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Shadowrun: now with 20 percent more superlatives photo

Shadowrun is an upcoming multiplatform release for the Xbox 360 and Windows PCs that will allow online play bridging the two disparate platforms. We can all agree on that, right? Good. Now that that's settled, I want to make a list of things that Shadowrun is not:

Shadowrun is not that pretty girl who never called you back after one date even though you thought there was a really special connection there.

Shadowrun is not liquid gold in the form of two beautiful twins willing to submit to your every fantasy.

Shadowrun is not the second coming of a Christ-like figure who shoots rainbows from his eyes and buys you a puppy every time you have a bad day.

Shadowrun is not the ultimate usurper of Counterstrike's claim to the "most-played online FPS of all time".

Then again, according to this article on UGO, I'm apparently totally wrong. While I support the use of superlatives and (confusingly complex swears), the following statement from their preview only shows that it's very possible to type coherently with one hand while giving handjobs to development teams with the other;

Shadowrun is definitely looking to usurp the enduringly popular Counter-Strike, especially when you consider the fact that it will in fact be the first game to offer cross-platform PC and Xbox 360 play. And the way things look right now, it could possibly do just that.

We appreciate their use of non-committal terms like "possibly", "looking to" and "the", but comparing an unreleased title to a game that uses more bandwidth on a daily basis than Skynet and Bram Cohen combined, is tantamount to comparing oranges to other, really sexy oranges that shun the first oranges for having terrible skin and being bad at sports; it's just not done.

 








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13 comments | showing # 1 to 13
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Dr l0cke's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 00:56
Dr l0cke
uh, don't forget that is costs money to use games for windows live. The only way that would up CS is if they started making you play monthly fees for steam.

Which I would totally do, BTW.
Fronz's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 01:02
Fronz
you can't "rah" a mummy! you plebeian!! you can't triple stamp a double stamp!
Hipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 01:05
Hipple
Well won't you be embarrassed when Shadowrun actually turns out to be the second coming of a Christ-like figure who shoots rainbows from his eyes and buys you a puppy every time you have a bad day. I would pay $50 a year for that.
Banj's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 01:12
Banj
"Shadowrun is not that pretty girl who never called you back after one date even though you thought there was a really special connection there."

...bad weekend was it Champ?
Rezbit's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 01:16
Rezbit
Sometimes I dream about Shadowrun.
Jesse Cortez's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 03:59
Jesse Cortez
Ummm..FFXI allowed cross-platform Xbox 360 and PC play, so this is not the first...

Booya?
Castro's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 06:16
Castro
UGO is still around? I got to the part that said UGO and I was all "UGO!?!? I forgot about that whole thing. Weren't they affiliated with Old Man Murray?"

Shadowrun looks like fun though. I hear it's really complicated. I never played the original. I hear it's a grand ole time.
topcow's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 07:24
topcow
Do I see Freddy Pharkas, Frontier Pharmacist in Castro's profile?

That's fuckin kicking it old school.

Nobody knows what I just said.
Castro's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 07:29
Castro
@topcow

It just happens to be my favorite computer game ever. It's the only time I ever laughed so hard that I cried while playing a game.
JamesSorensen's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 07:55
JamesSorensen
after playing the beta, its just another mediocre game

if you master teleport you can own everyone
Hammerhand's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 08:49
Hammerhand
Mumm-Ra reference. Outstanding.
LordRegulus's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/05/2007 10:26
LordRegulus
YES.

Just what the doctor ordered. Now I can combine the shooter experience of CS with the fantasy experience of WoW and the sci-fi experience of Halo. I can hear it already...

"Plasma swords are so goddamn CHEAP!"

"HOW I MINE FOR FISH?"

"OMG HAX!!1!"
TJF588's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/03/2010 11:58
TJF588
"HOW I MINE FOR FISH?"

You've got my quote of the day right there.
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