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Oh wait, my bad! Mario Kart doesn't even have text support! photo

Alright, so remember how I said that Mario Kart for the Wii will support text chatting? Well I was completely wrong. Or rather, Nintendo has no idea what the hell texting means. Here's the deal, Mario Kart will only support pre-determined phrases that people can send to each other, which Nintendo will provide. So phrases like "Hello", "Lets race!" and "Lets have fun!" are some of the things that are safe to assume will be available. 

Thank God you're here to protect us Nintendo! I was really worried you were slipping. Thank you so much for babysitting the fan base and keeping them safe from the pedophiles and creeps of the Internet. If you're mad about this, than you're obviously one of the evil people. No doubt that you want to send children messages like "Your tears turn me on." and "I have a lollipop in my pants for you." You people make me sick. 

[Via Kotaku


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146 comments | showing # 1 to 50

bigfatton's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:20
bigfatton
Nintendo are a bunch of pansy-asses
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:22
Neonie
Awww, but I had "Would you like to see the DvD collection in my Basement" ready to go!
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:23
Jim Sterling
Nintendo does not know how to run an online service.
Coonskin05's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:27
Coonskin05
"If you're mad about this, than you're obviously one of the evil people. No doubt that you want to send children messages like "Your tears turn me on." and "I have a lollipop in my pants for you." You people make me sick."

I love you so much CTZ.
Shalashaska's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:28
Shalashaska
Thanks Nintendo! I was really worried I would have to endure people making horrible text smileys like this one

=0 (=============

after every races. If a young child ever saw such a thing, they would obviously be scarred for life and grow up to be insane psychopaths, similar to Jack Thompson.
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:32
ZekeThePlumber
Phew, my special place is safe!

THANKS NINTENDO!
Ub3rSlug's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:33
Ub3rSlug
Confirmed for text chat:

"I'm gonna put a baby in you."
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:35
Necros
Goddammit Nintendo.
Unicorn's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:35
Unicorn
the game isn't looking that good anyway. just mario kart double dash, but cleaning out the lame double dash shit.

so basically, mario kart ds with GC graphics and lame bikes.


i have little excitement for this.
Dr Milkdad's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:36
Dr Milkdad
Nintendo sucks at the internet.

I'd prefer to be ass raped by the internet then deal with Nintendo's bullshit.
tazarthayoot's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:37
tazarthayoot
Approved chat messages:

"Hi!"

"I win!"

"I'm sad!"

"I'm wearing Spiderman underpants, thanks for asking!"

"I am eleven years old and my parents are at work Monday through Friday until seven pm. My grandmother watches me during the day but she's catatonic from the loss of grandpa to "the gays" as she put it, so someone would have easy access to getting into my house and raping the shit out of me."

"Good Game!"
Shin Oni's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:39
Shin Oni
so...I can't find those crazy little 15 year old kids acting like grown 30 year olds?

THANKS NINTENDO! You guys sure help me get through my gaming experience so much better![/sarcasm]

what's next? Playing the computer online? Oh wait, Brawl has that. ^_^ Nintendo Wins.
Y0j1mb0's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:41
Y0j1mb0
"Hello, Nintendo. Your lame."
3r0t1c n3rd's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:43
3r0t1c n3rd
Thanks phedophiles! You broke the internet, now nobody gets to talk.
ian_esq's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:43
ian_esq
Give us a choice god dammit!
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:47
DaedHead8
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwtttttttttttttttttfffffffffffffffffff
JonDarkwood's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:54
JonDarkwood
Is Nintendo's abortion of an online strategy starting to rank up there with Jack on the list of things people just don't care about anymore?

It certainly is for me.
B-Radicate's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:54
B-Radicate
Smash Bros. will likely be the last Nintendo game I ever purchase. So this has no real effect on me, but as someone who used to support Nintendo wholeheartedly, it's shit like this that makes me sick to the point where I have abandoned not only hope, but the company as a whole.
freeman1's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 00:58
freeman1
There are no Smash Bros. or Mario Kart equivalents on 360 or PS3. So if you're a fan of either one of those games, you have no choice but to buy them on Wii no matter how bad the online is. Nintendo knows that anyone who was ever going to buy theses games will buy them no matter what. So all they have to do is add some half assed online service to their games to give people who already have Gamecubes a reason to buy a Wii, and they spend the rest of their time marketing to the soccer moms and old people who think they're getting in shape playing Wii bowling for 10 minutes every day before Dr. Phil comes on.

Microsoft(and Sony to a lesser extent) has to have great online in order to sell their consoles/games, but Nintendo doesn't. Nintendo will have a good online service when demand forces them to, and not any sooner.
Lord The Night Knight's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:06
Lord The Night Knight
Amazing how a feature unrelated to actual gameplay is more important than, well, GAMEPLAY.

