I'm hijacking the Nintendo Download from Chris this week because, dammit, you are all in danger! Commando: Steel Disaster ($7.99 on DSi or 3DS) may look like a fairly inoffensive Metal Slug clone, but don't be fooled! I played this festering pile of ass back in my days as a regular ol' community member and wrote a lengthy article detailing its insurmountable shortcomings. If you don't wish to read my admittedly lengthy word dump, allow me to summarize.
Commando: Steel Disaster was developed by a Chinese cell phone software company that had the gall to assume that its techniques would directly translate to portable console development. You only get one life to clear any of the unbelievable long levels, enemy variety is blander than a gallon of plain yogurt, your shield power-ups don't always work, and the only good song in the entire game was stolen from Gundam Wing on the Super Famicom! And could the OFFICIAL trailer be any damn blurrier?
The rest of this week's update isn't much, but it's gold compared to Commando. On the eShop, you can download Touch Battle Tank 3D ($4.99) or a discounted Super Mario Land 2 ($2.99 until next Wednesday). You can also watch a Warp Cannon hint video for New Super Mario Bros. 2 or some Olympic highlights animated entirely out of LEGO bricks. Finally, for the Wii, there's Real Bout Fatal Fury Special (900 Wii Points) and a month-long trial of Hulu Plus.
Felynes can dress up as Dante, Blanka, and Chun-Li in Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate
3:00 PM on 12.15.2014