There's nothing I like more than kinky sex in dangeous situations, like fellatio in a lion's cage or bondage play with jars of scorpions and firecrackers.
Since that has nothing to do with this story though, let's assume I said "there's nothing I like more than two websites bitching at each other over trivial matters," which is exactly what's going on between cash-laden corporate games site IGN and publicly beloved web comic Penny Arcade.
This story gets a bit long and stupid, so please hit the jump unless you have something better to do like masturbating or breathing in.
The story so far:
Do you remember Assassin's Creed? It was a game that came out a few weeks back (approximately four years ago Internet Standard Time) that was met with a firestorm of conflicting reviews. Some people loved it, some people hated it, most of you focused unnecessarily on its producer's breasts, and the only thing people could eventually agree on is that it did, in fact, exist. Penny Arcade, a site known for applying metric ass loads of verbalization to the virtual page, went on at great length about how it was an amazing experience, how it folded their laundry and how they even got to second base with the game after a night drinking Coronas and watch Breakfast at Tiffany's.
In a then-unrelated move, IGN reviewed the title and gave it a stunningly low "7.7" -- the mainstream-site equivalent of some kind of fictional negative number that's been divided by zero merely to show how much disdain the reviewer had for the title. By comparison our own Rev Anthony gave the game a "5.5" -- the Destructoid equivalent of a flashing neon "12" covered in porno and glitter.
Since Rev escaped the view of PA's Gabe by virtue of his ability to blend into his surroundings like some kind of frightened lizard, Gabe instead bitched about mainstream sites like IGN by twice slinging verbal hot-fire that could very easily be construed as meaning that IGN takes bribes and/or eats children. Here at Destructoid we take our jobs as purveyors of truth very seriously so while we cannot claim IGN has ever taken a bribe, I've personally seen certain IGN staffers kick the homeless and menstruate on crucifixes.
Here's where things get interesting: in IGN's recent podcast one of IGN's resident residents waxes bitchcakes about Gabe's words on Assassin's Creed. Gabe, in turn, responds the only way he knows how: huge blocks of text. Have a look:
I guess some guy at IGN is mad at me and he lays into me on
their podcast. You can follow the link and listen for yourself but I don't recommend it, they don't really deserve the traffic spike. Basically some IGN guy is super pissed because I said I didn't agree with the bad reviews of Assassins Creed. I'm actually of the opinion that if we're pissing off IGN we must be doing something right.
Honestly my main concern was to make sure people didn't avoid the game based on some of the poor reviews. I got something like four hundred mails after that post and 90% of them looked like this:
"Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Assassin's Creed. I was going to skip it based on the reviews. After reading your write up I rented it though. I've played about 10 hours and love it!"
So there you go, that's all I wanted.
The IGN thing is just sort of silly. He says I should leave reviewers alone because I "just do things and write things as a freaking comic artist." I'm not sure how to respond to that. I think he's trying to insult me but everything he said there is true.
The sad thing is I wasn't even talking about their review. I was talking about the 7.0 from 1Up. No one actually pays any attention to IGN or their 7-10 review scale. To tell you the truth I still don't even know what IGN's review of AC was. Was it bad? It's really kind of cute that he thinks I was talking about him. After hearing how worked up he got on the podcast I actually feel kind of bad ruining it. It must have been a real thrill for him to believe he was relevant.
And that brings us to
the present where Gabe's compatriot Tycho (
nom de reality: Jerry Holkins) goes on at his own great length defending his hetero-life-partner for his stinging barbs aimed at IGN.
Of course, this entire conflict is as idiotic as that episode of Friends where David Schwimmer's character Ross appeared in front of the camera, but I have to hand it to the PA guys for their clever tactics here. They know full well that public opinion is the most important currency on the Internet and owing to their massive following and the fact that this scuffle paints them as the independent David vs the Goliath of corporate mega-site IGN they simply can't lose, regardless of how retardedly petty this entire thing is.
What ever happened to the days when two men would go out into the street, brawl a bit, one would get stabbed and die and the other would inherit his flock of sheep and his wife? Personally I'd pay good money to see
any Internet personality in a knife fight, but Niero has forbade me from setting up inter-website death matches regardless of how completely positive I am that I could shank
Spencer Yip before he ever saw me coming.
I'm like the motherfu*%in' wind!
Contest:
1:58 PM on 11.28.2007
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Hah.
sad part is one reviewer criticizing another...especially game sites (as if any really have any standards or consistencies to reviewing)
5 rating scale works... 10 scale has been broken for years, decent games should be rated 5 and not 8.0 on a 10 scale... and yes AC introduced some new great things to gaming but horribly messed up some old basics of gaming... THUMBS DOWN
so sad
Best sentence ever.
Also Nex hates white people.
The drama is entirely on IGN's side, like always. I don't know why this is an issue.
Unlike Destructoid itself, right? I'm not going to take the time to look it all up, but I remember several references to Jade Raymond's hotness on this very website, which only took a tongue-in-cheek tone after the "people just hype AC because of Jade Raymond" backlash. Prior to that, especially a few months before the release of the game, many Destructoid writers were seen drooling over her charming features on this very site.
Hey...I'm just sayin'. I love this site, but let's not pretend that some of Dtoid's finest had nothing to do with the ridiculous Jade-worship.
Anyhow, I like PA for their honesty. Just as I like dtoid for theirs. I think they just wanted people to check it out regardless of the bad reviews. I don't think his original post was insulting anyone. More than anything, he pointed out that it must suck to try and review a game by a certain date.
