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I just got done reading a most hilarious report concerning an alarmist anti-DS blog post in which parents are encouraged to destroy the expensive toy they got for their children. Presidential wannabe Sen. Sam Brownback is an evangelical Christian (uh-oh) with an unofficial blog that speaks out against the horrors of the Nintendo DS, and how it is a tool that pedophiles can use to molest kids.

It's unclear if this is an elaborate hoax or not, but the whole thing is so funny that it deserves to be posted. Check out the writer's summary of Donkey Kong, it's classic:

The B4B tipline recently received information about this gaming device and its devious and virtually unknown (by parents) backdoor giving child predators access to millions of children. Don’t let your child be a victim. Slam the backdoor shut by refusing to put this dangerous device on your Christmas list this year.

…It’s undeniable that it has been a “success” for its Japanese manufacturer, Nintendo (makers of Donkey Kong aka Monkey Donkey, a game in which a monkey kidnaps a young girl to satisfy his bestial desires). It’s also been a tremendous success for pedophiles everywhere… it can easily be used by child predators and molesters to get access to your children…

But if you already have a Japanese Nintendo DS in your home, the time to act is now. Snap it in half like Jill (not her real name) did and excise it from your child’s life. She deftly ripped the offending device out of her [daughter’s] hands, sent the reply “stay away from my baby, you psycho” and triumphantly snapped the unit in half… Nintendo TP (two pieces).

I don't know much about Brownback, but his anti-videogame stance makes this post all the more believable. Its applause of Jack Thompson as a videogames 'expert' is brilliant, no matter the sincerity. What do you think though? Well researched hoax or unresearched sensationalism? Let us know.








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Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize. Likes PS2, iPod Touch, Silent Hill 2, Metal Gear Solid, Dynasty Warriors 3 Meet the rest of the team



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74 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

Maurice Tan's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:28
Maurice Tan
All you need to know is that he's a Republican evangelical, so he probably used a DS to cyber with his interns.

I'm still waiting for people to ban organic eyes, so we won't have to see all the filth on the internet anymore!
emuscles's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:29
emuscles
i think they're on to me..
Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:31
Cheeburga
Wow.
You know what else is great for pedophiles?
Online Chatrooms.
Get on that one parents.



Oh, and parents are pedophiles also.
I watch a lot of Dateline NBC
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:32
MechaMonkey
Is a stylus joke necessary? Absolutely. Someone get on that.
Kif 's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:34
Kif
People use Pictochat?
BlindsideDork's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:35
BlindsideDork
Reggie is a Game Guru, huh?
Ignus's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:38
Ignus
"(makers of Donkey Kong aka Monkey Donkey, a game in which a monkey kidnaps a young girl to satisfy his bestial desires)" and "She deftly ripped the offending device out of her [daughter’s] hands, sent the reply “stay away from my baby, you psycho” and triumphantly snapped the unit in half…" are fucking comedy gold.
There is no way this can be serious.
Ignus's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:38
Ignus
"(makers of Donkey Kong aka Monkey Donkey, a game in which a monkey kidnaps a young girl to satisfy his bestial desires)" and "She deftly ripped the offending device out of her [daughter’s] hands, sent the reply “stay away from my baby, you psycho” and triumphantly snapped the unit in half…" are fucking comedy gold.There is no way this can be serious.
fyre's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:38
fyre
Mmm....if you go to the blog you can see that it's obviously satire. It's actually quite well done.
DaringSword's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:40
DaringSword
Chalk another piece of biased propaganda to Fox. Commie bastards.
Jasongame's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:41
Jasongame
Gosh, I remember watching that video with my friend. We were seriously stupefied when we saw that. I didn't know the DS wifi could go that far. Mine seems to have enough problems going halfway through my house. But then again, if the pedophile's already in my house and he's on a Nintendo DS trying to get me to come to him... I think that in itself is more of a problem. Who uses pictochat nowadays anyways? Either way, I think friend codes helped neuter this problem anyways.
Justin Villasenor's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:41
Justin Villasenor
"this gaming device and its devious and virtually unknown (by parents) backdoor giving child predators access to millions of children"

Millions? To use pictochat you need to be within about sixty feet of someone's DS. That being the case it should be pretty easy to identify who it is sending any unwanted messages.
bipolar beers's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:42
bipolar beers
this gives me an excuse to go upstairs and snap my 16 year old brothers ds in half. than i could report the findings of this report to my parents and be considered a hero! hell yes.
corneliuscack's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:44
corneliuscack
pedobeeaaaarrr
fyre's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:45
fyre
Oh gods, this is fucking great.
http://blogs4brownback.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/kids-korner-goody-guns/
bloodylip's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:45
bloodylip
I still use my DS to draw pictures of cocks and bewbs and send them to my wife. She gets a kick out of it.
Toasterface's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:48
Toasterface
"his bestial desires"

So gold, I really can't stop laughing at it
Tempus's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:54
Tempus
The video solves it's own issue by putting the blame onto parents for not knowing what they're giving their kids. And that's the end of that chapter.
RICHARD BLOCKER's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:55
RICHARD BLOCKER
Nice find there, fyre. I like my guns, but that guy is a F-tard
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 09:59
Holyetheline
I think that the dude who wrote this is a complete moron. How much more paranoid could someone be?
fenixuy's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:02
fenixuy
Ahhh... a good laugh. That post made my day.
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:02
MaxVest
Faker than my English accent.