Come on. If they said they were removing half the weapons, I would actually be complaining.
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:13
Neonie
@Lord the Night Knight

The reason I'm not going to pick it up is not becuase of chat. I'm never buying another Mario Kart game again till they remove Snakeing.
TheHunter234's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:14
TheHunter234
I used to be optimistic about Nintendo getting into online and was always hopeful they would actually get it right at some point. Now I just don't give a shit.
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:20
Gen Eric Gui
Come on people.

It's MARIO KART.

Do you really need to fucking talk to the other person playing the game that badly? Really? Are you fucking setting up squad-based kart tactics now or something? No? Then you don't need fucking voice chat.

IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER. It's Mario Kart. As long as I can race around a Mario-themed track in a vaguely kart-shaped object and fire turtle shells and banana peels at other players and power slide around corners, that's all that's really required. The very fact that I can now do this online has me head over heels excited for this game.

Stop making such a big fuss about such totally unnecessary bullshit and care more about the game itself plz k thnx.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:22
Samit Sarkar
This is an abomination. An abomination, I tell you!

THIS AGGRESSION WILL NOT STAND!
BluDesign's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:23
BluDesign
Rejected text phrases:

"I got a RROD"
"I'll kill you if you use a "p" in owned."
"I believe in a free democracy that isn't bound by lobbyists."
"Oh dip!"
"Make sure to add me to your MySpace"
"Magnum sized please"
"Slick young boys"
"w00t"
"Sex"
"Breast cancer"
"Wii"
"Poopy head face"
"Meanie-bo-beanie"
"Gene Shalit"
"T9 Text chat"
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:26
Jim Sterling
Fun to see people saying voice chat doesn't matter. Nothing like having to use to Skype to talk to a friend of yours when you're playing together.
Boolean's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:27
Boolean
I FUCKING CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Do you really need to fucking talk to the other person playing the game that badly? Really?"

In game? No, not really. In the lobby while trying to set up a match or after the race? Hell. Bloody. Yes.
rar rar's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:35
rar rar
Thank the gods! this is great

And no I am not being sarcastic.

I love this decision, I do not want to hear all the bullshit that comes from the mouths or keyboards of oxygen thieves, I am so sick of the addition of text and voice to games, of it is fucking revolutionary you says?

<just cracked voice of 15 year old> haha i wtfpwn you you %*^*% *#*& coc^&*&er *#$(&# </just cracked voice of 15 year old>

Yeah

What a revolution

I support this decision wholeheartedley, thank you Nintendo for sparing me.
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:43
Dexter345
Nintendo is officially a parody of itself when it comes to online gaming. It's like, people make ridiculous exaggerations about how bad they are at it, but then Nintendo goes and actually does it.
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:48
Gen Eric Gui
@Jim: VC doesn't matter a damn whit. I never use it and I have no problem setting up online matches with people. And is it honestly THAT fucking important to you to be able to badmouth your opponent when you beat them?

If we were talking about some kind of squad-based shooter where you need to co-ordinate attacks and strategies, then yes, complain all you want about the lack of VC online. But for fucking MARIO KART? You guys are throwing the biggest damn hissy fit over something so completely trivial as Voice Chat in a damn KART RACING GAME. Think about that for a second.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:49
Jim Sterling
"I support this decision wholeheartedley, thank you Nintendo for sparing me."

Yeah, 'cos there's NO such thing as a mute button, is there? Thank GOD for Nintendo and its nannying of grown men who can't seem to think for themselves. Hurrah!

I mute anyone I don't like on XBL, and only put my headset on when I'm with friends. See, when I play games online, I generally do it with friends for a SOCIAL experience. After all, that's part of what online gaming is about.

Nintendo should never have even fucking bothered and stayed in its "People don't want online games," shell.
Hiltz's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:50
Hiltz
Nintendo's safe approach to online is doing more harm than good. Friend codes are inconvenient and the lack of basic features such as voice cha and even proper text messaging is unacceptable in this day and age. I understand that Nintendo likes to do things differently, but alienating gamers is not a wise move.

I don't personally don't care all that much about voice chat as I'm not much of an online gamer to begin with.In fact, I never use it even in games like Counter-Strike. However, the feature would be nice to have in games like Brawl and Mario Lart and it would show that Nintendo is headed in the right direction with their online strategy.Unfortunately, it seems as this rate, that Nintendo may not change its mind until it releases its next new home console and starts to realize and correct its past mistakes. Hopefully.

On the bright side, as long as Mario Kart turns out to be a fun and well made game, then I can pretty much forgive its disappointing lack of proper online communication.
Pangloss's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:51
Pangloss
Basically, my question is this: why is the comment thread not a long series of facepalms?
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:56
topgeargorilla
I'll just use Live for the voice chat, then play Smash and Mario Kart online. Problem solved ghetto-style.

