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Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to view is footage of perhaps the most dangerous Nintendo fan who ever lived. While the delay of Super Smash Bros. has affected many of us in different ways, no man had taken it worse than this wretched soul.
 
After this video, in which he promised to be spending Valentine's Day with Metroid, and desperately declared that Geoffrey the Giraffe has never let his ass down, he left his place of rest, armed only with a plush Yoshi doll and a Wiimote, and raided the local GameStop where he was able to fatally bruise one employee and a small puppy outside before being shot by police. He was declared "pathetic on arrival," later that evening at the local hospital. He never got to take down Solid Snake with a Smash attack, like he'd longed to all his life.
 
This is a wake up call to Nintendo. This young man's life of wandering around his house, naked except for a red hat and a raccoon tail, was cut tragically short and it needn't have been, if Super Smash Bros. Brawl had only been released on schedule. His parents must live with the knowledge that their son released a video such as this on The Internet and that he died wearing Princess Peach underpants, all because of one game not hitting store shelves when it should have.
 
Was this a joke that went too far, or one man's sincere obsession leading him down a dark and demented path? We may never know the truth, but we do know that Brawl is going to be late, and that many more may die before this nightmare ends.
 
[Thanks to Ico's blog, and my good colleague Hamza, who was too distraught to write this post]

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102 comments | showing # 51 to 100

Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:18
Im OK
Also, this reminds me of the F-Zero Story Mode Chapter 7 rant* from several years ago. Anyone remember that? I wish I still had a link to the wav of someone recorded making fun of it.

Dear Nintendo:
YOUR COCKSUCKING PRODUCT HAS REDUCED ME TO A GIBBERING MAN-APE WHOSE ONLY RESORT TO DEALING WITH THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GRIEF IT'S BESTOWED UPON ME IS TO SCREAM AND HURT MYSELF.

Also...

When your game prevents me from fully enjoying the product I have bought you have failed in your fucking mission to deliver a game. You lose! You break the contract! You contract the gay and fucking DIE DIE DIE.

That was a classic.
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:23
Im OK
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:26
Im OK
Hell, even that one was apparently done by Fragmaster as well, which I didn't get until noticing that he was the one who made the thread on the somethingawful forums. K-Dog. Makes sense now. Wow.
PetiePal's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:27
PetiePal
Jesus...you have NO idea that a year ago today I decided NOT to move to Rancho Cucamonga...because this bastard could have taken me out this year.
sonyjoker's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:38
sonyjoker
nintendo is the new blackbriar ..ill be in japan later next month looking for my hit list on nintendo ..wada and miyimoto...yeah bourne is back with your sources nintendo im gonna get the main source ....wheres desh..call him!!
niacin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:46
niacin
I got about 30 seconds in and just couldn't watch anymore. Chronic cringing is not something I can handle.
NightDehumidifier's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:52
NightDehumidifier
HARDCORE NEWS WORTHY OF PULITZER'S!
BluDesign's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:54
BluDesign
Videos like this make me glad I lost my virginity already.

It's something totally different to whine like this and not be a virgin. It's almost assertive. This is... just sad.
ArrestedDeveloper's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 23:18
ArrestedDeveloper
I want to hear what cheapy d and wombat think of this guy. I think he is Jew incarnate.
AirborneToxicEvent's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 23:34
AirborneToxicEvent
There should be a DayHumidifier to cancel out a certain someone's useless post of smugness.
NyghtcrawleR's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 23:54
NyghtcrawleR
Why must so many people actually believe he's for real? honestly
---AMARU---'s Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 23:54
---AMARU---
awkward
NightDehumidifier's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 23:59
NightDehumidifier
Hey, a programmer from Retro Studios (famous for the Metroid Prime trilogy) died from cancer at the age of 43. But enough about that, bring out the porn and internet video rants.
Mustin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 00:32
Mustin
nice, NightDehumidifier.

C'mon, you're fucking yourselves by putting this on the front page.

News pls.
maxio098ui's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 00:44
maxio098ui
he be playing his game febuary 4th?