Methinks someone is doing their best Colbert impression.
Trevor McGee's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:04
Trevor McGee
You know, going outside also makes your child more likely to be targeted by a pedophile. So, keep your keeps inside at all times, locked away so nothing will ever happen to them! That's the answer!

Hey, it's either teach your kid not to be a dumb little shit and trust them to do somethings on their own, or lock their asses up in their room and turn them into nut job shut ins with no lives. Over protecting your child can be almost as damaging to them as not being protective enough.
Virtualgirl's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:11
Virtualgirl
That is what I use my DS for...mmmmmmmmmmmm...Little boys...

...I feel dirty now...lol
MaxVest's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:14
MaxVest
The video on the other hand is classic. I remember watching it when it first hit and primarily being impressed with the wireless range. 300 feet is pretty good!
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:25
king3vbo


Are you kidding me? The pedo has to be in the same room as the kid because the wifi connectivity is so short
Aberrant Thought's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:26
Aberrant Thought
Sounds like someone is trying to drum up some PSP sales.
Rockvillian's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:28
Rockvillian
I'm still sending happy penises to kids at McDonald's if I happen to be at a light next to one. Especially if their DS's get broke now.
Variable Gear's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:30
Variable Gear
Wow.

To chat with someone in Pictochat you have to actually enter a chat room. People can't just send you explicit messages without your knowledge. And, yes, Fox News is trash, but the other organizations tend to dabble in this kind of extremism every chance they get. Don't leave them off the hook either!
glipe's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:35
glipe
Oh come on?! It's a wonderfully sarcastic hoax, obviously! He has a picture of Ron Jeremy looking like Mario! He calls Jack an expert!! He's running for President!!

???

Hold on a sec....

This guy's not taking the piss, is he? I mean, he think's he's not taking the piss. What an amusing asshole!
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:39
Tubatic
GamePolitic's readers are calling 4Chan on this one.
Arugala9's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:42
Arugala9
I love the Donkey Kong line.
waxximis's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:44
waxximis
haha, "it has lots of graphics" i love it
JonDarkwood's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:47
JonDarkwood
If he's for real, well, I feel genuinely sorry for any kids whose parents buy into this nonsense.
FuriousGeorge's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 10:49
FuriousGeorge
whoa.... we got 'jack' sterling over here wrecking something as innocent as the DS....
raitchison's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:05
raitchison
This makes SDF look like a serious site.
Drift64's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:07
Drift64
This is old, who has that slowpoke pic to post???

[img]http//www.example.com/image.gif[/img]
Drift64's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:07
Drift64
Oops!

boatorious's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:15
boatorious
"Presidential wannabe Sen. Sam Brownback is an evangelical Christian (uh-oh) with an unofficial blog that speaks out against the horrors of the Nintendo DS, and how it is a tool that pedophiles can use to molest kids."

Instead of saying that Senator Brownback is a person "with an unofficial blog" which implies that he wrote the blog (and judging by the comments many have bought into this) you could instead describe it honestly ..

"A blog satirizing Senator Brownback's views speaks out against the horrors of the Nintendo DS ..."
morbo47's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:22
morbo47
"It’s also been a tremendous success for pedophiles everywhere…"

Uh... huh? I don't think I've ever heard of a pedophile using a DS in this manner, so unless tremendous picked up a new definition in recent years...
tehdopefish's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:28
tehdopefish
dammit, no more picking up 8 year olds using my ds anymore.
Aaron Mxy Yost's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:31
Aaron Mxy Yost
Haven't you heard? Pictochat also supports terrorism! (skip to 7:15)
Jetsetlemming's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:31
Jetsetlemming
Fake. The DS thing is parodying an old fox affiliate scaremongering report on pedophiles using the DS's wifi to talk to little kids. I think that's at least a year and a half old by know, I remember seeing it on Penny Arcade.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:53
CaffeinePowered
Wasnt there another story just like this like a year ago?
Rosseh's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 11:55
Rosseh
That was pretty one sided but at least at the end they told parents they should read the manual.
Churchhills Dog's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 12:04
Churchhills Dog
C'mon Jim, you know better than that. This is complete BS.

For gamepolitics.com to even entertain that this is real shows that their own perspective is getting a bit skewed.
Bryan-'s Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 12:22
Bryan-
Almost too funny to be real.

It has lots of graphics.
Bob Muir's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 12:24
Bob Muir
If that's real, then it's hilarious how retarded he is. And old video is old.
Velt's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 12:24
Velt
I wish the fu**** thing had a long range... the thing is that when you put walls in the middle is not so great.

Besides WTF??
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/19/2007 12:34
Sharpless
Once again, damage control: I am an evangelical Christian. Sam Brownback is a tit and does not speak for me. The end.
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