle, I wanted to include an alternative: Under the Garden. It's an exploration-based game in which you gather resources to survive, and it's pretty damn cool. Props to Indie Games for spotting it.

Be sure to also try out the (admittedly rather disturbing) zombie mode while you're at it.








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Jordan Devore is Destructoid's PC gaming manager and founding ginger editor. He is said to be easy to love but difficult to know. When Samit inquired about his curious bio photo Jordan simply replied: "bitches love sandcastles" ... yet, there is no sandcastle in that photo. We may never truly understand his ways. Likes Platformers, Pixel-based graphics, Stickerbrush Symphony, Pokemon, Leaderboards Meet the rest of the team



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18 comments | showing # 1 to 18
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KenAkuma's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 21:05
KenAkuma
Yay, good free games :)
Saturn118's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 21:12
Saturn118
So, has Microsoft said whether they're going to approve this or not?
Los255's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 21:26
Los255
<3 Jordan
esin's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 21:37
esin
It's the Citizen Kane of gaming.
Twin65050's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 22:59
Twin65050
didn't know it was free.... downloading right now
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 23:37
Monodi
Will there be a hands-on review?
TheGameroomBlitz's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/06/2010 23:58
TheGameroomBlitz
I always do, Jordan... I always do.
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 00:16
Wedge
It seems rather unpolished so far. But free is free. Also this was commissioned as educational material by the BBC. So like, you get to play this in school or something in England. Maybe. Probably not.
Eilyvm's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 00:31
Eilyvm
As soon as I started zapping chlamydia with a Ghostbusters-style "anti bacterial" beam, I was sold. Also, the level where HIV is chasing your characters through someone's anal cavities was hilariously awesome. Not bad for zero dollars!
JFF's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 02:03
JFF
The AI die a lot in the anus stage.
PixelSith64's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 03:22
PixelSith64
Haven't tried Privates yet, but played Under the Garden. Didn't really like it that much, to be honest. Art was nice, though. Zombie mode wasn't that fun. I felt like all I did was sit in one place and camp and keep left clicking and dragging objects over to defend myself constantly. It was annoying everytime dying, you respawn with a new ailment. "Lower movement speed, perminantly (spelled exactly as it was in-game)!" "Your cough will scare away potential game", etc. I never even saw any game, due to the fact that for some reason it wouldn't let me move past the first screen.
Matan's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 06:36
Matan
Awesome game I'm laughing my ass off XD
D-Nez's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 07:45
D-Nez
My laptop fails at running this. I guess maybe I'll dust off the desktop since I was looking forward to this.
VaultDweller1o1's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 08:41
VaultDweller1o1
When are you guys gonna give us a hands-on review of Zombie Cow's Privates?
fasthandsz's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 13:42
fasthandsz
Aside from being a very funny and at times gross games haha. Its also very educational, I say this be in every school!
CrocBox's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/07/2010 18:00
CrocBox
Woo! It's finally out!
lokhe's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/08/2010 05:50
lokhe
gief Mac version...
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