I should not have to do this though.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 01:58
Jim Sterling
"Basically, my question is this: why is the comment thread not a long series of facepalms?"

Because some people love the idea of saying "Let's race!" over and over again, apparently.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:00
Sharpless
The issue isn't just that we can't talk to each other in a racing game. This is quite possibly a sign of things to come, not just for Mario Kart and Brawl, but for whatever else Nintendo comes out with. What happens when they release their own Resistance or Halo or Call of Duty without voice or text chat?

Nintendo does not know how to run an online service. Period. If they continue to operate in this way, they will begin to lose their fanbase. Eventually, they're going to feel it.
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:00
Gen Eric Gui
Or some people don't give a fuck about talking online, and just want to play the damn game.
Pangloss's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:05
Pangloss
@Jim:
I myself don't necessarily need voice or text chat for online gaming, but I'm surprised anyone doesn't think this is a stupid decision on Nintendo's part.

Also,
Namelessted's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:06
Namelessted
FUCK Nintendo. seriously. They either need to scrap online play completely or fucking do it right.

And I have a message for all of you people that say "voice chat doesn't matter". YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID FUCKING IDIOTIC MORONS THAT HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. SHUT THE FUCK UP. GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND STOP LETTING NINTENDO POUND YOU IN THE FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH THEIR $10 MILLION DICK.
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:07
topgeargorilla
What he said.
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:08
Gen Eric Gui
Concerning that last comment, I'd like to clarify that I do think it's silly to leave the option out entirely. I mean the put VC into Planet Puzzle League for chrissakes. The thing I'm objecting to is the fact that everyone's making such a huge fucking deal over it! Yeah, it kinda sucks that I can't vocally taunt my opponents when I hit them with a turtle shell, but I'm still PLAYING MARIO KART ONLINE.
Toneman's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:08
Toneman
@ Gen Eric Gui.
Get a group of friends together and play Mario Kart Double Dash, Smash Bros Melee, what have you. Play one round where nobody talks at all. For the second round have everyone write 4 messages on peices paper and use them for communication. For the third round actually talk and yell at eachother.

When you're done, come back and tell us which round was the most fun.

If you're not up for this 3 round test then STFU.
Gen Eric Gui's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:10
Gen Eric Gui
@Namelessted: Can you say that you HONESTLY would rather not play Mario Kart online AT ALL, EVER, than have to play it without voice chat?

Right. Fuck the "Do it right or not at all" comments. That's a fucking stupid, ass-backwards way of thinking.
angusm's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:12
angusm
They make me regret buying my wii more and more everyday.
Most of the people I know who own a 360, one of the bigger reasons they got it, "so I could play with all my friends on xbox live".
Seriously, online stuff, pretty important.
And voice chat is hella important, because gaming doesn't give much time for texting, and without communication what's the point in playing with your friends?
Pangloss's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:13
Pangloss
@Gen Eric: I'm glad it's online. That should go without saying. That doesn't mean this is good news. Au contraire, it's fucking horrible.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:40
AgentMOO
Custom msg: HHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

But to be completely serious; the people who want these features are not the target audience. Nintendo wants to be able to sell to moms and dads who can play online without learning fun new words like cunt, clusterfuck, and fag.

Nintendo's not being stupid, just playing it safe with their target crowd which is, unfortunately not us.
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:40
vexed alex
@ Jim

The same argument you just made for Mario Kart I made for Smash Brothers and still people insisted, "well, you see I don't want to talk to strangers. If you really want to talk to your friends you can use the phone." I felt like I was talking to Reggie's dinosaur ass himself. It was retarded.
chickennoodlespraypaint's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:51
chickennoodlespraypaint
am i the only person that really hates voice chat?
i pretty much hate the majority of people that play online and use voice chat... it just makes me sad that i play video games... and so do these people...
i really dont like the fixed text... i really dont like to have any form of communication with the other person im playing against. but if "Hi!" is going to be a fixed text choice... then it will be spammed to the fullest until the race starts... or whenever you can do it.

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!"
BlackSunEmpire's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:57
BlackSunEmpire
I'm glad they aren't going to let anyone write anything they want, if theres one thing that offends me more than hearing someone voice chat a swear word, it's having to fucking read one.
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/28/2008 02:59
vexed alex
@ chicken

Clearly you're an anti-social laking any friends. Clearly.

Can you people get it through your thick skulls that voice chat isn't only meant for chatting it away with strangers?

I have friends. I sometimes don't have them around my house. We got on our consoles and we play. We talk while we play. We have a good time. See what I'm getting at?

You hating the feature doesn't mean it should be stripped away. Give people the option to use it. It's a standard, Nintendo.
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