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Sexy Time! God of War II photo

[Sexy Time! is a regular series where we take a look at some of the more, shall we say, erotic aspects of video games. It also gives us a reason to post images such as the above. You're welcome.]

Sex has been a part of legend, lore and religion as far back as... well, as far back as there have even been such things. Few cultures in history have gained more note for mythical shagging than the ancient Greeks. Their pantheon of Gods is positively full of lascivious relationships and you can barely read one of their myths without somebody getting down.

Why should videogames rooted in Greek mythology be any different? If we're talking about God of War, they aren't. Kratos' loins have seen action in every major installment of the series to date. His escapades and the style in which they are presented to the player verge on being a trademark. None has been more over-the-top naughty than his threesome with a pair of bathing beauties in Rhodes in the opening level of God of War II.

In the wake of the "Hot Coffee" scandal surrounding Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, it's easy to see how God of War's more subtle sexual conquest was overlooked by the media. Compared to the upfront nature present in the modified GTA, cutting away to a wobbly vase with animalistic grunts and moans in the background seemed almost tasteful.

Perhaps it was the success found at slipping under the radar that emboldened the designers responsible for the follow-up. Everything about God of War II was bigger, grander and more graphic than that which came before and the sex mini-game in this sequel is no exception. While the same cut-away tactic was used to avoid the backlash which would have inevitably resulted, taste goes right out the window as we see a fountain in the form of a urinating boy positively erupt at the climax.

The structure of the minigame is simple and representative of many of the tasks found in these games. They're quicktime-events, the same used to conquer any other overwhelming challenge Kratos comes across. By successfully completing the presented sequence of commands, the player receives more than mere tittilation by earning red orbs, the items by which Kratos can improve his skills and more easily meet later challenges.

Which leads to an interesting perspective that can be found in a minigame which is tailored in the way these are. Even if you fail, there is still some level of reward in the form of the charming animation and erotic background noises. But it's a hollow accomplishment and one barely worth more than a laugh. Putting forth the effort necessary to actually succeed in the act (however simplified it may be in this case) can produce something far more tangible.

We can't say for certain if God of War III will feature another penetrating look at the sex lives of Greek Gods. It does seem fairly likely, however, that we'll get to take another stab at demonstrating Kratos' prowess. The question is, how far will Sony take it next?


Continue reading: More Sony stories





25 comments | showing # 1 to 25
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Necro BABS's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:04
Necro BABS
If it does not have this sexy minigame someone somewhere will bitch
The Prodigal Son's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:06
The Prodigal Son
1080p Greek orgies? Hell yeah! Also, tasteful header pic.
aaronf's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:07
aaronf
Boobies in HD. Can't wait!
Char Aznable's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:09
Char Aznable
The sexual innuendo here is magnificent, Conrad. Also, your opening paragraph reminded me that Zeus once transformed into a swan to get it on with a chick. Take that, Kratos.

You might as well just include the names of the chicks in these header images, because people are always going to ask and immediately start fapping.

So, what's her name?
JLanphear's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:13
JLanphear
I agree with Char. Names would be helpful for fap-strategies.

I love this column. I really do. It's amazing. And when God of War III comes out with its 1080p beauty, and boobies the world over will look at their TV, and smile a devious smile that can only be had while looking at porn.
Conrad Zimmerman's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:14
Conrad Zimmerman
@Char Aznable: A Google search for the Greek Goddess of love will lead you to her.
ParaParaKing's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:15
ParaParaKing
BOOOOOOOOBS for hits!

If gametrailers can do it, dtoid will do it.
Daraku Tenshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:37
Daraku Tenshi
YesyesyesyesyesyesYEEEEESSSSS!!!! Boobies are AWESOME!
DinnertimeNinja's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 15:58
DinnertimeNinja
Eh, I've always thought these mini-games were just kind of lame.

I mean, those women look like they have grapefruits strapped to their chests.

If they can make the juggs look semi-real then go right ahead, but if they can only make it look like there was SOMEHOW plastic surgery (and BAD plastic surgery at that) in ancient Greece, then keep it out.
Tracid's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 16:33
Tracid
On the PS3 you will have to use the motion control from the SIXAXIS to aim and shoot. ;)
whatisdelicious's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 16:34
whatisdelicious
My personal opinion: They should have a volcano erupt in the background.
Doomsday Forte's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 16:35
Doomsday Forte
I didn't play a lot of GoW for some reason. I guess the hyperviolence and the minigames were a turn-off for me. Come on, I like bloodshed as much as the next person but it just got old for me quick. *shrugs*
whatisdelicious's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 16:36
whatisdelicious
@DinnertimeNinja: The point of the sex mini-game isn't to arouse you. It's character development of Kratos, a pace-breaker, and it's just a comical break for the player. Who cares if the chicks in GoWIII's sex mini-game look good? As long as they look like women, cool.

The camera's going to pan away anyhow so again, why do you care?
Schabracke's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 17:21
Schabracke
Not only did Zeus transform into a swan, he also was horny for his doughter and transformed into a taurus to get Europe!
But Kratos has the real thing here^^
Corak's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 17:56
Corak
Boobs, glorious boobs.
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 19:15
Dexter345
I want to see Kratos violate some sort of farm animal. Is that wrong?
EightBitMav's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 19:34
EightBitMav
@Dexter345
How could something so historically accurate be wrong? haha.
Atlas's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 23:04
Atlas
The sexiest part about Greek mythology is definitely when Cronus hides in his mothers vagina and cuts off his fathers dick with a sickle as he inserts it into her for sexytime.
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/06/2009 23:45
Chronic Logic
I saw a pixellated tit back when I was 8 years old, it traumatized me for so many years. I had to go to therapy to undo the damage the pixellated tit had done to me.
KrazyKraut's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/07/2009 13:19
KrazyKraut
@Necro-bestial Anal Butt Sex omfg...nice avatar!!! QOTSA for ever!!!
btw....sex in 16+ games is like sex in a 16+ movie. nothing special anymore. sex in gta san andreas, mass effect or LARRY ...nothing special
Conrad Zimmerman's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/07/2009 13:26
Conrad Zimmerman
@KrazyKraut: If you feel that sex, no matter its source, is "nothing special"... well, I weep for you. Sex has layered aspects so woven into our existence that even the most simplistic depictions can have meaning far beyond the obvious. Just because it isn't hardcore pornography does not mean it is without value and it need not be arousing to be interesting.

If you find sex mundane, there's probably something wrong.
KraZee's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/16/2009 19:22
KraZee
Whos the babe?
deewang's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/20/2009 20:51
deewang
We can't say for certain if God of War III will feature another penetrating look at the sex lives of Greek Gods.
--------------
Ed Hardy
Marioland's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/22/2009 13:59
Marioland
Seriously, for a game so gay -you see a beefed half naked man fighting other beefed half naked men for the majority o the game which is a please for the queer's eye- some random toss of boobs to remind the straight players that they are straight, is good.

At least it gets both homosexual, women and heterosexual audience to buy the game.
JoZo's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/27/2009 12:30
JoZo
Has anyone found another pair of chicks on the PSP GoW?
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