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Riddled with Rumors: Where fact and fiction become one and the same! photo

It's Sunday and there's not a lot of news going on, but we need our pageviews, damn it. What's a blogger to do when faced with such a quandary? That's right, son -- rumors, the savior of the blogger with a quota! Perhaps, dare I say, the greatest thing mankind has ever achieved.

Since Surfer Girl has retired and that notorious gossip CheapyD has stopped his shameless fantasy news articles, there is a gap in the market for a good rumor-monger. I feel that as a totally legitimate member of the gamings journalisming press, I should get a slice of the action. Now each week I will be providing the hottest rumors, fresh from the industry to your eyes, which I totally verified myself using journalism.  

Hit the jump for the latest unconfirmed but unbelievable news. It's all true! Probably!

- Expect some news concerning VIDEOGAMES soon. I can't say much more than that, because I don't want to get sued, but let's just say that these particular videogames can be played on an electronic device that uses electricity and can be purchased in the world. Hint, hint.

- My sources tell me that Rock Band 3 is going to be announced sometime in the future and that it will definitely be a sequel to Rock Band 2. I'm probably breaking a thousand NDAs to say this, but I can exclusively reveal that the game will involve music that can be played using controllers shaped to look like instruments. There may or may not be singing involved, and it will be available in stores where you go to buy it with money that you have. 

- You already know that Nintendo is working on a new Zelda game, don't you? Of course you do, but what you don't know is that it is set in a place called Hyrule and will star a boy with a green hat who fights monsters using a sword. Well, now you know, because I just told you. 

- While I can't go into specifics about Metal Gear Solid 5, my sources have practically confirmed that the next game in the Metal Gear Solid series has already secured itself a publisher, one with a name that just might begin with the letter "K" and end with the letter "onami." 

- A videogame based on the Call of Duty: World at War beta is going to be released before the end of the year. It's called Call of Duty: World at War

- In other Activision news, multiple sources have hinted that Guitar Hero World Tour has been released and is widely available in stores. I'll be looking into this to see if the rumor can be confirmed, but right now I wouldn't like to commit. We will have a verdict one way or another next week. If you see a copy in a store, please take a photo as evidence and send it my way for an in-depth analysis.

- I'm being informed that in 2009, Ubisoft will release a game for the casual market on the Nintendo DS.

- A videogame based on the Labyrinth movie remake is said to be in the works, developed by Gearbox. I don't have solid details on a publisher yet, but it looks like either Atari or THQ will pick it up. The game hopes to use the official cast from the movie, including Marilyn Manson, who is taking the role David Bowie made famous in the original Jim Henson film. Manson has been hailed as the Bowie of a new generation, so it's natural for him to be heavily involved in the project.  

- So far, details on the Harmonix-developed Beatles game have been thin, but some people can't understand why it isn't part of the Rock Band franchise. I can exclusively reveal that the reason for this is because the Beatles title isn't even a music game.

It's actually a gritty action-adventure set in an alternate world where John Lennon survives his assassination attempt and reforms The Beatles as an unofficial branch of the UN to track down his killer and thwart the global conspiracy which threatens mankind. The working title for the game is The Beatles: All You Need Is Blood. We'll have more on this game next week. 

- A Tetris RPG is in the works.

- With Call of Duty, Saints Row 2, GTA IV and World of Warcraft all including special zombie elements to their videogames, the "zombie mode" fad has become a big hit. THQ has taken note, and will be including a zombie mode in the next Smackdown vs. Raw

"Zombie Brawl" will be a Royal Rumble-type match in which you have to survive for as long as possible against a string of zombie opponents. Such undead foes include Mr. Perfect, Crash Holly, Andre the Giant, Owen Hart and Chris Benoit.

- We have cause to believe that the real reason for LittleBigPlanet's recall was that Kaz Hirai is Jewish. Obviously, including words from the Qur'an is not something that Kaz wanted to deal with, especially so close to Hanukkah.

- There is strong talk of a Dead Space/Aliens crossover that will see Isaac take on the Xenomorphs while Ripley faces the Necromorphs. That is literally all we know at the moment, but the tagline of "In Dead Space, nobody can hear you scream" has been thrown around. 

