This is a question that has been on my mind lately, and I feel I should bring it up with the readers in order to see if I'm off-base here. Basically, should people who like the GameCube go to Hell? Now bear in mind, this is not about whether or not there is a Hell. Let's assume that, for the purposes of discussion, that Hell is real. With that in mind, do GameCube owners belong there?
There are many arguments in favor of GameCube owners going to a very literal and palpable Hell, where the fires burn forever and the worm never dies. Here are some of the most compelling:
- It has never been disproved that the GameCube is a Hellraiser Puzzle Box.
- It comes from Japan, where they practice the blasphemous Shinto (It's something about pandas having sex with ghosts I think).
- StarFox Adventures caused thousands of people to have a wank over a picture of a blue fox.
- Cel-shaded Zelda.
- Luigi's Mansion was about spirits and the occult, which is an abomination.
- Not enough of them bought Donkey Konga, killing the greatest peripheral Nintendo's ever made.
- They're probably bad people.
Very tough arguments, I think you'll agree. So what do you reckon? Should they go to Hell? Depending on your answer, I may ask people at the next PAX whether or not they've got a GameCube at home and cut them with a razor should they say yes.
Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize.
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Contest:
12:30 PM on 11.11.2011 | 
Where does that put me? Purgatory?
TO HELL WITH YOU!
Metroid moved to first person (which I actually liked, but some don't)
Sunshine is considered commonly to be the worst 3D mario (I'd agree)
Wind Waker was a little controversial (I don't like it. The damn empty open world ocean and miserable fetch quests ruined the game for me)
Donkey Konga moved the series to bongo controls (even though this obviously wasn't meant to be a sequel obviously)
But here we have this bright purple plastic cube with people huddled around it, taking in its bright colors and admiring its vanity. What did Moses do when he came off the motherfucking mountain with some big ass rocks under his arms and found a bunch of sexy teens boinking around some golden cow baby? He sent those decadent somomabitches straight to the land of infinite rotisserie.
Consider yourselves warned, you purple praising idol mongers.
So what is worse - supporting the GC or buying the next system that will emulate it?
Excuse me while I play some Donkey Kong and contemplate this.
My largest game library is on the 'Cube (I own about 60+, I think), and I masturbate to *most* of them when I get the chance.
Lord, save me!
Beee-elzebub has a devil put aside for meeee.
For meeeee.
Fooor meeeeEEEEEE.
Every argument against the Wii being too casuals, always comes down to how Nintendo should go back to the GC days, which is ironic. Considering that it was they're least sold home console in history. So why a Nintendo fan would ever want them to back to being in 3rd place, is beyond me, but that's another story for another day, because I don't get this article. I guess Its just over my head!
This should be an internet meme.
4 game Zelda disc, including Ocarina of time and Majora's Mask = 15 bucks.
It's like a Steam deal without Steam.
You should come and visit. Hot, blue foxes for everyone.
I shouldn't go to hell though. Because I no longer own it, which can be seen as a metaphor for accepting Christ, right?
I'm just curious, how can anyone like Gamecube more that PS2? Unless of course you REALLY like Nintendo's first party games, however it seems like PS2 ended up getting superior versions of all of Gamecube's best 3rd party games. I remember being happy with Tales of Symphonia, Resident Evil 4, Super Monkey Ball series, Sonic Mega Collection, etc, only to be jealous of my friends who got all of those games with bonus features and for 20 dollars.
So given all of the facts, they should average out to at least a C+, which is a passing grade, which means I go to Heaven. Done.
Nazi Admin's aren't relevant because we all know that administrative officials are just as evil as Nazi's, when you get right down to it. So that's like double-hell. Twice the hell in every box.
Have you seen how much paperwork those f*ckers dish out? Evil bastards.
IT WILL TEAR YOUR SOUL APART.
...I also conjure demons on Sundays.
Rage Meter at 99.99%.