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Nintendo is demented: Patented diagrams show some awful Wii gimmick ideas
7:57 AM on 02.01.2008, Jim Sterling 50 comments

Nintendo is demented: Patented diagrams show some awful Wii gimmick ideas photo
     Wiitards

CVG has uncovered some absolutely stunning ideas from Nintendo -- stunning due to just how unbelievably stupid they are. If you thought Nintendo couldn't get lower than The Virtual Boy or R.O.B, just look at what the company passed by The European Patent Office. Yes, that IS a bicycle, and yes, that IS a Wiimote slot in the pedal.

Go check out the full selection of Nintendo's peripheral ideas, because there are some real corkers. Another favorite is the Wiimote slotting into a teddy bear's stomach ... WHY!? You can also see an early Wii Zapper idea, as well as a Wiimote recharge station, perhaps the only good idea out of them. I mean seriously -- in a teddy bear's stomach!

Considering some of the half-baked crap to come out of Nintendo's peripheral catalog over the years, these shouldn't even be surprising, but hopefully, considering this document of ideas was patented in March 2006, we won't see too many of them brought to life. But then, the company that releases a big white pressure pad for a fitness game is capable of anything.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.


Next page: More Nintendo stories




Paustinj's Avatar
Paustinj at 02/01/2008 08:08
Why? Just Why?
Teta's Avatar
Teta at 02/01/2008 08:14

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?
SourGr8pes's Avatar
SourGr8pes at 02/01/2008 08:17
Having a bike controller isn't sensitive to the hemmerrhoid-suffering community. Nintendo are has heartless.
ZombiePlatypus's Avatar
ZombiePlatypus at 02/01/2008 08:18
That zapper is way better than the one they actually released... But then again it'd be a lightgun that actually looks like a gun, and we can't have that coming from Nintendo anymore...
Snaileb 's Avatar
Snaileb at 02/01/2008 08:21
Stupid Nintendo.
glipe's Avatar
glipe at 02/01/2008 08:27
I really wanted to see a light-gun coming out as a peripheral for Persona 3...................

=)
Kaspar's Avatar
Kaspar at 02/01/2008 08:37


ROCKING CHAIR GAME ROCKS.
wonky360's Avatar
wonky360 at 02/01/2008 08:38
Anal trampoline attachment next. no?
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 02/01/2008 08:46
They're just trying to keep as many stupid ideas as they can think of out of the market by patenting them before anyone else can and sitting on them so no one can make them. If they're really as old as the documents say they are, we should have seen these things in some form by now.

Although that armband idea might have some potential if given enough time to mature.
MissHinasaki's Avatar
MissHinasaki at 02/01/2008 08:48
This just proves what I've been saying the whole time: Nintendo is off its rocker. Ever since the DS came out I was like, "This is going in the wrong direction. About five years down the road they're going to be making virtual reality goggles that make you taste things while you're playing."

*shakes head*

I have to say though, I am a bit curious about the helmet...
Hiltz's Avatar
Hiltz at 02/01/2008 08:55
Those are stupid ideas. However, the good news is that Nintendo didn't end up using them.

The same thing can be said about Sony and its ridiculous PS3 boomerang controller. The only difference is that Sony changed it because fans were complaining.
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 02/01/2008 08:56
The other difference is that Sony had the balls to show that hideous prototype off in public.
BlackDove's Avatar
BlackDove at 02/01/2008 08:59
This be some crazy shit.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 02/01/2008 09:02
Heh, I'm reminded of the batshit insane star shaped controller concept. And I'd totally rather have the zapper shown in that design document.
Holyetheline's Avatar
Holyetheline at 02/01/2008 09:02
Um... Was that a pair of goggles with a Wiimote on top?
Sam Spectre's Avatar
Sam Spectre at 02/01/2008 09:04
Wii bike riding: for those of us who hate fresh air!
tincow's Avatar
tincow at 02/01/2008 09:13
Eh, more excuse for Wii bashing? Who really can't figure out what they have in mind for the bicycle? It's pretty obvious. It even *ALREADY EXISTS*.
LordGloom's Avatar
LordGloom at 02/01/2008 09:22
Fuck you guys, the bike is awesome. Get three Wii motes (one in the pedal, one in the handlebars, and one in your hand) and I could see Paperboy being brought back to life.
LordGloom's Avatar
LordGloom at 02/01/2008 09:25
Also, I want the Power Glove and Wii Bat.
deaddays's Avatar
deaddays at 02/01/2008 09:46
Damn haters. Nintendo's just covering all their bases. And like The-Excel said, they're just patenting all these ideas so that other people won't get to them first in case it somehow DOES turn out to be a good idea. I bet if you could see some of the concept crap that comes out of Sony and Microsoft, you'd be just as disgusted.
... *lolz at teddy bear*
moonkid's Avatar
moonkid at 02/01/2008 09:48
Origim's Avatar
Origim at 02/01/2008 09:55
I'm thinking Nintendo was aiming at the furry crowd with that teddy bear.
P3T3Y's Avatar
P3T3Y at 02/01/2008 09:55


Bring on Wii theremin!
brad drac's Avatar
brad drac at 02/01/2008 09:58
Am I the only that doubts the validity of these diagrams somewhat? They don't exactly look professional quality, nor up to the standards of nintendo's design aesthetics(a bulky mundane cube for charging a single wiimote?).

