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Even as games become accepted in mainstream culture and those who play them move from untrusted social pariahs to moderately accepted novelties, there are always going to be those dedicated to submerging the industry and its followers back into the dark ages of contempt and shame.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet BigLee.

BigLee, who describes himself, amazingly, as a Goth but is described more accurately by me as Ernest Saves Christmas, knows that the way to a woman's heart is deep romantic poetry and boasts being "very romantic ... and everything ... as well." Rrrrrowr tiger, I'm about ready to dive onto your quivering sin sausage myself, mate!

If he truly is a game designer however, then congratulations! I think we found the man who woke up one day and said "escort missions are fun ... and everything ... as well." 

[Thanks to the boys at Ripten. And when I say thanks ...]


Continue: More Utterly pathetic stories





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66 comments | showing # 1 to 50

MrSadistic's Avatar
MrSadistic at 06/24/2008 11:25
Well it's nice to see the retards finding love.
pendelton21's Avatar
pendelton21 at 06/24/2008 11:27
Shit, I might catch a case of the Down's just from watching that video.
Clockwork's Avatar
Clockwork at 06/24/2008 11:28
Is that Corky?
wardrox's Avatar
wardrox at 06/24/2008 11:28
fapfapfa.... wait
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 06/24/2008 11:30
I'd hit it.
ScottyG's Avatar
ScottyG at 06/24/2008 11:31
Wait... those dating on demand videos are real? I thought they were just a joke! :S
moominsean's Avatar
moominsean at 06/24/2008 11:33
he looks like a winner compared to some of the other dating on demand vids on youtube. the goth caterpillar on the upper lip completes the package.
Trowble's Avatar
Trowble at 06/24/2008 11:35
@Clockwork

Hahahahahaha... Life Goes On! I thought the same thing.
Yuphrum's Avatar
Yuphrum at 06/24/2008 11:36
When he said that one of the reasons they should date him was because he was intelligent, I couldnt help but a laugh a little
galagabug 's Avatar
galagabug at 06/24/2008 11:39
speechless....
Zulu's Avatar
Zulu at 06/24/2008 11:42
What the.....
Video Cognito's Avatar
Video Cognito at 06/24/2008 11:43
Where's the top set of his teeth? :(
foxhound009's Avatar
foxhound009 at 06/24/2008 11:44
WooooW... speechless...

my jaw is wide open... trying to Whiskey tango foxtrot....
that was... woooow...


so he's a game designer?... I bet he's making the Limbo game rite now :P
Nick Chester's Avatar
Nick Chester at 06/24/2008 11:46
I feel like this is mean, but I'm not exactly sure why. I mean, wait ... what are we looking at again?

Insert "This guy programmed the AI for Fugitive Hunter" joke here or something. I don't know. I'm confused. I'm going to go crawl back into my hole.
foxhound009's Avatar
foxhound009 at 06/24/2008 11:47
it's joke right....? right?

.....

c'mon.........
owen-lars's Avatar
owen-lars at 06/24/2008 11:47
"Quivering Sin Sausage"?

There goes my lunch haha. I cant believe they still let mutants out of the circus. Must of been his day off.
zombiekiller13's Avatar
zombiekiller13 at 06/24/2008 11:48
No. Just...no.

Please indulge in your need to go extreme cliff diving. We need to get your genes out of the pool.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 06/24/2008 11:51
"I feel like this is mean, but I'm not exactly sure why. I mean, wait ... what are we looking at again?"

It's all about knowing your limitations, Nick. Hey, I like to consider myself a charismatic man, at least moreso than Bilbo Ballsack in that video, but I wouldn't parade myself around some dating video. Even with my personality intact, I know that a fat guy's only going to get laughed at. This guy is fat AND lacks a personality. He asks for everything he gets.
Druid 01's Avatar
Druid 01 at 06/24/2008 11:52
. . . and everything . . . as well . . .
owen-lars's Avatar
owen-lars at 06/24/2008 11:55
haha too right. Personality can go a long way but being of the tubby persuasion he would need the mouth of Sinatra. The problem is; Sloth out of The Goonies would have a better chance of talking the pants of a woman, romantically of course.... and everything... and stuff.
Zanch's Avatar
Zanch at 06/24/2008 11:57
There's no way this guy is actually a game designer. Someone find out which games he's worked on so I can avoid them like the plague. Probably works for Atari, now that I think about it.
RICHARD BLOCKER's Avatar
RICHARD BLOCKER at 06/24/2008 11:57
Jim, you're not fat. You're just a little fluffy. I will be youtubing dating on demand for the rest of my workday. Thanks Jimmy.
Swizzler121's Avatar
Swizzler121 at 06/24/2008 11:58
is that a mustache or... omg... is that BURNT SKIN? CHEWED? DECOMPOSED? I can't continue watching the video until I know...it scares me.
owen-lars's Avatar
owen-lars at 06/24/2008 11:58
I heard he did the sex scenes for Mass Effect. The guys is famous in the industry for his romantic nature and knows the way to a woman's heart through poetry.
luoxiang22's Avatar
luoxiang22 at 06/24/2008 12:00
Whoa.
eternalplayer2345's Avatar
eternalplayer2345 at 06/24/2008 12:00
I have feeling he as some kinda of mental disorder, rather I hope he does for his sake.
Technophile's Avatar
Technophile at 06/24/2008 12:05
If he's a game designer then I'm the Queen of England.
broonor's Avatar
broonor at 06/24/2008 12:09
obviously he's a game designer since he was watching a late night commercial on adult swim or cartoon network that told him he could do it via Internet college!
dtomek's Avatar
dtomek at 06/24/2008 12:12
Maybe he designs games for fisher price. For example I would not put the creation of the 3-under version of candyland beyond his mental capacity....oh wait, yes I would.
TheDreadHawk's Avatar
TheDreadHawk at 06/24/2008 12:19
This has got to be a joke or something. I MEAN COME ON!
UndeadPriest's Avatar
UndeadPriest at 06/24/2008 12:24
I bet he designed Sticky Balls.
Chicken008's Avatar
Chicken008 at 06/24/2008 12:24
Huh, this must have been done as a joke..
DinnertimeNinja's Avatar
DinnertimeNinja at 06/24/2008 12:24
It's seemingly pretty obvious that this man has some sort diminished mental capacity. As such, I doubt he's "asking for it" by making this video.

