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This may surprise you, but I, a member on a videogame Web site in his mid-twenties, am a virgin.
I'll give that a moment to sink in.
But you see, it isn't exactly what it seems. Because in this case, its by choice. I'm proud to say that the opportunity has come around multiple times, and I've always chosen to walk away. This includes both real life, and in game. Not because I find it somehow morally objectionable, or because girls are gross (which they are).
Its because my virginity, in both realms, deserves something better than the choices I've been given.
Somehow, I always find myself with undesirable women. The kind of girl who does absolutely nothing to stimulate me intellectually, nor sexually. I'm not saying I have high standards (I do), but I've yet to find a woman who I truly find enjoyable to be around. Although I'm not some kind of religious or spiritual fanatic, I do have some moral values. My virginity is one of them.
I want my first time to be special. I want it to be something I will remember for the rest of my life, and to be proud of the experience. I've heard too many stories of people who had made a mistake on their first go-around. Whether it was to someone who was disloyal, diseased, or in some cases, a prostitute, there are many reasons for one to regret their first time.
That's when sex in games come in. Just as I choose not to plant my seed until I find the right field, I do the same in the game world. My virtual seed, if you will. One of my favorite examples is Grand Theft Auto. I don't pick up hookers and have sex with them in my car in a dark alley only to kill them and take my money back.
Well, just once. But that doesn't count, does it?
But, that is just one of a small handful of reasons. You see, alternatively, you have the option as a side quest to progress through a relationship with someone. I chose not to for a few reasons. One of them being, she just wasn't my type.
In many games, you are encouraged to pursue the story in the character's eyes. To do what they would do. But as players, we can't help but interject a bit of ourselves into our protagonist. That's what makes games so relevant to us. And although Denise may be CJ's type, she isn't mine.
Although the two universes aren't entirely parallel, as I can always "do one-player" in real life. Unfortunately, I've yet to come across a solid fapping simulator in a game so far. But hey, there's always new frontiers for the gaming industry to traverse, right?
Another reason I chose not to pursue this relationship is that I was too busy with the main story. Because I was so focused on my main goals, optional things like sex and relationships were not a priority. This too, is a perfect parallel to reality. I'm just too busy trying to achieve other things in my life that are more important to me. Sex isn't one of them.
Until I can accomplish all of my needs to progress, through game or life, my wants will have to take a backseat.
Alas, my princess will come. For some day, I will play a game that has the woman of my dreams. And that game will let me fuck her brains out. But until that day comes, just as in reality, I shall remain a videogame virgin.
This promoted blog was written for our March Monthly Musing assignment, "Write something about sex." You too could get promoted if you write something about sex in videogames over on the Community Blogs.
Contest:
6:00 PM on 03.12.2010
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Cheers.
waiting won't make it better. It's just like anything else you do... the more you do it, the better you are at it. Consider your "mistakes" practice for that one special lady you want to [strikeout]pollute the world[/strikeout] make babies with. I know there's no strikeout tag, but it felt appropriate, so use your imagination.
I can tell you that I believe you are similar to many people I know who seem to have some sort of fantasy built around love, marriage, and sex. If anything, I've learned over the years that none of those things are really all that glorious and having such high expectations sets you up for a nasty fall when your expectations aren't met (and to be frank, they probably never will be, not the way you imagine them at least.)
I work in hard sciences though, so I have a preferential bias towards explanations that show things as they are, as opposed to what people want them desperately to be. For example, I don't necessarily think love is the most wonderful, warm, fuzzy, amazing thing in the world much the same way that I don't think sex with many women is a bad thing. As far as I'm concerned, the more conquests the better, so long as you stay safe.
Much like another commenter pointed out, waiting for it may not necessarily make things better for you. Many women don't want the pressure of being someone's "first time" and even more of them don't want to deal with having someone learn all the finesse involved with sex while in a relationship with them. While you're waiting for perfection there's a chance Mrs. Right would make a conscious decision to pass you by because you're not worth the effort. I know that sounds rather cold, but you have to respect that women want someone who's perfect for them much like you're waiting for the perfect woman, and to a woman, your lack of sexual experience is a massive handicap. At the very least, a woman who will be an exciting long-term sexual partner (which is a cornerstone of any successful relationship.)
In my experience, most women who are long-term material want a guy who's the whole package. This includes a sense of humor, stability, looks, and sexual prowess. I'd love to tell you that putting this part of your life on hold makes you look like you have a sense of control and morals, but in most cases girls will be in the same position I am now. They'll quietly admire your dedication, while looking elsewhere for something more interesting.
besides you don't want to enter your true love's warm and inviting gine for the first time only to blow your load seconds in. no amount of masturbation and familiarity with the palm will have you ready for the hot confines of your first lay.
