Dear Nintendo,
Baby, we've been together a long time. I may have said some bad things in the past, but deep down you know how I feel about you. But this year at E3, the gloves are coming off. I'm sick of waiting. The time has come for me and the rest of the gaming community to rise up against you and beg you, for the merciful heavens, to ***PUT OUT ALREADY***. You know what I'm talking about. He's got the fro. He's got the sandals. He shoots at eggplants. He was borderline illegal for Palutena 20 years ago, but that was then and this is now. I'm talking about the biggest comeback in video game history. I'm talking about taking that Revolution name you got and actually doing something with it. I'm talking about making the legendary next-generation... Kid Icarus.
What I want from you is simple. Put a little team together, led by the terrestrial god of gaming. Miyamoto is human; a man made of hairless flesh and censored blood. But do it soon. He may find himself running in the beautiful rolling hills one day and accidentally impale himself with a kite. These things happen. So before it is too late and we're weeping on his playfully designed plastic red tombstone, get him on the project. Tick Tick Tick. Don't make me come down there with my Golden Nintendo Power pin.
Think nobody cares about Pit? I beg to differ.
Just look at Wikipedia. You made this kick-ass game over 20 years ago, it has a rabid fan base to this day, and you've done absolutely shit with it. Before you get crushed in the technology wars and one of your executives talks you into releasing a controller in the shape of casually cupped man-balls, please do not let this game go. Complete me, baby. Complete me.
This year at E3 in Los Angeles, I will make it my mission to gather as many signatures as possible to present proof that if you build it, we will come. There will be no mistaking me. I'll be the only guy in the red Destructoid shirt, wrapped in aluminum foil. And I will be looking for YOU!
Niero
PS. Destructoid's going to E3 baby! Whoot! Our roachling of a web site was granted one measly press pass, so I'll be your cameraman / blogger / host / and booth babe somehow. Maybe I can get a strap on. Did I say that out loud?
Want to participate in this but are not going to be at E3 to sign the petition? Don't sweat it, that's what our interwebs are for. Just post a comment below and we'll mail-merge you in before I Fed-Ex it out. Let's rise up and get this project on the map!!! ROBOT ARMY ROAR!!!!!!!
Contest:
4:05 PM on 04.21.2006
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