OMG ROFL: PILOTABLE PELICANS IN HALO 3 ARE CONFIRMED!

Straight from the Matlockery of BFeld13's blog, we have OFFICIAL PROOF THAT IS OFFICIAL of Bungie's CONFIRMING CONFIRMATION that pelicans will be pilotable in Halo 3. I mean real, proper, fish-eating pelicans, too. Don't you see it's actually true!? This news follows our earlier bombshell that Sonic is a playable race in Starcraft II. Also, not only is Metal Gear Solid 4 coming out on the Xbox 360, but it's now a 360 EXCLUSIVE because Hideo Kojima said that Kaz Hirai "sucks," and that he, in contrast, "rocks."

Our inside sources say that you can paint your pelican a variety of colors -- "grape purple," "zebra black-and-white," and "uurnge drank uurnge." The upcoming DLC that includes the "Pimpin' Pelican Pack" will cost 500,000 Microsoft points apiece and all purchases come with a free Klan hood, something of great interest to 90% of Halo 3's users. 

Go to Bfeld's blog and listen to Bungie confirm this news with their own supple, deep, moist mouths. In the meantime, I'm going to work on my homophobic slurs so that they're in peak condition for this great downloadable content. PELICANS AWAY! 

Well, Bungie did say we'd do this ...