You have to be willing to fail to ever do anything meaningful with your life. And that ABSOLUTELY includes relationships and connections with people. You have to be willing to have a bad first time and have bad relationships with girls. You have to be willing to go through pain to find beauty and love and romance and all the fantasies you have.
You'll never have good relationships if you're not willing to have bad ones or even mediocre ones. That's a realistic outlook on life, unlike your idealism. And I have something to say about that shit:
Idealism will not make you happy. It will not love you. It will not take care of you while you're sick. It won't go to dinner with you. It won't order in pizza and watch a movie with you. It won't do anything fantastic or romantic or loving or anything of the sort. It'll leave you alone and depressed.
And I think you're lying to yourself. You've encountered tons of women that could stimulate you intellectually AND sexually. It's total bullshit to believe otherwise. There are great girls everywhere. You have to be willing to find them or approach them or whatever, but they're around.
By the way I'm not saying lower your standards; I'm saying open your eyes and see what you're missing. You're missing out on so much.
I don't know that the sex is better or worse, but I think that the dedication to commitment often pays off. Most of the older virgins I have known were men, and when they did marry, they tended to stay married. Many also had strong religious convictions that likely helped, but it's rare nowadays to see solid marriages - so best of luck in finding that special someone!
(though in all reality, game "sex" is not anywhere close to real sex and is just another game function. You have certain actions to perform to get a required output... that output or quest reward is often a simple video discreetly showing "sex" - usually well fogged and rarely showing any truly naughty bits. It's more eroticism than porn, leaving most of it to your imagination).
Mass Effect 2 has shown me a lot about myself, in a way. I was totally in Miranda's pants, but when she and Jack got into an argument, I sided with Jack. Why? Because Miranda was WRONG! And I know, the girlfriend is never wrong, but guess what, she was.
I'm not going to bend my own morals or ignore injustice just to get some poon.
I'm like Bogart in Casablanca. The poon doesn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.
Just wanted to throw that out there.
Ok, later.
At the end of the day you're just one human wiggling around inside another. It doesn't need to be life-changing.
Don't build it up too much in your head, I (and most any man alive) can guarantee you that the first time will probably be the worst time. It gets better as you gain experience and skills... think of it as a SRPG. haha
I'm in my late twenties, and have been married for nearly 6 years. My wife is also a realist and though I was her first, she's not that sad that she wasn't mine. She appreciates that my experience led he to have a better first time.
For those who idealize sex (generally for religious reasons) and wait forever, here's a run down of the reality of what happens.
1. Wedding day: the guy's mind is on the fact that he's gonna finally get some... amplified if he's a virgin waiting for his virgin bride.
2. End of the day: Wife is sad that her perfect day wasn't all she hoped for. She has mixed emotions that such an important milestone she'd waited for is over. To top it off, she's exhausted.
3. Sex: Most likely with the lights out as she's too shy. Guy has trouble finding the hole which is exacerbated by the darkness.
4. More Sex: He finds the hole, she let's him know that it hurts, but he probably underestimates that and wants to get a good "grip" so as not to lose the spot again.
5. Finishing: He's probably done in a minute or so and she certain is not. She's horrified, perhaps in the fetal position crying about the pain and how lame her first time was.
6. Epilogue: Put on a bright smiling face and pretend all is well and never, ever, ever even suggest accidentally that your first time was anything less than stellar for the rest of your life so other people can continue to believe in the illusion that it's magical.
Read the prerelease info on anything Peter Molyneu has made.
Experience is always better.
Those who try to put it off forever claiming sex isn't important... you're making it a much more important of your life by the denial of it. The fact that this blog entry exists is a testament to the fact that 'no sex' is a big part of your life.
I like porn, my wife likes porn. We both like to masturbate. We have lots of sex... and our life is decidedly not about sex.
Think of it this way. If you're really thirsty you get a drink. If you refuse yourself a drink then your life becomes embroiled with the thoughts of getting a drink due to your ever increasing thirst. However, mos people always have something to drink and are rarely parched. You wouldn't say that water was an overly important thing in their life... it's not because they are getting it.
Refraining from anything on purpose will tend to only bring it more to mind.
uh
Just laying that out there.
I'm glad I made at least one person uncomfortable.
I mean, I remember my first time, but only because it was the first. The second and third and so on were so much better.
It's nothing special and is in fact something your body is expecting you to do. So do it.
I hope that when you finally do lose your virginity, you change your view on life and take off those rose-colored glasses. Living with such idealism screws over everything you do and leads to constant disappointment.
Also, believing in true love and soul mates to me is so ignorant of scientific fact that it comes close to believing the world is 6000 years old. You waste your whole life with false hopes and I pity those who believe this... to an extent. If you don't grow up after a while and learn better then my pity goes out the window.
