Destructoid loves Ridiculous Fishing. We can't stop talking about its clever design, quirky vernacular, and unmistakable prismatic aesthetic. Whenever I see strangers on the train playing the likes of trashy iOS games like Candy Crush I want to elbow them in the eye and show their remaining good eye what they're missing. 

Backstory: Billy is a man with a mysterious past, out for the sort of redemption that requires lazer-guided bazookas and isolated fishing vessels. Reel men. Fishing is Billy's chi. Help him cast his lure to the deepest depths of the ocean without touching a single fish, attempting to lure the rarest catch, then grabbing everything valuable in sight on the way up.

Once your catch is flung into the air you'll use pistols, rockets, and multi-touch semi-automatic weapons to turn it into cash, allowing you to purchase ridiculous upgrades. America was created so this game could someday exist, and this guide attempts to help you enjoy 100% of your $2.99 iOS purchase. Don't worry, there are no other opportunistic in-app game purchases you must be subjected to. Amen, Vlambeer.

Pace yourself -- you can't just run and gun through it in a few hours. There are hats, man.