GUESS WHOS WRONG
luvmysegadc's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 00:52
luvmysegadc
It's the doppelganger of the "Leave Britney Alone" dude!
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 01:06
Im OK
Backseat bloggers are worse than regular bloggers.
Ratcliff's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 01:19
Ratcliff
You read my mind NightDehumidifier
FlapDangerous's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 01:27
FlapDangerous
so sony has chadwarden, and nintendo has...this. shit, i would rather have chadwarden.
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 02:13
Holyetheline
I want to punch him... or something... I want to punch anything right now. That guy was an annoying ass.
Boolean's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 02:39
Boolean
Did Fragmaster lose weight? Actually, it was Fragmaster in Doom House, wasn't it? From what I remember he was fatter then. Eh, I'm probably getting all mixed up.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 02:55
Sharpless
I hope you guys are actually reading the comments and realizing that this guy is a "fake."
liqideos's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 03:45
liqideos
Fake or not, I still want to kill him.
atheistium's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 03:55
atheistium
holy shit....
HES HOT!


..
..
jk :P I'm frightened of him!
stewy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 05:40
stewy
That was 7 minutes and 4 seconds of my life that i would pay cash money to get back. What a f'n heap of shit, plz dont encourage losers like this and waste our time Mr Sterling
Zelnor's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 06:08
Zelnor
Wow, it's Thompson Fodder. I almost feel kind of good for the fact that he removed himself from the gene pool. Darwin Award much ?
foxhound009's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 07:25
foxhound009
he over did it a little.. the solid snake part was the most fun
Mista Smegheneghan's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 07:41
Mista Smegheneghan
that could in no way be real. he acted like an immature kid who didn't get what he wanted, and seems to be impervious to all forms of logic.
Paper_Tiger's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 07:57
Paper_Tiger
Damn I'm gullible.
Hitogoroshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 09:16
Hitogoroshi
Heretic won this thread a long time ago people. I don't know why you are all still posting.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 09:32
CaffeinePowered
At least this is fake, unlike that person who did the Brittany Spears rant
Niero's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 09:37
Niero
EXTREME! *makes pterodactyl sound*
Fronz's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 10:15
Fronz
Yeah Nazriel, I noticed as well. He just reads his prescripted stuff off cue cards the same was DaxFlame does, but Dax makes it much less obvious.
parrothead's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 10:57
parrothead
Chad Warren response is cracking me up.
strokediesel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 11:31
strokediesel
Leave Brittney alooooooooooooooooooooooone......................waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
NihonTiger90's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 11:45
NihonTiger90
This is faker than Britney Spears being sane.
RICHARD BLOCKER's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 12:05
RICHARD BLOCKER
@ Arrested developer,

Yes my friend, quite jewie indeed.
michiyoyoshiku's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 16:39
michiyoyoshiku
I'd kill him myself
Shin Oni's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 17:04
Shin Oni
man this crap is really just silly. I laughed at how he said Cadillac. Otherwise, this thing was meh.

that response Heretic put up was awesome though.
suncrashesdown's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 18:06
suncrashesdown
LOL... did he say "Rancho Cucamundo"?
MisterMingo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 19:26
MisterMingo
I'm dumbfounded and horrified at the sheer quantity of people that believe he's serious. I mean, I recognized him from SA, but honestly. People are fucking dense. Also, what does not having sex have to do with acting like this guy, exactly?

"One more thing. After I owned this nublet, you know, I was pretty pissed off. So I pulled down my pants, and grabbed all my nine inches of 'Solid Snake' and I put a 'Smash' on his ass! A 'Smash Attack' fury far larger than any Pikachu! And he sucked a lot more than Kirby!"
Polo Guy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 00:27
Polo Guy
That guy makes me want to punch babies.
Creasy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 08:09
Creasy
aahahaha, man this was so fucking funny!
itemforty's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 09:26
itemforty
so fake.
moonkid's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:15
moonkid
@Jim, don't double post just to keep your rank high!
dprime's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 21:37
dprime
...this is creepy. I have that guy's shirt.

...very creepy.
Kaos Angel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/19/2008 12:03
Kaos Angel
This guy needs to get a life, seriously lol.
JJBro1's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/22/2008 02:23
JJBro1
I think the nublet owned you on this one. LMFAO "I pulled out my 9 inch Solid Snake"
CypherVR's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 14:00
CypherVR
ChadTroll
old video is old, but at least it's funny
ironmanrules1333's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 15:16
ironmanrules1333
the Catelack of toy stores

also gamestop doesn't have like 0 credibility it has
has 0 credibility
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