In any case, I love the power glove. It's so bad.
Klytus's Avatar
Klytus at 02/01/2008 10:03
man Im so glad nintendo never went ahead with any of their gimmicky ideas.

wait... what?
king3vbo's Avatar
king3vbo at 02/01/2008 10:19
I think Nintendo is a pretty cool guy. eh kills creativity and doesnt afraid of anything
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 02/01/2008 10:32
So did anyone else think "Happiness Bunny" when they saw the teddy bear idea?
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 02/01/2008 10:32
LOL @ Nintendo fanboys. Anyone who doesn't have the brain capacity to realize that a teddy bear Wiimote peripheral is batshit retarded, is- well, they're batshit retarded.
MechaMonkey's Avatar
MechaMonkey at 02/01/2008 10:50
The zapper is the only thing preventing this from being a complete facepalm. Instead, the hand is hovering mere millimeters from the forehead, itching to make contact.
zardoz's Avatar
zardoz at 02/01/2008 11:03
I don't think people here have any experience of fileing for patents, if you are a company like Nintendo you have to cover all possibilities that branch out from a specific use.

It is basically going through all the boring possibilities which may arise form a specific or similar function and making sure your creation is well and truly protected and covered.
twincannon's Avatar
twincannon at 02/01/2008 11:24
It's amusing to see everyone debauch* nintendo - even the DS - when they're just raping the videogame world right now. Probably because this is a mostly hardcore gamer site. Yes, I hate the "blow into the mic" DS mechanic too. :/ Granted I cheat the system and just rub the mic with my finger and it's like "LOL SOUND" and works anyway. I have to say the "press the paper to the map" thing in Phantom Hourglass blew me away though.

That said, some of these don't look too bad. The goggles with the zapper concept looks like a head tracking thing... and seriously, if you've seen that headtracker video Johnny Lee did... yeah. DO WANT.


*ok I had to dictionary this word to see if I was using it properly, and I'm really not, but apparently one of its definitions is orgy.. Sweet.
MissHinasaki's Avatar
MissHinasaki at 02/01/2008 11:29
EXTREME ROCKING CHAIR ACTION!
TheMuffinMan's Avatar
TheMuffinMan at 02/01/2008 11:48
Companies file patents on things they purposefully won't use, even batshit crazy ones, for the sake of preventing third parties from making them in the first place.

There wasn't a Nintendo board meeting with "lol lets stick this shit in a teddy bear and sell it", this is a -common- legal practice to prevent third parties from taking your product in weird places you don't want them to, so you patent everything before anyone else can, so if anyone does it Nintendo can stop them as patent infringement
RitualNet's Avatar
RitualNet at 02/01/2008 12:06
Why do you want to put it in a skateboard or bike? WHY?! *sobs bitterly*
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 02/01/2008 12:21
This doesn't surprise me one little bit. I fully expect nintendo to produce at least one of those patents.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 02/01/2008 13:25
Strange...every time I go to CVG, I get an error message saying “error in Visual Basic C++ runtime library in firefox.exe”...and then everything’s fine after I click “OK”.

The one with the skateboard is absolutely retarded. Why the hell would you put a Wiimote in the axle?!?!
nerpin's Avatar
nerpin at 02/01/2008 14:27
You DO realize this is just so they can head off people using ideas similar to these, right? They have no intention of EVER using them, they just want to make sure other people don't do it.
bvicarious's Avatar
bvicarious at 02/01/2008 17:32
I was going to say Destructoid should have a contest to see who could come up with the craziest use of a wiimote (and still have it relate to playing games in some way)... but, no.. it's no longer necessary.
ScottyG's Avatar
ScottyG at 02/01/2008 18:20
What the hell? No vibrator peripheral? :(
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 02/01/2008 21:14
Damn I need that skateboard.
Burnt Meatloaf's Avatar
Burnt Meatloaf at 02/02/2008 03:50
Think outside the bear.

Yay for swamping the patent system so the little guys have to wait years for their patent applications to be reviewed -- and then promptly crushed.
mistic's Avatar
mistic at 02/02/2008 03:58
for gods sake, somebody please hurt that mmofly-poster...

also on topic:
[img]http://medialib.computerandvideogames.com/screens/screenshot_191569.jpg[img]
I've got one of these, so I wonder what they were planning on doing with this... 'virtual-rocking-chair-game'???
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 02/02/2008 11:09
My guess is they patented this ideas so no one else would make these stupid projects.
pink pixel's Avatar
pink pixel at 02/02/2008 12:36
I've got to agree with brad drac. I don't think those "proposals" are legit at all. They just don't look professional. And I'll admit there have been some interesting things to come out of Nintendo, but those are borderline (okay, more than borderline) ridiculous. I don't believe it for a second.

Also, I don't care what anyone says, I think the Wii is a sweet console in many ways, and I'm looking forward to playing Fatal Frame on it. I've been waiting for a console with motion-sensor abilities to come to the home, and Nintendo produced it finally. The Wii Fit seems like a good idea to me, and I frikkin love Virtual Boy.
Scammeleon's Avatar
Scammeleon at 02/02/2008 15:02
Am I the only one who thinks that Ninty patented these to make sure no one else makes them?
zibbyzib's Avatar
zibbyzib at 02/03/2008 20:04
Nintendo PIMP GLOVE WIIMOTE ATTACHMENT!!! FTW!!!
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