- In other crossover news, Command & Contra, Second Half-Life and Madden Vs  Capcom have all been hinted at by my many sources.  

- Peter Molyneux is claiming behind closed doors that he has developed a videogame that is literally alive. He claims that this will be the first game to feature a new form of AI called Actual Intelligence, and that the disc will indeed be self-aware. The game was intended to be for the Xbox 360, but the disc is reported to have said: "There's no way I'm getting inside that piece of shit."

- Molyneux is also working on a new action-RPG that, like his bestselling series, will feature the freedom to make your own moral choices and form relationships with a huge cast of characters. This time, however, you will be playing as an iconic Hollywood actor from the 1930s. The working title for this game is Gable.

And that's it for this week's Riddled with Rumors. If you have any hot gossip that you think should be shared, become one of my trusted sources and email me at jim @ destructoid.com. It is rumored that we pay $100 for every rumor sent in, but this cannot be verified because it isn't actually true.


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next 50 comments

59 comments | showing # 1 to 50

jlalande's Avatar
jlalande at 11/02/2008 02:32
Very nice post. I just want to see Ryu kick the shit out of John Madden. That is all I ask.
Geoff's Avatar
Geoff at 11/02/2008 02:49
What happened, Destructoid?
Timmeh's Avatar
Timmeh at 11/02/2008 02:55
Some of these are hilarious, bravo!
Justice's Avatar
Justice at 11/02/2008 03:05
Labyrinth movie remake! With or without Bowie?
randombullseye's Avatar
randombullseye at 11/02/2008 03:08
Was this intended to be satire or parody of rumor blogs?

About half way through you sort of lost focus and stopped with the obvious and started being silly.

Still the first line was a good rumor. I don't know why, but I really believe that video game news will be coming soon. Maybe about video games.
nintendoll's Avatar
nintendoll at 11/02/2008 03:14
Heheh. Gable.
pinksage's Avatar
pinksage at 11/02/2008 03:24
You 1up'd me on my sources. I wish I was such an insider.
NotPigeon's Avatar
NotPigeon at 11/02/2008 03:31
I like how it just randomly transitioned into the incredibly obvious to the out-and-out bizzare.
Mr Melancholy's Avatar
Mr Melancholy at 11/02/2008 03:55
It's Marilyn Manson not "Maralyn Manson"
Electro Lemon's Avatar
Electro Lemon at 11/02/2008 04:01
Source: Kotaku
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 11/02/2008 04:15
I lost it at Gable. Brilliant work, sir!
Syn's Avatar
Syn at 11/02/2008 04:21
So, any gossip we churn up using journalism you say? Hmm...there might be a rumor about a proper sequel to Xenogears floating around *cough*
ToastyDuke's Avatar
ToastyDuke at 11/02/2008 04:25
YaY a tetris RPG :)
jestarinc's Avatar
jestarinc at 11/02/2008 04:40
I would buy The Beatles: All You Need is Blood
M3RCUR1's Avatar
M3RCUR1 at 11/02/2008 04:44
Molyneux isn't a realy person, this AI he has developed is obviously the same code he wrote for his own uses when he became 'self-aware-back in the 80's...
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 11/02/2008 04:53
"About half way through you sort of lost focus and stopped with the obvious and started being silly."

"I like how it just randomly transitioned into the incredibly obvious to the out-and-out bizzare."
Technophile's Avatar
Technophile at 11/02/2008 05:11
This just in: The popcorn you are eating has been pissed in. Film at 11.
kawitchate's Avatar
kawitchate at 11/02/2008 05:26
All We Need is Blood and Zombie Brawl RR. wow.
Tron's Avatar
Tron at 11/02/2008 05:56
The Tetris RPG sounds interesting. If only it were real...

and if it were, it would be over 9000 times better than Tetrisphere.
CALkulon's Avatar
CALkulon at 11/02/2008 06:31
JOURNALISM FTW!
PhazonYoshi's Avatar
PhazonYoshi at 11/02/2008 06:41
AI sounds pretty good, I hope they licence the engine out to other developers, it could revolutionise the fps market!
eternalplayer2345's Avatar
eternalplayer2345 at 11/02/2008 06:56
You leveled up
+1 to rotation
+3 to colorfulness
+2 to fall speed
+5 to Russianess
Alexradl's Avatar
Alexradl at 11/02/2008 06:59
That's some hardcore, fact-checking, journalism right there. My research tells me Madden Vs. Capcom will sell billions.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 11/02/2008 08:10
Bravo Mr. Sterling, bravo.
coire's Avatar
coire at 11/02/2008 08:13
Err, Jimmy Snuka isn't dead yet :/.

