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[Editor's note: neveranything shares with us a very heartwarming story on how videogames helped him make new friends for his Monthly Musing piece. -- CTZ]

Throughout elementary and middle school, I was the textbook definition of a bully target. I was weak, shy, and a bit of a loner. I had a few friends, but we all fell into the same category of bully magnets. Since we all fell into the same social category, we formed a fairly tight-knit group and kept to our own little social circle. Even then, I was still a loser. I wasn't too good at meeting people and making new friends. If I ended up in a class without anybody I knew, I'd just fade into the background of the class.

I was cursed by my shyness when it came to meeting new people. I'd look for my first chance to escape and hightail it to the nearest quiet corner of the school.

This curse began to carry on through high school until my Sophomore year, when one of the school bullies noticed me reading the December 1998 copy of EGM in my Graphic Arts class. Normally, I'd just catch my daily dose of harassment from him so I braced myself when he started walking towards me. But as he got closer he stopped, looked at what I was reading, then sat next to me and asked what kind of score Metal Gear Solid got.

This scared the ever-living crap out of me and I immediately began looking for the first opening to run. This bully was one of my daily tormentors; why would he want to be nice to me? Feeling cornered, I quickly gave him the answer and then buried my nose in the magazine. The bully asked to read the reviews, so I quickly handed him the magazine. He took a quick read over the reviews, then asked me if I had read much about Metal Gear Solid. I gave him a quick "yes," still feeling cornered. The bully asked me what I thought of the game, based on what I'd read. Before I could answer, he started to tell me in detail what he'd read about MGS and how excited he was about it.

I eventually relaxed, and told him what I'd read about MGS. I'd spent a lot of time reading every magazine article I could on it and surprised the bully with how much I knew. By the time I told him that I had saved as much as I could to get a PlayStation just to play MGS, the class was over. We both had the same lunch (which I never knew before because I usually avoided him) so we agreed to meet up then and talk about the game more.

At lunch I met some of the bully's friends, who happened to be more of my daily tormentors. He told them I was "cool," and that I knew a lot about MGS, a game they were all interested in. We spent the entire lunch period talking about games, and I started to gain a little acceptance outside of my normal social circle.



As the school year went on, I spent more time hanging out with the bully. He eventually went from bully to friend, and I began to make even more friends thanks to a shared interest in Pokémon. Due to the fact that Game Boys weren't allowed in school for any reason, I became part of an elite covert group of Pokémon traders. During our free time in classes and in between classes, we would hammer out trade agreements, sometimes going into intense haggling bouts to try to get the best trade. It could take days for trades between rare and/or high level Pokémon to be finalized. At lunch we would put our backpacks on the lunch table, with our Game Boys conveniently nestled inside. We'd use the lunch trays to conceal the link cable, which ran across the table. When the lunch monitors were distracted we'd quickly make the trades. Pokémon battles could be just as daunting. Battles would be negotiated like prized boxing fights and created many heated rivalries.

I kept meeting new people through the common connection of videogames and eventually began to get recognized more in school. I also noticed that I wasn't as afraid of stepping outside of my social circle as I used to be. With the friends I made through gaming I started to branch out, taking what I'd learned by making friends through gaming and started meeting new people through other shared interests.

By my Senior year, I made a lot of progress socially. I was still a gaming nerd, but I'd become a "cool" gaming nerd. I'd become friends with other kids from a bunch of different social circles. From the jocks to the art kids and everywhere in between. I even became friends with most of the kids who had bullied me previously. And even if I wasn't a friend with everyone in my school, I was at least accepted by most of them. By the time I graduated the only people who still picked on me were part of a small group of very stuck-up snobs.

My entire social education was thanks to vidoegames. I love to tell my story every time I hear someone say that videogames are anti-social, that they encourage kids to isolate themselves alone in front of a screen. I'm living proof that games are just the opposite. Since most kids are gamers, gaming gives them a massive common ground, something that they all can relate to, no matter which social circle they're in.


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19 comments | showing # 1 to 19

garison's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/12/2009 22:41
garison
That's a really awesome story, man! I have a very wide range of friends that I hang out with at school, gamers and non gamers. But I only have a few REALLY close friends which are all big gamers.
TrailerParkJesus's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/12/2009 23:35
TrailerParkJesus
whoa, cool little story
Qraze's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/12/2009 23:50
Qraze
good writing makes me cry. you sir have done that. my tears strangely taste like cupcakes.
masterninja's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/13/2009 03:40
masterninja
Hmm somewhere I was expecting a manslaughter started by smashing a bully's head in with a N64 joypad while eating icecream...

