It has long been established that the Theron Guards from Gears of War are pretty much the most badass enemies in all of videogame history. I've come to the conclusion, however, that they are incredibly under-appreciated -- so I have decided that today is Theron Thunday.
Here is why Theron Guards kick ass and could beat up your dad:
They sound like nightmares: Even when screwing up a reload, hissing "Uselesssssss" in a sibilant way that would make Cradle of Filth jealous oozes awesomeness. Only Therons make mistakes sound like threats.
They dress like futuristic pimps: Those evil-chic leather jackets are straight boiler, son.
The use bows that shoot dynamite arrows: The torque bow is a bow that makes people explode, and the Theron Guards use them. Obviously this makes them better than other things.
They don't need eyes to see: Some Therons wear helmets that cover their eyes up, yet they are still able to shoot accurately. That makes them better than Stevie Wonder and, by extension, better than the entire human race (for Stevie Wonder is the pinnacle of human endeavor).
I could go on forever, but I don't need to, because Theron Guards are obviously awesome. On this inaugural Theron Thunday, please post your tribute to everybody's favorite Locust.
Photo Gallery: (3 images)
Click to zoom - browse by swipe, or use arrow keys
Gamemaniac3434 It just occured to me that given the 99% probablility of there being an update pack to XCOM 2-ala Enemy Within-waiting for a while may be a better option, so that when I do get the game I get it in its optimal form-and on sale, to bring it below 90 totalDr Mel My mustache froze while walking home from work. Fun!Sir Shenanigans I've discovered Fangamer... This stuff's amazing!Jed Whitaker No comment.Parismio Omg i love the internetMike Martin Iron Paladin Jed Whitaker I can't wait to mute Niero. #NoRules #ThePurgeJoe Parlock I spent all last night playing Day of Defeat: Source. If only Valve gave it even half the attention it did to TF2 or CS:S...BaronVonSnakPak Nearing Platinum status.CoilWhine THIS IS THE BEST EMAIL I'VE EVER GOTTEN HOLY SHITParismio Sheesh i played metal gear rising before and Platinum ruined the franchise.Fuzunga Toonami is running a poll right now at [url]www.toonami.com/poll[/url] where one of the questions is which show you'd want un-cancelled. Oh, Teen Titans is included? That's curious...SlyTAdvantage "The Ravagers dropped the giant insects and waited for them to evolve ... it's clear. This is their plan from the start" -EDF 4.1 scientist
So dragons are evolved forms of ants, spiders and/or wasps ....... what?
Ckarasu Every time I hear "I don't understand why people like _____ game", I get annoyed. Of course you understand, if you've listened to what those people were saying. You just don't agree, and that's A-OK. I HATE Twilight, but I understand why people like it. RadicalYoseph Just tried playing the first Bayonetta game... it was really bad. Honestly I don't understand why Platinum games are so well regarded. None of them are really worthwhile.StriderHoang The first person I block is the person who talks shit about PlatinumTorchman Even though your waifus are shit Darth Wachen Finally, a blog that I can call my own, I feel accomplished somehow. Nekrosys Gonna be honest; this really made my day.