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Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to view is footage of perhaps the most dangerous Nintendo fan who ever lived. While the delay of Super Smash Bros. has affected many of us in different ways, no man had taken it worse than this wretched soul.
 
After this video, in which he promised to be spending Valentine's Day with Metroid, and desperately declared that Geoffrey the Giraffe has never let his ass down, he left his place of rest, armed only with a plush Yoshi doll and a Wiimote, and raided the local GameStop where he was able to fatally bruise one employee and a small puppy outside before being shot by police. He was declared "pathetic on arrival," later that evening at the local hospital. He never got to take down Solid Snake with a Smash attack, like he'd longed to all his life.
 
This is a wake up call to Nintendo. This young man's life of wandering around his house, naked except for a red hat and a raccoon tail, was cut tragically short and it needn't have been, if Super Smash Bros. Brawl had only been released on schedule. His parents must live with the knowledge that their son released a video such as this on The Internet and that he died wearing Princess Peach underpants, all because of one game not hitting store shelves when it should have.
 
Was this a joke that went too far, or one man's sincere obsession leading him down a dark and demented path? We may never know the truth, but we do know that Brawl is going to be late, and that many more may die before this nightmare ends.
 
[Thanks to Ico's blog, and my good colleague Hamza, who was too distraught to write this post]

Continue: More Delay stories





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102 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Arcanum's Avatar
Arcanum at 01/16/2008 19:21
It was a joke...
He almost burst out in laughter half-way through
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 01/16/2008 19:22
He's an internet comedian.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 01/16/2008 19:23
The Geoffrey Giraffe bit gave it away for me, but I don't think it's in the spirit of the post of not play along with the post.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 01/16/2008 19:24
The Geoffrey Giraffe bit gave it away for me, but I don't think it's in the spirit of the video of not play along with the post.
Gato de Metal's Avatar
Gato de Metal at 01/16/2008 19:25
loser
MrSadistic's Avatar
MrSadistic at 01/16/2008 19:26
I would have thought this was funny, if the guy didn't actually look naturally retarded.
covah's Avatar
covah at 01/16/2008 19:28
I can see this being a joke, but in the world of where people actually do that, I want it to be true.

Has anyone seen the one on gametrailers where its some 360 fanboy who starts off the video saying "Whats up, Joey Juice here" yeah... I stopped when he called himself "Joey Juice"
Blommen's Avatar
Blommen at 01/16/2008 19:29
Heheh pretty funny...
Trowble's Avatar
Trowble at 01/16/2008 19:30
This is what stereotypes are made of. He'll die a virgin, if he already hasn't.

It's not that serious, take it easy guy.
Mustin's Avatar
Mustin at 01/16/2008 19:30
Show me the news. I wanna see it.
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 01/16/2008 19:31
Fuck, a double post from Jim Sterling? What is this world coming to?
SanityMask's Avatar
SanityMask at 01/16/2008 19:31
I actually thought it was funny, "and he said 'dot dot dot dot' nothing!"
I may actually try to ease the pain of brawl's delay. Yeah I'm a sad man, gimmme teh QQz.
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 01/16/2008 19:32
This is the random act of violence relative to a game system that Nintendo fanboys claim is nonexistent for theirs. About time.
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 01/16/2008 19:35
Is that Kevin "Fragmaster" Bowen from SomethingAwful?
Neonie's Avatar
Neonie at 01/16/2008 19:36
People still wear round glasses? Wtf.
Sindicate's Avatar
Sindicate at 01/16/2008 19:38
wwwooowww.

that was neat..lol.

fake or not, its still messed up cause I'm sure there are people out there like that.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 01/16/2008 19:39
im-OK: According to Linde, he's the culprit, yes.
razerangel's Avatar
razerangel at 01/16/2008 19:42
Woah, are Ninentdo fans allowed to call other gamers n00bs? I thought you needed internet capable games for that.

OH, snap!

Sorry I couldn't resist it, theres no way thats serious!Unless the guy turns of to be like the next Son of Sam or something...
NsOmNiA91130's Avatar
NsOmNiA91130 at 01/16/2008 19:45
SMASH ATTACK FURY!
Capn Birdseye's Avatar
Capn Birdseye at 01/16/2008 19:50
yeah, he cracked it around 4:50 after he said he slept with his boss ;)

It is still classic, though, although I can see fanboys acting like that in RL
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 01/16/2008 19:50
Cool. Fragmaster was awesome in Doom House and Mood House, among other such things.
Mink Car's Avatar
Mink Car at 01/16/2008 19:51
"Did I sleep with him?

Hell yeah I did."

Wow, this is hilarious. But we all know this is what we truly feel inside...
Wedge's Avatar
Wedge at 01/16/2008 19:51
Ummm... no.
Brandon Undead's Avatar
Brandon Undead at 01/16/2008 20:01
If he'd controlled himself a *tad* more, I'da believed it.

