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North American Virtua Fighter 5 ad heals the sick, grows hair on your chest

12:01 AM on 02.10.2007 // Earnest Cavalli

Virtua Fighter 5, or as I like to call it: The Only Reason To Own A PS3, looks amazing. I know I have said in the past that it looks like a total rehash of Virtua Fighter 4, but I'm beginning to think that I just don't care.

The above ad is proof that Sega simply could not add any more "pretty" to this game. In the spirit of the Turducken, Tyra Banks and this goat, adding any more "gorgeous" to a game this overstuffed with "beauty" would cause it to burst, raining it's sticky, electronic guts down on a village of innocent British farmers.

That day would become known as The Feast of Saint Tyris Flare, and every year schoolchildren would gather 'round the mason's tent to hear the village elders tell stories of the day that Sega crammed just a wee bit too much "radical" into a game, only to have it splay open at the seams, sending a torrent of electronic aesthesia down onto the township, where it was responsible for the drowning deaths of seven young boys and a calf named Axel. It would undoubtedly be the worst English holiday in existence, but unlike Guy Fawkes Day, it would have a quality game associated with it.

(Editor's Note: Kid Chameleon was originally the story of Guy Fawkes Day, but when it was revealed that Guy Fawkes never once turned into a samurai or a dragon, that idea was scrapped. Sega then used their original design spec, which modelled the game's story after Ghandi's ascension to the throne of India. -- Nex) 

Earnest Cavalli, Contributor
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I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have ... more   |   staff directory

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