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None of these strategies helped me win at Mario Kart 8 - Destructoid

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Mario Kart 8  




None of these strategies helped me win at Mario Kart 8 photo
None of these strategies helped me win at Mario Kart 8

4:00 PM on 07.03.2014

It's a lost cause


I've fought the urge to buy a Wii U specifically for Wind Waker HD for the better part of a year now. After a strong E3 by Nintendo and a convenient Mario Kart 8 promotion, I finally relented. Between flipping through old Zelda titles, I make time for the occasional race or two of Mario Kart.

The problem with Mario Kart 8 is that I haven't yet found a consistent strategy to win. In fact, more often than not, they end in defeat. (If you're not first, you're last; I saw it on a bumpersticker.) These are a few of the techniques that I've tried thus far; I don't recommend any of them.

1. Being in first place the entire time: Look, I know a thing or two about racing games. I've played your Out Runs and your Forzas and your Cruisin' the Worlds. A consistent theme across all those is that you want to be in first place. That's where the winners hang out.

Not so true in Mario Kart 8. "Leading the pack? Cool. Here's some lightning and a blue shell for you two hundred meters from the finish line. Enjoy fourth place." Point taken, Mario Kart Overlord. I'll scratch that obviously flawed strategy.

2. Being in last place the entire time: I didn't have high hopes for this one, but sometimes you need to think outside the box. Turns out, not that far outside the box. I got some better items, and I slung some blue shell shade of my own, but it was little consolation.

3. Always be Toad: Toad's the best character, so why wouldn't I always be him? He doesn't guarantee victory, I guess. But, he's still the most awesome by far, so I'm not switching anytime soon.

4. Have a kid play for you: Okay, Mario Kart 8 has that cartoony kid look about it, maybe it takes some Peter Pan forever child magical bullshit to win. Nope. Kids are dumb and their motor skills are suspect at best. And now my brand new GamePad is all sticky and gross. I returned it to Wal-Mart (The child, not the controller; they'll take anything back).

5. Play The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap instead: This might not directly help the cause, but I hate everything a whole lot less than I do when I play Mario Kart, and Ezlo's never a jerk.





This Bowser Mario Kart toy had a major facelift photo


Luigi's death stare returns in new Mario Kart 8 TV ad photo


Luigi's death glare moves 885,000 US Mario Kart copies photo


Luigi's death stare is still strong with these Mario Kart 8 toy displays photo


These first Mario Kart 8 hacks are pretty benign photo


There's a commercial for those McDonald's Mario Kart toys now photo


None of these strategies helped me win at Mario Kart 8 photo


Mario Kart 8 sales hit 2 million in under a month photo


What do kids think of the Luigi Death Stare? photo


That Mario Kart 8 Mercedes-Benz DLC is no longer Japan-only photo


Mario Kart 8 Updates, Screenshots, & Videos







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Radio Dtoid 042: Nice Hot Mike
5:15 PM on 07.28.2014





timeline following:
Mario Kart 8



5:30 PM on 07.28.2014
This Bowser Mario Kart toy had a major facelift

I've been covering these Mario Kart Happy Meal toys far too long now. I see them in my sleep sometimes. And despite having ventured to McDonald's a few days a week in the mornings before work to check the inventory, I've only...more



11:30 AM on 07.22.2014
Luigi's death stare returns in new Mario Kart 8 TV ad

Oh Nintendo, you sure do love your memes. Whether it's the readiness of one's body or feeling just like a purple Pikmin, the platform holder isn't afraid to poke fun at itself on occasion. The latest example of this playful ...more



8:00 PM on 07.17.2014
Luigi's death glare moves 885,000 US Mario Kart copies

C'mon, you're going to tell me that's not what's doing it? What, is it that Mario Kart 8 is fun? That it's familiar? That it's a Mario Kart game? Nope. All Luigi, baby. That's what you get in 2 anno Luigi. No matter the ...more



3:00 AM on 07.14.2014
Luigi's death stare is still strong with these Mario Kart 8 toy displays

Ever since I originally posted about those Mario Kart 8 toys at McDonald's, I've been meaning to get out to one and pick up one of them, but I have yet to do so. In the event you've been trying to figure out whether or not y...more



1:45 PM on 07.07.2014
These first Mario Kart 8 hacks are pretty benign

Through a browser exploit, a group has successfully managed to edit Mario Kart 8's memory on the fly, allowing, right now, custom Wii U menu fonts, renamed courses, and the alteration of which music plays when. Watch a demon...more



12:00 AM on 07.05.2014
There's a commercial for those McDonald's Mario Kart toys now

Remember those Mario Kart 8 toys McDonald's was teasing? Looks like it's about time to head to your local franchise and ransack their toy bins for the one you like the best. Or ask politely for one. Whatever. This commercial...more



2:45 PM on 06.27.2014
Mario Kart 8 sales hit 2 million in under a month

Mario Kart 8 sold 1.2 million copies in its first weekend of release. Reports from Nintendo's shareholders meeting are putting the sales, just under a month after release, at 2 million now. Pretty good for a Wii U game.&...more



1:45 PM on 06.25.2014
What do kids think of the Luigi Death Stare?

For the most part, they seem to like it just as much as we do.more



2:30 PM on 06.20.2014
That Mario Kart 8 Mercedes-Benz DLC is no longer Japan-only

I wasn't sure the Mercedes-Benz DLC for Mario Kart 8 would release outside of Japan, but it will. Nintendo announced this morning that the GLA-Class Kart will also be out this summer in North America and Europe. It was more t...more





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3:45 PM on 07.22.2014
There's a Hummer H1 in Forza Horizon 2, and these 99 other cars

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6:00 PM on 07.18.2014
Next week's PC beta for The Crew sounds fairly big

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