Nothing beats the dude in the showere with a bandaid in his beard ranting about the wii.

"Come on Nintendo! If you want the Wii to compete, it has to have Xbox Live!"
freeman1's Avatar
freeman1 at 01/16/2008 20:03
That guy makes me want to Falcon Punch him in the face.
sleepingagain's Avatar
sleepingagain at 01/16/2008 20:03
lol, that guy is classy, he should be on the podcastle... he could replace wardox
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 01/16/2008 20:05
Wow, that was disturbing, pathetic, and hilarious...especially how he confused “quirks” with “perks”.
slayoyayo's Avatar
slayoyayo at 01/16/2008 20:06
this is fucking retarded. it's just like those lame xbox live prank calls.

Dear potential internet comedians: THE CONCEPT DOESNT MAKE IT FUNNY, >YOU< HAVE TO BE FUNNY FOR YOUR CONCEPT TO BE FUNNY.
Fading Star's Avatar
Fading Star at 01/16/2008 20:11
Lol.
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 01/16/2008 20:13
*sigh*

This guy is going to pay for pussy for the rest of his life...
BS3 Owner's Avatar
BS3 Owner at 01/16/2008 20:14
"Jeffery the Giraffe has never let my ass down." Noob

P.s.

He had sex with his former "Male" @ TRU boss in order to get brawl 6 days early? LOL!
that1dood's Avatar
that1dood at 01/16/2008 20:16
Wow. Just... wow.
RoMeRtHeGaMe's Avatar
RoMeRtHeGaMe at 01/16/2008 20:16
Wow, I wonder if people are actually like this.
Simmy's Avatar
Simmy at 01/16/2008 20:17
I lasted just under 3 minutes till it came too much for me to bear.
charliesuh's Avatar
charliesuh at 01/16/2008 20:18
Chad WARDEN WINS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxq7HWX7dqw
Cheeburga's Avatar
Cheeburga at 01/16/2008 20:27
duruduudurururur
I hate this man.
Pedro Blandino's Avatar
Pedro Blandino at 01/16/2008 20:27
yea it's Fragmaster from SA
Geoff's Avatar
Geoff at 01/16/2008 20:28
This is truly front page news
Pedro Blandino's Avatar
Pedro Blandino at 01/16/2008 20:29
http://videos.somethingawful.com/misc/dojo.mp3
another thing he did.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 01/16/2008 20:46
I was so confused.
ToxinBlackheart's Avatar
ToxinBlackheart at 01/16/2008 20:51
Ugh, he's like the gamer equivalent to Chris Crocker.

I want to punch him in the face.
Teta's Avatar
Teta at 01/16/2008 21:27
Can´t stop laughing from the "Chad Warden response".
I miss that guy, srsly.
Nazriel's Avatar
Nazriel at 01/16/2008 21:28
I didn't see mention of this already, but did anyone pay attention to the constant looking just-off-screen? He seems (to me) be obviously reading cue cards he's prepped for himself.

Can 95% guarantee this is intentional amateur comedy and not a cry for help. Well, can't say it's not a cry for help honestly, but the first part sticks.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 01/16/2008 21:29
I was so disgusted with this guy until near the end, when it just got so ridiculous there was no way it couldn't be a joke.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 01/16/2008 21:29
I was so disgusted with this guy until near the end, when it just got so ridiculous there was no way it couldn't be a joke.
Sam Spectre's Avatar
Sam Spectre at 01/16/2008 21:48
I almost thought this wasn't a joke until the very end. I don't think anyone in their right mind would say that if they weren't kidding. But then again, he could have been serious the whole time and tried to end it with some lulz.

The Chad Warren response was hilarious though.
13thDragon's Avatar
13thDragon at 01/16/2008 21:58
Dang, I got here too late to make with teh funniez. Just got back from the Hornets game.

Anyway, he maybe could have sold it if he didn't say he slept with his boss.
LoweSox's Avatar
LoweSox at 01/16/2008 21:59
I've never had a GameStop employee not be calmed down by a sexy tone of voice.

But I'm just a nub -- what would I know?
deiga-the-semivaliant's Avatar
deiga-the-semivaliant at 01/16/2008 22:02
Even funnier is the post that the dude is making fun of. I honestly hope that original poster wasn't being serious, because if he was.... wow.... just wow....


Go see for yourself.

http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?p=3719849

"Let's end the delay"? PLEASE.
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 01/16/2008 22:07
As for the video itself, even if I hadn't known it was fake due to recognizing Fragmaster right off, I still would have been LOLing too hard to be offended by this.

Fragmaster was also Dr. Poque's old boss in one of the episodes of Mega64 Version 2, fwiw.
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