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Reader Kariomart emailed me with the above video, explaining that he was unsure if the entire concept was a joke or if this was a serious, sincere venture. The game in question is called The Zoo Race, and is a Christian game somehow based on Noah's Ark, except people in a library turn into animals and then race while what I can only presume is the voice of God oversees the whole sordid, twisted, horrifying affair. Yeah, Christian games are always works of insane genius.

As far as I can tell, the developer is just a very nice man(iac) who really wanted to share his vision of racing animals with the world. As you can tell from the video however, the results make it look more like someone handed him a bag of cocaine and a Quake mod and said "Go crazy."

THE ZOO RACE game is basically a foot race from start to finish.  The players must start at the starting line and then be the first to finish at the finish line. The goal is to win the race. There are many obstacles and strategies of each racetrack, however, to avoid or take advantage of depending on your player type.

... If playing on the “Hannah’s Heights” or when running on the “Moon” itself though, then be careful of the crows there and them dropping their crow poop on the ground towards you.  Do not mistake the food for the crow poop, because eating crow poop results in a speed penalty, which will slow you down. 

Sadly, I couldn't get the demo from the official site to load for me, but if you want to try your hand at this interactive anthropomorphic horror show, then by all means share your experiences. As for me, I'm going to keep laughing at the line, "I'm a horse now," while wondering what exactly Reuben was doing behind that desk.

Why do they send all the LSD-inspired stuff to me?


Continue: More WHAAAAAAT? stories





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64 comments | showing # 51 to 64

pierrerodriguez's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 08:11
pierrerodriguez
"i'm not even dressed for racing. i'm not some dumb animal creature like you read in your 'books'"

what hath god wrought?
realyst's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 08:55
realyst
Great Zombie Jesus.....that was horrible.
Fatbot's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 09:11
Fatbot
We all have just witnessed a miracle because i have never even heard of that game but ever since i was 5 that was my EXACT PICTURE OF HEAVEN!

PRAISE HIM!
Angry Irish's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 09:25
Angry Irish
After seeing animals shot out of a cannon and riding rockets, what do I want?


MOAR!!!
gamesronlygames's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 09:34
gamesronlygames
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is salvation through Jesus Christ.

For God is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.

Believe on the Lord Jesus and you will be saved

Whosoever shall call upon the name of the LORD will be saved

In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace
ROBOZINHO's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 10:28
ROBOZINHO
God is so boring, he just sits there on the dance floor looking like a drunk hobo while everybody is dancing. Move your omnipotent ass, God!
pierrerodriguez's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 10:29
pierrerodriguez
It was a half past nine or a quarter to ten
They said something then it started again
The war began

The clash was on and they started to fight
I know the word hurt, but is it right?
No, it’s not all right

And the Lord said unto me
He said the wars were too much to see
Build an ark now and finish the work
For I will now clean the earth


Musical interlude:


And the rains came falling down
The wind blew and it made lots of sounds
His grace abounds

The Ark did rest and it came to a stop
The door opened with a great big hop
On a hill top

We got out and we prayed for a while
We said Lord we love your style
Thank you Lord for helping us through
Your grace and love are so true
KMCC's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 10:37
KMCC
That is treasure.

I pity anyone who didn't make it to the part where the music kicks in.
Blommen's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 11:05
Blommen
I just died a little inside... Reminds me of a game Flanders could play with his kids, diddelidoo!
Covertpoet's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 11:45
Covertpoet
shoot Flanders wouldnt even play this game he'll think its b blasphemous,the stop watching davey and goliath because they, thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 14:30
Sharpless
@Mxyzptlk
Not this game, apparently.
KMCC's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/17/2008 16:52
KMCC
What else could ever happen to us today?
Noah's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 00:43
Noah
This is the funniest thing I've ever seen! I hope it makes it to XBox LIVE Arcade.

The maps in this game are so terrifying.
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