Probably seems stupid to those of you who don't take their games seriously, but I've always been like this in games. I react to every situation like I would in reality. (Well, mostly. I'm not sure how I'd react if I had to fight a giant fire breathing turtle in real life)
I'm 25 and a virgin. Not by choice, at first. I'm disabled and that makes it hard to feel comfortable socializing normally, nevermind getting laid. I'm sure a good deal of that is the fault of my lack of confidence, but a lot of it isn't, I feel.
At this point I feel a bit rejected, not only by the opposite sex, but by society in general. Nobody wants to picture the disabled as sexual beings. So I sort of feel less powerless if I just say "You know what? Fuck it." and reject the system that obviously doesn't desire having me in it. It's probably no less pathetic, but at least I have the illusion of choice.
Anyway, before I get too wordy or personal, I just want to say it's good to know there are people that don't feel sex is the most important part of life. And more power to you for being honest about your mostly unpopular opinion.
BUT it will get better. And better. And better.
But in response to the post, I also have trouble getting it on with any video game character. Mostly because it's usually pretty transparent that the designers have made the available mates with that in mind. I don't enjoy that feeling. Also, the opportunities never present themselves when I want them to. For example, I was playing Mass Effect as a female, and simply by trying to learn more about Kaiden, the game assumed I was trying to get in his pants. This escalated to the point where I was forced to choose a string of renegade options just to avoid macking on him. Despite the harshness I had to resort to didn't reflect the story I wanted to tell, it was marginally better than the alternative.
But I've got a whole blog post of opinions to write about that, so I shouldn't spoil it all here.
This is more a test of moral values and will than anything. Having sex and bending one's own values just for "experience", which some women don't even give a toss about? Nonsense. DJ strikes me as the romantic type and - guess what? - there are romantically idealistic women out there. I've met the romantic women, and they would most certainly find this sort of commitement almost alluring.
I object to what LackOfPants says because I've met tons of idealists who match up with fellow idealists, and they turn out quite fine. Also, the idea that anyone, anywhere, should ever "settle" for any mediocre or downright bad relationship is utter bullshit. No one, at anytime, should subject themselves to such torment. If you ever find yourself around such a toxic partner, get the fuck out. Fuck experience - your dignity, time, and money are worth more than a shitty woman.
There's also the notion that a truly great woman will place sexual prowess as a vital part of a long-term relationship. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Double-J is possibly a good guy, who just so happens to be missing one part of an otherwise great package. The women who do drop a good man because he lacks that tiny (and rather useless) part? I doubt DJ is looking for these women and, ironically, they put far too much value in sex. Sex should never be held in such a high regard that it begins to sour relationships. Sex should be the final finsishing bond to intimacy, the cherry on top of the delicious relationship shake, for things like compassion, trust, and chemistry are far more important than having someone bounce on your meat stick for a few hours. If sex should ever make or break a relationship, that relationship has far more problems than what's going on in bed.
I find such an effort admirable, but time is definitely catching up with you Double-J. I would be careful with your idealism if I were you. There's nothing inherently wrong with idealism itself, but you have to add the occasional bit of realism here and there.
There's certainly hope out there. Besides - it's JUST sex, a biological process that's little more than a hyperadvanced genital massage. It's not worth bending principles over.
I've recently thought (as in around new years) that I might try to be abstinent until I find "the one". That lasted through until the 2nd week of February with an overly pushy woman at the first party I'd been to this year. There's only so much willpower i have, and she marched right on through it.
But I'll try again. Unfortunately sex is unavoidable in relationships I've found. It may sound strange but I really don't have sex for my pleasure, but for the girl I'm with instead. I feel weird about that. But it's just how I've been since even my first time. Anyway, this isn't my blog :p.
But I commend your ideal, I just don't know how long you'll be able to keep it up and agree with those that tell you you're setting yourself up for dissappointment. I made it through High School with a mind like yours, then a couple of my friends got married and with some alcohol involved I I lost my virginity. And it was not all it was cracked up to be. So I say you're not missing much, but it's an experience you should try to have before you do meet the one, at least a few times to get used to it. Unless you find another virgin as your Mrs. Right, you'll have a lot of awkward moments in bed. Moments that can kill a relationship.
/sarcasm
Sex is something that does improves over time. It seems best when you are with someone who you have done it with before and have a mutual connection with. That is when it really is special. When you are both attracted to each other and passionate about what you are doing. When you know what gets the other going and she/he knows what gets you going. Great sex kicks ass, but your best sex will likely come with someone who you have worked on perfecting the art with.
far too much worth is put into such a simple act ( both in games and in real life) and i too try and avoid it at all costs in games, and in real life (though the latter is not by choice, what can i say, communicating both verbally and in written form just aint my thing .
one last thing, i applaud your bravery for being so honest, not only with us, but with yourself.
But their vaginas.....oh, man, their vaginas.
I'm certainly an idealist, but I like to keep a fine balance between it and cynicism.