Guess this is why i'm allways seen as a very disturbed individual...

Very cool blog nonetheless...:)
Krow-Kupo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/13/2009 04:57
Krow-Kupo
I'm adding you to my friends so that I can keep up to date on your blogs. This is the kind of stuff that I love to see.
atheistium's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/13/2009 11:15
atheistium
Cool story bro.

Seriously :-) That's a nice little story :D
Midgetsnowman's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 15:18
Midgetsnowman
Pretty much how school was for me too. I was the total shut in, harassed by bullies and everything else all through like..8th grade. Then I met a very small core group of other gaming nerds, we made friends (even a couple of them used to bully me) and It was smooth sailing ever after.
Overcrowd's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 15:20
Overcrowd
That's awesome.

I fall into the same camp as garison, though. There's my school friends and my actual friends. Ironically though, all of them are at least slight gamers, generally interested in CoD, Fallout 3, Gears and other such.
Zodiac Eclipse's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 15:42
Zodiac Eclipse
Hey I like games, anyone wanna be friends? Or at least quit spitting in food at lunchtime?

Great story, I'd bet most of us here can relate to being socially awkward. Seems to be the demographic this place attracts.
stevesan's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 16:25
stevesan
Sucks for kids whose parents can't afford games!
nukka jdav's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 16:28
nukka jdav
I had some amazing friends, two of which were gamers, but now I'm off at college and due to my social anxiety, I have zero friends.

I know there are gamers out there, its just hard to find them when you are shy.

Either way this was uplifting. A good read indeed.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 19:07
Samit Sarkar
This is a wonderful story (and a well-written piece, at that!). I had a similar experience -- didn't really have many friends through middle school, but in high school, I overheard some people talking about WWF SmackDown! on the PS1, and that group of people remains, to this day, some of my closest friends. :)
Wexx's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 20:26
Wexx
Great read, just what I needed in my little slump that I'm in right now.
Funksy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2009 21:39
Funksy
I never really got bullied, and I think it had everything to do with me not LETTING it happen, but I was definitely on the outskirts of social groups. I can't remember anyone from any school I went to after 5th grade.

Basically, I was in a similar situation, but my catalyst was joining the military. I realized fairly quick (and this is going to sound a little smug) that I was having a much easier time in basic training than everyone around me and that gave me a huge dose of confidence.

Good story though. Thanks for sharing.
RAB's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/30/2009 17:08
RAB
haha that was great. really enjoyed it


maybe i'm just too buff and scary looking (lol?) but the whole bully thing never seemed like much of a problem. it always seemed like more of a cartoony tv thing. i mean, there were sons of bitches with whom i didn't get along with, but if they would ever try to say some shit i'd end up fighting them. who cares if you lose, if you just stand up they won't come at you again.
Count Grishnack's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/30/2009 20:39
Count Grishnack
I made probably 100% of my college friends through Halo 2. I even bought a mic so I could trash talk between floors. So I can really relate to this.

Grats on the front page AND the Gaming section of Digg.
Joe 100517's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/30/2009 22:40
Joe 100517
That's a great story! I love the image of you guys arguing about Pokemon trades all morning and then having a large-scale covert operation with backpacks and lunch trays and link-cables to get them done at lunch!
KyleGamgee's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/03/2009 17:58
KyleGamgee
Destructoid: a place for friends.
Akalabeth's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:30
Akalabeth
I wonder a little...

didn't any of you guys think that its not ok to be friends with someone who treated you like crap for several years, at least without having some kind of "stand up to eyematch"? I mean i would feel even worse...the message you give that person is basically "yeah its allright that you treated me like crap, we can still be friends". At the very least someone in that situation should demand an apology. Without the demonstration that you are in fact equally powerful the whole friendship thing is like an act of grace from him, something i wouldnt want to be the base of a friendship. And even if you two are really fine with one another, what about other people he victimzed or still victimizes? Is that the proper cure for the wounds the bullying presumably caused, that you now "may" be friend with those über-cool guys that you hated so much? So you are now one of them? Sounds pretty pathetic to me. Really, even if they would apologize honestly i wouldn't feel well with it. Sure if they did like an 180° turn and stopped to bully people in general, but who would? I dont wanna be friends with people who pick down on others by habit.
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