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Postal is one of the most important films of the last decade; HEAD ASPLODE

10:24 PM on 06.29.2007, Nex 42 comments

Postal is one of the most important films of the last decade; HEAD ASPLODE photo
     Postal

Uwe Boll, the wackiest German since Colonel Klink, recently conducted an interview with Deutsch games site Area Games in which he says the final words you will ever read before your eyeballs burst from their sockets and your face spontaneously combusts out of sheer incredulity. I'm going to quote him, but please, make sure any children have left the room, and remain seated for the duration of the quote.

POSTAL is my final statement. You can’t make a more radical movie.

At the film market in Cannes POSTAL got STANDING OVATIONS [capitalisation by Boll]. No other film has ever been applauded there since it’s all business people who attend the screenings. It’s one of the best films of all time!

There is no way you can ignore POSTAL - it’s one of the funniest and most important films of the last decade!

You guys still with me? Yeah, you read that correctly. He not only claims Postal -- a film based on a game in which you have the option to use a cat's anus as a silencer while murdering innocent bystanders -- is one of the "best films of all time", he then goes on to say it's "one of the funniest and most important films of the last decade". I realize there's a certain level of hyperbole that directors have to add to their own work, but Mr. Boll seems to have confused "superlative self-praise for one's own work" with "spend a week snorting cocaine out of the skulls of dead babies".


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PKN's Avatar
PKN at 06/29/2007 22:25
And this is why German's aren't allowed to play video games. Too bad Postal didn't have nazi images in it and get banned over there.
domataos's Avatar
domataos at 06/29/2007 22:26
uwe boll should be raped with a kinfe
synce's Avatar
synce at 06/29/2007 22:27
For every 10 people who hate Uwe Boll, only 1 has even seen his movies. They're not nearly as horrible as people like to make them out to be.
Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain's Avatar
Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain at 06/29/2007 22:28
I don't believe him. There's no reason to believe Uwe Boll.
leapfrogmcgee's Avatar
leapfrogmcgee at 06/29/2007 22:31
Fuck anything and everything that he does he is not a filmaker he is a butcher and he should be banned from making movies. For anyone that has seen any of his movies and liked them.......god be with you and bless your little hearts for giving him money to make a laughing stock of the gaming community.
leapfrogmcgee's Avatar
leapfrogmcgee at 06/29/2007 22:32
@synce.....your wrong.
jerrt's Avatar
jerrt at 06/29/2007 22:34
excuse me if i don't believe him till i download it via torrents and watch it with my own two eyes.

also that duck rules with its little hat
beastie boys also rule, especially when viewing dtoid on the ps3 via the big screen. [:
Topher Cantler's Avatar
Topher Cantler at 06/29/2007 22:41
I agree, the duck kicks ass.
Aevalad's Avatar
Aevalad at 06/29/2007 22:42
I agree with synce. House of the Dead was a decent movie, and worthy of sharing the same title as the game. Sure.. most of the movie was stylized zombie shooting.. but thats all the games are. As far as the story elements go, it ends up to be a prequel to the first game. Now as far as Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne goes, they weren't the best movies.. but they could have been FAR worse.
Trevor McGee's Avatar
Trevor McGee at 06/29/2007 23:17
Someone kill him....

I can't take his shit anymore. When they make movies of games they are almost always raped of their origin, but Uwe Boll takes it to a whole new level. He needs to go.

By the way, I have seen his movies and they are truly garbage. He manages to insult both gamers and movie buffs at the same time.
10BobMarleys's Avatar
10BobMarleys at 06/29/2007 23:17
OK..... Ho0use of the Dead, and it's sequel, were abortions caught on film. Just like this Postal movie will be. Also, the Bloodrayne movie COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN WORSE. If you can think of a way to make that film any more horrible than it was, please kill yourself immediately and save the living world from the horrors of your diabolical mind. Uwe Boll is the stained anus of Hollywood. Nuf sed?
Vos's Avatar
Vos at 06/29/2007 23:22
So Uwe Boll is one of those people who cried when Anna Nicole Smith died out of pure despair?
Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain's Avatar
Copyright 2008 Agent Chieftain at 06/29/2007 23:33
I don't think Boll realizes that he is one of the few people who makes EVERYBODY cringe with disgust when someone utters his name. House of the Dead made my inner child die.
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 06/29/2007 23:50
POSTAL is my final statement.

So he's never going to make any more movies after Postal? SWEET!

Oh... wait, he was just trying to be clever or something, wasn't he? Damn.
Reeper's Avatar
Reeper at 06/29/2007 23:54
i'm glad i didn't know house of the dead was made into a movie

i might have watched it.

he really does need to die, or quit making movies, or quit making movies suck. i'm so fucking mad that he's directing far cry, he's destroying one of my favorite games :(
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 06/30/2007 00:07
Boll's movies are only decent as terrible cheese. They're enjoyable if you like watching and laughing at bad movies. They're the prototypical type of films MST3K used to spoof.
JohnnyWadd's Avatar
JohnnyWadd at 06/30/2007 01:19
This film is even more important than "Kingpin" ???
Whatever!
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 06/30/2007 01:20
People like to compare him to Ed Wood. I believe that to be an unfair comparison. He is the new Coleman Francis.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 06/30/2007 01:31
@ Riser Glen:

That's the first time I've heard that suggestion, and I think you might be absolutely right. Coleman Francis is an MST3K legend, if I'm not mistaken they've featured every single movie he ever directed. :)
Trevor McGee's Avatar
Trevor McGee at 06/30/2007 01:44
@ 10BobMarleys

Hey, House of the Dead 2 was actually pretty decent, but just not as a House of the Dead movie. It was pretty much just a straight up zombie flick, go into with that thought in mind and you might enjoy it. By the way, Uwe Boll had nothing to do with that one at all. It was given to someone else to do.

