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Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to view is footage of perhaps the most dangerous Nintendo fan who ever lived. While the delay of Super Smash Bros. has affected many of us in different ways, no man had taken it worse than this wretched soul.
 
After this video, in which he promised to be spending Valentine's Day with Metroid, and desperately declared that Geoffrey the Giraffe has never let his ass down, he left his place of rest, armed only with a plush Yoshi doll and a Wiimote, and raided the local GameStop where he was able to fatally bruise one employee and a small puppy outside before being shot by police. He was declared "pathetic on arrival," later that evening at the local hospital. He never got to take down Solid Snake with a Smash attack, like he'd longed to all his life.
 
This is a wake up call to Nintendo. This young man's life of wandering around his house, naked except for a red hat and a raccoon tail, was cut tragically short and it needn't have been, if Super Smash Bros. Brawl had only been released on schedule. His parents must live with the knowledge that their son released a video such as this on The Internet and that he died wearing Princess Peach underpants, all because of one game not hitting store shelves when it should have.
 
Was this a joke that went too far, or one man's sincere obsession leading him down a dark and demented path? We may never know the truth, but we do know that Brawl is going to be late, and that many more may die before this nightmare ends.
 
[Thanks to Ico's blog, and my good colleague Hamza, who was too distraught to write this post]

Continue: More wii stories





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102 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Arcanum's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:21
Arcanum
It was a joke...
He almost burst out in laughter half-way through
Riser Glen's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:22
Riser Glen
He's an internet comedian.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:23
Jim Sterling
The Geoffrey Giraffe bit gave it away for me, but I don't think it's in the spirit of the post of not play along with the post.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:24
Jim Sterling
The Geoffrey Giraffe bit gave it away for me, but I don't think it's in the spirit of the video of not play along with the post.
Gato de Metal's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:25
Gato de Metal
loser
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:26
MrSadistic
I would have thought this was funny, if the guy didn't actually look naturally retarded.
covah's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:28
covah
I can see this being a joke, but in the world of where people actually do that, I want it to be true.

Has anyone seen the one on gametrailers where its some 360 fanboy who starts off the video saying "Whats up, Joey Juice here" yeah... I stopped when he called himself "Joey Juice"
Blommen's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:29
Blommen
Heheh pretty funny...
Trowble's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:30
Trowble
This is what stereotypes are made of. He'll die a virgin, if he already hasn't.

It's not that serious, take it easy guy.
Mustin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:30
Mustin
Show me the news. I wanna see it.
Eschatos's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:31
Eschatos
Fuck, a double post from Jim Sterling? What is this world coming to?
SanityMask's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:31
SanityMask
I actually thought it was funny, "and he said 'dot dot dot dot' nothing!"
I may actually try to ease the pain of brawl's delay. Yeah I'm a sad man, gimmme teh QQz.
The-Excel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:32
The-Excel
This is the random act of violence relative to a game system that Nintendo fanboys claim is nonexistent for theirs. About time.
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:35
Im OK
Is that Kevin "Fragmaster" Bowen from SomethingAwful?
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:36
Neonie
People still wear round glasses? Wtf.
Sindicate's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:38
Sindicate
wwwooowww.

that was neat..lol.

fake or not, its still messed up cause I'm sure there are people out there like that.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:39
Jim Sterling
im-OK: According to Linde, he's the culprit, yes.
razerangel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:42
razerangel
Woah, are Ninentdo fans allowed to call other gamers n00bs? I thought you needed internet capable games for that.

OH, snap!

Sorry I couldn't resist it, theres no way thats serious!Unless the guy turns of to be like the next Son of Sam or something...
NsOmNiA91130's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:45
NsOmNiA91130
SMASH ATTACK FURY!
Capn Birdseye's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:50
Capn Birdseye
yeah, he cracked it around 4:50 after he said he slept with his boss ;)

It is still classic, though, although I can see fanboys acting like that in RL
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:50
Im OK
Cool. Fragmaster was awesome in Doom House and Mood House, among other such things.
Mink Car's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:51
Mink Car
"Did I sleep with him?

Hell yeah I did."

