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Second Life gets even creepier: Sex with unicorns anyone? photo

Every time I write a post about how terrifyingly Caligulan Second Life has become I swear on a copy of Jane Eyre that I will never draw more attention to that digital Sodom, but then, some virtual Guccione manages to push the boundaries of e-taste a few more creepy, poorly lubed centimeters and I'm forced to reveal yet another disturbing facet of the virtual lives being lead by those who inhabit the Lindens' metaverse.

This time word has come in from BoingBoing of the emergence of adorable baby unicorns within Second Life. People can apparently acquire the tiny, mythological beasts as pets, much like one would keep a puppy or a kitten in the real world only these companions are digitially crafted to be the epitome of adorable -- and unlike a kitten, they only use their horns for helping you defrost your freezer and chipping ice off of your windshield on particularly cold winter days.

Where's the problem with this? So far the description has been all sunshine and lollipops, right? That's up until you realize the only way to pick up your very own virtual mini unicorn is by having sex with an adult unicorn located within the game.

Kinda ruins the moment in the same way that hearing your ice cream man was convicted of sodomizing 8 year olds ruins the flavor of those gigantic ice cream sandwiches, doesn't it?


Continue: More Second Life stories





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76 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Excremento's Avatar
Excremento at 09/07/2007 22:04
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 09/07/2007 22:06
Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life *Sorry*
Steel Squirrel's Avatar
Steel Squirrel at 09/07/2007 22:07
I hear that's how it works in real life too. Go figure. Gives a whole new spin on the thought of riding unicorns.
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 09/07/2007 22:09
....hm. I'm going to go outside now.
DanGale's Avatar
DanGale at 09/07/2007 22:14
WOW! That's strange. I commented on this when the comments were at zero and the site told me it was published. No I've missed comment zero.

I think we should get Niero onto this.

Oh and my original comment involved pondering whether or not a "Hot Coffee" mod was needed and how Jack Thompson et al will take all the Unicorn sex.
tehdopefish's Avatar
tehdopefish at 09/07/2007 22:20
... is there another way to make baby unicorns ASIDE from bestiality?
itemforty's Avatar
itemforty at 09/07/2007 22:22
So, then someone else has to fuck your baby unicorn, right? I mean, they are at least sticking with the mythology of unicorn fucking I hope.
Neonie's Avatar
Neonie at 09/07/2007 22:24
I fucking hate secound life. It is quite possible the worst game ever fucking invented. I would rather play Runescape. (And that's saying something mother fucker).
MaximusPaynicus's Avatar
MaximusPaynicus at 09/07/2007 22:25
Suddenly, I don't think I want to be a gamer anymore.
Deus's Avatar
Deus at 09/07/2007 22:29
@ MaximusPaynicus- Second Life...players? Second Lifers? WTF do you call them? Anyway, they definitely don't qualify as gamers. I don't know if they ever did. The thought of Second Life as a game is repulsive and insulting to our hobby to be honest. Street Fighter is a game. Second Life is some kind of weird platform for new forms of cyber-God Only Knows What and over hyped mainstream news stories.
Deus's Avatar
Deus at 09/07/2007 22:31
Their site actually calls Second Life a "Virtual World", which, besides being idiotic itself, immediately qualifies it for use only by idiots and con artists.
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar
ZekeThePlumber at 09/07/2007 22:38
How else are you supposed to get Unicorn Mayonnaise?
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
AngelsDontBurn at 09/07/2007 22:41
Second Life scares me. This is why.
Monkeycat's Avatar
Monkeycat at 09/07/2007 22:42
My freaky furry friends (no, not Neonie) keep telling me OH KAREN YOU MUST PLAY SECOND LIFE DO IT NOWWWW. And I keep blowing them off. This is why.
Diomeneus's Avatar
Diomeneus at 09/07/2007 22:44
Nex... I love your writing style. I especially found the references to Little Boots and Sodom clever. Thats pretty much all I had to say, oh yeah, and sex with Unicorns is gross (I'm willing to put it a little above sex with regular horses though, I mean how many people can go around and say "guess what bitch, I've had sex with a Unicorn!").