I never wanted to see it because I thought it would be shit, but then I caught it on Sci-Fi and thought it was actually a pretty cool zombie movie. I didn't know the name of it at first, I just saw zombies and went "Must watch." I thought it was pretty decent and thought hey Uwe Boll made another shitty House of the Dead but it was a decent zombie flick. So I bought it on DVD and they have a little slip in there that talks about how bad the first one was and that they didn't want Uwe Boll to make the sequel or some shit like that.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 06/30/2007 02:06
@Mxyzptlk

MST3k for the win. Always.

I'll elaborate on my reasoning: Ed Wood my have been a very inept director, but he was still trying to be original. The man had original ideas, he just had absolutely no idea how to articulate them. That plus the fact that his films had pretty much no budget made for some very unintentionally funny movies.

Coleman Francis on the other hand was trying to take advantage of fads and trends in films. Monster movies, the Cuban threat and Skydiving, all things big at the time. Francis saw a money making opportunity and took it. And that's where I believe Francis and Boll meet.

Watching House of the Dead, I saw "bargain bin" versions of the Matrix' "bullet-time" and attempt to copy scenes from other action films (which would of course be scenes used in the trailers.) That coupled with the increase in video game popularity, cheap film licenses and that goddamn tax loophole made for some very Francis-like movies/money-grabs, in my opinion.
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 06/30/2007 02:12
How does Uwe Boll compare to the likes of Harold P. Warren?

(insert fertilizer joke here)

...

...

...

Augh dammit, now I have Torgo's theme stuck in my head again. It takes so very little for that to happen.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 06/30/2007 02:13
thE MASteR woULd NoT aPProVe!
s0lesurviv0r's Avatar
s0lesurviv0r at 06/30/2007 02:37
Here is the trailer for anyone who's curious.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 06/30/2007 02:43
DAVE FOLEY! NO! Why... why Dave Foley? Why must you do this?
Topher Cantler's Avatar
Topher Cantler at 06/30/2007 03:37
You guys are missing the point. That duck is fucking cool.
GatsuTheBerserker's Avatar
GatsuTheBerserker at 06/30/2007 04:08
Yes, Duck's are cool. Sadly it makes me give the duck my tear because of the cruelty it will receive from this movie. Someone get the animal rights community to help this poor poor animal before it takes up the bottle because of his one mistake.
Jim's Avatar
Jim at 06/30/2007 05:22
Now give Uwe Boll a break, will ya?

He's the Ed Wood of our times.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 06/30/2007 07:15
David and I spoke to Mike Jarret of Running With Scissors (full interview forthcoming) and he said that if Boll is good for one thing, it's big dumb stupid comedies. This is his niche, and if he's going to be successful at one thing, it's a movie based on Postal.
Dennen's Avatar
Dennen at 06/30/2007 10:38
I have low standards when it comes to movies.. But every movie I have seen this man create has been an abomination. In a world of movies, I can honestly say that Uwe Boll's films are among the very very few that I truly despise. He is not the Ed Wood of our time. He is not some prophetic visionary. If people have somehow confused the name Uwe Boll with "Good Film" used in the same sentence, then so be their own pleasure.

But I refuse to give the retard a break. I didn't honestly think it was possible to take House of the Dead and make the storyline and any method of artistic value look any worse. I saw the film and I can honestly say I was wrong.

Thus far, the only success Uwe Boll has had is the ability to become a laughingstock.. Until he can actually pull something above mediocrity off, I have no faith that this man can ever produce anything along the lines of decent.
Dennen's Avatar
Dennen at 06/30/2007 10:40
PS.

Stylized Zombie Shooting?.... This thread was the first time I have ever heard these words put together... Amazing.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 06/30/2007 12:28
@ Riser Glen

That's an insult to Coleman Francis. At least he gave us "coffee" and Tor Johnson and that woman who looked like Meg White. In hell, Coleman waits to sit his giant, moist body on top of Uwe Boll's and dangle loogies over his little bald head.
Joe Burling's Avatar
Joe Burling at 06/30/2007 12:44
Moar duck please...
ridley80's Avatar
ridley80 at 06/30/2007 13:40
You guys are missing the point! WHAT IS THE DUCK'S POSITION IN ALL OF THIS?!
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 06/30/2007 17:15
I watched Bloodrayne today.

You know, honestly? It wasn't that bad. It wasn't great, but it I sat through it all, which is more than I can say for Resident Evil.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 06/30/2007 19:42
@Sharpless

He also gave us Cherokee Jack. But I have tried to watch Francis' "Skydivers" without Mike and the Bots and it gave me a headache. Just like House of the Dead.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 07/01/2007 02:23
And "Skydivers" is the most tolerable of the MST3K trilogy, too.
WantonDistraction's Avatar
WantonDistraction at 07/01/2007 06:34
I like that POSTAL is his "final" statement. I was not aware he was making statements before other than "I am a hack who defrauds his investors."
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