Wow, this is hilarious. But we all know this is what we truly feel inside...
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 19:51
Wedge
Ummm... no.
Brandon Undead's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:01
Brandon Undead
If he'd controlled himself a *tad* more, I'da believed it.

Nothing beats the dude in the showere with a bandaid in his beard ranting about the wii.

"Come on Nintendo! If you want the Wii to compete, it has to have Xbox Live!"
freeman1's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:03
freeman1
That guy makes me want to Falcon Punch him in the face.
sleepingagain's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:03
sleepingagain
lol, that guy is classy, he should be on the podcastle... he could replace wardox
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:05
Samit Sarkar
Wow, that was disturbing, pathetic, and hilarious...especially how he confused “quirks” with “perks”.
slayoyayo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:06
slayoyayo
this is fucking retarded. it's just like those lame xbox live prank calls.

Dear potential internet comedians: THE CONCEPT DOESNT MAKE IT FUNNY, >YOU< HAVE TO BE FUNNY FOR YOUR CONCEPT TO BE FUNNY.
Fading Star's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:11
Fading Star
Lol.
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:13
vexed alex
*sigh*

This guy is going to pay for pussy for the rest of his life...
BS3 Owner's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:14
BS3 Owner
"Jeffery the Giraffe has never let my ass down." Noob

P.s.

He had sex with his former "Male" @ TRU boss in order to get brawl 6 days early? LOL!
that1dood's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:16
that1dood
Wow. Just... wow.
RoMeRtHeGaMe's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:16
RoMeRtHeGaMe
Wow, I wonder if people are actually like this.
Simmy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:17
Simmy
I lasted just under 3 minutes till it came too much for me to bear.
charliesuh's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:18
charliesuh
Chad WARDEN WINS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxq7HWX7dqw
Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:27
Cheeburga
duruduudurururur
I hate this man.
Pedro Blandino's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:27
Pedro Blandino
yea it's Fragmaster from SA
Geoff's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:28
Geoff
This is truly front page news
Pedro Blandino's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:29
Pedro Blandino
http://videos.somethingawful.com/misc/dojo.mp3
another thing he did.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:46
Sharpless
I was so confused.
ToxinBlackheart's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 20:51
ToxinBlackheart
Ugh, he's like the gamer equivalent to Chris Crocker.

I want to punch him in the face.
Teta's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:27
Teta
Can´t stop laughing from the "Chad Warden response".
I miss that guy, srsly.
Nazriel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:28
Nazriel
I didn't see mention of this already, but did anyone pay attention to the constant looking just-off-screen? He seems (to me) be obviously reading cue cards he's prepped for himself.

Can 95% guarantee this is intentional amateur comedy and not a cry for help. Well, can't say it's not a cry for help honestly, but the first part sticks.
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:29
Necros
I was so disgusted with this guy until near the end, when it just got so ridiculous there was no way it couldn't be a joke.
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:29
Necros
I was so disgusted with this guy until near the end, when it just got so ridiculous there was no way it couldn't be a joke.
Sam Spectre's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:48
Sam Spectre
I almost thought this wasn't a joke until the very end. I don't think anyone in their right mind would say that if they weren't kidding. But then again, he could have been serious the whole time and tried to end it with some lulz.

The Chad Warren response was hilarious though.
13thDragon's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:58
13thDragon
Dang, I got here too late to make with teh funniez. Just got back from the Hornets game.

Anyway, he maybe could have sold it if he didn't say he slept with his boss.
LoweSox's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 21:59
LoweSox
I've never had a GameStop employee not be calmed down by a sexy tone of voice.

But I'm just a nub -- what would I know?
deiga-the-semivaliant's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:02
deiga-the-semivaliant
Even funnier is the post that the dude is making fun of. I honestly hope that original poster wasn't being serious, because if he was.... wow.... just wow....


Go see for yourself.

http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?p=3719849

"Let's end the delay"? PLEASE.
Im OK's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/16/2008 22:07
Im OK
As for the video itself, even if I hadn't known it was fake due to recognizing Fragmaster right off, I still would have been LOLing too hard to be offended by this.

Fragmaster was also Dr. Poque's old boss in one of the episodes of Mega64 Version 2, fwiw.
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