Ignore the grammatical nightmare that is my idiotic writing style, I haven't slept in a few days
Monkeycat's Avatar
Monkeycat at 09/07/2007 22:52
I SHALL NEVER PLAY, NEVARRR. They mostly try to persuade me with OH BUT IT'S SO FUN TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE. But I look at the screencaps and... They're not exactly palling around with their buddies. 'Tis more of a glorified chat room meant solely for RP-fuck, it would seem.
Neonie's Avatar
Neonie at 09/07/2007 22:54
/\
bluemeep's Avatar
bluemeep at 09/07/2007 23:07
I told my roommate about this and she immediately demanded a download link to the client.

This troubles me.
Nick Chester's Avatar
Nick Chester at 09/07/2007 23:10
I can't believe you used that picture! I used this when Ziff-Davis tried to bring the legal hammer down on us a few months ago:

http://www.destructoid.com/first-images-from-soul-calibur-iv-update--33798.phtml

The picture DOES rule.
itemforty's Avatar
itemforty at 09/07/2007 23:11
@Bluemeep - A perfectly reasonable response. Another one would be terror.
Danmartigan's Avatar
Danmartigan at 09/07/2007 23:12
If you are someone who is interested in visiting Second Life, then I would ask you to first consider the following...
SourGr8pes's Avatar
SourGr8pes at 09/07/2007 23:16
Unicorn sex?!?!?! Sign me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Wait, what?
Velt's Avatar
Velt at 09/07/2007 23:22
I WANT A VIDEO OF THAT NOW!!!

LarkOhiya's Avatar
LarkOhiya at 09/07/2007 23:50
I played Second life with Ron Workman and I think it was .Tiff that or some crazy random girl that wanted to marry him. Anyway I named myelf destructoid something something and we flew around looking at stuff. Then my Ram chips fried and everything looked psycodelic untill I had to wait for Dell to send replacements. THANKS SECOND LIFE...
Oninusar's Avatar
Oninusar at 09/07/2007 23:59
ZeroTolo's Avatar
ZeroTolo at 09/08/2007 00:04
that doesn't look so much like the description in the story sounded.... looks more like the unicorn has to fuck you.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 09/08/2007 00:05
I was going to say there's no possible way Second Life could get any creepier, but then I read the article. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
Dexter345's Avatar
Dexter345 at 09/08/2007 00:19
...Huh. I... Uh... Huh.
monosylabik's Avatar
monosylabik at 09/08/2007 00:27
..........i fucking knew it...
i knew that horn on its head was meant to be sat on.
i called that shit years ago!


picture equals disturbing.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 09/08/2007 00:39
Sorry, anytime anyone mentions unicorns, I remember this bit of dialogue:

"Dethklok has summoned a troll."

"What? But that's impossible, there's no such thing as trolls."

"Then how do you explain the trail of dead unicorns?"
Jark212's Avatar
Jark212 at 09/08/2007 00:42
How am I not surprised???
SourGr8pes's Avatar
SourGr8pes at 09/08/2007 00:45
That unicorn's pretty damn good if it can penetrate through that character's capris.
CCGames Mike's Avatar
CCGames Mike at 09/08/2007 00:48
Unicorns? Those are for pussies! Now if I were to acquire a bad-ass manticore child by letting one bang me, I'd nitrous myself up fine so I can't feel anything during the process (and my precious heterosexuality would remain 'pure' in some twisted way!) then enjoy world domination as I flew around on my fire-breathing boy =D
007's Avatar
007 at 09/08/2007 01:11
@CCGames Mike

you
are
so
fucked
up.
uptonogood's Avatar
uptonogood at 09/08/2007 01:13
this is all sorts of awesome. as for the rest of you who are "oh how awful and in bad taste!" crowd -- people have different hobbies in imaginary realms. you're all rather hypocritical. the people know this is just a hobby and not real. the fact that something like this exists is a testament to the weirdness and humor of people, as dark and twisted as that humor may be.
007's Avatar
007 at 09/08/2007 01:26
uptonogood, stfu. seriously, your rant gives me a headache.
Fading Star's Avatar
Fading Star at 09/08/2007 01:26
I know how you feel, tehdopefish. As for me, I will never look at Blade Runner the same way again...

