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Second Life
 
Second Life gets even creepier: Sex with unicorns anyone?
Second Life gets even creepier: Sex with unicorns anyone? screenshot
Nex
\\ 09.07.2007
80 comments

Every time I write a post about how terrifyingly Caligulan Second Life has become I swear on a copy of Jane Eyre that I will never draw more attention to that digital Sodom, but then, some virtual Guccione manages to push the boundaries of e-taste a few more creepy, poorly lubed centimeters and I'm forced to reveal yet another disturbing facet of the virtual lives being lead by those who inhabit the Lindens' metaverse.

This time word has come in from BoingBoing of the emergence of adorable baby unicorns within Second Life. People can apparently acquire the tiny, mythological beasts as pets, much like one would keep a puppy or a kitten in the real world only these companions are digitially crafted to be the epitome of adorable -- and unlike a kitten, they only use their horns for helping you defrost your freezer and chipping ice off of your windshield on particularly cold winter days.

Where's the problem with this? So far the description has been all sunshine and lollipops, right? That's up until you realize the only way to pick up your very own virtual mini unicorn is by having sex with an adult unicorn located within the game.

Kinda ruins the moment in the same way that hearing your ice cream man was convicted of sodomizing 8 year olds ruins the flavor of those gigantic ice cream sandwiches, doesn't it?



80 COMMENTS, LATEST BY PetiePal
Just watch the Robot Chicken bit on unicorns lol. -    view discussion




There are 78 comments about this post:
Excremento's Avatar
brainderailment's Avatar
Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life Fuck Second Life *Sorry*
Steel Squirrel's Avatar
I hear that's how it works in real life too. Go figure. Gives a whole new spin on the thought of riding unicorns.
vexed alex's Avatar
....hm. I'm going to go outside now.
DanGale's Avatar
WOW! That's strange. I commented on this when the comments were at zero and the site told me it was published. No I've missed comment zero.

I think we should get Niero onto this.

Oh and my original comment involved pondering whether or not a "Hot Coffee" mod was needed and how Jack Thompson et al will take all the Unicorn sex.
tehdopefish's Avatar
... is there another way to make baby unicorns ASIDE from bestiality?
itemforty's Avatar
So, then someone else has to fuck your baby unicorn, right? I mean, they are at least sticking with the mythology of unicorn fucking I hope.
Neonie's Avatar
I fucking hate secound life. It is quite possible the worst game ever fucking invented. I would rather play Runescape. (And that's saying something mother fucker).
MaximusPaynicus's Avatar
Suddenly, I don't think I want to be a gamer anymore.
Deus's Avatar
@ MaximusPaynicus- Second Life...players? Second Lifers? WTF do you call them? Anyway, they definitely don't qualify as gamers. I don't know if they ever did. The thought of Second Life as a game is repulsive and insulting to our hobby to be honest. Street Fighter is a game. Second Life is some kind of weird platform for new forms of cyber-God Only Knows What and over hyped mainstream news stories.
Deus's Avatar
Their site actually calls Second Life a "Virtual World", which, besides being idiotic itself, immediately qualifies it for use only by idiots and con artists.
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar
How else are you supposed to get Unicorn Mayonnaise?
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
Second Life scares me. This is why.
Monkeycat's Avatar
My freaky furry friends (no, not Neonie) keep telling me OH KAREN YOU MUST PLAY SECOND LIFE DO IT NOWWWW. And I keep blowing them off. This is why.
Nex's Avatar
Karen, you should not play Second Life. Aside from all the creepy shit, it's also intensely un-fun and manages to look like shit. The only redeeming qualities it may have are in its theoretical value as an academic exercise, but since I report on all the important shit, you aren't missing anything by not playing.
Diomeneus's Avatar
Nex... I love your writing style. I especially found the references to Little Boots and Sodom clever. Thats pretty much all I had to say, oh yeah, and sex with Unicorns is gross (I'm willing to put it a little above sex with regular horses though, I mean how many people can go around and say "guess what bitch, I've had sex with a Unicorn!").

Ignore the grammatical nightmare that is my idiotic writing style, I haven't slept in a few days
Monkeycat's Avatar
I SHALL NEVER PLAY, NEVARRR. They mostly try to persuade me with OH BUT IT'S SO FUN TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE. But I look at the screencaps and... They're not exactly palling around with their buddies. 'Tis more of a glorified chat room meant solely for RP-fuck, it would seem.
Neonie's Avatar
/\
Nex's Avatar
@ Dio:
Thank you and yeah, I concur. If you're going to bang an animal, it may as well be a legendary, mythological animal.
bluemeep's Avatar
I told my roommate about this and she immediately demanded a download link to the client.

