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This week in Public Access Destructoid we have a very special show for you today, ladies and gentlemens.  We sent Jon Carnage to learn how to squeeze juice from used video games in a real life factory!

Mr. Rosenberg's company has been working on the Game Juice since the 1800's, spending a fortune testing the flavor and color at LAN centers and his estranged family. We like Mr. Rosenberg because he's very crazy excited about juices, using lasers to make grips on his bottles, and he said to tell you that he wants to put it in you, too. Get it at Spencer's Gifts next time you are trapped inside the shopping mall or check out their webs.

We've got a giant case of Game Juice to give away but not for you maybe!  I'm sorry cousin, but it would cost a billion dollars to ship these things to your people's arctic village.  The contest is open to South Florida Dtoid residents only.  We'll pick a people randomly tomorrow: Just call the number in the comments to say BRING ME DA JUICE and Mr. Destructoid come to your door like a sexy milk man and hand-deliver it for your family.  The contest ends in 24 hours - good luck!

NAACP disclosure: Destructoid was not paid to endorse this product but Matt let Jon, Rey, and I drink a f*ckton of it despite getting there late.  It has energy fuel cells in it, so I haven't slept since Friday. Taurine also helps cats maintain healthy vision. Special thanks to the sweaty men of the American Beverage Depot.  No thanks to the truck that splashed mud on my car.






Contests Official Rules



No Purchase Required to Enter or Win

1. Eligibility: Destructoid.com contests are usually provided by sponsors who, due to customs and shipping costs (yay budgets), often limit participation to individuals who are legal residents of the fifty (50) United States (unless otherwise stated) and are 12 years of age. We encourage our overseas friends to be super sneaky and make a friend in the United States who can receive your prize, and then you two figure out the customs/logistics. Be cautious about who you trust, obviously. Employees of destructoid.com, their advertising or promotion agencies, those involved in the production, development, implementation or handling of Contests, any agents acting for, or on behalf of the above entities, their respective parent companies, officers, directors, subsidiaries, affiliates, licensees, service providers, prize suppliers any other person or entity associated with the Contests (collectively “Contest Entities”) and/or the immediate family (spouse, parents, siblings and children) and household members (whether related or not) of each such employee, are *not* eligible and will be fired and publicly beaten if are caught participating. All U.S., federal, state and local and regulations apply.

2. Agreement to Official Rules: Participation in the Contest constitutes entrant’s full and unconditional agreement to and acceptance of these Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor, which are final and binding. Winning a prize is contingent upon fulfilling all requirements set forth herein.

3. Entry Period: The start and end dates/times of each Contest (the “Entry Period”) will be posted on the applicable Contest site.

4. Entry: To enter a Contest, follow the instructions on the Contest site. Submission will result in one (1) entry. The number of times you can enter the Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The use of any agencies or automated software to submit entries will void all entries submitted by that person.

5. Drawing: At the conclusion of the Entry Period, we will select the names of the potential winners in a random drawing of all eligible entries received during each Entry Period. The number of winners to be selected in a specific Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The odds of being selected as a potential winner depend on the number of eligible entries received during the Entry Period. Potential winners will be contacted via email and will be asked to provide their full name, age and mailing address within a specified time period. If a potential winner does not respond within the timeframe stated in the notification email, we may select an alternate potential winner in his/her place at random from all entries received during the Entry Period. Limit one (1) prize per household per Contest.

6. Requirements of the Potential Winners: Winners will be notified by the e-mail address associated with their account on destructoid.com.com and/or receive a Private Message on destructoid.com.com or through a Twitter Direct Message/Facebook message. Winners have five (5) days from the original message alerting them of their winnings to respond and claim their prize. If no winner comes forward within five business days, the prize will be forfeited and raffled again where Destructoid's hardcore fans are most active (forums/community blogs/facebook group).

7. Prize(s): The prize(s) (including each prize’s approximate retail value) available to be won in a specific Contest will be posted on the Contest site. No cash or other substitution may be made, except by the Sponsor, who reserves the right to substitute a prize with another prize of equal or greater value if the prize is not available for any reason as determined by the Sponsor in its sole discretion. The winners are responsible for any taxes and fees associated with receipt or use of a prize. Prizes will be mailed between 1 to 45 business days after winners have replied with their required info.