Brilliant Jounalism though, I suppose you used your journalising laser powers to foresee he will die some time in the future
Tamz's Avatar
Tamz at 11/02/2008 08:15
In other crossover news, Command & Contra, Second Half-Life and Madden Vs Capcom have all been hinted at by my many sources.

YES!!!
B5512's Avatar
B5512 at 11/02/2008 08:20
I have it on good faith that, energized by Fallout 3's success, Bethesda snagged the rights for the Tetris RPG and is making it another 100+ hour Oblivion clone. no foolin' :-P
Gyrael's Avatar
Gyrael at 11/02/2008 09:03
Nice.
Holyetheline's Avatar
Holyetheline at 11/02/2008 09:07
All we need is blood... I love it.
NihonTiger90's Avatar
NihonTiger90 at 11/02/2008 09:16
Fantastic stuff, Jim.
Arttemis's Avatar
Arttemis at 11/02/2008 09:24
Holy shit. This made my day.
dmgi's Avatar
dmgi at 11/02/2008 09:37
Someone should get into making The Beatles: All You Need is Blood.
CountingConflict's Avatar
CountingConflict at 11/02/2008 09:39
Spacecat did it
Daxelman's Avatar
Daxelman at 11/02/2008 09:40
Uh oh, yall better watch out now, Jim's gunna Get Silly.

No seriously, I like this.
Xhumation's Avatar
Xhumation at 11/02/2008 10:03
Zombie Royal Rumble for the win.
wonky360's Avatar
wonky360 at 11/02/2008 10:14
What about Dead N Alive, Zombie breast physics and unlockable law-suits for all the characters.
RonBurgandy2010's Avatar
RonBurgandy2010 at 11/02/2008 10:18
You better make this shit happen Jim. Or else...
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 11/02/2008 10:21
I don't get it.
DinnertimeNinja's Avatar
DinnertimeNinja at 11/02/2008 10:34
"- A videogame based on the Call of Duty: World at War beta is going to be released before the end of the year. It's called Call of Duty: World at War."

I KNEW IT!
zeroword's Avatar
zeroword at 11/02/2008 10:52
I'll tell you why because Apple, the recording company, wants to suck your pockets dry and the royalties from normal downloadable content just aren't enough.
Rammstein's Avatar
Rammstein at 11/02/2008 11:09
Is this 4chantoid or Destructoid? Someone take the keyboard away from old man sterling!

"- A videogame based on the Call of Duty: World at War beta is going to be released before the end of the year. It's called Call of Duty: World at War."

Where have I heard that before.. Oh right;

Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 11/02/2008 11:14
A guy with a 9/11 joke avatar calling us 4chantoid. The ironing is delicious.
liam2015's Avatar
liam2015 at 11/02/2008 11:18
There is one true Space Cat and Jim Sterling is his prophet.
wardrox's Avatar
wardrox at 11/02/2008 11:19
WTF? Is this "Jim" trying to be funny? I want news dammit, not some light-hearted fun!
MrPeenie's Avatar
MrPeenie at 11/02/2008 11:24
I bet that took a tough check on your journalism skill ;).
Rammstein's Avatar
Rammstein at 11/02/2008 11:34
Hey, my avatar is from T-Shirt Hell! 4chan arent the only assholes on the internet, right Jim? :)
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 11/02/2008 11:43
Just like The Onion aren't the only people to make certain jokes. :)
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 11/02/2008 12:23
rpbowlinggod's Avatar
rpbowlinggod at 11/02/2008 12:42
posting just to help the pageviews/"journalizim"...yes, that's what its called now
GunSlap's Avatar
GunSlap at 11/02/2008 13:24
THE TETRIS RPG RUMORS ARE BACK!
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