This troubles me.
Nick Chester's Avatar
I can't believe you used that picture! I used this when Ziff-Davis tried to bring the legal hammer down on us a few months ago:

http://www.destructoid.com/first-images-from-soul-calibur-iv-update--33798.phtml

The picture DOES rule.
itemforty's Avatar
@Bluemeep - A perfectly reasonable response. Another one would be terror.
Danmartigan's Avatar
If you are someone who is interested in visiting Second Life, then I would ask you to first consider the following...
SourGr8pes's Avatar
Unicorn sex?!?!?! Sign me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Wait, what?
Velt's Avatar
I WANT A VIDEO OF THAT NOW!!!

LarkOhiya's Avatar
I played Second life with Ron Workman and I think it was .Tiff that or some crazy random girl that wanted to marry him. Anyway I named myelf destructoid something something and we flew around looking at stuff. Then my Ram chips fried and everything looked psycodelic untill I had to wait for Dell to send replacements. THANKS SECOND LIFE...
Oninusar's Avatar
ZeroTolo's Avatar
that doesn't look so much like the description in the story sounded.... looks more like the unicorn has to fuck you.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
I was going to say there's no possible way Second Life could get any creepier, but then I read the article. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
Dexter345's Avatar
...Huh. I... Uh... Huh.
monosylabik's Avatar
..........i fucking knew it...
i knew that horn on its head was meant to be sat on.
i called that shit years ago!


picture equals disturbing.
Necros's Avatar
Sorry, anytime anyone mentions unicorns, I remember this bit of dialogue:

"Dethklok has summoned a troll."

"What? But that's impossible, there's no such thing as trolls."

"Then how do you explain the trail of dead unicorns?"
Jark212's Avatar
How am I not surprised???
SourGr8pes's Avatar
That unicorn's pretty damn good if it can penetrate through that character's capris.
CCGames Mike's Avatar
Unicorns? Those are for pussies! Now if I were to acquire a bad-ass manticore child by letting one bang me, I'd nitrous myself up fine so I can't feel anything during the process (and my precious heterosexuality would remain 'pure' in some twisted way!) then enjoy world domination as I flew around on my fire-breathing boy =D
007's Avatar
@CCGames Mike

you
are
so
fucked
up.
uptonogood's Avatar
this is all sorts of awesome. as for the rest of you who are "oh how awful and in bad taste!" crowd -- people have different hobbies in imaginary realms. you're all rather hypocritical. the people know this is just a hobby and not real. the fact that something like this exists is a testament to the weirdness and humor of people, as dark and twisted as that humor may be.
007's Avatar
uptonogood, stfu. seriously, your rant gives me a headache.
Fading_Star's Avatar
I know how you feel, tehdopefish. As for me, I will never look at Blade Runner the same way again...

bluemeep's Avatar
@uptonogood: Sure, they can freely and creatively express themselves however they please. That's an amazing asset that Second Life has: the ability to make whatever you like and put it on display.

That goes hand-in-hand with other people's ability to express disdain, annoyance and (occasionally) complete confusion at it's very existence. Just like you can express the same at any of us for our takes on the matter. It's give and take.
foxhound009's Avatar
WTF!! :O ................................... They've banned manhunt 2 but this..... omg it really hurts the gaming community, is there way to a vote and ban shit like that?? talking about violence in games when some kind of freak game is allowed to audience on what age? jeez.. those suckers at ersb should really reconsider who're they picking on!
Hannah's Avatar
I've seen worse. I'm logged in right now, actually... there is a man humping my avatar's hat, four furries in Nazi uniforms on couches nearby, and another Nazi furry standing beside me. We're all listening to WWII-era music and talking about mounties and video games.
Sharpless's Avatar
Hannah, I would sign up just to see the sort of absurdist shenanigans that you described there. But there's hilarity and then there's... just... wow. I saw this story on BoingBoing earlier. It honestly doesn't surprise me. It's just kind of like, "That's Second Life!" *wink to the camera*

I still get a smile when I think of that "Free Hugs" parody with the dude with the giant floppy penis. Man, I wish God would send another flood...
Detry's Avatar
Since when did jacking it to two chicks go out of style?


I guess I'm old fashioned.

Minako984's Avatar
no way... *blinks*
Hannah's Avatar
@Sharpless:

One night we had someone in a Hitler avatar boning someone with a Stalin avatar. Amusingly enough, the gal controlling the Stalin avatar was a German who couldn't speak a word of English -- she communicated (badly) using an online translator. As you may have guessed, the folks I hang out with have quite a dark sense of humour. One of the Nazi furries sitting next to me is even named Zyklon... her last name doesn't start with B, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Trowble's Avatar
@Oninusar:
Kind of makes Madonna seem normal(er)...
foxhound009's Avatar
@Trowble: You surely don't mean normal(er) than second life, but normal(er) because now there someone at the same level as hers :P?
momiji58's Avatar
Virtual sex with inicorns... ick. But hey, you get to hump a legendary animal.