8. General Conditions: In the event that the operation, security, or administration of the Contest is impaired in any way for any reason, including, but not limited to fraud, virus, or other technical problem, the Sponsor may, in its sole discretion, either: (a) suspend the Contest to address the impairment and then resume the Contest in a manner that best conforms to the spirit of these Official Rules; or (b) award the prizes at random from among the eligible entries received up to the time of the impairment. The Sponsor reserves the right in its sole discretion to disqualify any individual it finds to be tampering with the entry process or the operation of the Contest or to be acting in violation of these Official Rules or in an unsportsmanlike or disruptive manner. Any attempt by any person to undermine the legitimate operation of the Contest may be a violation of criminal and civil law, and, should such an attempt be made, the Sponsor reserves the right to seek damages from any such person to the fullest extent permitted by law. The Sponsor’s failure to enforce any term of these Official Rules shall not constitute a waiver of that provision. In case of a dispute as to the owner of an entry, entry will be deemed to have been submitted by the authorized account holder of the screen name from which the entry is made. The authorized account holder is defined as the natural person who is assigned to an e-mail address by an Internet access provider, online service provider, or other organization responsible for assigning e-mail addresses for the domain associated with the submitted e-mail address.

9.Release and Limitations of Liability: By participating in the Contest, entrants agree to release and hold harmless the Contest Entities from and against any claim or cause of action arising out of participation in the Contest or receipt or use of any prize, including, but not limited to: (a) unauthorized human intervention in the Contest; (b) technical errors related to computers, servers, providers, or telephone or network lines; (c) printing errors; (d) lost, late, postage-due, misdirected, or undeliverable mail; (e) errors in the administration of the Contest or the processing of entries; or (f) injury or damage to persons or property which may be caused, directly or indirectly, in whole or in part, from entrant’s participation in the Contest or receipt of any prize. Entrant further agrees that in any cause of action, the Contest Entities’ liability will be limited to the cost of entering and participating in the Contest, and in no event shall the Contest Entities be liable for attorney’s fees. Entrant waives the right to claim any damages whatsoever, including, but not limited to, punitive, consequential, direct, or indirect damages.

10. Disputes: Except where prohibited, entrant agrees that any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of, or connected with, the Contest or any prize awarded shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action. All issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules, entrant’s rights and obligations, or the rights and obligations of the Sponsors in connection with the Contest, shall be governed by, and construed in accordance with, the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia, without giving effect to any choice of law or conflict of law rules (whether of the Commonwealth of Virginia or any other jurisdiction), which would cause the application of the laws of any jurisdiction other than the Commonwealth of Virginia.

11. Contest Results: To enter the contest without needing to buy/sell anything or request a written copy of the name of the winners, send a self-addressed stamped envelope (stating the specific Contest you are requesting the winners for) to destructoid.com Contest Winners 260 King Street Suite 883, San Francisco California 94107. We run many contests, so please be specific in what you are requesting. Winner requests must be received within thirty (30) days from the end date of the applicable contest (they're always posted on our site though). Winners are usually posted the day following the contest on our contest section.

Lastly, Destructoid has the right to kick your ass and take away your prize if you are a total dickhead, so be cool and don't kick any puppies on your way to victory. Have fun with our contests and be a good sport when you win or lose. Remember: First you get the power, then you get the money, then get the baby.

 




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Yanier "Niero" Gonzalez is Destructoid's founder and guy-in-the-helmet.After 2,000+ stories posted and years of starting trouble on the front page he's now busy behind the scenes building the future of Destructoid. His story is our motto: "Living The Dream".

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39 comments | showing # 1 to 39
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Guncannon's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:29
Guncannon
Another great satier! I laffed all the way to the Bonk!

Also, is it just me, but the theme to P.A.D. sounds somewhat derivative of the Price is Right theme?
Sgt Cheesecake's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:30
Sgt Cheesecake
I can almost taste the saccharine sweetness of the soda in this poor, confused man's heart.

I'm loving this new skit.
Handy's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:31
Handy
“50 cent got game and Tony Hawk’s got the board and you put them all together and the guy that walks into the club’s got the juice.”

