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Oh just f*ck off, Kingdom Hearts!

12:00 PM on 07.13.2011 // Jim Sterling

As you likely already know, the next Kingdom Hearts game is called ... Dream Drop Distance. Really, Square Enix? Just when I thought the series couldn't get even more pretentious with names like 358/2 Days and Birth By Sleep, you really know it out of the park with what is both a pointlessly obtuse name and an awful attempt at wordplay. 

Unfortunately, the names only speak of the content within -- which has managed to become so contrived and waffling over the course of multiple spin-offs, that any interest I may have had in Kingdom Hearts 3 has been summarily executed by Square's need to over-explain and over-complicate what was once a perfectly simple plot -- not to mention dialog that consists of the words "heart" and "darkness" repeated roughly 150,000 times per cutscene. 

Seriously, Famitsu even mentioned Kingdom Hearts 3 this week, and how Droopy Dog Dicks will hint toward the future sequel and ... I can't care anymore. A game I've wanted for years, and my energy for it has been sucked away completely.

I must, however, express just how impressed I am by the way in which the series has been milked to death without even reaching a second sequel. All these pompous mobile releases have managed to make the series stale and meaningless before Kingdom Hearts 3 has even been officially announced. That's a record, even by Square Enix's standards of saturation.

Jim Sterling, Former Reviews Editor
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Destructoid reviews editor, responsible for running and maintaining the cutting edge videogame critique that people ignore because all they want to see are the scores at the end. Also a regular f... more   |   staff directory

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