hot  /  reviews  /  video  /  blogs  /  forum

Pay tribute to the Theron Guard on Theron Thunday!

11:00 AM on 02.27.2011 // Jim Sterling
  @JimSterling

It has long been established that the Theron Guards from Gears of War are pretty much the most badass enemies in all of videogame history. I've come to the conclusion, however, that they are incredibly under-appreciated -- so I have decided that today is Theron Thunday

Here is why Theron Guards kick ass and could beat up your dad:

  • They sound like nightmares: Even when screwing up a reload, hissing "Uselesssssss" in a sibilant way that would make Cradle of Filth jealous oozes awesomeness. Only Therons make mistakes sound like threats. 
  • They dress like futuristic pimps: Those evil-chic leather jackets are straight boiler, son. 
  • The use bows that shoot dynamite arrows: The torque bow is a bow that makes people explode, and the Theron Guards use them. Obviously this makes them better than other things.
  • They don't need eyes to see: Some Therons wear helmets that cover their eyes up, yet they are still able to shoot accurately. That makes them better than Stevie Wonder and, by extension, better than the entire human race (for Stevie Wonder is the pinnacle of human endeavor). 

I could go on forever, but I don't need to, because Theron Guards are obviously awesome. On this inaugural Theron Thunday, please post your tribute to everybody's favorite Locust.

Photo Gallery:   (you can use your arrow keys)



 Reblog (or) Blog Reply



Jim Sterling, Former Reviews Editor
 Follow Blog + disclosure JimSterling Tips
Destructoid reviews editor, responsible for running and maintaining the cutting edge videogame critique that people ignore because all they want to see are the scores at the end. Also a regular f... more   |   staff directory

Get more destructoid:   We're indie-run, blogging for the love of it, and our site will always be free. Optionally, you can support us and get: (1) Faster pages from our cloud server (3) Wide(r)screen (3) No big ads on Dtoid, Japanator, Tomopop, or Flixist (4) Auto contest entries, and (5) Dibs on betas & downloads. Try it out

 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our moderators, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.
advertisement:




Back to Top


  Light Theme      Dark Theme
What is the meaning of life, and do you have any more pizza rolls?
You may remix all content on this site under Creative Commons with Attribution
- Living the dream, Since 2006 -