WOW.
Dale North's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:32
Dale North
hilarious
nukka jdav's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:35
nukka jdav
Haha, I really like where this series is going. Keep it up.
Kraid's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:37
Kraid
@Guncannon : That's exactly what I was thinking!
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:41
Holyetheline
This was very interesting. I love it!
madfigs's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:42
madfigs
Thank goodness that NAACP disclaimer is on there, you guys need to protect yourselves!
PwnanObrien's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:42
PwnanObrien
I love how the people interviewed are somehow more awkward.
PixelatedPope's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:47
PixelatedPope
@Guncannon
It almost sounds like The Price is Right theme played backwards...

Funny, but a bit hard on the eyes... or was that just me?
nekobun's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:47
nekobun
Did you feed him that line about having game and the juice in the club or did he seriously come up with that diatribe himself?
Jamie McGinn's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 17:52
Jamie McGinn
I wish I had game :(
enteringoblivion's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:00
enteringoblivion
Tony Hawk AND 50 cent? Those are some pretty good name drops.

I better buy that stuff.
Arkhon's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:02
Arkhon
I love the intentionally bad video and audio fidelity.
bickle's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:08
bickle
Great video, too bad they hid the Slurm Queen from the camera.
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:08
DaedHead8
This video was funny and it made me want some mountain dew. Double win.
Trebz's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:15
Trebz
This made me very confused, but I want game, so I'll try some of this next time I see it. Maybe then I'll have some game.
taumpytears's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:20
taumpytears
Can Bradenton be south florida?
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:22
Monodi
I can feel game just by watching!
Mateitna's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:22
Mateitna
Mmmm Game Zombie videos.
Diverse's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:27
Diverse
"Cause gamers aren't only video gamers. They're extreme bikers, they're extreme skaters, uh... nascar drivers. And also hip-hop because... in an urban crowd when you got game and you got the juice, it's got nothing to do with video games! It's got to do with you as an individual. 50 Cent's got game and Tony Hawk's got the board. And you put 'em all together and the guy that walks into the club has got the juice. Each little bit puts it together."

I fucking lol'd my ass off, Jesus Christ.
Ganjookie's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:34
Ganjookie
I'm a gamer, and an EXTREME GRAPHIXXX DESIGNERZ!

I drink GAME JUICE!!!
DrRockso's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:35
DrRockso
Northwest Florida is like south Florida, right?
HammerShark's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:38
HammerShark
John Carnage.

Communicates w/ Game Juice (a drink)......

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Clarke's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:43
Clarke
Where's the number? I would like to be brought "Da Juice".
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:44
MechaMonkey
Infinitely better than the first one. Mr. Carnage is much better when he isn't trapped behind the folding table. A++, would juice again.

Also, Don Karnage again:

HammerShark's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 18:47
HammerShark
Edit: Jon Carnage

Seriously I have like name dyslexia or something. I should have that checked out.

Anyway, JON CARNAGE! WOO!
Super Drybones's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 19:13
Super Drybones
I want mr. Destructoid to BRING ME DA JUICE, I must watch for this mystic number
Spiderty's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 19:38
Spiderty
Mr. Destructoid! BRING ME DA JUICE! I'm seriously just down the street anyway! :D It would so make my day!
Tayandre's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 20:01
Tayandre
I see no number in these comments...
However, right now I'm posted up in Miami Sprizangs, so BRING ME THA JUICE!
Tony Ponce's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/07/2009 21:28
Tony Ponce
561 representin'! Wellington, FL, in da house, biz-NATCH!

BRING ME DA JUICE!
the phntm rat's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2009 00:31
the phntm rat
West Kendall up in here.

BRING ME DA JUICE
filijonken's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2009 07:00
filijonken
I love the music!
Super Drybones's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2009 10:34
Super Drybones
lol I thought it was a puzzle for a sec, so I took Dale's post and converted it to numbers, but its one short :(
WarZombie's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2009 22:10
WarZombie
Lmfaooo.

Carnage is the man.
infinity's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2009 22:25
infinity
i always wants to know how to made game juse.

seriously, though, more of this public access destructoid stuff.
hack3r's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2009 15:10
hack3r
Shit I cant believe I missed this. I live in Miami. Well, just in case, BRING ME DA JUICE!
hack3r's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/09/2009 15:51
hack3r
PS: Take pity I was studying my ass off for finals D:
John B's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/10/2009 00:02
John B
How the hell did you guys do that in red/blue anaglyph? The 3D effects are very weak but they ARE THERE!
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