If anything, the blame probably lies in the hands of some douchebags pretending to be his "friend" putting him up to making this video.

I feel sorry for him more than anything.
Snoopbob2006's Avatar
Snoopbob2006 at 06/24/2008 12:39
looks like Will smith after eating Mcdonalds for a month then going in the ring with Tyson
exodus1925's Avatar
exodus1925 at 06/24/2008 12:40
I have to know what games he is making...
bipolar beers's Avatar
bipolar beers at 06/24/2008 12:43
3 reasons to date me.
1. im romantic
2. i know deep romantic poetry is the key to a women's heart
3. im romantic as well.
Brahms's Avatar
Brahms at 06/24/2008 12:52
"Quivering Sin Sausage?"

Man, I have a new favorite analogy for penises. (Penii?)
Schmo0zle's Avatar
Schmo0zle at 06/24/2008 12:59
He designed all the games that got 1/10 ratings on IGN.

At least those companies have someone to blame now.
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
AngelsDontBurn at 06/24/2008 13:05
Wow, poor guy.
David Quinn Carder's Avatar
David Quinn Carder at 06/24/2008 13:17
I'm with DinnertimeNinja and AngelsDontBurn. I think he's got some serious mental problems and either was pressured into this by "friends" or is actually trying his best (and you know, that takes some balls).

The assholes that put this online should burn, because now that it's making the rounds, if he surfs the net at all, he's sure to come across posts like these. It'd be bad enough to be full-on retarded, but to be in the borderline zone where you can tell how people are reacting to you and treating you . . . for fuck's sake Jim, have some pity.
kaciesaurus's Avatar
kaciesaurus at 06/24/2008 13:25
if he's smart enough to know we're making fun of him, he's smart enough not to lie.

let the teasing continue.
Rucksack's Avatar
Rucksack at 06/24/2008 13:33
I don't think this is real.
socialzero's Avatar
socialzero at 06/24/2008 13:38
I think we just figured out why Duke Nukem Forever is taking so long.
adultswim810's Avatar
adultswim810 at 06/24/2008 13:54
"I THINK THE MOST SEXY THING ABOUT ME IS MAH INTELLIGENCE" LUL
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 06/24/2008 13:55
Yeah, I've got to go with Nick. I think it's a little cruel to file this under "utterly pathetic," and I really think this is the sort of thing that gives Dtoid a bad reputation in some circles. Not cool. I mean, maybe it's just a speech impediment, but I'm positive the guy has to be at least mildly retarded. I've known some mentally handicapped people, and this guy sounds and presents himself almost exactly like them.

The whole video dating thing is lame, I agree; but singling this guy out is just really, really inappropriate, I feel. Yes, even for Destructoid. :\
dclark's Avatar
dclark at 06/24/2008 14:16
@ adultswim

Thanks for clearing that line up for me. At first I thought he said that the most sexist thing about him was his intellegnece. Which is probably one of the most sexist statements ever. Second only to: "I don't think they should let women be feminists"
Doctor Payne's Avatar
Doctor Payne at 06/24/2008 14:18
Wow Jim, making fun of the mentally handicapped. That's some real high-brow shit there.
socialzero's Avatar
socialzero at 06/24/2008 14:18
@dclark
I heard sexist as well. I prefer to believe thats what he said, because it makes it twice as awesome.
Your Mom's Avatar
Your Mom at 06/24/2008 15:01
Holy shit. That's at the Have A Nice Day Cafe in Baltimore. I used to work at the GameStop half a mile away. I've seen that dude. If he's a game designer then I'm a Chinese fighter pilot.
epoch's Avatar
epoch at 06/24/2008 15:17
this better be fake
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