Every time I write a post about how terrifyingly Caligulan Second Life has become I swear on a copy of Jane Eyre that I will never draw more attention to that digital Sodom, but then, some virtual Guccione manages to push the boundaries of e-taste a few more creepy, poorly lubed centimeters and I'm forced to reveal yet another disturbing facet of the virtual lives being lead by those who inhabit the Lindens' metaverse.
This time word has come in from BoingBoing of the emergence of adorable baby unicorns within Second Life. People can apparently acquire the tiny, mythological beasts as pets, much like one would keep a puppy or a kitten in the real world only these companions are digitially crafted to be the epitome of adorable -- and unlike a kitten, they only use their horns for helping you defrost your freezer and chipping ice off of your windshield on particularly cold winter days.
Where's the problem with this? So far the description has been all sunshine and lollipops, right? That's up until you realize the only way to pick up your very own virtual mini unicorn is by having sex with an adult unicorn located within the game.
Kinda ruins the moment in the same way that hearing your ice cream man was convicted of sodomizing 8 year olds ruins the flavor of those gigantic ice cream sandwiches, doesn't it?
09/07/2007 22:04
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09/07/2007 22:14
I think we should get Niero onto this.
Oh and my original comment involved pondering whether or not a "Hot Coffee" mod was needed and how Jack Thompson et al will take all the Unicorn sex.
09/07/2007 22:20
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09/07/2007 22:44
Ignore the grammatical nightmare that is my idiotic writing style, I haven't slept in a few days
09/07/2007 22:52
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09/07/2007 22:56
Thank you and yeah, I concur. If you're going to bang an animal, it may as well be a legendary, mythological animal.
09/07/2007 23:07
This troubles me.
09/07/2007 23:10
http://www.destructoid.com/first-images-from-soul-calibur-iv-update--33798.phtml
The picture DOES rule.
09/07/2007 23:11
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09/07/2007 23:16
...Wait, what?
09/07/2007 23:22
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09/08/2007 00:04
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09/08/2007 00:27
i knew that horn on its head was meant to be sat on.
i called that shit years ago!
picture equals disturbing.
09/08/2007 00:39
"Dethklok has summoned a troll."
"What? But that's impossible, there's no such thing as trolls."
"Then how do you explain the trail of dead unicorns?"
09/08/2007 00:42
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09/08/2007 01:11
you
are
so
fucked
up.
09/08/2007 01:13
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09/08/2007 01:40
That goes hand-in-hand with other people's ability to express disdain, annoyance and (occasionally) complete confusion at it's very existence. Just like you can express the same at any of us for our takes on the matter. It's give and take.
09/08/2007 02:00
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09/08/2007 03:32
I still get a smile when I think of that "Free Hugs" parody with the dude with the giant floppy penis. Man, I wish God would send another flood...
09/08/2007 03:39
I guess I'm old fashioned.
09/08/2007 03:59
09/08/2007 04:08
One night we had someone in a Hitler avatar boning someone with a Stalin avatar. Amusingly enough, the gal controlling the Stalin avatar was a German who couldn't speak a word of English -- she communicated (badly) using an online translator. As you may have guessed, the folks I hang out with have quite a dark sense of humour. One of the Nazi furries sitting next to me is even named Zyklon... her last name doesn't start with B, but it's the thought that counts, right?
09/08/2007 04:10
Kind of makes Madonna seem normal(er)...
09/08/2007 04:27
09/08/2007 04:47
But the actual story about fishermen humping real marine animals (highlight on mantas) beat the unicorn thing, I think. Story here:
Testicles and tentacles: Seamen show their derring-do by doing denizens of the deep (WaiWai)
09/08/2007 04:54
09/08/2007 05:03
Second Life contains a lot worse... it's pretty much rule 34 incarnate.
09/08/2007 05:14
I mean no disrespect to any of you who play Second Life. But if you participate in this sort of thing, sounds to me like you may need a third to correct the big screwup your second has become.
09/08/2007 05:18
The people who actually take the game seriously need help, but those of us who just mess around and mock different subcultures (I'm particularly fond of the furries, white nationalists, and communists -- all react splendidly when poked), it's a lot of fun. Most of the people that I talk to on there view it as a glorified chatroom/sandbox.
09/08/2007 08:57
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09/08/2007 09:09
Welcome to the third place/
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09/08/2007 11:15
2. Whomever said that Unicorn is powerful if it can penetrate her capris.. amen.
3. I suppose it's not gay if it's done with enthusiasm. That's what all my military friends tell me, anyways.
4. I wonder if the in-game Reuters news agency for second life has this on their front page. Worse yet, I wonder if the insurance agencies are covering 'I got banged by a Unicorn and can now fit a pop can through my anus' insurance.
5. What happens if it's not consentual? Like you're minding your own business around the Unicorn and it attacks you? Is there a unicorn planned adulthood to suck it out?
These are but a scant sampling of the random fleeting thoughts skittering across the surface of my brain as I saw that picture.
Second Life, I decree you a weird unstoppable juggernaut of moneymaking for Linden Labs.
That is all.
09/08/2007 11:21
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09/08/2007 12:24
[img]www.heycomputer.com/ref/legend/dark2.jpg[/img]
09/08/2007 12:45
People will never get over this game. It's like expecting people to get over chat rooms, which is all this is - a visual chat room.
09/08/2007 12:53
Internet Fuck-tards: "SW33T! Check out my Unicorn. If you have sex with it you'll give birth to a baby Unicorn that you can play with all you want."
[b]Developers of Second Life{/b]: "Um... ok, I guess we'll roll with that. Just as long as you keep paying us ^_^"
09/08/2007 14:36
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09/08/2007 16:35
I cried twice.
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09/09/2007 10:37
All is lost...
Also, cocks. Unicorn cocks.
09/09/2007 18:28