bluemeep's Avatar
bluemeep at 09/08/2007 01:40
@uptonogood: Sure, they can freely and creatively express themselves however they please. That's an amazing asset that Second Life has: the ability to make whatever you like and put it on display.

That goes hand-in-hand with other people's ability to express disdain, annoyance and (occasionally) complete confusion at it's very existence. Just like you can express the same at any of us for our takes on the matter. It's give and take.
foxhound009's Avatar
foxhound009 at 09/08/2007 02:00
WTF!! :O ................................... They've banned manhunt 2 but this..... omg it really hurts the gaming community, is there way to a vote and ban shit like that?? talking about violence in games when some kind of freak game is allowed to audience on what age? jeez.. those suckers at ersb should really reconsider who're they picking on!
Hannah's Avatar
Hannah at 09/08/2007 03:09
I've seen worse. I'm logged in right now, actually... there is a man humping my avatar's hat, four furries in Nazi uniforms on couches nearby, and another Nazi furry standing beside me. We're all listening to WWII-era music and talking about mounties and video games.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 09/08/2007 03:32
Hannah, I would sign up just to see the sort of absurdist shenanigans that you described there. But there's hilarity and then there's... just... wow. I saw this story on BoingBoing earlier. It honestly doesn't surprise me. It's just kind of like, "That's Second Life!" *wink to the camera*

I still get a smile when I think of that "Free Hugs" parody with the dude with the giant floppy penis. Man, I wish God would send another flood...
Detry's Avatar
Detry at 09/08/2007 03:39
Since when did jacking it to two chicks go out of style?


I guess I'm old fashioned.

Minako984's Avatar
Minako984 at 09/08/2007 03:59
no way... *blinks*
Hannah's Avatar
Hannah at 09/08/2007 04:08
@Sharpless:

One night we had someone in a Hitler avatar boning someone with a Stalin avatar. Amusingly enough, the gal controlling the Stalin avatar was a German who couldn't speak a word of English -- she communicated (badly) using an online translator. As you may have guessed, the folks I hang out with have quite a dark sense of humour. One of the Nazi furries sitting next to me is even named Zyklon... her last name doesn't start with B, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Trowble's Avatar
Trowble at 09/08/2007 04:10
@Oninusar:
Kind of makes Madonna seem normal(er)...
foxhound009's Avatar
foxhound009 at 09/08/2007 04:27
@Trowble: You surely don't mean normal(er) than second life, but normal(er) because now there someone at the same level as hers :P?
momiji58's Avatar
momiji58 at 09/08/2007 04:47
Virtual sex with inicorns... ick. But hey, you get to hump a legendary animal.

But the actual story about fishermen humping real marine animals (highlight on mantas) beat the unicorn thing, I think. Story here:

Testicles and tentacles: Seamen show their derring-do by doing denizens of the deep (WaiWai)
foxhound009's Avatar
foxhound009 at 09/08/2007 04:54
No one agrees with me that shit like that needs to be banned?.. I mean... it's freaking sick!!! lol..
Hannah's Avatar
Hannah at 09/08/2007 05:03
@foxhound009:

Second Life contains a lot worse... it's pretty much rule 34 incarnate.
Dennen's Avatar
Dennen at 09/08/2007 05:14
Yep, sounds like just proof that pretty much anyone who plays Second Life is way disturbed in the head. Anyone who can find an online world like that and find it acceptable and not a problem at all has some serious issues that are not going to worked out here on destructoid.

I mean no disrespect to any of you who play Second Life. But if you participate in this sort of thing, sounds to me like you may need a third to correct the big screwup your second has become.
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