I think the main problem with AC was that gamers thought it would be an action title. Then when they found out it wasn't, they didn't like it as much. Personally, I liked how subtle the game was. Yes it wasn't perfect, yes you did the same thing over and over, but to me it was still a solid game.
This, just like Mass Effect, should have been cooked longer. Try running through a level in ME without having it go in slow motion.
It's exactly what I thought it would be. I just didn't expect to be doing the same things over and over. Don't get me wrong though, what the game does well, it does really well, but eventually you get bored and it gets predictable. The only thing really motivating me to complete it now is the story.
...I died laughing
Two people write at penny arcade, gabe, tycho.
How many writers can you name from IGN off the top of your head?
Also, AC is not a bad game, i was reluctant at first, but i'm slowly playing it, and its not bad at all.
At least when you go to penny arcade you dont have to click through a ad every 2 seconds.
First Pistol, now me...what, you don't want to argue? I'm actually a little hurt by this.
Anyway, it's not so much that I have a problem with the Jade worship or even Jade jokes. I enjoy the mythical thought of an attractive, intelligent woman who likes video games and doesn't have herpes and/or stretch marks as much as anyone else. I'm more annoyed with the inevitable backlash of Jade-mania and those who use it as an excuse to hate on a pretty good game. It's one thing to not like something based on its own merits (or lack thereof). But with the recent backlash against "overly-hyped" games I get the distinct feeling that many of the detractors are trying to balance out the hype or ridiculously positive reviews by going the other direction and shitting on something that doesn't the fecal treatment.
1UP's reviews suck.
Everything about Penny Arcade sucks.
Nothing to see here.
are you a MexiCan or a MexiCan't ?
Inquiring minds want to know
;)
G.R.A.W. 3 Mexico Strikes Back!
AC is similar to this. It's about Altair's interaction with the crowd, how he animates, etc...
Which makes me wonder, why then did IGN give SOC a 9.7? It is also fairly repetitive, is it not? Find a monster, climb it, kill it, repeat. Everyone in the media couldn't get enough of it. To me, AC is pretty much the same.
I can't recommend AC to anyone just like back then I couldn't recommend SOC as well. Why? Because not everyone will enjoy this.
That was fucking awesome.
I read the post when it was originally on PA (after having already read IGN's review the day prior) and just felt as though Gabe was pointing out to the general public an ample thought: don't base your opinion on a single review. Reviews are opinions and it's always best to form your own because it's the only one that ever matters (unless you're in court). Such is a quality reminder that some people may forget about from time to time. He simply enjoyed it and though other people should know they could too if they so chose.
Alright. What's the big deal then?
To have IGN feel the need to (apparently) attack PA for what they (and they actually meaning Gabe, Tycho has today defended his stance in the matter which I also feel is bullshit to call HIM out on, Nex) said is stupid. IGN felt the need to call out PA for calling out IGN (which, if you believe Gabe, wasn't even the case at all). THAT IS RETARDED to the Nth degree.
IGN spouts scores all the time and expects people to just do as they say. PA is a much tighter knit community that simply gives recommendations on fun games. IGN takes reviews as purely business matters. PA plays games they actually enjoy.
I side with PA.
Assassin's Creed may or may not be a shitty game and IGN may or may be a shitty site but they don't really need to point the fact out and say they are wrong. IGN has a right to retaliate against an unprovoked attack of the opinions.
AS's game play on the other hand is repetitive because it's an open sand-box world where you do the same thing over and over every mission. You approach the city, save a monk who then sneaks you in, and then you do one of 4 or so different investigation missions to get permission to assassinate the target. That's where AS trips up because there was so much potential in having different ways to investigate. But it's the same things repeated over and over. At least mix it up and let me sneak into the city a different way. Granted, the actual assassinations are generally unique to each other and fun but it's over and done so quickly that it's hard to overcome the rest of the faults.
So yeah, the difference is that SotC is very focused and minimalist. In this way I think SotC compares better to Portal than Assassin's Creed actually. Assassin's Creed is just repetitive.
Sorry. Had to be done.
But yeah, I think the original point about not basing your opinions of a game you haven't played on someone else's review is pretty valid. ESPECIALLY if you just go by the score.
I once wrote for a site (now defunct) that didn't include scores in our reviews. This meant people had to actually READ the things, which a lot of people don't do. They just skip to the score.
In short, arguing is stupid. People are stupid. IGN is stupid. PA is... therefore technically stupid, but I still find them funny.
Also, Jade Redmond's breasts.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/news/show/22310
he never calls out IGN specifically. The only time he mentions IGN was when he was talking about how Adversting for his site works. Quote
"There are about four or five reviews of the game with scores in the low to mid 7's. I want to cover some of the common complaints these reviewers had in case anyone out there is worried about them."
He didn't call anyone out by name. He was 'addressing common complaints'
Also, Destructoid acting like it's above the internet bickering is ridclous at best. The best part about the site is the inyouface tell-it-like-it-is attitude.
I'm Italian.
Same shit.
@ Nex
"I'm Italian."
Same shit.
I'm actually Mexican, and yes...we have magic powers that allow us to fit many people in 1992 Honda Civics.
its true that Penny Arcade is involved in the advertisement of the game itself. But they've also stated a few times that they don't endorse anything without trying out some sort of build of the game, no matter how far along it is. In other words, they only endorse games that they actually enjoy, not ones that just shove money down their throats.
IGN - who, by the way, have always sucked and will evermore continue to suck profusely - were just being oversensitive pricks. Gabe never even mentioned them by name, until they started overreacting to his original post. Believe me, IGN doesn't want to fuck with Gabe or Tycho.