But the actual story about fishermen humping real marine animals (highlight on mantas) beat the unicorn thing, I think. Story here:

Testicles and tentacles: Seamen show their derring-do by doing denizens of the deep (WaiWai)
foxhound009's Avatar
No one agrees with me that shit like that needs to be banned?.. I mean... it's freaking sick!!! lol..
Hannah's Avatar
@foxhound009:

Second Life contains a lot worse... it's pretty much rule 34 incarnate.
Dennen's Avatar
Yep, sounds like just proof that pretty much anyone who plays Second Life is way disturbed in the head. Anyone who can find an online world like that and find it acceptable and not a problem at all has some serious issues that are not going to worked out here on destructoid.

I mean no disrespect to any of you who play Second Life. But if you participate in this sort of thing, sounds to me like you may need a third to correct the big screwup your second has become.
Hannah's Avatar
@Dennen:

The people who actually take the game seriously need help, but those of us who just mess around and mock different subcultures (I'm particularly fond of the furries, white nationalists, and communists -- all react splendidly when poked), it's a lot of fun. Most of the people that I talk to on there view it as a glorified chatroom/sandbox.
Oninusar's Avatar
Ok here is the scoop, you go to this place called Sensual Stoneworks and once there you get Impregnated by the statue, it plants its unicorn SEED inside your avatar and you have a unicorn baby!
mackisawesome's Avatar
LAST POST!! p.s. wtf there hasn't been a post since i went to bed.
Justice's Avatar
The problem is that people with a Second Life, never had a first life in the first place.

Welcome to the third place/
TehBoognish's Avatar
Sounds like second life is a geat place to work out all those perverse urges you have so you don't go all rape-bot on the neighbors cat. or worse......
DGX Goggles's Avatar
Wow, Epic Sex.
HawtPawkitHero's Avatar
Comment 60!!!
itsjoshy's Avatar
This game just gets better and better.
rabidkeebler's Avatar
Just as I say with every other pornographic game mentioned on any gaming website-"Just tell me when the Wii will support this game with full waggle controlse!"
balth's Avatar
1. What happens if your avatar is male?

2. Whomever said that Unicorn is powerful if it can penetrate her capris.. amen.

3. I suppose it's not gay if it's done with enthusiasm. That's what all my military friends tell me, anyways.

4. I wonder if the in-game Reuters news agency for second life has this on their front page. Worse yet, I wonder if the insurance agencies are covering 'I got banged by a Unicorn and can now fit a pop can through my anus' insurance.

5. What happens if it's not consentual? Like you're minding your own business around the Unicorn and it attacks you? Is there a unicorn planned adulthood to suck it out?

These are but a scant sampling of the random fleeting thoughts skittering across the surface of my brain as I saw that picture.

Second Life, I decree you a weird unstoppable juggernaut of moneymaking for Linden Labs.

That is all.

jerrt's Avatar
@Detry: i'm with you, man it's so much easier to get your jollies haven't worked yourself in a corner that requires artificial unicorn sex.
Lowtax's Avatar
Lol unicronbutsekcz plz.
Husky Hog's Avatar
Damn people really need to get over that game and get something better to do than make all these insane animals
guidedbyvoip's Avatar
Only one option remains. Its a difficult job, and its in the hands of one man:

[img]www.heycomputer.com/ref/legend/dark2.jpg[/img]
Sharpless's Avatar
@Husky
People will never get over this game. It's like expecting people to get over chat rooms, which is all this is - a visual chat room.
nademagnet's Avatar
Developers of Second Life: "Oh, hi there! We just made the worlds first true sand box game. You can even create ANY THING you want IN GAME. So go out there and make us a cool cyber world, Mmmkay."

Internet Fuck-tards: "SW33T! Check out my Unicorn. If you have sex with it you'll give birth to a baby Unicorn that you can play with all you want."

[b]Developers of Second Life{/b]: "Um... ok, I guess we'll roll with that. Just as long as you keep paying us ^_^"
Upgrayedd's Avatar
L-O-fucking-L
MechaMonkey's Avatar
I'm late to the party, please tell me I'm the first to make a joke about unicorns getting "horny".
GENACON's Avatar
Unicorn rape for the win...

I cried twice.
WillyFourEyes's Avatar
lulz. My brother signed up for Second Life, but I don't think he's encountered any bizarre horned horse-yiffing yet. Of course, he's only played it for a total of two days, and that was about a month ago.
Arugala9's Avatar
That's fucked.
JonDarkwood's Avatar
It's a good thing most of these people are too busy with Second Life in their parents' basements to go out into the real world and make it more miserable for the rest of us.
JonDarkwood's Avatar
It's a good thing most of these people are too busy with Second Life in their parents' basements to go out into the real world and make it more miserable for the rest of us.
Gajeh's Avatar
L O L
Novalon's Avatar
I have no more tears left for humanity.

All is lost...

Also, cocks. Unicorn cocks.
PetiePal's Avatar
Just watch the Robot Chicken bit on unicorns lol.

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